the sydney chapter of my life comes to an end as of tomorrow. i am leaving this city for the third time in my life and my memory of it will still be tainted with misery. there were times here that i felt like i could ram my head against the wall, pass out, and die with no regrets. it was never as bad as it used to be, but the pain is still almost ( Read more... )

i don't know what the fuck i'm doing anymore. i am a failure and no one will ever want me.

i'm not quite sure what i'm feeling at the moment. i feel oddly comfortable in my life here. it has taken me almost 4 months. and it is all too late. most days i am full of rage. but today, right now, that is lacking. i feel unrestrained, as if i have let go of a part of myself and gotten something comfortable in return. i've got obligations, and ( Read more... )

i cannot stand insensitive overpowering motherfucking cunts that have superiority complexes. this is a man that i have respected and admired since we met. i let him be stern and i let him steer me around a bit. that was fine because i'm a little helpless sometimes. he cracked me in my very weak state. i broke down and cried. i cried all through ( Read more... )

i think that maybe i have been in an existential crises my entire life ( Read more... )

there's no fucking freedom in this ultimately self serving self absorbed society

i had a nervous breakdown the other night. i had been trying to hold in the depression the entire day. i laughed, i joked, i did as best as i could. aaron kept telling me that he was drawing a lot more now. he even went to darling harbour and sat by the waterfront and drew like i do on monday afternoons. he's finally back in the game. i really am ( Read more... )

i've been working incredibly hard since we got back from term break. i haven't slept in 2 and a half days. my mood has gone up and down so drastically that i feel drained. yesterday i was surprisingly upbeat and excited for my life in the present and the future. but this morning, i wanted to die. i thought about going back to hong kong after tafe ( Read more... )

i have been so reluctant to write in my journal ( Read more... )

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