Give Me a Stage, and I'll Give You a Show | Johnlock
john/sherlock ; pg ; 1024 words ; oneshot
But a thought, especially a dark one, never truly leaves.
As much as Sherlock hates to admit it, he is painfully and inadvertently human. That means he has to feel pain like humans; he has to feel. He knows he was brilliant, oh yes. He knows that he is way above average. Yet, these little people, these people so beneath him can still work their way into his brain to hurt him
Sherlock does not usually remember such insults. The words bounce off mostly, but as they start getting more frequent, sharper even, they start to pierce. He can't remain impervious forever
His mind keeps out what it can. But the insults, though now coming from shapeless beings, remain. It jabs at his unconscious like the prick of a pin. Which in this case, is more like a barb; hooking into the very recesses, hiding, burrowing. He continues his work. The cases pile, his mind wanders. There is no difference to him, Sherlock does not change yet
But a thought, especially a dark one, never truly leaves. It stays, right there, taking root in his innermost thoughts.
When he is alone, when there are no cases for him, all he has are his thoughts to accompany him. The barb stays hooked, and he remembers. Every word. Sherlock dwells, something he rarely does, on the past
Freak. Psychopath.
Really? Is it him?
Sherlock laughs sometimes at the absurdity. But the laughs turn to chuckles, turning to hesitant voices, then silence
Maybe, he is a freak
A gigantic freakshow, genius but ridiculed. They are merely jealous, for he is far superior of them. The strong hate the weak, the weak hate the strong
But the weak still attack, and the strong can't remain strong forever.
No one can be as brilliant as him, not even Mycroft. Especially not Mycroft. Sherlock knows it, but even small words start to hurt when they are repeated so many times it starts becoming big.
Brilliance needs an audience, but when the audience isn't accepting, then he can't put on his show. They throw tomatoes, rotten vegetables in rejection
He still works on the cases, he deducts, he wheedles out the evidence. At the same time, he doesn't stop putting on his show. And more people pelt him, but he endures. The words are seeping in further. Lestrade is sympathetic to the cause, but the poor chap can't do much. People can't be controlled. If not there wouldn't have been crimes.
However Sherlock is thankful
He goes home alone, every day, to an empty house and he lets his thoughts run wild. Not the happiest, not the saddest. But they are free to wreck havoc. He isn't
Sometimes he talks, but a skull can't reply, so it gets boring
Mike Stanford introduces his friend, John Hamish Watson, and Sherlock can't help but put on another show.
He waits for the insults, the disgust What he gets in return isn't just disbelief.
Awe. Fascination
He can read it off the man's every action, and for once, Sherlock experiences appreciation.
"221B Baker Street, the name's Sherlock Holmes." He reads off from the back of his head
Sherlock isn't surprised to find John Hamish Watson there when he next visits his new abode, but he is glad
=
Calling John to follow him on the case is out of order for Sherlock. Even more so when he finishes yet another - excellent, obviously - deduction, that John exclaims how amazing he was.
He smiles at his new roommate's epiphany.
It is a new feeling, appreciation. He likes it, better than the insults, a million times over.
He doesn't come home to an empty apartment, his thoughts can't run wild, because there's someone else. So Sherlock let's John Hamish Watson occupy his thoughts instead, because his presence takes up the whole apartment and is a lot more interesting than his usual counterparts.
This one did not instantly dislike him. It can be due the soldier quality, but either way, he likes that someone can except him for what he is.
A freak.
=
"You are not a freak. How can Sergeant Donovan even-" John raves, and Sherlock watches on fondly as he tries to defend his honour. They are taking a nice stroll back home, for their recent case takes them to a street only 10 minutes away.
Unperturbed, Sherlock answers, "She believes that I am different, singularly much better than her, so why change her opinion of me?"
John looks affronted that Sherlock does not even /mind/ that he is being subjected to such treatment. "Do her words not enter your stubborn skull? Do you not realise she is insulting you?"
"I tend to keep the useless information out, and the necessary ones in."
He likes that John defends him. That someone see fit enough to say that really, he isn't all that bad. Sherlock doesn't correct John.
Because I've heard so much, I guess some more of it won't hurt
But Sherlock doesn't tell John that. The conversation ends, as both men slowly walk in silence back to their shared apartment.
=
"I am a fake."
Sherlock narrates everything, trying to make John believe, but he doesn't. No matter how much he insists, John refuses to accept a word. He doesn't understand why John chooses not to believe. Everyone else jumps at the chance to implicate the 'freak', for he is now normal and finally brought to their level
Not the genius, not the brilliant consulting detective, but the fake. The human with a mask, one that everyone wears. He is like 'them' now, and nothing makes them happier.
At the last moment, his mind still whirrs, as it works away at the case, calculating
He leaves a note for John, to him through the phone, and on the phone. Maybe he'll know, one day.
Three years is going to be a long time. Sherlock is still the freak to everyone else, he just hopes that when he comes back, John will once again accept him
Not as the freak, but Sherlock Holmes.
Consulting detective with the deerstalker hat.
a/n:
this story idea haunted me for the whole of yesterday, and i finally lost to it.
So i wrote this at 12am and finished it in an hour.
Forgive me for any incoherency.
My brain might not have been the most awake at mindnight.
also my first ever sherlock fanfic!!!
to the sherlockians out there, please be kind to me.
I'm new and learning!