Letter To My Slowly Decaying Heart

[sikolto]

I am getting tired of this fucking with my head shit, the "chew my heart" out stuff! I am being told that "we need time because you hurt me when you went into the hospital. Dont you think I hurt also? Dont you think that I am combative because just want something that everyone seems to have? I cannot take any of this seriously because every

Comments

[suicide1monkey]

I know it won't make you feel better, but I just don't believe that people with bipolar can have long term relationships as a practical matter.

I think it's better to just try to enjoy the things that are available to us.

Words From An Ole Grumpy Fool

[sikolto]

Yeah... but I think though that we, I think would rather have that with in my food chain. ;-)

I am not a hateful person... I am just frustrated with the way things go on.

Peace

Tom

[xbreakingoutx]

hearts need so much care it is unbelievable. annoying at times, but true. :/ :]

Thank You :-)

[sikolto]

I agree sweets.... and I was telling the truth though. I am not a hateful person by any means. I just dislike getting myself stomped on just as I am letting someone in.

I am starting to get annoyed by the "waffle marks" from someone's shoes.

Talk to you later, Tom

[psychogranny]

I feel the same as suicide1monkey. Most people aren't able to relate at all to what it's like to be us, and so it's too difficult for them to make the effort. It's been much easier for me since I've accepted that fact. Although there are times, very, very rarely...like tonight...that I actually do get lonely. That's why I'm thankful for all my friends on here.

Yes, please do take care of yourself and your heart. **hugs**

Loneliness

[sikolto]

Thank you for the hugs. It means the world to me.

Honey, you are never alone. Any time you want a friend to talk to please IM Me (thomasabenedek@aol.com). Or, just send me mail and I will get on if I allready am not.

People without BP can be cruel in our times of need because it keeps them at a distance. I have accepted that if I try to establish a relationship, it needs to be with a person with the same diagnosis and hopefully one that cycles opposite of me. I had that once but she moved due to her job.

You know? I am not looking for sex per say, I am looking for understanding. Once you have that THEN you can move on to something more intimate. We are people. We are more than a diagosis. It hurts so bad sometimes that I ache.

Talk to you later,

Tom

Re: Loneliness

[psychogranny]

Aww, that's sweet. Thank you, =)

This isn't quite the same, but it sort of is. My middle daughter, Naomi is bipolar. When she was a teenager, it was a nightmare. But now that she's an adult and she has her own daughter, we have a great relationship. We've lived together several times. It hasn't been easy, but we've been able to understand each other better than anybody else could.

It would be great if you could have opposite cycles, but it doesn't always happen that way, unfortunately. LIke she would be dysphoric manic, and me, paranoid/anxious/depressed. Those are opposites, but they're a disaster waiting to happen. Bipolar or not, the partner would have to be incredibly patient and understanding. I do believe it's possible, but awful difficult to find, =/

[variella]

I think it is time to shut down and take care of myself and my heart. It is frail and needs the unconditional care.
Your heart deserves this and I think you're wise to do it now. Try to be around people who care for you (or at least are not a drain on you) while you care for yourself.

Okay, suspend your disbelief for a moment for my suggestion :) Make up a visualization for looking after your heart, whatever that looks like to you- literally massaging a heart, watering a plant, wrapping yourself in a blanket- every time you do something for yourself like take a nap, read a book, music, talk to someone you love. After a while it becomes automatic. It can't hurt to try...

I can't know how you feel, but I understand the hurt. And every time it comes back, I can't believe I can't get used to it or less sensitive. I'm not suicidal, but I am very depressed right now and yes, sometimes it feels as if my heart has been broken a hundred times.

Intrigued

[sikolto]

WOW! I never looked at it quite like that.... Think I am a bit ashamed of my behavior though because I considerr myself spiritual or enlightened. Just sometimes I forget about that and wear my emotions on my tattered sleeve

Sometimes it gets the best of me to get like that. I think it is time for another trip to OK to get my head screwed on properly.

Thank you for the advice.

Tom

aaaaaaaaah! not advice!

[variella]

I'm sorry, I wanted to make a suggestion; not advice!

Whatever you do and whatever happens, I have no doubt that you were doing the best you could.

Trips can be good. I'm taking a quick vacay with my sister next week so I'm hoping that will help me out a bit.

You're very welcome. Whatever works.