Smile Like You Mean It
He thinks her smile is the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s so perpetual he doesn’t remember ever seeing it not be there. When he looks at her he thinks come what may she’ll be able to stand it all. That’s why he doesn’t baby her, she doesn’t need his protection. She doesn’t make him worry.
He basks in the sound of her laugh, two parts husky one part sweet. She’s no bumbling school girl; this is a woman who has goals, ambition and the ability to grasp it all. That’s why he loves her, she’s so so strong. She keeps his mind from floating too far, from contemplating too many what ifs. She reminds him that she is real and that she’s right here in front of him, so why would he want to be anywhere else? (Anyone else?)
She’s never shy. She’s straight forward and laughs with her mouth full. She’s okay with him showing up unannounced at her dorm during all hours of the night. She greets him with sleep in her eye and mussed up hair (and that lazy smile of hers) as if saying if you can’t love me as I am in this moment, then you don’t deserve be here. He loves that she doesn’t try to hide herself away like how some girls freak out in their own skin.
No romance, they don’t have time for that. No flowers and champagne or promises they can’t keep. No whispers of sweet nothings during their night escapades, those are signs of infatuation. He thinks what they have must be love at its bare essence, it’s just indescribable. He doesn’t want this to be a fling, so he says to her “I want us to date for real,” and he hears her laugh so bright and clear even if it is over the phone.
~*~
“Yunho, we can’t.” She laughes into the phone. He can hear her thinking, he’s a little surprised but still confident. He waits patiently to the sound of her breath, almost being lulled off to sleep. This time when she speaks he can hear the seriousness in her voice. “Yunho-ah, I’m so selfish, did you know that?” He’s confused. Sometimes she’s like a puzzle, but he loves her for it because it keeps him guessing. He thinks she’s being sly, purposely keeping him at the edge of his seat.
“Yunho-ah, I love you so much, it’s like I’m being consumed piece by piece. I want to keep you all to myself. But I can’t give my heart to you, because if I do, my pride will go too. Yunho-ah, do you know why you love me? You love me because I’m always smiling for you. You only want to see the happy things because your heart wants something to hold on to. You've had it tought, the past two years, so you’ve trapped yourself in this black hole and I can’t, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t pull you out again.”
“It’s okay right now, because I can save all my smile for you. But if we cross this point, I won’t be able to stop myself from wanting to lean on you too. And I can’t, because the moment my wall cracks in front of you and I show you that I’m a real person, you’ll stop coming back to me. You’ll keep looking for your sun, that constant thing you strive for. You’ll realize that I’m nothing more than the moon, expelling borrowed light. I’m so selfish Yunho, I want to be the flame in your darkness, but I’m too weak...”
"Yunho-ah, did you know that smiles are limited?"
Yunho knows now that there’s an expiration date for everything.
He basks in the sound of her laugh, two parts husky one part sweet. She’s no bumbling school girl; this is a woman who has goals, ambition and the ability to grasp it all. That’s why he loves her, she’s so so strong. She keeps his mind from floating too far, from contemplating too many what ifs. She reminds him that she is real and that she’s right here in front of him, so why would he want to be anywhere else? (Anyone else?)
She’s never shy. She’s straight forward and laughs with her mouth full. She’s okay with him showing up unannounced at her dorm during all hours of the night. She greets him with sleep in her eye and mussed up hair (and that lazy smile of hers) as if saying if you can’t love me as I am in this moment, then you don’t deserve be here. He loves that she doesn’t try to hide herself away like how some girls freak out in their own skin.
No romance, they don’t have time for that. No flowers and champagne or promises they can’t keep. No whispers of sweet nothings during their night escapades, those are signs of infatuation. He thinks what they have must be love at its bare essence, it’s just indescribable. He doesn’t want this to be a fling, so he says to her “I want us to date for real,” and he hears her laugh so bright and clear even if it is over the phone.
~*~
“Yunho, we can’t.” She laughes into the phone. He can hear her thinking, he’s a little surprised but still confident. He waits patiently to the sound of her breath, almost being lulled off to sleep. This time when she speaks he can hear the seriousness in her voice. “Yunho-ah, I’m so selfish, did you know that?” He’s confused. Sometimes she’s like a puzzle, but he loves her for it because it keeps him guessing. He thinks she’s being sly, purposely keeping him at the edge of his seat.
“Yunho-ah, I love you so much, it’s like I’m being consumed piece by piece. I want to keep you all to myself. But I can’t give my heart to you, because if I do, my pride will go too. Yunho-ah, do you know why you love me? You love me because I’m always smiling for you. You only want to see the happy things because your heart wants something to hold on to. You've had it tought, the past two years, so you’ve trapped yourself in this black hole and I can’t, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t pull you out again.”
“It’s okay right now, because I can save all my smile for you. But if we cross this point, I won’t be able to stop myself from wanting to lean on you too. And I can’t, because the moment my wall cracks in front of you and I show you that I’m a real person, you’ll stop coming back to me. You’ll keep looking for your sun, that constant thing you strive for. You’ll realize that I’m nothing more than the moon, expelling borrowed light. I’m so selfish Yunho, I want to be the flame in your darkness, but I’m too weak...”
"Yunho-ah, did you know that smiles are limited?"
Yunho knows now that there’s an expiration date for everything.