(no subject)
A few letters I've been wanting to write to various people. There's only one of you who has a letter, so don't worry about trying to figure out who you are, 'cos... you're probably not on here.
Nameless, because I like it that way.
So the reason I'm angry with you is because I'm angry at the world? You really think it's as simple as that? Do you think we live in a cheery happy world or something? I doubt you really care, but I'm not angry at the world. As a matter of fact, the only person I'm angry at is you. Don't even try to deny that you talk shit behind my back, because you do. You talk shit behind everyone's back, I've heard about it from people I trust deeply. You say I wanted to talk to you -- I told you on Tuesday and I'll tell you again -- I only agreed to talk to you because I knew for a fact you would have thrown a pity party if I hadn't. And you would have pestered me -- I told you that I did not want to talk to you at 7-ish, and then you asked to talk again at 9-ish. So don't give me any bullshit about how you wouldn't have pestered me. I did not tell you this on Tuesday, because it honestly slipped my mind, but another reason I'm angry with you is because you are incredibly selfish, you never think of anyone but yourself, and granted, we're all guilty of that to an extent, but I've never seen anyone as selfish as you. You got involved in a threeway-relationship only because you wanted to be with one of the people involved, and you said it yourself once -- the only way you'll ever be able to be close with Jarrod is if you're close with Aislynn, too, and I believe that that is the only reason you ever wanted to be with Aislynn, was because you wanted Jarrod. I still believe you only like me because I hang out with Steph and Hoshi and because I have a car. I see myself as someone you realized you would have to put up with if you wanted to hang out with Steph and Hoshi. I also think that once you realized I have a car, you saw me as someone who could drive you anywhere you wanted to go, free. Yes, you gave me gas money when we went to Peck, but what about all the other times? I can't remember how many times you called me wanting me to drive you somewhere and how many times I refused because I felt like I was being used. I used various excuses on you -- one I remember was that my mother had hurt her back and needed somebody to stay with her. The biggest issue I have with you? In July when I made my decision not to go to college and Ryan bitched me out for it, you jumped all over me. You told me that it was my fault the argument got as heated as it did because I wouldn't let him back out, but I give you proof that I wanted to back out:
Ryan (10:43:07 PM): I am done with this argument
seenthetwilight (10:43:16 PM): Good.
Ryan (10:43:28 PM): do what you want with your life
seenthetwilight (10:43:51 PM): I will.
Ryan (10:44:16 PM): but don't be suprised when you are working dead end jobs
Notice, I never said anything back to him that would provoke him into saying what he did. And if you would have read the conversation, you would have realized that he stepped all over my weak points, and he said shit about my parents, which really upset me. But clearly you didn't care, you only cared about the parts of the conversation that made it, in your mind, okay to say I'm the bitch. And I'm sure you'll take these words I've just typed up and manipulate them to make you look like the innocent victim that everyone's picking on, because that's the only thing you're good at, is manipulating. I'm through with you.
I miss you. I really do. I miss how we used to be, I miss how we used to just goof off together, I miss how close we used to be, and I hate that since you started going out with her, I don't even exist to you anymore. I can't handle losing you. You're coming home tomorrow, and I doubt you'll even want to see me, never mind that we haven't seen each other since June. I've tried to distance myself from you, I haven't called you since June, I haven't seen you since June, I can count on one hand the number of IM conversations we've had since June. And still I feel like you feel I'm clinging to you. And maybe I am, because I don't want to let you go, as much as I know I should. I know you're no good for me, I know that as long as I know you, you're just going to bring me down, I know that.. fuck.. fuck, maybe it's because I'm fucking in love with you, but don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything to screw things up between you and her. Honestly, I just want you to be nice to me, I just want to be friends with you.
You really suck. God, you fucking cling to everyone, sometimes you're too honest, sometimes you're not honest enough. I don't blame anyone who's decided to not be friends with you anymore. What the fuck is wrong with you? You have no right to be upset, because you've got everything going for you, and yet you get upset. What the fuck, bitch? What the fuck is wrong with you? Just.. go the fuck away, nobody wants you. You're immature, you're lazy, and Ryan was right, you have a self-defeatist personality. You back out of everything that's good for you because you start convincing yourself that all the what-ifs are gonna happen, and everybody's sick of it so just.. die or something.
That's about it.
Nameless, because I like it that way.
So the reason I'm angry with you is because I'm angry at the world? You really think it's as simple as that? Do you think we live in a cheery happy world or something? I doubt you really care, but I'm not angry at the world. As a matter of fact, the only person I'm angry at is you. Don't even try to deny that you talk shit behind my back, because you do. You talk shit behind everyone's back, I've heard about it from people I trust deeply. You say I wanted to talk to you -- I told you on Tuesday and I'll tell you again -- I only agreed to talk to you because I knew for a fact you would have thrown a pity party if I hadn't. And you would have pestered me -- I told you that I did not want to talk to you at 7-ish, and then you asked to talk again at 9-ish. So don't give me any bullshit about how you wouldn't have pestered me. I did not tell you this on Tuesday, because it honestly slipped my mind, but another reason I'm angry with you is because you are incredibly selfish, you never think of anyone but yourself, and granted, we're all guilty of that to an extent, but I've never seen anyone as selfish as you. You got involved in a threeway-relationship only because you wanted to be with one of the people involved, and you said it yourself once -- the only way you'll ever be able to be close with Jarrod is if you're close with Aislynn, too, and I believe that that is the only reason you ever wanted to be with Aislynn, was because you wanted Jarrod. I still believe you only like me because I hang out with Steph and Hoshi and because I have a car. I see myself as someone you realized you would have to put up with if you wanted to hang out with Steph and Hoshi. I also think that once you realized I have a car, you saw me as someone who could drive you anywhere you wanted to go, free. Yes, you gave me gas money when we went to Peck, but what about all the other times? I can't remember how many times you called me wanting me to drive you somewhere and how many times I refused because I felt like I was being used. I used various excuses on you -- one I remember was that my mother had hurt her back and needed somebody to stay with her. The biggest issue I have with you? In July when I made my decision not to go to college and Ryan bitched me out for it, you jumped all over me. You told me that it was my fault the argument got as heated as it did because I wouldn't let him back out, but I give you proof that I wanted to back out:
Ryan (10:43:07 PM): I am done with this argument
seenthetwilight (10:43:16 PM): Good.
Ryan (10:43:28 PM): do what you want with your life
seenthetwilight (10:43:51 PM): I will.
Ryan (10:44:16 PM): but don't be suprised when you are working dead end jobs
Notice, I never said anything back to him that would provoke him into saying what he did. And if you would have read the conversation, you would have realized that he stepped all over my weak points, and he said shit about my parents, which really upset me. But clearly you didn't care, you only cared about the parts of the conversation that made it, in your mind, okay to say I'm the bitch. And I'm sure you'll take these words I've just typed up and manipulate them to make you look like the innocent victim that everyone's picking on, because that's the only thing you're good at, is manipulating. I'm through with you.
I miss you. I really do. I miss how we used to be, I miss how we used to just goof off together, I miss how close we used to be, and I hate that since you started going out with her, I don't even exist to you anymore. I can't handle losing you. You're coming home tomorrow, and I doubt you'll even want to see me, never mind that we haven't seen each other since June. I've tried to distance myself from you, I haven't called you since June, I haven't seen you since June, I can count on one hand the number of IM conversations we've had since June. And still I feel like you feel I'm clinging to you. And maybe I am, because I don't want to let you go, as much as I know I should. I know you're no good for me, I know that as long as I know you, you're just going to bring me down, I know that.. fuck.. fuck, maybe it's because I'm fucking in love with you, but don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything to screw things up between you and her. Honestly, I just want you to be nice to me, I just want to be friends with you.
You really suck. God, you fucking cling to everyone, sometimes you're too honest, sometimes you're not honest enough. I don't blame anyone who's decided to not be friends with you anymore. What the fuck is wrong with you? You have no right to be upset, because you've got everything going for you, and yet you get upset. What the fuck, bitch? What the fuck is wrong with you? Just.. go the fuck away, nobody wants you. You're immature, you're lazy, and Ryan was right, you have a self-defeatist personality. You back out of everything that's good for you because you start convincing yourself that all the what-ifs are gonna happen, and everybody's sick of it so just.. die or something.
That's about it.