HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHUU!
I stayed up all night working on this only to lose it and end up having to start from scratch this afternoon. I think the one I made last night was better but whatever. Crack is crack. XD
Also, I've included a quick doodle I whipped up. First thing I have ever really drawn in my whole life so please cut me some slack.
On to the fic(?)! I got this idea from several different fandoms and didn't have anything better to do last night so I decided to just mess around with the concept and the characters. ENJOY!
Title: Re: Hisagi's Birthday
Rating: PG for language
Pairings: Hisagi x Kira (it's subtle but it's there) and a few surprises here and there ^^
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its sexy characters. I just borrow them and make them do my nasty bidding. They like it. A lot.
Warning: This will be difficult to read. 8D
------------------
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Abarai-kun,
Much of this “internet” still eludes me but I think I got the hang of emailing. You’re right; it is more convenient than Hell Butterflies. More private, too. Unless the 12th Division can monitor this as well.
…they can’t, right?
Anyway, about Hisagi-san’s party…he is off in the material world on assignment but assures me that he will be back by sundown. This is all a little short notice but if we all pitch in I think it will work.
What do you have in mind?
Yours,
Kira
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Renji,
A surprise party is a great idea! Did you email Yumichika? You must email Yumichika!
This is so exciting! I can’t wait!
How can I help?
Rangiku
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Abarai,
Your timing is beautiful. Ikkaku and I are here in the material world (great internet reception, eh? Akon is a god) and I’m in the mood for some shopping.
What do you need?
Yumichika
P.S. Don’t bother emailing Ikkaku. He forgot his password. The idiot.
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: An Unregistered Social Event?
Abarai-fukutaichou,
Word has it that you are planning a surprise party for Hisagi-fukutaichou. Have you filled out and submitted the proper paperwork required to do so? Perhaps I should remind you that gatherings of any sort must be registered to the Shinigami Affairs Office before you go about arranging them.
This is protocol…no matter what my Captain might make you believe!
Ise-fukutaichou
P.S. If you wanted to keep it a secret you should not have told Iba-fukutaichou
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Oi, asshole!
Can we invite Nanao?
Iba
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Party Paraphernalia
Abarai,
I bought us some extra chairs. Why do the women get first priority to sit on them anyway? It’s unfair! Men’s legs can hurt just as much as theirs!
Did you know that standing for long periods of time can give you these things called Varicose Veins? So ugly!
If we run out of chairs again, you WILL give me yours.
And do we really need THIS much tequila?! What’s wrong with sake? Ikkaku says he isn’t going unless you guarantee at least three times the amount of sake you put on this list.
Yumichika
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: More chairs
Renji.
We need more chairs. I am NOT putting up with Yumichika this year.
Also, who else is invited?
Rangiku
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Invitation List?
Abarai-fukutaichou,
Attached to this email is a list of every shinigami free and available at the time you plan to have this party, arranged by alphabetical order and by squad. I have also highlighted the names of the shinigami I know to be Hisagi-fukutaichou’s friends.
Please do not forget that the 8th and 7th Divisions have drills to run in the morning and that Kusajishi-fukutaichou has a curfew.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: What Invitation List?!
Abarai-fukutaichou,
The invitation list is an attached file. You have to download it.
If you cannot figure it out you may ask Iba-fukutaichou for help. I taught him how to do that this morning.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Sake! Food?
Renji,
Of course you can have some of my sake for the party!
But what are we going to do about the food? Do we get a catering service?
DO NOT LET KIRA MAKE THE CAKE THIS TIME!
Rangiku
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Invitations
Abarai,
Ikkaku says not to invite anyone from the 12th.
But can we please invite Akon? I will make sure Ikkaku does not see him.
Also, Ikkaku says that if you let Kira in on tequila body shots he will kill you. But I think he means not to let Kira in on it with anyone but him. But then Hisagi will kill you.
Your funeral.
Yumichika
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: FUN
Abarai-kun,
What exactly are tequila body shots? Is that a game?
Oh, and can I make the cake? Hisagi-san he liked it last year.
Yours,
Kira
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: BULLSHIT
Renji,
Hisagi is a LIAR.
I say again, DO NOT LET KIRA MAKE THE CAKE!
Rangiku
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake?!?!?!
MEN DON’T BAKE CAKES, DUMBASS!
But you ain’t lived ‘till you’ve had Nanao’s chocolate mousse.
Iba
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake?!?!?!
Abarai,
I don’t have time to bake a cake.
Yumichika
P.S. Ikkaku is asking about the sake.
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake?!?!?!
Abarai-fukutaichou,
I will gladly make the cake. Attached is a list of ingredients I will need (yes, you have to download it again).
Does Hisagi-fukutaichou have any allergies I should know about?
Ise-fukutaichou
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi? Allergies?
Abarai-kun,
Hisagi-san is allergic to peanuts but walnuts, cashews, pistachio and other nuts are fine. He especially likes pecans.
Oh, and he has a sweet tooth but does not really like chocolate. I think he prefers Strawberry or Vanilla; that’s what he usually has when we go out.
He doesn’t like caramel or those chocolate shavings (white or dark) or too much whipped cream. He prefers mocha to anything chocolate but coffee-flavored cakes to mocha. He will not eat a blue or green coloured cake or any cake that involves fruits except for Strawberry, which he just had earlier this week when we went to the café.
And please don’t put candles because he thinks it’s disgusting to feed everyone a cake he has blown over.
Are you sure you don’t want me to make the cake?
Yours,
Kira
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake ingredients
WHAT THE HELL DO WE NEED THIS MUCH SUGAR FOR?!
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision
Subject: Re: WHO THE HELL DOESN’T LIKE CHOCOLATE?!
Abarai-fukutaichou,
No, I cannot de-chocolate my chocolate mousse. I’m afraid someone else will have to make the cake.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: No chocolate mousse?!
Wait, what the fuck is wrong with Nanao’s chocolate mousse?!
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: CAKE!!!!!!!!
Abarai-kun,
What made you change your mind? Anyway, of course I can make the cake. Here’s a list of what I’ll need.
Yours,
Kira
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Kira’s Cake ingredients
MORE SUGAR?!?!?!?!
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIRA’S MAKING THE CAKE?!
WHY, RENJI?! WHY?!
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: All Shopped Out
Tequilla………check
Salt…………………check
Limes………………check
Sake…………………check
More sake……check
CHAIR………………CHECK
Sugar………………check check check
Birthday present………??????
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!
Abarai-kun,
I already have something for Hisagi-san.
Yours,
Kira
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!
Erm…a keychain?
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!
Renji,
Relax. I have an idea. :]
Rangiku
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday Present
Abarai,
That’s a great idea; Rangiku’s no doubt! It’s perfect.
But are you sure you should use syrup? Maybe Hisagi would prefer jam.
Anyway, we’re all done here. We should be in Seireitei in an hour.
Leave the party preparations to us! You go get Hisagi’s present.
Ikkaku demands that you be gentle, though.
Yumichika
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision
Subject: Birthday Present?
Abarai-fukutaichou,
Iba-fukutaichou tells me you have all have a gift for Hisagi-fukutaichou and proposes that I chip in, which I will even though I don’t know what it is.
The box is quite huge but full of holes. Are those for breathing? Did you get him an animal of some sort? If so, I hope you have had this beast registered.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Where ya at?
Abarai-kun,
I will be here at home all day today and since Hisagi is out, yes, I will be alone.
Why do you ask?
Yours,
Kira
P.S. Hisagi prefers jam over syrup. That’s what he uses with his pancakes during breakfast. Are you serving pancakes tonight? But I already made the cake!
From: RedEyeshadowIsManlyBitch@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: none
If you hurt one hair on his head I will kill you and like it.
Why’s it gotta be that anyways?! What’s wrong with a keychain?!
Bastard.
I hate you all.
There had better be shit loads of sake at this party.
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: HUZZAH!
It’s party time, baybee!!!!!!
END.
--------------------------------------------------
My Master Fic Index here.
My 30_romances Fic List here.
My 50scenes Prompt Table here.
--------------------------------------------------
Also, I've included a quick doodle I whipped up. First thing I have ever really drawn in my whole life so please cut me some slack.
On to the fic(?)! I got this idea from several different fandoms and didn't have anything better to do last night so I decided to just mess around with the concept and the characters. ENJOY!
Title: Re: Hisagi's Birthday
Rating: PG for language
Pairings: Hisagi x Kira (it's subtle but it's there) and a few surprises here and there ^^
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its sexy characters. I just borrow them and make them do my nasty bidding. They like it. A lot.
Warning: This will be difficult to read. 8D
------------------
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Abarai-kun,
Much of this “internet” still eludes me but I think I got the hang of emailing. You’re right; it is more convenient than Hell Butterflies. More private, too. Unless the 12th Division can monitor this as well.
…they can’t, right?
Anyway, about Hisagi-san’s party…he is off in the material world on assignment but assures me that he will be back by sundown. This is all a little short notice but if we all pitch in I think it will work.
What do you have in mind?
Yours,
Kira
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Renji,
A surprise party is a great idea! Did you email Yumichika? You must email Yumichika!
This is so exciting! I can’t wait!
How can I help?
Rangiku
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Abarai,
Your timing is beautiful. Ikkaku and I are here in the material world (great internet reception, eh? Akon is a god) and I’m in the mood for some shopping.
What do you need?
Yumichika
P.S. Don’t bother emailing Ikkaku. He forgot his password. The idiot.
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: An Unregistered Social Event?
Abarai-fukutaichou,
Word has it that you are planning a surprise party for Hisagi-fukutaichou. Have you filled out and submitted the proper paperwork required to do so? Perhaps I should remind you that gatherings of any sort must be registered to the Shinigami Affairs Office before you go about arranging them.
This is protocol…no matter what my Captain might make you believe!
Ise-fukutaichou
P.S. If you wanted to keep it a secret you should not have told Iba-fukutaichou
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday
Oi, asshole!
Can we invite Nanao?
Iba
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Party Paraphernalia
Abarai,
I bought us some extra chairs. Why do the women get first priority to sit on them anyway? It’s unfair! Men’s legs can hurt just as much as theirs!
Did you know that standing for long periods of time can give you these things called Varicose Veins? So ugly!
If we run out of chairs again, you WILL give me yours.
And do we really need THIS much tequila?! What’s wrong with sake? Ikkaku says he isn’t going unless you guarantee at least three times the amount of sake you put on this list.
Yumichika
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: More chairs
Renji.
We need more chairs. I am NOT putting up with Yumichika this year.
Also, who else is invited?
Rangiku
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Invitation List?
Abarai-fukutaichou,
Attached to this email is a list of every shinigami free and available at the time you plan to have this party, arranged by alphabetical order and by squad. I have also highlighted the names of the shinigami I know to be Hisagi-fukutaichou’s friends.
Please do not forget that the 8th and 7th Divisions have drills to run in the morning and that Kusajishi-fukutaichou has a curfew.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: What Invitation List?!
Abarai-fukutaichou,
The invitation list is an attached file. You have to download it.
If you cannot figure it out you may ask Iba-fukutaichou for help. I taught him how to do that this morning.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Sake! Food?
Renji,
Of course you can have some of my sake for the party!
But what are we going to do about the food? Do we get a catering service?
DO NOT LET KIRA MAKE THE CAKE THIS TIME!
Rangiku
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Invitations
Abarai,
Ikkaku says not to invite anyone from the 12th.
But can we please invite Akon? I will make sure Ikkaku does not see him.
Also, Ikkaku says that if you let Kira in on tequila body shots he will kill you. But I think he means not to let Kira in on it with anyone but him. But then Hisagi will kill you.
Your funeral.
Yumichika
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: FUN
Abarai-kun,
What exactly are tequila body shots? Is that a game?
Oh, and can I make the cake? Hisagi-san he liked it last year.
Yours,
Kira
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: BULLSHIT
Renji,
Hisagi is a LIAR.
I say again, DO NOT LET KIRA MAKE THE CAKE!
Rangiku
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake?!?!?!
MEN DON’T BAKE CAKES, DUMBASS!
But you ain’t lived ‘till you’ve had Nanao’s chocolate mousse.
Iba
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake?!?!?!
Abarai,
I don’t have time to bake a cake.
Yumichika
P.S. Ikkaku is asking about the sake.
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake?!?!?!
Abarai-fukutaichou,
I will gladly make the cake. Attached is a list of ingredients I will need (yes, you have to download it again).
Does Hisagi-fukutaichou have any allergies I should know about?
Ise-fukutaichou
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi? Allergies?
Abarai-kun,
Hisagi-san is allergic to peanuts but walnuts, cashews, pistachio and other nuts are fine. He especially likes pecans.
Oh, and he has a sweet tooth but does not really like chocolate. I think he prefers Strawberry or Vanilla; that’s what he usually has when we go out.
He doesn’t like caramel or those chocolate shavings (white or dark) or too much whipped cream. He prefers mocha to anything chocolate but coffee-flavored cakes to mocha. He will not eat a blue or green coloured cake or any cake that involves fruits except for Strawberry, which he just had earlier this week when we went to the café.
And please don’t put candles because he thinks it’s disgusting to feed everyone a cake he has blown over.
Are you sure you don’t want me to make the cake?
Yours,
Kira
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Cake ingredients
WHAT THE HELL DO WE NEED THIS MUCH SUGAR FOR?!
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision
Subject: Re: WHO THE HELL DOESN’T LIKE CHOCOLATE?!
Abarai-fukutaichou,
No, I cannot de-chocolate my chocolate mousse. I’m afraid someone else will have to make the cake.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: No chocolate mousse?!
Wait, what the fuck is wrong with Nanao’s chocolate mousse?!
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: CAKE!!!!!!!!
Abarai-kun,
What made you change your mind? Anyway, of course I can make the cake. Here’s a list of what I’ll need.
Yours,
Kira
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Kira’s Cake ingredients
MORE SUGAR?!?!?!?!
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIRA’S MAKING THE CAKE?!
WHY, RENJI?! WHY?!
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: All Shopped Out
Tequilla………check
Salt…………………check
Limes………………check
Sake…………………check
More sake……check
CHAIR………………CHECK
Sugar………………check check check
Birthday present………??????
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!
Abarai-kun,
I already have something for Hisagi-san.
Yours,
Kira
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!
Erm…a keychain?
From: D-CupsAin’tGotNothingOnMe@10thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!
Renji,
Relax. I have an idea. :]
Rangiku
From: FeathersAreTheShitOK@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Hisagi’s Birthday Present
Abarai,
That’s a great idea; Rangiku’s no doubt! It’s perfect.
But are you sure you should use syrup? Maybe Hisagi would prefer jam.
Anyway, we’re all done here. We should be in Seireitei in an hour.
Leave the party preparations to us! You go get Hisagi’s present.
Ikkaku demands that you be gentle, though.
Yumichika
From: MyGlassesAreLethal@8thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision
Subject: Birthday Present?
Abarai-fukutaichou,
Iba-fukutaichou tells me you have all have a gift for Hisagi-fukutaichou and proposes that I chip in, which I will even though I don’t know what it is.
The box is quite huge but full of holes. Are those for breathing? Did you get him an animal of some sort? If so, I hope you have had this beast registered.
Ise-fukutaichou
From: TaichouMadeMeDoIt@3rdDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: Re: Where ya at?
Abarai-kun,
I will be here at home all day today and since Hisagi is out, yes, I will be alone.
Why do you ask?
Yours,
Kira
P.S. Hisagi prefers jam over syrup. That’s what he uses with his pancakes during breakfast. Are you serving pancakes tonight? But I already made the cake!
From: RedEyeshadowIsManlyBitch@11thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: none
If you hurt one hair on his head I will kill you and like it.
Why’s it gotta be that anyways?! What’s wrong with a keychain?!
Bastard.
I hate you all.
There had better be shit loads of sake at this party.
From: SunglassesKickAss@7thDivision.com
To: TheRedPineapple@6thDivision.com
Subject: HUZZAH!
It’s party time, baybee!!!!!!
END.
--------------------------------------------------
My Master Fic Index here.
My 30_romances Fic List here.
My 50scenes Prompt Table here.
--------------------------------------------------