If Ever I Could Leave You
Alice descended the stairs with deliberate slowness as she felt that her legs were going to give out on her at any moment. She trembled with weariness as she reached the field and blinked her eyes several times as they stung with grime and splatter.
Alice groaned slightly and looked at her hands, they were as bloody as the Vorpal sword. She inhaled abruptly, the disgust making her nauseated. The sword fell from her hand and clanged loudly on the stones, finally waking her from the stupor she found herself in. She hastily removed the gloves and threw them near the sword. Blood…everywhere, and it sickened her some more. Without even realizing it she fell to her knees and vomited, spilling her last reserves onto the filthy field of victory.
The White Queen and the Hatter rushed forward, both hoping to catch the girl before her head impacted on the hard stones. Tarrant reached her first and dropped to his knees, supporting the Champion’s head and wiping the vomit from her mouth.
“Oh, no, no. This won’t do, dear Alice!” Tarrant’s eyes darted back and forth, trying to quell the rising madness. “Help! Someone please help him, she’s hurt!”
The Queen stepped behind the Hatter and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Don’t worry Tarrant, everything is going to be all right.” She tried to keep her voice calm amidst her own rising panic.
“You over there, come here right now.”
A White Knight approached. “Your bidding, my Queen.”
“First off, retrieve my crown and then banish my sister and her henchman. If they resist, bind them and take them yourself to the Outlands. But please provide a three-day supply of food and water. Then-“
Chessur, who appeared next to the Hatter, cut her off. “Would you like me to assist with Tarrant, my Queen?” He gently took hold of Tarrant; careful of making sure that Alice was gently placed in the Queen’s arms. “Come with me, dear Hatter.”
“Thank you, Chess.” Mirana laid Alice’s head in her lap. “As I was saying, dear Knight, please see the army safely back to Marmoreal, and take the Red Knights with you, it is clear that they will make a loyal addition to my forces. And then have my horse brought over, I’m taking my Champion to my private cottage near the ruins.”
A few knights helped the Queen onto her horse and then assisted with placing the Champion’s unconscious body in front of her. She wound an arm around Alice before another knight brought over the Vorpal sword. She tenderly spurred her mount along and left the field to the care of others.
*****
The Queen’s cottage was nothing more but a brick and wood structure on the opposite side of the field of battle, and was directly on the shore of the Great Water, hidden amongst the ruins of a once beautiful castle. It was Mirana’s place of solitude whenever the pains of a royal life became too much. She had spent many a day in the simple structure, warmed only by a fire in the fireplace and pots of hot tea.
It was a simple small building, built into the side of the crumbling hill and facing the sea. A loft supported a simple bed and the only heating a rather large fireplace. An unadorned hand-pump brought water into a large basin for bathing, it was closed off by a curtain from the rest of room. A rather large couch was directly in front of the fireplace and behind the couch a small wooden table and chairs for dining. Several wooden shelves lined the wall where the sink was, and these were filled with many different kinds of jars and bottles.
The White Queen kicked open the wooden door and it slammed into the wall, unsettling some dust. She huffed as she carried Alice into the room and then grunted a little as she placed her Champion’s body on the large couch. Her back ached, and she wished for nothing more than a few hours sleep, but there was work to be done. She went outside and went to the side of cottage and brought firewood into the cottage and stacked it along a wall. By the time she was finished her normally pristine gown was dirty and she was sweaty. The Queen started a fire and then placed a few pieces of wood in a cast iron stove and lit them. She then washed her hands and face and arranged tealeaves in an infuser and set them aside, a small groan escaped her lips as she reached high for the teapot; carrying Alice in full armor had caused her limbs to ache. She filled up the teapot and placed it on the iron stove.
Mirana turned and looked at Alice, who was still not awake. She walked over to the couch and knelt down next to it. She reached over and took her Champion’s hand in her own. It was still warm and she breathed a sigh of relief. She allowed herself a moment to openly appreciate the delicate form before her. Alice was beautiful, that could not be denied. The Queen sighed and looked at the cumbersome armor; it would have to be removed. She leaned over and began removing it first from Alice’s feet and worked her way up, careful not to cause harm to the young woman still in it. One of Alice’s thigh gauntlets was troublesome to remove, and when she gave a final yank, the still unconscious woman moaned slightly. Next came the breastplate and inner leather shirt. When she was done she placed the bloody items outside, next to the door.
The Queen went over to the sink and filled a pot with water and placed it on the stove next to the teapot. She climbed the stairs to the loft and opened a small closet door and removed a simple sleeping tunic and a warm blanket. After removing the pot from the stove she placed it next to her at the couch and put a rag into the warm water. She rang out the excess and then began to clean the grime off of her Champion’s body.
“Oh, my poor Alice.” Mirana sat back and shook her head. Bruises were evident on the small form as were several small cuts. “Oh, my dear. I am so sorry.”
In all her desires to have Alice as her Champion she had never considered that the young woman might be hurt in the process. The Oraculum never revealed the potential dangers to the young woman and she herself had not dared to ruminate on them. Mirana felt disgusted with herself at her own selfish wishes, but now was not the time for self-recrimination. Alice needed her. After she cleaned the young woman’s wounds she carefully lifted her and put the sleeping tunic on her. When she covered Alice’s body with the blanket Mirana sat back on her heels and groaned in relief. She was exhausted and dirty and in dire need of a bath.
The Queen trudged to the stove and placed the infuser into the pot of boiling water and then removed two large mugs from a shelf. She then went to the curtain and pulled it aside, revealing the large tub. Using the last of her strength she pulled down on the hand pump and water began to fill the tub. After several minutes it was full and she brought her mug of tea over and then undressed. Throwing her soiled dress to the side she fell into the water.
Mirana groaned as her tired muscles began to relax and she dunked her head into the water. She surfaced and shook her head, feeling better yet still weary with exhaustion. After leaning back into the tub she began to drink her tea, it warmed her insides and she groaned some more. She could feel sleep coming on so she cleaned herself quickly and drained the tub. Weariness overtook her and she was too tired to climb to the loft to sleep. So she put more wood on the fire and then looked at the couch. It was big enough for more than two, so she carefully lifted the heavy blanket and crawled in next to her Champion. She was well asleep before it could register to her that she was naked.
*****
Alice drifted aimlessly in the land of dreams, from one impossible scenario to the next. But most involved her challenging and defeating a creature of some sort, and all ended up with her kneeling before a beautiful woman, swearing her fealty and devotion. Her eyes opened abruptly and she drew in a deep breath, but regretted it immediately, as her chest hurt. She panicked for a brief moment, as she could not recall her surroundings. But when she turned her head to the side the vision of the White Queen sleeping arrested her. Alice groaned as she tried to move her body. Her chest hurt and so did her left leg, yet she was able to sit up with some effort and eventually swung her legs over the side of the couch.
And then the memories came back, in a flood of wild imagery and overwhelming emotion. She remembered the dark and brooding Red Queen and her unwelcoming castle. Her escaped to Marmoreal, her meeting with the White Queen and her fear and hesitation concerning the Jabberwock. Alice ran her hand over her brow and then looked around, and then the reality of her position hit her like a blow to the head. It was all real, painfully real, and not a dream or a wish at all. She let her head fall to her hands and she shook with fear and apprehension, as she could not remember if she did, in fact, face the Jabberwock in battle or what the outcome was. She decided that she was still too tired to think of such things and wished to fall back to sleep. So she got up and threw a lot of wood on the dying fire and crawled back under the blanket, assuring herself that, at least, the White Queen at her side was indeed real.
Mirana rolled onto her side and slowly opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. She lifted her head and looked over to the fire and was surprised to find it still alive and the room still warm. Her head dropped back down and she groaned, her body still aching from her hard works the day before.
“Hello, your Majesty.”
The Queen’s head jerked to the side and she was genuinely surprised to find Alice awake. She blushed somewhat. “Good…good morning, my Champion.”
Alice rolled over to face the Queen. “So it was all real, I suppose.”
“What was, Alice?”
“The Jabberwock-Frabjous day. I need to ask you a question, your Majesty.”
The Queen offered her Champion a small smile. “Go ahead.”
“Did we win? Did I slay the foul creature?”
Mirana smiled a bit more. “Yes, you did, my Champion. Your victory was-sublime.”
Alice closed her eyes briefly. “Thank god.”
“No, thank you, Alice.”
The Champion chuckled but was then overcome by a bout of coughing. She sat up as she tried to breath and the Queen was at her side immediately, supporting her as she rode out the painful spasms. “Thank you…thanks, your Majesty.”
Mirana ran her hand up and down her Champion’s back. “You are welcome, my dear.” She then felt Alice stiffen. “What…what is it? Are you still in pain?
Her Champion turned her head away. “My Queen?”
Now the Queen started to worry. “What is it?”
“You are naked.” Alice’s statement was desperately void of any emotion.
“Excuse me for a moment!”
Alice knew that her Queen was rushing up the stairs and tried to avoid watching her. But her glance just caught Mirana before she disappeared from view. Alice’s weakness forced her back down onto the couch and she let out a painful breath.
The Queen, dressed in simple trousers and a white shirt came back down the stairs and put more wood onto the fire. Then she went over to Alice on the couch. “You are hurting, are you not?”
Her Champion turned her head towards her. “Yes, my Queen. It hurts to breath.”
“You may have a cracked rib. Here, let me see.” The Queen ran her hand down Alice’s right side but she showed no discomfort. When she did the same for her left side Alice whimpered and tried to push the hand away. “Oh, you do have a fracture. I need to make a pain killing draught for you, my Champion. Just give me a few minutes.”
Alice turned her head and watched as Mirana took down various jars and bottles from the shelves behind the sink and began putting various things into a pot. “Will it taste as bad as the pishsalver?”
The Queen looked over her shoulder. “Worse, I’m afraid.” She chuckled at the face Alice made. “Do not pout, Alice.”
Alice brought the blanket closer to her. “I am famished. Would there be something to eat on those shelves?”
The Queen turned to her and frowned. “No.” She lowered her head and then glanced over to the corner, her eyes falling on the Vorpal sword. Stealing herself, she took hold of the blade and proceeded to the door.
“What are you doing, your Majesty?”
“I have to go and find something for you to eat. I may have to kill a small animal.”
Alice shook her head. “No, your Majesty, you can not do that! What of your vows?”
Mirana turned back just as she was about to open the door. “Alice, I can not let you starve. You need food in order to heal.”
Her Champion made an effort to sit up. “No! I am telling you not to do it. I will not be the cause of you breaking your vows. I will not allow you to do that to me.”
The Queen’s eyes widened at her Champion’s impudence. In frustration, she tossed the blade aside and opened the door, determined to at least find something to eat. She stopped suddenly and looked down. There was a basket at her feet with a towel carefully over it. She looked around before bringing the basket in and walking over to the couch. She set it down and removed the towel.
Alice peered inside, as well, and saw breads, cheeses, tarts, dried fruits and jams. She lifted her head and looked at her Queen. “Someone is looking out for us.”
Mirana smirked at her. “It appears so.” When Alice winced she got up and poured the pain remedy into a cup and brought it over to her Champion. “Here, my Champion, you need to drink this.”
Alice groaned. “But I am hungry.”
“I promise you that the food will be here when you wake up. Healing first, food later.”
Alice accepted the drink and downed all of it. “Nasty.” She felt the warmth run down her whole body and then into her limbs and sank down into the soft pillows of the couch. She was asleep right away.
Mirana watched her young Champion peacefully sleep and was tempted to touch her sweet face, but she caught herself before she did so. “Not now, Mirana.”
*****
Alice opened her eyes and was still a little drowsy from the draught. But she noticed right away that the pain in her side was almost gone, replaced by only a fleeting discomfort. She turned over onto her side and saw her Queen sitting on the wooden floor near the sink, using a wet rag to clean the Vorpal sword and her armor. She watched the scene for a few minutes and then sighed in contentment. It all felt so much like domestic bliss and she cherished the feeling. It warmed her on the inside. Alice smiled when she realized the Queen was humming to herself.
“What are you singing, my Queen?”
Mirana looked up and smiled. “Just a little tune from my childhood, Alice, one my mother taught me.”
The Champion chuckled. “You must have been a handful as a child.”
The Queen put down the shoulder gauntlet and then picked up the other one. “You have no idea.”
Her Champion’s curiosity was piqued. “Care to share any stories from your misspent youth, my Queen?”
Mirana turned away and appeared to be remembering. “Well, there is the incident concerning Ilosovic.”
Alice felt her heart grow cold. “Stayne? The Red Queen’s henchman?”
“He was not always so, dear Alice. We grew up together here in Marmoreal. His father was an Overseer to my father and took care of our orchards and olive groves. His mother was a Lady in Waiting to my mother. They were nice people and so loyal to my family. But a carriage accident killed them both, and left Ilosovic blind in one eye. He was only nine at the time and was completely devastated. I do not think that he ever recovered from such a horrendous loss.” Mirana looked away and smiled. “He was my first kiss, you know.”
Alice stiffened, and an unfamiliar jealousy overwhelmed her. “He was?”
The Queen laughed, as her Champion’s feelings flattered her. “Now, my dear girl, you have nothing to be worried over. We were in the Throne Room-playing with my fathers crown when it accidentally flew through a window.”
Alice tilted her head. “How did the crown ‘accidentally’ go through a window?”
“He kissed me and it made me so flustered and mad that the threw the crown at him. But he
ducked and it went through the window.” The Queen chuckled. “We were both in trouble and had to do chores all week.”
Her Champion laughed along with her. “I would have loved to have known you in your youth.”
Mirana met Alice’s gaze. “Well, you are here with me now.”
“Yes, I am.” Alice nodded and then sat up. “Shall we eat now?”
The Queen brought over a tray to the couch and placed the teapot and two cups on it. She then brought over the basket and sat down. “How do you feel, my Champion?”
“Better. Thank you…Mirana.”
The Queen lowered her head and then smiled. Her given name sounded so sweet coming from her Champion’s lips. “You are most welcome.” She gave Alice a plate of food and then poured her a cup of tea. “I must say that you heal rather fast, my Champion. Almost as if there is fey blood running through you.”
Alice smiled. “No, your Majesty, I do not think that I am sanctified with magical properties. I am just a plain girl from London.”
Mirana put down her cup of tea and soothingly took Alice’s hand. “No, my lovely Alice, you are far more than just a plain girl from London. You are beautiful and charming and sweet and…” She let her voice trail off, embarrassed to be caught in the thrall of such revealing emotions.
Alice felt her heartbeat quicken at the frank appraisal, and blushed. “I think you are beautiful, too, my Queen.” She picked up a piece of bread and spread black currant on it, she held it out to
Mirana. “Take a bite.”
Mirana leaned over and took a bite. “You are sweet, do you know that?”
Alice finished off the bread. “If you say so, my Queen.”
The Queen laughed and snatched up a small chunk of cheese and ate it. “Let me finish cleaning
your armor.”
Her Champion frowned somewhat at the abrupt declaration. “Okay.” Alice watched as Mirana crawled over to the wall and sat against it. “I could do that, your Majesty.”
“Do not be silly, my young Champion. I love fretting over you.” The Queen picked up an arm gauntlet and proceeded to wipe it clean.”
And Alice felt it again. A sense of domesticity and love that was lacking from her own family in London. She looked around her and could easily imagine herself living with the remarkable woman in front of her, and creating a wonderful life for the two of them. A small pang made her heart clench as she thought of all the unfinished business back in London that needed her attention. She sighed and lay back down again, feeling a bone weariness that threatened to break her heart.
The Queen looked up in time to see a dejected Alice lay back down and her heart felt heavy. She knew what was troubling her Champion, and she desperately wanted nothing more than to take Alice into her arms and beg her stay. When she realized she could never do that a small tear escaped her eye and rolled slowly down her cheek.
*****
Alice awoke suddenly and her whole body ached, especially her arm and leg joints. She whimpered and tried to touch her side, but was in too much pain to do so. “Mirana, please…”
The Queen had been reading near the fireplace and jumped up without delay at the wheezing in her Champion’s voice. She dropped by Alice and checked her for fever. “Oh, no. You are burning up, dear Alice. I was so obsessed with taking away your pain that I forgot to give you a healing potion. Please forgive me.” She got up and hurried to the sink, taking down jars from the shelves and preparing more tea.
Her Champion moaned. “Mirana?”
“Yes, my Champion?”
“In case I don’t survive…”
The Queen turned around abruptly and rushed to Alice’s side. “In case you don’t survive?”
Alice choked on her tears. “I need to tell you something.”
“Alice, please do not…”
Her Champion reached over and grasped her Queen’s hand. “In case I don’t live through this, my Queen, I want-no, I need-to tell you that I love you. I love you, Mirana. I love you…”
Mirana gently lifted Alice and held her in her arms. “You will live, my love. I won’t let anything happen to you.” She buried her head in Alice’s shoulder. “I love you, too, my dear Alice. I love you.” And the Queen’s tears melded with her beloved's, sealing and binding them forever.
Alice smiled. “You are beautiful, my Queen.”
Mirana caressed her Champion’s cheek. “Let me get the healing draught.” She returned to the counter and mixed and poured various ingredients into a small pot and then set it on the stove. Before long it was hot enough to give it to Alice.
The Queen lifted Alice up into a sitting position and brought the cup up to her mouth. “Please drink, my love. I promise you will feel better when you wake up.”
Alice looked into her Queen’s eyes and then drank as much of the potion as she could. “Thank you.”
Mirana put Alice back down and pulled the blanket over her. “Sleep now.” Alice’s eyes slowly closed as a small smile graced her lips.
A gentle knock at the door startled her, and she jumped to her feet right away. She cautiously approached the door and grabbed the handle. “Who is it?”
“It’s Chess, love.”
The Queen opened the door to find Chessur sitting in front of it, a basket at his side. “Why are you on the ground, Chessur?”
The cat immediately faded then reappeared next to the Queen floating upside down. “I had to carry that basket all the way from the castle.”
“Please come in…” But the cat was already in the room. Mirana picked up the basket and brought it in. “What is in here?”
The cat floated over to the couch and carefully sat down. “Just some more delicacies, love. Tell me, how is the Champion?”
The Queen walked over to the couch and knelt next to it. “Her rib is cracked, but I gave her a healing potion. It should be completely healed by the morning. She also has some minor cuts and bruises. I’m not worried about those; the healing potion will take care of them, too.” She placed a cool rag on Alice’s forehead then took hold of her hand.
Chessur noticed the Queen’s gentle care, and a wide grin appeared on his face. “Love is a most splendid thing, do you not agree, love?”
Mirana sighed. “Yes, it is, Chess.”
“Does Alice love you?”
“She told me so, before the potion made her sleep.”
“Then it will make this all the more harder.” He opened the basket and pulled out the Queen’s
crown, and then gave it to her. “Your crown, my Queen.”
Mirana took hold of the crown but did not put it on; she ran her fingers over the smooth surface.
“Oh, my.”
“You must follow your heart, my Queen.”
“What kind of choice it that, Chessur?” The Queen wiped at a few tears. “Either I accept my crown and lead my people into a future full of hope, or reject my responsibilities and stay with my beloved-with Alice. Why can’t I have both?”
“My Queen, we both know that Alice’s place is with you, as your Champion. But not right now. She has to reconcile her life above before she can commit to you. She needs freedom in order to do so. You must let her go, if only for a while.”
“I know, I know. But…I don’t know how I am to survive without her, even for a moment.”
“Be true, my Queen. Let your love for this young woman be your guide.” And with that, Chessur was gone.
Mirana placed the crown on the table and then walked slowly to the sink. She leaned heavily on the wooden surface and closed her eyes. She stayed that way for several minutes before finally opening a drawer and taking out a parchment and ink quill. She had a letter to write.
*****
Alice woke, and turned her head to the side, hoping to catch sight of her Queen, but she was nowhere to be seen. “Mirana?” She checked her side before attempting to get up and found that the pain was gone, and so was the heaviness. Sighing with relief, she swung her legs over the side of couch and stood. There was no pain or dizziness, so she decided to go to the door and open it. The vision before her caused her heart to ache. Mirana was standing at the edge of the Great Water, fully dressed in her royal gown and wearing her crown. “Your Majesty?”
The Queen turned around and smiled at Alice. “How are you feeling, my Champion?”
Alice drew in a deep breath. “You see-no pain. I am feeling much better, my Queen.” There was something about the Queen’s appearance that caused Alice to pause. And then she noticed; Mirana was wearing her crown. The sight of it caused her heart to sink. “Is it time for me to go?”
“Alice, my Champion?”
“Yes?”
“Will you go in and get dressed?”
Alice did not like how the Queen was being so formal, but she did as she was told. In the loft she found gray trousers, a white shirt and a brown waistcoat. She put these on and then spotted a pair of socks and boots. When she was dressed she went back outside and was surprised to find a White Knight there, on the Queen’s horse. Mirana was handing him a rather large bag, which he tied around the saddle horn.
The Queen smiled up at the Knight. “You will see that these be delivered to Tarrant Hightopp and the Cheshire cat?”
“Yes, my Queen.”
“Oh, and this.” The Queen held up a parchment with her official seal on it and handed it to the Knight. “Make haste, as this is important.”
While the Knight galloped away Alice turned to Mirana. “What was in the bag, my Queen?”
“Your armor, dear Alice. I’m having it sent back to Marmoreal, as you won’t be needing it in the near future.”
Alice frowned again, and a small fear stole over her heart. “So this is it? You are just going to send
me away-back to London-and that is it?”
The Queen stepped forward and lightly touched her Champion’s cheek. “Alice, my dear, please listen to me. I just sent your armor away plus an official letter to my court. Would you like to know what was in it?”
Alice could be stubborn, and almost told the Queen she did not, but her curiosity took over. “What, then?”
The Queen turned back to the water. “Well, I have made Tarrant Hightopp Regent in my stead, and have also made Chessur his Chamberlain, together they ought to do well until we return.”
Alice was confused so she went and stood by her Queen. “What are you saying?”
“I know you can not stay because of your responsibilities in the world above; and I also know that you are my Champion, destined to be at my side forever. So, until the time comes that we can return to Underland-I am going with you.” She removed her crown and tossed it into the water. “It will be safe there until our return.” The Queen looked down at a very stunned Alice. She slowly bent down and whispered into her ear. “You can kiss me, now.”
Alice threw herself at the Queen and pulled her down into a loving and passionate kiss. “You are coming with me? Oh, thank you, Mirana. I love you.” She wrapped her arms around the Queen and did not let go.
The Queen wrapped Alice into her warm embrace. “Alice, my love, is there going to be much privacy for us in…London?”
Alice breathed in the unique fragrance that was her White Queen. “I don’t know. We will have
some difficulties, no doubt.”
Mirana loosened her embrace to look down at her Alice. “Then we need to go back into the cottage.”
“Why?”
“Well, we may not get another chance to make love for a long time.” She bent down and purred into Alice’s ear. “I would like our first time to be special, and unhurried.”
And, smiling, Alice Kingsleigh took her Queen’s hand and led her back into the small cottage. They made love for the rest of the day and well into the night, and bound each other into a love that was more profound than any marriage could be.