this.life.keeps.dragging.on
Hello everyone. I miss you all so much. My life hasn't been too good lately and I really need to get away. That's why I'm at my Mom's house in NH right now. I'll fill you in a bit about my last.. month I guess.
As you all probably know, I had been dating Eric. Soemthing you wouldn't know, is that he changed from when I first met him in July. He had started smoking weed everyday, atleast once or twice a day. It was getting to the point where he'd ditch me, his family, and everyone else just for weed. It was getting kinda of bad. Well, my dad, his girlfriend and I, had a talk about him. We decided that my dad's girlfriend should talk to Eric because she's practically like his second mother.
On Friday, February 4th, I came in the house 5 min. past my curfew and got yelled at, I yelled back at my dad because I'm sick of getting yelled at for everything, and he told me to shutup. I hate that. I told him I hated him, and he told me to leave. He told me, in these exact words, "Get the fuck out then, go live with your fucking mother who doesn't care about you either." I called Eric and talked for a few minutes and he told me he'd move up to my mom's with me, if it was okay. I sat in my room crying and shaking for about an hour. My dad tried to come in and talk to me and I just told him to get out.
I layed down in bed in the darkness and listened to My Chemical Romance on my headphones. At about 10:27, Eric walked in my room. I looked at him like I was so lost. He sat down on my bed and started crying. He told me about how he just had a talk with Dorothy (my dad's girlfriend) and he admitted he had a drug and drinking problem and he needed help. He also admitted that he was depressed and that's why he turned to drugs and alchohol. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "You know what I'm going to do next don't you?" I looked at him and said no, even though in my head I realy knew. And he told me he couldn't go out with me anymore. He needed to get help and get his life back together before he could date me again. I started crying so uncontrollably I was shaking and Eric just hugged me and cried with me. He told me he loved me with al his heart and that he'll try to get back together with me in the future. And then he left to go home and talk to his mother. I stayed up all night crying. I've never loved someone as much as I loved Eric.
I talked with my dad and Dorothy the next day. I was told that Eric had told them about how we were still having sex after they told us not to. My dad said me and Eric weren't allowed to see eachother anymore. I hate my dad, it gets worse believe me.
On Monday, it would have been our 2 month anniversary.
I slowly walked down the sidewalk to school and looked at him, and busrt into tears. I was miserable that whole day. I snapped at everyone who said something to me and almost got suspened for teling a teacher to fuck himself. I wrote a few notes to Eric in the course of that week, and each time he told me he still loved me, but he couldn't be with me. He baught me arose for Valentine's Day during the week before it.
On Friday, February 11th, he gave me a note explaining how much he loved and missed me, and how he wanted me to try to find someone new since he knew we couldn't be together. He told me how he might go out with Kelsey, this girl I hate with a passion. I ran to the girl's bathroom crying. My friend Sarah Lydon, went out and told him I was crying and he tried to go in the girl's bathroom. I left and went to go in thre lunchroom, but he was there so I turned around, but I decided to go anyways. I looked at him and he asked if I was crying and I said no. He told me not to lie to him and I just said "Who?" And he said no one. I knew it was Kelsey and he said maybe, so I tried to walk away crying and he wouldn't let me. He grabbed me and hugged me and told me he loved me and that everything would be alright, even though I knew it wouldn't. Then he left, and I went on with my miserable day.
After school, he came up to me and told me he wasn't gonna go out with Kelsey. He still loved me, and she has a boyfriend. I walked with him to the back of the school, and he asked if I could keep a secret and I said that it depends. He kissed me. (Well, there goes the secret. Haha) I was so fucking happy. You don't even know.
Days went by, and things were kind of back to normal in a way, but home still sucked because I was getting blamed for everything still, and my dad and Dorothy were always fighting and me and my little step-brother thing Justin were always fighting and blah blah blah. On Monday, Valentine's Day, I walked home with Eric, and we just acted like we were going out again. It was great. He wanted me to meet him at the laundry mat, so I could hang out with him for once. (Since we're not allowed) I couldn't go at first because I had to clean my room. By the time I went to leave, Eric was done with laundry and at his house. So i told my dad I was going for a walk with Kenny and I'd be back by 7:30, it was already about 6:30 by the time I left. I went to Eric's house. We talked for a little while, and the his mom came in and asked if I was allowed to be there. I said yes. She called my dad. She apologized, she said she had called because she knew I wasn't supposed to be there and if they had found out after it had happened, I would have got in more trouble and she didn't want that. I got screamed at by my dad and whatever.
On Wednesday, February 16th, I walked home with Eric again, and I was gonna be about an hour late getting home. My dad drove by and saw me kissing Eric and flipped out at me. He threatened to send me to a boarding school. He told Eric he didn't want to see him with me again for along time or he'd call the cops. I went home and listened to my dad and Dorothy call boarding schools. I cried and ended up doing something stupid. Yah, shutup.
The next day I went to school all miserable as usuall. I cried basically all day. During 2nd to last period, I was told to go with Ms. Seals, the social worker at my school. She's friends with Eric, and Eric had told her about the stupid thing I did. He told her that he cried because he was so worried about me and he left school. Ms. Seals talked to me about it for a while and eventualy caled my dad to tell him and he didn't really care.
After that, I went to the last 15 min. of last period and cried. I went outside when school was over and waited for my dad to pick me up to go to counseling. I talked to Eric for a few minutes. He hugged me and told me he loved me and left. When I got in the car, my dad told me he put a restraining order on Eric and he already knew about it. I started crying. I fucking hate my dad.
I went to my counseling appointment and my dad talked the whole time. It sucked. I don't care. I have counseling again on Thursday at 7:00. Oh joy. Fun fun.
But yah, that's pretty much all the fucked up shit I went through in the past 3-4 weeks. I hate it. Oh yah, did I mention, I failed English with a 50, and got under 76's in all my other classes. Cool, huh?
Well, now that I've blabbed on forever about my pathetic life, I'm finally done.
Have fun reading. =)
Forever and always, Amber.
As you all probably know, I had been dating Eric. Soemthing you wouldn't know, is that he changed from when I first met him in July. He had started smoking weed everyday, atleast once or twice a day. It was getting to the point where he'd ditch me, his family, and everyone else just for weed. It was getting kinda of bad. Well, my dad, his girlfriend and I, had a talk about him. We decided that my dad's girlfriend should talk to Eric because she's practically like his second mother.
On Friday, February 4th, I came in the house 5 min. past my curfew and got yelled at, I yelled back at my dad because I'm sick of getting yelled at for everything, and he told me to shutup. I hate that. I told him I hated him, and he told me to leave. He told me, in these exact words, "Get the fuck out then, go live with your fucking mother who doesn't care about you either." I called Eric and talked for a few minutes and he told me he'd move up to my mom's with me, if it was okay. I sat in my room crying and shaking for about an hour. My dad tried to come in and talk to me and I just told him to get out.
I layed down in bed in the darkness and listened to My Chemical Romance on my headphones. At about 10:27, Eric walked in my room. I looked at him like I was so lost. He sat down on my bed and started crying. He told me about how he just had a talk with Dorothy (my dad's girlfriend) and he admitted he had a drug and drinking problem and he needed help. He also admitted that he was depressed and that's why he turned to drugs and alchohol. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "You know what I'm going to do next don't you?" I looked at him and said no, even though in my head I realy knew. And he told me he couldn't go out with me anymore. He needed to get help and get his life back together before he could date me again. I started crying so uncontrollably I was shaking and Eric just hugged me and cried with me. He told me he loved me with al his heart and that he'll try to get back together with me in the future. And then he left to go home and talk to his mother. I stayed up all night crying. I've never loved someone as much as I loved Eric.
I talked with my dad and Dorothy the next day. I was told that Eric had told them about how we were still having sex after they told us not to. My dad said me and Eric weren't allowed to see eachother anymore. I hate my dad, it gets worse believe me.
On Monday, it would have been our 2 month anniversary.
I slowly walked down the sidewalk to school and looked at him, and busrt into tears. I was miserable that whole day. I snapped at everyone who said something to me and almost got suspened for teling a teacher to fuck himself. I wrote a few notes to Eric in the course of that week, and each time he told me he still loved me, but he couldn't be with me. He baught me arose for Valentine's Day during the week before it.
On Friday, February 11th, he gave me a note explaining how much he loved and missed me, and how he wanted me to try to find someone new since he knew we couldn't be together. He told me how he might go out with Kelsey, this girl I hate with a passion. I ran to the girl's bathroom crying. My friend Sarah Lydon, went out and told him I was crying and he tried to go in the girl's bathroom. I left and went to go in thre lunchroom, but he was there so I turned around, but I decided to go anyways. I looked at him and he asked if I was crying and I said no. He told me not to lie to him and I just said "Who?" And he said no one. I knew it was Kelsey and he said maybe, so I tried to walk away crying and he wouldn't let me. He grabbed me and hugged me and told me he loved me and that everything would be alright, even though I knew it wouldn't. Then he left, and I went on with my miserable day.
After school, he came up to me and told me he wasn't gonna go out with Kelsey. He still loved me, and she has a boyfriend. I walked with him to the back of the school, and he asked if I could keep a secret and I said that it depends. He kissed me. (Well, there goes the secret. Haha) I was so fucking happy. You don't even know.
Days went by, and things were kind of back to normal in a way, but home still sucked because I was getting blamed for everything still, and my dad and Dorothy were always fighting and me and my little step-brother thing Justin were always fighting and blah blah blah. On Monday, Valentine's Day, I walked home with Eric, and we just acted like we were going out again. It was great. He wanted me to meet him at the laundry mat, so I could hang out with him for once. (Since we're not allowed) I couldn't go at first because I had to clean my room. By the time I went to leave, Eric was done with laundry and at his house. So i told my dad I was going for a walk with Kenny and I'd be back by 7:30, it was already about 6:30 by the time I left. I went to Eric's house. We talked for a little while, and the his mom came in and asked if I was allowed to be there. I said yes. She called my dad. She apologized, she said she had called because she knew I wasn't supposed to be there and if they had found out after it had happened, I would have got in more trouble and she didn't want that. I got screamed at by my dad and whatever.
On Wednesday, February 16th, I walked home with Eric again, and I was gonna be about an hour late getting home. My dad drove by and saw me kissing Eric and flipped out at me. He threatened to send me to a boarding school. He told Eric he didn't want to see him with me again for along time or he'd call the cops. I went home and listened to my dad and Dorothy call boarding schools. I cried and ended up doing something stupid. Yah, shutup.
The next day I went to school all miserable as usuall. I cried basically all day. During 2nd to last period, I was told to go with Ms. Seals, the social worker at my school. She's friends with Eric, and Eric had told her about the stupid thing I did. He told her that he cried because he was so worried about me and he left school. Ms. Seals talked to me about it for a while and eventualy caled my dad to tell him and he didn't really care.
After that, I went to the last 15 min. of last period and cried. I went outside when school was over and waited for my dad to pick me up to go to counseling. I talked to Eric for a few minutes. He hugged me and told me he loved me and left. When I got in the car, my dad told me he put a restraining order on Eric and he already knew about it. I started crying. I fucking hate my dad.
I went to my counseling appointment and my dad talked the whole time. It sucked. I don't care. I have counseling again on Thursday at 7:00. Oh joy. Fun fun.
But yah, that's pretty much all the fucked up shit I went through in the past 3-4 weeks. I hate it. Oh yah, did I mention, I failed English with a 50, and got under 76's in all my other classes. Cool, huh?
Well, now that I've blabbed on forever about my pathetic life, I'm finally done.
Have fun reading. =)
Forever and always, Amber.