Good Random

[sibyline]

Pindeldyboz, my favorite online literary journal, has just agreed to publish a slightly revised version of this story I posted a few weeks ago, which I thankfully protected so I haven't officially "published" it yet

Comments

[toddius]

congratulations.

There should be more description of ice-cream eating in the story, though. Just my two cents.

[sibyline]

well, it's tough. i'm usually a long sentence/detail kind of person, but i was experimenting with a more dorothy parker kind of voice. so any long descriptions would upset the balance of the story. i agree with you that there was something missing in this version. in the new version, all i did was say "dark chocolate" ice cream instead of just chocolate, as the most minimalist marker of sensuousness i could add while keeping to the spirit of the story.

also, i needed to keep the last line! more description of ice cream eating would have meant adding to the story, which would have prevented that.

oh the tribulations of fiction....

[sibyline]

oh and thanks!

[toddius]

Hah - i was just kidding about the ice cream stuff. that's my idea of some sort of smart ass joke. And I like pictures and descriptions of people eating ice cream.