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[silent_despair]

I am terrified of Lex's visit in October/November.
I just had to say that somewhere she won't read it.

Comments

[adamchristopher]

every time you feel fear arise when you think of her, immediately take a full, deep breath, and see a positive image in your mind of the two of you smiling and feeling relaxed together.

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[silent_despair]

That's simply impossible. I instead envision the moment she knocks on my door, and I can't fathom how I'm supposed to react when I see her.

Re: -

[adamchristopher]

well, it's a practice. nothing is impossible in your mind. don't dwell on supposed to, how you react will be natural and spontaneous, and perfect to the moment, i'm sure. just direct mental energy toward what you'd ideally like, and imagine that happening.

Re: -

[silent_despair]

Sadly, I am without spontaneity. I'm too calculating, and won't stop thinking about what the proper thing to do would be, so instead, I'll probably open the door and let her in with no visible emotion, just as I would any other house guest. Her visit is four months away and I'm already afraid to hug her or touch her in any way.