(no subject)
Alright. Time to tell you my news.
This is the short version: I am leaving my job at the end of this year, and I am moving to China in January, to teach English for a year or so.
For years I have been thinking about moving to Asia to live and teach there for a few years, but there always seemed a reason not to go. And I thought that it would be a dream that would fade at some point, or I could just get over it and find something else to focus on, and learn to be happy with my life here. Well, as it turns out, I'm not the kind of person that can let go of old dreams. I have realized over the past couple of months that I am spectacularly incapable of letting go of that old restlessness, of the need to see the world, no matter how hard I try to make it go away. I have been trying to convince myself for years that it's a phase I will grow out of, and if I only convince myself that I can be happy with the life I have in the Netherlands, it would all be fine and dandy. It's all a matter of changing your attitude. Well, it turns out I can no longer believe that. I need to do this. I need to go abroad for a long period and I need to put myself in the situation where I will live in a completely different culture. Even if it's only to prevent myself from regretting I never went. Because I suspect that is what will happen, if I don't go. So if I cannot change my attitude, I will just have to change the scenery.
I have been thinking about this, contemplating the consequences, for months. It has not been an easy decision. I have a good job and a good life here, but the restlessness has remained and will not go away. At some point my best friend told me, "I wish you would just go, so you would stop whining about it" (which she did not mean as bad as it sounds!). And I realized she had a good point. If I don't go, I will never stop thinking about what would've happened if I had gone. I made the final decision that same night. I am going.
So. China it is, as that's the place where it's easiest to find a job as an English teacher, as a non-native speaker of English. Most other countries in Asia require English teachers to have a passport from an English speaking country. And even though my English is practically native, I still have the wrong passport. To be frank, my first choice would have been South Korea, but, given their strict immigration laws, that's not really possible at the moment. So I've turned to China, and the more I read about the country, the more fascinated I become.
I am currently following an online TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course to be able to teach in Asia, and soon I will sign up with a Dutch organisation in Beijing that has contacts all over China and will be able to help me find a job. They will give me two options to choose from. I could of course just try and find a job myself and have a lot more options, but frankly, I prefer if someone else does it for me. China is too big and too much of an unknown for me to be able to do this on my own. So I'm going through an organisation, limiting my choice of where I will end up, but at least I can be sure it'll be a reputable school and I don't have to worry about ending up somewhere bad. It will probably not be in Beijing or Shanghai, as there are a lot of native speakers looking for jobs there, but there are plenty of other interesting cities in China. I don't think I will end up in some country town, but there might not be an awful lot of other non-Chinese people around. Still, that's the best way of immersing myself in the culture and learning the language, so I'm quite positive about it.
Selmer is not coming with me. I asked him to come, but he is not interested in doing something like this. He chooses to stay here. I would have preferred him to come with me, so we can have this adventure together. But just as much as he cannot force me to stay, I cannot force him to leave. So I am going and I'm leaving him behind. We do not intend to break up, but we will see how it goes. I think it will be fine, actually. We've been apart for a long period of time before, when I was in Finland for five months. He will be able to come visit me once or twice. China is not as far away as you think, it's a ten hour and 650 euro flight. Los Angeles is further away, and more expensive! We're not the kind of couple that needs to be together all the time to make this relationship work. I will miss him terribly, but I don't think it will break us up. I suspect it might actually make us stronger. We will see what happens.
I have already told my family, and my closest friends. I have even already told most of my colleagues at work, and my boss. I have not officially given my notice yet, but I have told them of my plans. Partly because I felt that was the right thing to do, so they have enough time to prepare for me leaving. There are a lot of cutbacks at the moment and if people leave the job will not automatically be open for someone else, so they will need to restructure the team after I leave. And partly because I cannot change my mind anymore if I've already told people at work. :D
So for the next three months I'll be doing my online course. The three months after that I will try to learn some basic Mandarin. I've already started a little bit, but as I'm doing the TEFL course I don't have the time to seriously work on it. But the TEFL will be done at the end of August, so after that I can fully focus on Mandarin. I will leave my job right before Christmas. And then in mid-January, I will fly to Beijing to have a two week intensive Mandarin language course. And then I will start my job as an English teacher, somewhere in China, in February, after Chinese New Year. It will be the year of the Dragon, which feels good, because both my dad and Selmer are Dragons. :D I will sign for one semester, so if I hate it I can return to the Netherlands in the Summer. Or, if I love it and the school is happy with me, I can sign for another semester. Right now the idea is to stay for a year (and see all four seasons), but I really don't know how long I will stay. We will have to see how it turns out.
To be completely honest, I am quite scared. I am terrified of what this will do to my relationship with Selmer. I am terrified I will not be able to get back on my feet quickly when I return to the Netherlands. I am terrified I will not like teaching and that I will hate China. I am especially terrified something will happen to someone I love when I'm far away. But I know this is the right decision. It feels right, despite the fears. I only have fears, no doubts. Not anymore. I have made this decision and it has liberated me from the nagging feeling of restlessness I have been dealing with for years. I know where I'm going and I am making the right decision. China, here I come!
This is the short version: I am leaving my job at the end of this year, and I am moving to China in January, to teach English for a year or so.
For years I have been thinking about moving to Asia to live and teach there for a few years, but there always seemed a reason not to go. And I thought that it would be a dream that would fade at some point, or I could just get over it and find something else to focus on, and learn to be happy with my life here. Well, as it turns out, I'm not the kind of person that can let go of old dreams. I have realized over the past couple of months that I am spectacularly incapable of letting go of that old restlessness, of the need to see the world, no matter how hard I try to make it go away. I have been trying to convince myself for years that it's a phase I will grow out of, and if I only convince myself that I can be happy with the life I have in the Netherlands, it would all be fine and dandy. It's all a matter of changing your attitude. Well, it turns out I can no longer believe that. I need to do this. I need to go abroad for a long period and I need to put myself in the situation where I will live in a completely different culture. Even if it's only to prevent myself from regretting I never went. Because I suspect that is what will happen, if I don't go. So if I cannot change my attitude, I will just have to change the scenery.
I have been thinking about this, contemplating the consequences, for months. It has not been an easy decision. I have a good job and a good life here, but the restlessness has remained and will not go away. At some point my best friend told me, "I wish you would just go, so you would stop whining about it" (which she did not mean as bad as it sounds!). And I realized she had a good point. If I don't go, I will never stop thinking about what would've happened if I had gone. I made the final decision that same night. I am going.
So. China it is, as that's the place where it's easiest to find a job as an English teacher, as a non-native speaker of English. Most other countries in Asia require English teachers to have a passport from an English speaking country. And even though my English is practically native, I still have the wrong passport. To be frank, my first choice would have been South Korea, but, given their strict immigration laws, that's not really possible at the moment. So I've turned to China, and the more I read about the country, the more fascinated I become.
I am currently following an online TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course to be able to teach in Asia, and soon I will sign up with a Dutch organisation in Beijing that has contacts all over China and will be able to help me find a job. They will give me two options to choose from. I could of course just try and find a job myself and have a lot more options, but frankly, I prefer if someone else does it for me. China is too big and too much of an unknown for me to be able to do this on my own. So I'm going through an organisation, limiting my choice of where I will end up, but at least I can be sure it'll be a reputable school and I don't have to worry about ending up somewhere bad. It will probably not be in Beijing or Shanghai, as there are a lot of native speakers looking for jobs there, but there are plenty of other interesting cities in China. I don't think I will end up in some country town, but there might not be an awful lot of other non-Chinese people around. Still, that's the best way of immersing myself in the culture and learning the language, so I'm quite positive about it.
Selmer is not coming with me. I asked him to come, but he is not interested in doing something like this. He chooses to stay here. I would have preferred him to come with me, so we can have this adventure together. But just as much as he cannot force me to stay, I cannot force him to leave. So I am going and I'm leaving him behind. We do not intend to break up, but we will see how it goes. I think it will be fine, actually. We've been apart for a long period of time before, when I was in Finland for five months. He will be able to come visit me once or twice. China is not as far away as you think, it's a ten hour and 650 euro flight. Los Angeles is further away, and more expensive! We're not the kind of couple that needs to be together all the time to make this relationship work. I will miss him terribly, but I don't think it will break us up. I suspect it might actually make us stronger. We will see what happens.
I have already told my family, and my closest friends. I have even already told most of my colleagues at work, and my boss. I have not officially given my notice yet, but I have told them of my plans. Partly because I felt that was the right thing to do, so they have enough time to prepare for me leaving. There are a lot of cutbacks at the moment and if people leave the job will not automatically be open for someone else, so they will need to restructure the team after I leave. And partly because I cannot change my mind anymore if I've already told people at work. :D
So for the next three months I'll be doing my online course. The three months after that I will try to learn some basic Mandarin. I've already started a little bit, but as I'm doing the TEFL course I don't have the time to seriously work on it. But the TEFL will be done at the end of August, so after that I can fully focus on Mandarin. I will leave my job right before Christmas. And then in mid-January, I will fly to Beijing to have a two week intensive Mandarin language course. And then I will start my job as an English teacher, somewhere in China, in February, after Chinese New Year. It will be the year of the Dragon, which feels good, because both my dad and Selmer are Dragons. :D I will sign for one semester, so if I hate it I can return to the Netherlands in the Summer. Or, if I love it and the school is happy with me, I can sign for another semester. Right now the idea is to stay for a year (and see all four seasons), but I really don't know how long I will stay. We will have to see how it turns out.
To be completely honest, I am quite scared. I am terrified of what this will do to my relationship with Selmer. I am terrified I will not be able to get back on my feet quickly when I return to the Netherlands. I am terrified I will not like teaching and that I will hate China. I am especially terrified something will happen to someone I love when I'm far away. But I know this is the right decision. It feels right, despite the fears. I only have fears, no doubts. Not anymore. I have made this decision and it has liberated me from the nagging feeling of restlessness I have been dealing with for years. I know where I'm going and I am making the right decision. China, here I come!