I'm being triggered
I may risk offending some with my post, but I am being triggered in a big way, and I need to share about it.
This whole Michael Jackson death, and the global and US mourning that is going on, is very upsetting to me as a survivor of sexual abuse. It seems to me that the public and the media are suffering from a collective head injury with memory loss of the boys that accused him of molestation back in the 1990's and even in 2004! I often don't even watch the news because stories of child abduction, child abuse, and familicide are very triggering to me. But I haven't been able to escape this frenzy of grief everyone but me, and a select few others I've talked to, is feeling. At work last night, my co-worker, who actually agrees with me in part (because he is a fan of his earlier music), was reading all sorts of things on the internet from when the charges were brought against MJ, and the subsequent multi-million dollar payoffs. One link from NBC Dateline was particularly disturbing to me. And I have found myself just teaming with all this rage.
I am so disgusted anyway at the complacency of our society when it comes to a child's/person's disclosure of abuse. Children just don't make this kind of stuff up, as we all know too well (sadly). I don't care if MJ is famous and had loads of money, I just can't believe that a number of boys would lie about something like that. And, two of the boys in 1993 were willing to testify against him until the money was brought in to the picture and thier parents settled! So, there is no way that they can ever tell the truth now and be believed, thanks to their parents and thier motives, actions, and what seems to me complacency in the abuse of their own children. It's sick. And it hits too close to home for me. Though I believe my mom didn't really know about the abuse, my dad still made many comments that should have tipped her off (even she has admitted this to me and apologized to me for it). Parents are supposed to protect thier children, not subject them to abusive situations, even if it does involve a mega-star!!!
And how can anyone think it's okay for a thirty-something man to sleep in the same bed as a pre-teen or teen-age boy??? EVER? Under ANY circumstances?? Has the world gone mad? Some of these boys' parents KNEW about this and didn't do anything about it! How does this happen? Oh,yeah, the money. Even more disgusting. No amount of money will ever undo the damage done to those boys. Just like no amount of money the Catholic Church has paid out will undo the damage done. At least the Catholic Church has removed the gag order included in those settlements so that the victims can talk about what happened to them. MJ did not do that. Every one of his overnight guests had to sign a statement that they would never discuss anything that happened when they were guests at Neverland. How has our society come to the place where, even a superstar, seems to have carte blanche to do whatever he wants and never be held accountable. And I know that he was aquitted in 2005 on charges, but that doesn't matter to me. He has never once said "I did not engage in sexual acts with a child". That is what I would say if I were accused and I were innocent. Not once!!! He has said he is innocent, but everyone is innocent until proven guilty, so in my book, that doens't count as a denial of the many, many charges. My dad would have said he was 'innocent'. I'm sure most of our abusers would never admit to the sexual abuse as wrong, because offenders don't really believe that they are wrong. Somehow, in their minds, it's okay to do what they want to a child, or they believe the child wanted it, or whatever other excuse they can come up with. What makes MJ so different??? Nothing. He's a star, so what? He's a human being and he's limited and capable of atrocities. As we all are.
I am very much in a state of anger. I'm angry again that I was abused, I'm angry that I never spoke out until 8 years ago. I'm angry that so many of us were abused and so many more are being abused. I am just angry!
Thanks for listening.
This whole Michael Jackson death, and the global and US mourning that is going on, is very upsetting to me as a survivor of sexual abuse. It seems to me that the public and the media are suffering from a collective head injury with memory loss of the boys that accused him of molestation back in the 1990's and even in 2004! I often don't even watch the news because stories of child abduction, child abuse, and familicide are very triggering to me. But I haven't been able to escape this frenzy of grief everyone but me, and a select few others I've talked to, is feeling. At work last night, my co-worker, who actually agrees with me in part (because he is a fan of his earlier music), was reading all sorts of things on the internet from when the charges were brought against MJ, and the subsequent multi-million dollar payoffs. One link from NBC Dateline was particularly disturbing to me. And I have found myself just teaming with all this rage.
I am so disgusted anyway at the complacency of our society when it comes to a child's/person's disclosure of abuse. Children just don't make this kind of stuff up, as we all know too well (sadly). I don't care if MJ is famous and had loads of money, I just can't believe that a number of boys would lie about something like that. And, two of the boys in 1993 were willing to testify against him until the money was brought in to the picture and thier parents settled! So, there is no way that they can ever tell the truth now and be believed, thanks to their parents and thier motives, actions, and what seems to me complacency in the abuse of their own children. It's sick. And it hits too close to home for me. Though I believe my mom didn't really know about the abuse, my dad still made many comments that should have tipped her off (even she has admitted this to me and apologized to me for it). Parents are supposed to protect thier children, not subject them to abusive situations, even if it does involve a mega-star!!!
And how can anyone think it's okay for a thirty-something man to sleep in the same bed as a pre-teen or teen-age boy??? EVER? Under ANY circumstances?? Has the world gone mad? Some of these boys' parents KNEW about this and didn't do anything about it! How does this happen? Oh,yeah, the money. Even more disgusting. No amount of money will ever undo the damage done to those boys. Just like no amount of money the Catholic Church has paid out will undo the damage done. At least the Catholic Church has removed the gag order included in those settlements so that the victims can talk about what happened to them. MJ did not do that. Every one of his overnight guests had to sign a statement that they would never discuss anything that happened when they were guests at Neverland. How has our society come to the place where, even a superstar, seems to have carte blanche to do whatever he wants and never be held accountable. And I know that he was aquitted in 2005 on charges, but that doesn't matter to me. He has never once said "I did not engage in sexual acts with a child". That is what I would say if I were accused and I were innocent. Not once!!! He has said he is innocent, but everyone is innocent until proven guilty, so in my book, that doens't count as a denial of the many, many charges. My dad would have said he was 'innocent'. I'm sure most of our abusers would never admit to the sexual abuse as wrong, because offenders don't really believe that they are wrong. Somehow, in their minds, it's okay to do what they want to a child, or they believe the child wanted it, or whatever other excuse they can come up with. What makes MJ so different??? Nothing. He's a star, so what? He's a human being and he's limited and capable of atrocities. As we all are.
I am very much in a state of anger. I'm angry again that I was abused, I'm angry that I never spoke out until 8 years ago. I'm angry that so many of us were abused and so many more are being abused. I am just angry!
Thanks for listening.