fata oragana

[silheos]

fata oragana
Artwork by: cirtnecce
Pairing: Sehun/Luhan
Rating: R
Word Count: 8000+
Warning: Sexual/suggestive themes, swearing, character death
Summary: Fated beginnings result to fatal endings.
Author’s Note: Written for sncj reverse big bang [ x]. otl me and my misspellings, bad grammar, and everything... I apologize. But I really liked this artwork because I'm still reeling on anatomy lessons from junior year of high school and here I am in college.

[destined to meet, to have a fated end...]The clouds were gray and lay thickly suspended into the sky above. They were swollen and ominous, as if any one of them could be slit open and pour out the contents of its belly, drowning the world below at any moment. Perhaps, somewhere no too far away, a sliver of the town was being rained upon as the outdoor surroundings of the bus slowly faded away, morphing into a blur of colors that were subdued by the lack of sunlight.

And somewhat...the world seemed dismal, as if all the light it once held had been drained from it.

And somewhat... Sehun took the sun hidden day as some sort of sign that it was all over as the heavens began to weep.

His hands clutched at the flowers he had randomly picked from the side of sidewalks and bundled together. Perhaps he had been too careless, and had let his fear get into the way, blinding him from the actual situation. If only he had been there in the beginning, and not caught on half way, maybe somehow...or in some way he could have saved Luhan.

But because of such fear that he had developed, everything had come to halt.

Termination.

An end.

The halls of the hospital were almost suffocating as Sehun felt his eyes water. Upon such spawning of an emotion he disliked, he immediately held it back, his throat constricting. There was a dull pain that ached in his throat from such an internal movement as he reached forward, his clammy palm against the cold metal of the door. There was hesitation in his movement as he stood there, his breath caught in his throat as he fought from leaking tears. His heart in his chest was beating fast as his free hand slackened against the flowers he had bought, along with the pastel colored card with "Get Well Soon" written in elaborate cursive script along the face of the card. Or at least that was what he thought the words meant.

He had become brave enough to build himself up and visit the one he had become attached to out of pure curiosity and slight insanity. It had been a week ago he had called the ambulance after finding the man in collapsed and unresponsive in the washroom of his single room apartment, before he had lifted up the other's shirt and felt bile rise in his empty stomach before he vomited right then and there at the sight.

He was not so sure, if he could go in and face reality, because Luhan was what he was. Sehun was used to seeing what such a beautiful face had to offer, but was completely oblivious as to what lay underneath the layer of clothing the other wore, and the reasons why Luhan took extremely careful precautions in order not to expose any part of his body except his head and hands.

But what he had witnessed was an experiment that had gone completely wrong.

Had been all along, but he had never noticed. Never known.

How silly he had been.

The flowers and the card were thrown into a trashcan at the subway station as he sat on one of the carriages, in a vacant seat as there were hardly any individuals in the cars at such a time of day. He had been lucky as he stared out of the window, the train making frequent stops, but he never got off at any of them, because he did not have the heart to. Instead, he watched as the outside world beyond the window transformed into blurs of color, before morphing into the darkness of the everlasting tunnel, that somewhat resembled the chaos of his mind. The emotions he felt were numbed over as the pain in his throat disappeared and he was abashed at as to what to do.

He was ashamed because he had been so close, yet so far away at the same time. The barrier of the door had separated them from one another and at that moment as he struggled to not avert his attention to seat across from him, he felt as if he had betrayed Luhan. They had declared their love for one another, both verbally and physically in a strange manner that would hardly make sense to any normal human being (if there is anything such as "normal"), but his cowardly actions had him doubting his own intentions of falling in some sort of like or lust with a man who was three or so years older than him.

The seat across from him haunted him with the strip of hurried graffiti in an undecipherable script he could not understand. The thick curves of calligraphy faded into thin ones that created a striking piece of art that was slightly covered with random stickers peeled from the flesh of fruit and such ones that children got at a doctor's or dentist's office.

It was that one thing symbolized the first time they had been acquainted with one another.

Their meeting, he could picture in his mind like it was yesterday. It was such a clichéd idea, but as he stared at the seat across from him, the phantoms of his former self and Luhan's played out across from him, reviving a passed meeting that had been forgotten, yet so cherished in the depths of his mind.

It had been morning and the station was humid and slightly muggy, as if moisture clung to the walls and produced a unpleasant smell of musk. Sehun himself was used to it, as perspiration clung against his brown fringe, and his empty stomach growled in the midst of chaos. He wove in and out of businessmen and women, and students; everyday citizens that were traveling to and from the crowded carriages of public transportation.

His vision was a blur as his mind struggled to register his location. He had jumped over the machines that scanned the tickets and slid open to let individuals through so they could go down to the station to catch the subway whenever the guard was not looking; thus, catching attention from others who stared at him with raised eyebrows of confusion and several swears from those who recognized his rebellious attitude. Yet no one had ran after him, no one stopped him in his tracks as he carried on, quickly descending down the stairs and becoming a part of the mess below ground.

There was graffiti etched against the metal, yet was covered with peeling stickers as in the haze he reached out and scratched at a yellow smiley face sticker with an overgrown fingernail, reducing it to nothing but a defaced white mess as bits and pieces remained on the surface. He gave out a small sigh as his form molded against the seat, and the feeling of lethargy bit at the tips of his fingertips as the hollowness in his stomach gave out a sound of dissatisfaction at such neglect.

He had eaten in a day and a half or so ago, or maybe two days. His memory was foggy as someone plopped down beside him, filling his nostrils with a fresh scent of faint perfume with hints of a sweet smelling aroma that made him groan as his nostrils flared.

It was slight torture as the car filled and door slid shut, people were all around and an wrinkled old woman that clung to a pole next to him gave him an displeased expression with the lack of his respect for the older generation. He did not move.

He was too famished. Too weak to stand up and give up his spot, and he frankly did not give a damn at that moment as his thick, sparse saliva slid down his dry throat, and once again his nostrils flared at the smell of person beside him, as if he smelled a putrid scent, but instead it caused his stomach to flip inside the cavity of his body.

Sehun slowly turned his head to stare at the person sitting beside him as the subway took off, the old woman struggled to hold on in her position, tripping forward along with several others in the small enclosed space.

A youthful face struck him as his eyes widened slightly at the physical appearance of the male's face that sat casually beside him. His breath caught in his throat as he moved with such energy he did not know he had, shifting in his spot so that he was sitting up straighter and less sloppily with his legs splayed out in front of him, fingers combing through his dirty brown hair as specks of white dandruff were dotted here and there. He had been pretty sure he had not taken a bath in a couple of days, but the male beside him seemed to not notice the stench that probably radiated off of his body. Instead the other fished through the black backpack situated in his lap, hands and arm graceful as he rummaged through it for a few moments.

All of these movements were absorbed by Sehun who instantly felt some sort of fated attraction for such a person, even though he had been pretty sure he had never seen the boy before. But there was something familiar in that face, the way those dark brown eyes with long lashes were slightly wide, with a sloped nose and mouth. Those were such common features, but that face was embedded into his brain.

The male's features were soft and rounded against the edges, yet somewhat sharp with hints of maturity and age.

The face of an angel.

That hand pulled out a plastic bag that encased a sandwich. Once unwrapped, the smell caused his mouth to water as he watched as the boy took a bite looking innocent as he abruptly looked up, but not immediately over at the one directly staring at him.

Sehun had felt a sliver of jealousy ripple through his body, and slightly hatred.

There he had sat in his rags or worn clothing, and shoes that were practically destroyed, yet no one seemed to notice. No one seemed to care. And to the stranger that sat beside him, he merely did not even exist.

He did not exist until his stomach gave out a pained growl that caused his cheeks to burst aflame as the male beside him turned to stare at him. There were two perfect indentions of teeth marks in the sandwich he had been eating, and for a moment Sehun wondered how a person could be so perfect.

But at that moment in time he did not know that such a person also had their faults. The person was just as fucked up as he was.

The train came to a halt, the old woman tripped once more before swearing and stomping off along with a bunch of others, before the doors closed and the train moved on, it was an endless stream of repetition that made life tedious.

"Um..." there was a soft voice thrown into the air. A timid tap at his shoulder, and as he turned to look at the boy beside him he felt panic invade his system. "Would you like some of my sandwich?"

It was a basic question out of curiosity and pity. This Sehun knew because of his physical state, but those words meant so much to him.

"Are you sure?" he had asked, mouth suddenly dry.

There was a nod, then a small smile before his shaking hands reached out to the collect the small sandwich, noticing how rough his hands looked compared to those soft smooth ones, but he stopped thinking once he practically devoured the sandwich and handed back less than half of it to the other, who did not seem surprised as he took a bite, as if eating after a stranger was completely normal.

Sehun was amazed.

"My name is Oh Sehun," he had said when they both stepped into the station at the third stop. More so it was Sehun who followed after the other like a lost puppy. "What is your name?"

"Luhan," the other said with a smile as his eyes crinkled at the edges before he took off with a wave. "Maybe we will see each other some other time?"

He had concluded that Luhan was absolutely beautiful, in a sense of striking youthful beauty he could not exactly put into words. But there was something about the male that struck him as odd, as he watched as the other disappeared into the crowd, the distance between the both of them ever increasing as he watched as the blue jacket the other wore disappear from his eyesight.

Hours later he could not forget about the acquaintance he had met, that face haunted his memory, seemingly embedded against his eyelids and lulled him into a dream. When he awoke he was following behind Luhan's figure, his worn shoes paced quietly against the sidewalk a few paces behind new shoes that were made up to appear as if they were old and distressed, with metal chains attached to them in a fashionable look.

Somewhat he had felt envy for such shoes, but at least a good person- or so he had thought- were walking in them.

He knew there was a fine line between wondering what the whereabouts of a person were, and stalking. Yet, he could not stop tracing the pattern of Luhan's footsteps, walking the city in a maze through someone else's eyes. Someone else's actions and normal routine. It was because Luhan's own ritual was more interesting than his own, and he would rather follow the male around all day than hang out in the stuffy stations that smelt like ass and felt like the inside of a sauna.

He had learned many things, that Luhan was a university student, which made him a couple of years older than him. He studied quite a lot, went in early for classes and took an hour to three hour break on some days here and there. Whenever he had a longer break he would go out around the town and Sehun would always be just a step behind, the other never took note of his presence, or perhaps he merely ignored the younger.

Sometimes he would go to the local public library and sit reading anatomy books that Sehun would touch the pages affectionately of, whenever Luhan would slid them back in their spots. Sometimes he would disappear into an abandoned building, which left the younger with his eyebrows knit in confusion, because as far as Sehun knew, there was no other entrance but an entrance among the front and to not seem so suspicious he would casually wait and wonder, before he scurried off to the side.

Luhan was strange. Luhan was exciting, and whenever he went down into the station at night with tired eyes Sehun would always be there waiting for that tired face to break out into a warm smile.

In the depths of his mind Sehun knew that it was fate that had drew them both together. It was as if there was some magnetic pull of polar opposites. Because after all of the stalking he had done out of boredom, scribbling mental notes he learned about the other inside his head, always a few steps behind hiding in the shadows, Luhan had accepted him.

The few times over a span of multiple weeks they had met up again on the subway, he had noted that Luhan liked human anatomy and physiology as observed by the thick textbooks of anatomical drawings and diagrams and that were written with anatomical references and vocabulary he did not understand, yet Luhan had interpreted and translated such bits and pieces of information into simpler means that made sense with a sort of fascination that radiated in his eyes that showed his passion, beyond the rundown surroundings.

He pointed to a diagram of what he supposed was supposed to be the skin of a human, but from the complex drawing he was quite confused as Luhan only smiled. His eyes filled with real, true emotion as he sat there, his book open in his lap as Sehun leaned over to look at it.

"I do not really understand," he said slowly. The human body was complex, too complex and it amazed him that man had mapped out the whole human body with drawings and names for every mark on a bone, and direction that a muscle was laced with, things such as cells and other micro parts of the body that could be only seen by a microscope. It was confusing and intriguing at the same time as he looked up at Luhan.

"That is the skin," the other began as pointed to the detailed diagram with small numbers and lines pointing to peaks, ridges, long thin blood vessels and squiggly nerves. "Basically as you know the skin is broken up into several layers besides the epidermis and dermis. There is the stratum corneum which is basically the skin that is exposed, then there is the thin layer of the stratum lucidum, stratum granulosum and on until the dermis is broken up into the papillary and reticular layers."

Sehun stared at the other in awe as the train came to a stop and people began to move all around them, yet Luhan did not seem to notice as he kept talking, his smooth voice flowed into the boy's ear and out of the other as he was too caught up in admiring how happy the male looked as he did so. Luhan's rosy mouth moved as his hand pointed here and there, and it was at that point Sehun found his intrigue in the other deepen, to a point where he felt a strange sensation inside his chest, like the fastening pace of the heart as it beat. The way he could not stop staring at the male beside him, and how the sort of admiration was turning into something more. It was a strange sensation that he could not grasp, yet it was forming like a bulb of a flower ready for full bloom.

"Of course in those layers there are hairs protruding from them, and you should know about the blood vessels and nerves," Luhan looked up at him as the doors slid shut and with an abrupt pull forward the outside surroundings began to fade away into a soft blur of motion. "Even so hair is not just hair, basically what we see is just the shaft of hair, embedded underneath in the skin is the root that is surrounded by the follicle-"

With every word spoken there seemed to be a new life gained in Luhan's brown eyes. Sehun had felt the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile.

Somehow he had ended up there to Luhan's small one room apartment, it had not dawned on him, as his fist knocked timidly at the door, what exactly he was doing. Somewhat his actions shocked him, but it was too late to turn back.

The space was quite small from what he could see as he stepped inside, sliding off his worn out shoes, feeling like he did not belong in such an organized space that was neat and tidy, while he was filthy with dirt stained clothing and dandruff flaked hair. There was a bed that took up most of the space shoved into a corner, a desk in another. There was a small miniature refrigerator and a small flat screened television along with a Playstation 3 gaming console, yet such a space that was too neat and tidy, he instantly felt that there was an immediate lack of emotions.

Emotions were what Luhan was overflowing with, with his large smile and cheerful attitude, yet somewhat he seemed as if he were caught off guard with Sehun's unannounced visit that had spawned up out of thin air. He himself had not known he would end up there either, with his hands trembling in the awkward silence that seemed so loud at that moment. As if doom were impending and at any moment the man before him would snap and tell him to get the hell out and away from him. That he should stop following him everywhere he went, but somewhat his intrusion into Luhan's life, and Luhan's intrusion into his, had become something normal.

Because he had nothing else to do.

There was no one.

No one but Luhan.

"What are you doing here?" Luhan asked. His brown orbs were strangely dull, yet his voice held some of the same qualities in his normal alert state. Sehun noticed a stretch of pale flesh with odd markings across the length, as if strips of flesh somehow gave away to strips of the flexor carpi radilis and extensor carpi muscles beneath. He wanted to ask if there was something wrong, if Luhan were alright, but the other had quickly noticed what he had been staring at and pulled down the sleeve of his shirt quickly, as if he had something to hide.

The first sign had quickly been thrown out of his consciousness. Sometimes he still wondered about it, and definitely did question why, as he saw that the flowers in the trashcan at the subway were still there and wilted when he got off at the stop he had begun with, hands reaching out and plucked a single petal of a flower, wondering why no one had touched them.

The petal fell to the soiled floor of the station as he walked off.

They were flowers of despair.

"I like you."

There was no reason for the addition of more words. A simple phrase that summed up his feelings for Luhan was all he needed to get his point across. It was slightly strange confessing such a thing that was difficult to express, knowing that they both hardly knew anything about one another. But the connection they had, he felt it. He had been following the other around for weeks and he just knew, even though the silence was deafening and in the cavity of his chest as the aorta and necessary valves pumped blood faster, as the vital organ, his heart, increased in beats, he patiently waited for an answer.

There had been a sigh of what seemed like relief and a ruffle of golden brown hair before Luhan spoke in a soft voice that seemed so loud, even though it was almost inaudible. "I like you too."

There was not that much emotion, but there was an unspoken understanding between the both of them. Luhan was always reluctant to his touches that hovered over the material of clothing, but responded positively to the kisses they both shared. Their hands could be intertwined as means of affection, but nothing more, and as the days passed by and curiosity got the best of him, but he never verbally asked questions, instead silently observed the other's actions and was left only to ponder in confusion.

Things had somewhat changed a month into their relationship as Sehun found himself as some sort of inanimate object protruding into Luhan's apartment taking up a bit of space. To him it was a home, even though he continued on with his slight nomadic lifestyle before returning at odd times to Luhan who always let him stay and freshen himself up, take a shower, and brush his yellowing teeth before he decided to fuck up his hair with scissors.

He sat on Luhan's bed and waited for the other to return from his class for his three hour break. There was the small whir of the fan spinning in the PlayStation 3 as the screen of the television was static on the home screen, yet the background was in motion, the little thumbnails dotted here and there but Sehun had no interest in playing video games at that moment.

Luhan had arrived tired, and dropped his backpack to the floor while sliding off his shoes. There was something faintly robotic in his movements as his eyes connected with Sehun's who sat up straighter in his spot.

Somewhat he had been asking for it, pushing a button to insanity, and trying Luhan, trying to get into his head, past the cavity of his skull and prod into his parietal lobe and send a distress signal of need and want. He was slightly selfish, but that was because Luhan was the only person he had.

The kisses and holding hands were not enough to satisfy the insatiable hunger he had developed for the older man, his eyes flickering dark as he walked towards Sehun and pushed the younger down against the bed, climbing on top of him who stared up wide eyed.

Luhan's face was perfectly symmetrical, the epitome of a beautiful face as their eyes connected before his eyes glided past Luhan's face to the stretch of his pale neck, the lower expanse covered with the material of a heather gray button down. There was something tempting as if out of desperation as he reached up to caress the side of the man's face who responded positively, pressing the side of his face into Sehun's hand, eyes fluttering shut for a few moments before opening. He watched as the male's eyelids creased and folded into soft double lids, eyelashes long and a soft brown fluttered as he blinked.

Luhan's lips were colored pink and soft like the petals of roses, brushing against his own lips with ease and patience, nipping here and there softly. They were like a drop of the color of crimson among an ocean of zinc.

They kissed softly, his hand cupped against the side of Luhan's face, fingers tangled in silky golden brown hair gently as their kisses escalated into frustration. Their lips smashed against one another as Sehun felt Luhan dig his nails into his shoulders, fingernails scratching through the thin material of his shirt, of Luhan's own shirt. A white short sleeved shirt that had once been worn before being abandoned after something happened and tucked in the back of a dresser to be forgotten. Their teeth knocked together as tongues lashed at one another roughly and somewhere along Luhan gave out a small sound that struck his senses at the brush of lips and dilated pupils that screamed lust, yet as Sehun switched their positions a brief flash of fear filled those eyes.

He kissed the fear away, yet there was still was a guard put on as Luhan relaxed as Sehun mouthed at his neck, sucking softly at his jaw. With every movement of the younger's hand worry struck and pulled at the man's mind, taunting him with fear. So when Sehun pulled at the hem of Luhan's shirt with the lack of obvious hesitation, and forget due to lust running through his veins and temptation clouded his thoughts, put him in danger, Luhan pleaded for him to stop.

Sehun was confused as he ran his fingers through his choppy locks in frustration before sitting up, lips set into a firm line as he slide over to the edge of the bed as Luhan did the same, a quick apology rang through the still air before he took off grabbing up his backpack, slid on his shoes and walked out the door.

He was embarrassed, as he sat there and watched as the shadows in the room deepened in color before it was night and fell asleep in his spot, tucked underneath the covers of the bed.

Luhan came back late, but Sehun had only turned over in his sleep, burying his face into his pillow in a fit of immaturity. Because he was mad and wanted to manipulate Luhan into getting his own way like a child even though he did not understand the entirety of such precautions.

The reason.

It was not even midnight when he awoke with Luhan's legs straddling his hips, the other completely naked, yet his body was not visible in the darkness. Sehun had reached out and the tips of his fingers came into contact with bare skin, prickled with goose bumps and satisfaction, as hands tugged at his shirt with haste, throwing it over his head and drew down the waistband of his underwear. There was surprise yet the anxious feeling of eagerness trembling through his system as his body was suddenly awake out of its sleep state.

His hand grasped at Luhan's waist, the skin there felt strangely smooth and delicate, yet when he moved his hand upwards fingers tracing the length of what seemed like a ridge of the surface of a scar, before the skin was normal and smooth. He was blind as he stared up at Luhan whose arms were wrapped against his neck, as curiosity poked at his lips as their lips met.

"Why won't you let me see your body?" he asked as their noses touched softly and he felt Luhan's breath against his aching lips.

"Because you would change your mind," Luhan responded simply. A smile across his lips before they kissed.

Luhan's body was a new world displayed before him, hidden by the cloak of darkness. He blindly mapped out that body with his hands, mouth kissing against bumps of healed flesh risen with repair, his mind wondering what had went wrong and why, as even though his eyes had adjusted to the darkness there was still no light. Over the slicker portions against Luhan's body where the skin seemed to be thinner, Sehun could feel the man's ribs protruding, in sort of a strange way, it was interesting yet he still wanted to know, but not ask as legs tightened around his waist and hands trailed through his hair, nails dug into his skin as their bodies molded closer to one another to the beating of their hearts.

At that point he wanted to push the limits, break the barrier and expose the problem. Why Luhan was so ashamed to show his body, was truly a mystery to him. The uniform of a long sleeved shirt or jacket each day, never failed to amaze him even when the temperatures were so hot.

He had awoke the next morning with the taste of the golden haired man staining his mouth and against his lips as he remembered the noises the other had made in his ear the night before, that spawned up a strange feeling inside the pit of his stomach, like butterflies had erupted out of their cocoons and their fluttering wings tickled his insides. He felt special, yet the smile on his face had disappeared when he stared at the blank space in the space beside him, the room quiet and his heart sank as he closed his eyes for a moment trying to savor the past memories. How Luhan's back arched as he gave out a moan against his lips, as incoherent words were whispered lost and forgotten, damp skin against damp skin, and the jolt of electricity he somewhat felt at his release as Luhan breathed in, ribs prominent as Sehun's abdominal muscles contracted and rhythm increased with intensity.

He had thought Luhan had gained his trust but perhaps he had been mistaken as he sat up and rubbed at his face before he walked into the small washroom connected to the small one room apartment, only to break out into a smile as he saw Luhan standing there staring at himself in the mirror. The floor tiles were wet against his feet and despite the fact that Luhan was already dressed he could not stop himself from throwing his arms around the other's waist, nuzzling his face in that smooth neck inhaling the other's fresh soapy scent, a smile against his lips.

That was the happiest he had ever felt, or so he had thought as he pressed a kiss against the side of Luhan's cheek an, "I love you," flooding out of his mouth without a thought. It was an immediate response, something he would not have said any other day. Love was something... a thing that was not something he could say so carelessly, yet he was blind and naive, steel reeling from the thoughts of the night before.

Staring into the mirror, Luhan's form was composed, eyes looking towards him but not directly at him as if he were in some kind of trance. Sehun reached up to the collar of Luhan's shirt.

"Will you let me see you now?" he asked in a joking tone, hand reaching forward to pull the button of the collar apart so that skin would be visible.

Luhan seemed to have snapped out of his trance immediately at those words as he quickly turned, pushing Sehun back as his left hand swiped forward. Sehun felt something sharp dig and tear into the palm of his hand as he did so, letting out a small noise of fear a few drops of blood oozed out of the slightly deep cuts and dropped onto the tiled floor.

"Luhan!" Sehun almost screamed as he held out his bloody palm, the smell of nickel struck his nostrils as his unwounded hand was brought to his mouth. His stomach flipped, bile rose in his throat and he felt weak as he tried to not faint at the sight of crimson colored blood.

There was a small metallic clatter on the floor as Luhan's eyes widened as realized what he had just done.

There had been the feeling of hostility in the air, yet there was sadness and pain. Luhan's eyes that had been cloudy were clear and pain radiated in them as he had been on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry."

A bandage was tightly wrapped around his hand. With Luhan's careful precision and quick thinking to stop the bleeding.

"I love you too."

Sehun stared up at the ceiling. It felt as if something were squeezing the inside of his chest. He felt no physical pain, but mentally there was some pain as Luhan hunched over in his spot on the edge of the bed. Through his immobile state, Sehun heard weeping.

The bloodied razor blade on the damp floor of the washroom had been forgotten.

Some things changed, somewhere the same. With the threat came a place and Sehun stared at the cracks in the concrete sidewalk before he kicked at a couple of flowers and weeds as he stood staring up at the abandoned building with its haunting darkness that withheld secrets. The windows were shattered and he was curious as to what secrets existed were withheld behind that door.

Because he was getting curious. Luhan would frequent there lately, and Sehun would wonder why, who was there, what was hidden. Whatever was there he wanted to uncover it.

"Why don't you ever go to school?"

They sat side by side on the subway, Luhan with his black backpack on his lap, full of books on human anatomy. That day they had been riding for a long time, routines forgotten as they watched the scenery of trees pass by.

It was not an ordinary routine.

It may had been thought up out of the blue when he tugged at Luhan's arm during the middle of the night and declared he had suddenly wanted to visit his parents.

Both of their eyes were trained on the outside world flying past their eyes of high speed. A blur of buildings stretched up into the sky, along with a mixture of soft hues of forest green.

Inside Sehun's stomach was a bundle of nerves as held onto the two white roses in his lap to keep them from falling onto the floor and becoming tainted with specks or smudges of dirt.

He had been a rebellious child, causing trouble, and somewhat he blamed their death on himself, though the weight was light because even through the guilt there was also hatred.

"I don't even know, I never thought to ask...but how old are you?"

Sehun turned to Luhan who was staring out the window across from them, before he turned. For a moment his heart skipped a beat as Luhan's eyes stared at him, a soft sad smile on his lips, before there was a hand against his palm and their hands were intertwined.

The scar from his wound on his right palm ached.

The door opened soundlessly as he stepped in and traveled around soundlessly, aimlessly, nostrils flaring at the smell of chemicals. The abandoned building filled with dust and cobwebs, menacing and fascinating, drawing him in deeper and deeper until he walked into a small room.

There was faint light as he eyed a cart full of various tubes, bottles, and vials of colorful liquid. Different cutting instruments lay out sleek and thin with a sharp point on a tray, when he realized he was not alone.

A familiar form was laid back against a table, arm extended from the body and upon closer inspection he almost gasped as he looked down at Luhan. The male's eyes were wide open and stared straight into his as he laid there, yet there was no movement, as if he had imagined the other's eyes looking over at him. There was no movement of the muscles of face, no explicit sign that Luhan was even conscious.

Sehun stepped back in horror as he stared at the arm which had been slashed open in a longitudal cut through flesh and muscle down to the bone. Faintly he could see the whiteness of two bones, the radius and the ulna. The bones were long and thin and smeared with blood as veins moved and blood oozed.

There was so much blood that haunted his vision as he pressed his hand over his mouth gagging at the metallic smell of blood and the moving veins and various other things in Luhan's arm unsettled him, his stomach flipped at the bloodied scalpel and scissors.

He staggered backward, blindly looking for an exit.

Anywhere to get away.

But he instantly felt faint as he stumbled and fell backward, another figure in the picture gliding into the room as Sehun fell onto his back, head against the floor as he saw Luhan shift, legs against the edge of the table before standing up and rushing over.

His vision darkened dramatically as he retched and somewhere in the distorted perception of reality a tall figure with wild hair stared down at him with blood smeared green gloves on his hands. He felt his body levitate before he could feel nothing more.

The numbness of a void stretched out in an existence that confused him before him as he tried to grasp at what was tangible, but could not as his vision faded to black.

"I am afraid of blood." Sehun admitted sheepishly.

"Hemophobia?" Luhan diagnosed incredulous, but then a look of understanding passed over his face and he nodded his head.

"I have had it ever since I was a child, and when I saw my parents in the accident there was so much blood. I had touched my mom to see if she were okay and she was unresponsive so I left her alone and the blood was smeared all over my fingers. So red… and I felt my heart race as I tried to get a hold of myself but I just bolted." He stared at the roses in front of the urns, the picture of his parents there as well, him as a child in the middle of them, smiling false smiles like everything was okay. "I did not make it that far before I collapsed faint."

He had been so stupid.

Luhan wrapped his arms around him drawing him into a hug.

It was night when he opened his eyes and instantly sat up despite the horrible pain inside his head. Squinting he looked around, noticing he had been in an alleyway. He stood up with slight difficulty of stiff aching body parts, confused as to how exactly had gotten there in the first place. Silently wondering where he been before, but only thing he recalled was walking down the sidewalk and then there was a thick haze inside his head of empty events like someone had wiped them away like a temporary message on a school white board. He pushed forward to Luhan's apartment, pressing questions in the man's direction who sported a confused expression on his face when he pried about some open arm oozing blood, and some sort of tall crazed manic with blood smeared gloves.

"I saw you." Sehun reached forward grabbing hold of Luhan's arm who retaliated instantly pushing him backwards. Sehun stumbled, but did not fall, he was torn as he slammed his fist against the wall causing past of it to crack and give way before he turned on his heel and left not even about to put up a fight.

When anger had manifested itself and he felt like he could not take it anymore was the point when Sehun felt fear the most. After all he had admitted, Luhan was telling no secrets, only drowning himself deeper into his hidden ones until the point he was slowly drowning. The tidal wave of misery slowly moved inland and Sehun found himself drowning as well as during the night hours he returned and they danced to the tune of their slackening heartbeats and their few last breaths in the beautiful inked darkness of apology, yet irony. There were no words said, just understanding on the impending doom that lay overhead. The numbers of the countdown decreasing every moment, until it was too late.

He felt cold and emotionless, his heart ached, but there was nothing inside of it. All of the vital organs were doing their predestined tasks at hand, and Luhan and him had their steps already ordered in front of them. Thinking about it, he did not think it was fair. That humans steps were already ordered.

Were they already destined to fail from the beginning?

Destined to meet, to have a fated end...

What about choices. What were choices. He did not understand.

His throat ached as Luhan hugged him, but he refused to cry, his lips set into thin a line.

He was selfish.

He was a coward.

Yet when Luhan pulled back a soft hand reached forward and wiped away a tear he had not felt roll down his cheek, he could see the hints of sadness in those brown eyes. Of regret.

That small mouth parted as Luhan looked away, as if carefully choosing his words with precision and meaning.

"Sehun-ah, I am so sorry."

He was confused as to why Luhan was apologizing. He was confused, and hurt and wanted the other to stop. The conflicting feelings he felt at that moment were posing as a problem.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot explain. It is something you will not understand. But, please remember me."

With those words and sudden realization Sehun frowned as he felt a hint of anger in his system. "What are you saying?" he glared in Luhan's direction whose eyes glistened with tears.

Sehun not want to feel emotion. He could not feel. He did not want to.

Because he was afraid.

"Remember me when I am gone. Please?"

With those words he pushed past Luhan and walked off.

It was in those words the sound of help resounded in them. Luhan was pleading to him, pleading for help. Yet Sehun had been too afraid to decipher such a message that alluded to death, as he brushed it off as nonsense in the flash of anger that overtook. Hot tears stained at the edges of his eyes as it felt like something were trying to push his eyeballs out of his head and blind him.

He gave Luhan space. They gave each other space because it was for the better, though he knew it was not possible. He wanted to see him. It was some sort of craving. A lost hope. He waited.

Yet when a week passed and Luhan never showed up in the subway, never opened the door to his apartment, never answered his calls, he felt panic.

Then anguish as he sat out in the hall and waited, eyes trained on the door across the hall, eyes heavy with distress as he waited silently.

By that time Luhan had already drowned, and slowly he was drowning too.

By the seventh day his foot made contact with the door several times before it flailed open and he stormed in, alert by the disturbing silence that resonated through the room.

At one point there was life as suggested by the unmade bed, and pause of a video game. Open textbooks, and half written notes. Sehun felt fear as his hands trembled and he pushed open the door to the washroom.

He felt the life drain from his body as if he were an empty pool drained of water. Spacious, yet empty.

Collapsed in the floor there was Luhan's body splayed out unconscious. He had been puzzled rather than panicked. His eyebrows were drawn together before looking at the strange markings along the other's arms before touching exposed flesh that was pale and realizing that all along he had been intrigued with a person who was not at all what he had made out to be.

Flesh faded into thin muscle, and to exposed bone.

It was some sort of flesh eating bacteria and he was repulsed as he bit his lip, feeling the heave of his stomach as bile traveled up his esophagus.

How? Was the question that ate at his brain like acid, as his hands peeled up Luhan's shirt and his eyes widened in shock as he immediately backed away in disbelief at the display of half a clean set of false and true ribs.

Skepticism mocked him as he pressed a hand against the side of his face, and he heaved and vomited at such a sight before blindly dialing numbers and slurring his words together for help, wondering if he was in some sort of bad dream. Or if it all were some sort of hallucination. An illusion. Or

some sort of nightmare.

Maybe there had been a reason the nurse that led him to the hospital room had stared at him funny the first time he had visited, because Luhan was a walking corpse in the first place, but he had developed feelings for an individual who looked innocent, yet was slowly destroying himself.

His body had deteriorated into muscle then to bone and somewhat Sehun himself was confused as to what exactly had happened of what had gone wrong. A curious individual had gotten into something with some sort of daring act of self-mutilation. They had never really gotten to know each other in the first place, yet had admitted some sort of silly word that had held no meaning to their relationship and at that moment he had felt stupid to admit such a trivial thing because he was young and naive. But maybe it was true. Maybe what they had felt was love, but Luhan had been sick and Sehun had been oblivious as to how to help him.

In the outside world beyond the hospital's large windows it was raining. The clatter of raindrops of broken clouds pouring out their beings, and Sehun had finally gotten the courage to push open the door to the hospital room even though he knew.

It was too late.

The wild flowers in his hand had gone limp, the petals drooped closed as he blindly stepped inside the silence of a stillness that was abnormal with the absence of life, as a petal to one of the flowers disconnected itself from the others and flowed down to the tiled floor.