Bob Kane forgive me
I totally didn't set out with the intention of doing this today. It just...happened, that's all. I'd installed Apartment Life and wanted to play around with non-established families in my 'hood, and I started perusing my custom content and...well, here we go.
All of these resized to be browser-friendly; click to embiggen.
So, yeah. Batman. It's interesting -- the main piece is his face, which attaches the ears, the cowl, and the cape. So first I got this:
Close but not quite.
Better. Yes, he is last name Batman, first name Goddamn.
Logic and mechanical skills turn Batman on (because I couldn't find "uses a whip" or "uses golden lasso" in there anywhere). Beards turn Batman off, and this might actually be canon.
I imagine this being taken at Sears.
Of course, the "Batman family" has been used quite a bit to refer to Batman's enormous supporting cast -- Robin (any of the four), Batgirl, Oracle, the original Batwoman, Jim Gordon...the list unwinds through the DCU. But me, I just want to work with the one for the meantime.
Of course he's got a million Simoleons. His parents are dead.
I know, stately Wayne Manor it's not, but...well, it was the best in the neighborhood. Must see if there's something properly stately for download....
I've been in town for five minutes and I'm...birdwatching for cockatoos, apparently. (Just occurred to me: how great is it going to be when winter falls and the penguin comes to town?) Also note his belt has lost its texture and has defaulted into seizure-inducing flashing blue.
A peek inside non-stately Wayne Manor. Downstairs is pretty dull. The upstairs bedroom has a pair of secret bookshelf doors leading to it. Can't wait to try those out.
Goddamn Batman spends a moment checking himself out in the mirror, fixing his belt texture.
Batman looking for a job. Ideally I would've liked to get "law enforcement" as an option, just for the possibility of becoming Captain Hero. His wants? Adventure, intelligence agent, and scientist. All perfectly Batmanesque.
Unacceptable. Goddamn Batman has no time for your games.
Well, you've got to start somewhere. Goddamn Batman is now a test subject.
Incidentally, I love that giving his first name "Goddamn" makes the computer sound slightly awed of you at every occasion.
A moment of reading time before getting pushed out the door to work.
Note: canon Batman has never been this happy.
Michael Keaton: "I've got to go to work."
"What are you, dense? Are...no, you know what, never mind. Just...drive."
Passerby Cliff Dover sees Goddamn return from work.
It's moments like this when a secret identity would certainly make more sense.
Yes, hello, your friendly neighborhood Batman, here.
Yep, that's Batman, all right. And he wants to...what?
Skip rope. Yes.
Wow, skipping this rope makes me feel...mighty.
Dude, I forgot to hire a maid.
And an Alfred. Where is my mind?
Batman wanted a robot station. I foresee a mechanical Robin in the near future. Batman fears using a public toilet. This might also be canon.
And there, right there, is the winner: Batman's lifelong ambition is to become a world-class ballet dancer.
Hrm. Maybe Goddamn Batman needs some friends.... (Oh, yes, there will be more.)
All of these resized to be browser-friendly; click to embiggen.
So, yeah. Batman. It's interesting -- the main piece is his face, which attaches the ears, the cowl, and the cape. So first I got this:
Close but not quite.
Better. Yes, he is last name Batman, first name Goddamn.
Logic and mechanical skills turn Batman on (because I couldn't find "uses a whip" or "uses golden lasso" in there anywhere). Beards turn Batman off, and this might actually be canon.
I imagine this being taken at Sears.
Of course, the "Batman family" has been used quite a bit to refer to Batman's enormous supporting cast -- Robin (any of the four), Batgirl, Oracle, the original Batwoman, Jim Gordon...the list unwinds through the DCU. But me, I just want to work with the one for the meantime.
Of course he's got a million Simoleons. His parents are dead.
I know, stately Wayne Manor it's not, but...well, it was the best in the neighborhood. Must see if there's something properly stately for download....
I've been in town for five minutes and I'm...birdwatching for cockatoos, apparently. (Just occurred to me: how great is it going to be when winter falls and the penguin comes to town?) Also note his belt has lost its texture and has defaulted into seizure-inducing flashing blue.
A peek inside non-stately Wayne Manor. Downstairs is pretty dull. The upstairs bedroom has a pair of secret bookshelf doors leading to it. Can't wait to try those out.
Goddamn Batman spends a moment checking himself out in the mirror, fixing his belt texture.
Batman looking for a job. Ideally I would've liked to get "law enforcement" as an option, just for the possibility of becoming Captain Hero. His wants? Adventure, intelligence agent, and scientist. All perfectly Batmanesque.
Unacceptable. Goddamn Batman has no time for your games.
Well, you've got to start somewhere. Goddamn Batman is now a test subject.
Incidentally, I love that giving his first name "Goddamn" makes the computer sound slightly awed of you at every occasion.
A moment of reading time before getting pushed out the door to work.
Note: canon Batman has never been this happy.
Michael Keaton: "I've got to go to work."
"What are you, dense? Are...no, you know what, never mind. Just...drive."
Passerby Cliff Dover sees Goddamn return from work.
It's moments like this when a secret identity would certainly make more sense.
Yes, hello, your friendly neighborhood Batman, here.
Yep, that's Batman, all right. And he wants to...what?
Skip rope. Yes.
Wow, skipping this rope makes me feel...mighty.
Dude, I forgot to hire a maid.
And an Alfred. Where is my mind?
Batman wanted a robot station. I foresee a mechanical Robin in the near future. Batman fears using a public toilet. This might also be canon.
And there, right there, is the winner: Batman's lifelong ambition is to become a world-class ballet dancer.
Hrm. Maybe Goddamn Batman needs some friends.... (Oh, yes, there will be more.)