Feels Like Forever, Part One

[sienata]

Feels Like Forever

Ennis' Story

I’m in love with Jack Twist.

He doesn’t know it, of course. Like, how in the hell could I possibly ever let him know that? He’s the nicest guy in school; I don’t think he even has sex with girls, so I can just imagine what he’d say if he knew what I wanted to do with him. I bet he’d blush like crazy. Hell… he’d

Comments

confused

[julietteh]

I am confused as to who the narrators are. Am I dense or is it supposed to be vague?

Re: confused

[sienata]

parts 1 & 2 are told in first person POV with ennis obviously telling the first part and jack telling the second.

after that, each part alternates between them, but from part 3 onward the story is told from a 3rd person POV.

in part 3, i guess it takes until sentence 3 to figure out who's pov you're reading.

"The dance was just okay - nothing great. Ennis didn’t bring a girl, and when girls tried to get him out on the floor, he just shook his head and said he wasn’t into dancing. Jack didn’t dance either, and Ennis wasn’t sure if that was because he didn’t like to dance or because his dad was a preacher."

should i make that more obvious more quickly??

Re: confused

[julietteh]

In that paragraph suddenly it goes into third person when before it was second person. Is this narration? I thought I was either in Jack or Ennis's head and suddenly it changed.

Re: confused

[sienata]

you are right. i wrote one small section in each of their heads and then the rest of the story is third person. i redid the bold-faced divider titles to help the reader make the transition. does this help?