Laaaaast drabble of the year
... Because I'm putting off sleep I'm a dork, Naoto's reason for going AWOL.
Everyone had gotten a basket. That wasn't surprising. As cruel as the island could be, Naoto had to admit that getting a few of her outfits from home and ground coffee was rather convenient.
The third item, though...
She was sure no one else would have understood the significance of the shirt, jaggedly torn right through the middle. But Naoto knew it without even having to dwell on it. Just one glance had brought the memory back, as fresh and painful as if it had just happened yesterday.
"In these past few years, you've become stronger... and more beautiful."
Her fingers dug into the cloth, remembering how she'd flinched and jerked away from his hand. She'd managed to keep this at bay for a day or two, but it was difficult pretending that nothing was wrong. That nothing was bothering her. Axl had noticed, and she was sure Okita had picked up on it, too.
But then, a lot had been bothering her lately. This just made things worse.
"A precious treasure," Magato had called her, crooning into her ear as she strained to free himself from his tight grip, the ruined shirt slipping down her arms. "You should realize just how great you are."
She hadn't called out for help, or begged for mercy. Despite being smaller, younger, weaker, Naoto had gritted her teeth and suppressed any urge to whimper or cry out, only truly panicking when Magato's fingers deliberately pressed against the exposed scar on her breast.
Don't touch it don't touch it stop touching me LET ME GO STOP IT!!!!
Maybe it had been a cry for assistance. Fuyumine had arrived in time to put a halt to the other's lecherous admiration of Naoto's scar, dropping his coat on the girl and turning his back.
At the time, Naoto hadn't been sure who was smaller: true, she was dwarfed in the jacket, fingers uncertainly catching onto the material... but Fuyumine's back had looked so small, so defeated as he walked away.
That incident had made her even more determined to block everyone out, keep them all away. She didn't want to feel that helpless again, eyes fixed on the back of the man who had both killed and saved her.
Don't let anyone get too close. Don't let yourself be hurt. Don't let anyone overpower you again. Don't trust. Get stronger on your own. It's better that way. No one will ever have to save you again.
She'd obeyed. She'd carefully maintained a safe distance from everyone she met. Or so she'd thought.
"... Is that what you really want in the end, Naoto? To face everything on your own? Isn't knowing that you will always have someone to support you reassuring at all?"
Damn him.
"And what about what your friends want? Did you consider that?"
"Fine, Ky. What do you want?"
"To protect you."
Naoto tossed the shirt on one of the couches, not particularly caring where it landed. Ky hadn't even taken a moment to think it over, the words coming so easily to him. He wanted to protect her.
It was so absurd she'd nearly laughed. Except the urge to laugh was accompanied by an even stronger urge to cry, and she hadn't felt like giving in to either one. Protect her? She was supposed to have outgrown that! She didn't need anyone's strength except her own!
But when he'd turned to leave her, just as Fuyumine as done, his back just as small, Naoto had reached out. She hadn't planned on doing it; truthfully, she had been ready to let him walk away. For the briefest second, however, she had felt like that girl from the past, trying desperately to make herself be heard but unable to form a single word.
So she'd reached out and didn't let go. And Ky had somehow understood.
"Are you going to leave?"
"... I'm not going anywhere."
She shouldn't have felt so relieved. She shouldn't even have stopped him in the first place. The worst thing was, she still didn't know why.
"You know I didn't want friends," she'd said to Okita on Christmas Eve. And the man (damn him, too) had replied, "Do you regret having them?"
Naoto didn't believe in regrets, but she did believe in frustration-- mostly with herself for having let things progress this far. Now she was celebrating holidays she never would have gone near normally with her roommates and people from home.
She didn't know what was happening, but maybe the shirt was a reminder. A very strong reminder of what she had once been like and what she'd fought so hard to keep from becoming again. But maybe it was too late. She wouldn't know either way unless she took the time to figure it out on her own-- and doing things alone here was next to impossible.
The girl gave the shirt one final glance, then looked over at her alcove. The ducklings were all sleeping peacefully, so if she left quietly, she wouldn't have to worry about them tagging along. Kougaiji, Teresa and Ky knew she was capable of taking care of herself, so that took care of that. The Master could bother someone else for a change. Nill had Haine and Haine had Nill, which would have to be enough.
If she stayed without confronting her inner demons, things would never change. In a sense, she had to leave.
Naoto sighed under her breath, instinctively reaching up to adjust her scarf before remembering Ky still had it. It would be pointless and time-consuming to hunt for it now, so she'd just have to do without it. So long as she still had her katana, nothing else really mattered.
One step. Then another. So it went until Naoto stood outside of her cave, giving her jacket sleeves a brisk tug.
"I'm just... afraid that you plan on detaching yourself from us, Naoto."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, unwilling to admit, even to herself, that she was afraid that she couldn't.
"Sorry, Ky," she muttered, turning without a second glance at the cave. She'd just keep walking until there was no one-- nothing awaiting her but solitude. "I'm not going to watch anyone's back anymore. I need to do this."
The wind swept her words away and the blade maiden vanished along with them.
SEE YOU IN A WEEK~
Everyone had gotten a basket. That wasn't surprising. As cruel as the island could be, Naoto had to admit that getting a few of her outfits from home and ground coffee was rather convenient.
The third item, though...
She was sure no one else would have understood the significance of the shirt, jaggedly torn right through the middle. But Naoto knew it without even having to dwell on it. Just one glance had brought the memory back, as fresh and painful as if it had just happened yesterday.
"In these past few years, you've become stronger... and more beautiful."
Her fingers dug into the cloth, remembering how she'd flinched and jerked away from his hand. She'd managed to keep this at bay for a day or two, but it was difficult pretending that nothing was wrong. That nothing was bothering her. Axl had noticed, and she was sure Okita had picked up on it, too.
But then, a lot had been bothering her lately. This just made things worse.
"A precious treasure," Magato had called her, crooning into her ear as she strained to free himself from his tight grip, the ruined shirt slipping down her arms. "You should realize just how great you are."
She hadn't called out for help, or begged for mercy. Despite being smaller, younger, weaker, Naoto had gritted her teeth and suppressed any urge to whimper or cry out, only truly panicking when Magato's fingers deliberately pressed against the exposed scar on her breast.
Don't touch it don't touch it stop touching me LET ME GO STOP IT!!!!
Maybe it had been a cry for assistance. Fuyumine had arrived in time to put a halt to the other's lecherous admiration of Naoto's scar, dropping his coat on the girl and turning his back.
At the time, Naoto hadn't been sure who was smaller: true, she was dwarfed in the jacket, fingers uncertainly catching onto the material... but Fuyumine's back had looked so small, so defeated as he walked away.
That incident had made her even more determined to block everyone out, keep them all away. She didn't want to feel that helpless again, eyes fixed on the back of the man who had both killed and saved her.
Don't let anyone get too close. Don't let yourself be hurt. Don't let anyone overpower you again. Don't trust. Get stronger on your own. It's better that way. No one will ever have to save you again.
She'd obeyed. She'd carefully maintained a safe distance from everyone she met. Or so she'd thought.
"... Is that what you really want in the end, Naoto? To face everything on your own? Isn't knowing that you will always have someone to support you reassuring at all?"
Damn him.
"And what about what your friends want? Did you consider that?"
"Fine, Ky. What do you want?"
"To protect you."
Naoto tossed the shirt on one of the couches, not particularly caring where it landed. Ky hadn't even taken a moment to think it over, the words coming so easily to him. He wanted to protect her.
It was so absurd she'd nearly laughed. Except the urge to laugh was accompanied by an even stronger urge to cry, and she hadn't felt like giving in to either one. Protect her? She was supposed to have outgrown that! She didn't need anyone's strength except her own!
But when he'd turned to leave her, just as Fuyumine as done, his back just as small, Naoto had reached out. She hadn't planned on doing it; truthfully, she had been ready to let him walk away. For the briefest second, however, she had felt like that girl from the past, trying desperately to make herself be heard but unable to form a single word.
So she'd reached out and didn't let go. And Ky had somehow understood.
"Are you going to leave?"
"... I'm not going anywhere."
She shouldn't have felt so relieved. She shouldn't even have stopped him in the first place. The worst thing was, she still didn't know why.
"You know I didn't want friends," she'd said to Okita on Christmas Eve. And the man (damn him, too) had replied, "Do you regret having them?"
Naoto didn't believe in regrets, but she did believe in frustration-- mostly with herself for having let things progress this far. Now she was celebrating holidays she never would have gone near normally with her roommates and people from home.
She didn't know what was happening, but maybe the shirt was a reminder. A very strong reminder of what she had once been like and what she'd fought so hard to keep from becoming again. But maybe it was too late. She wouldn't know either way unless she took the time to figure it out on her own-- and doing things alone here was next to impossible.
The girl gave the shirt one final glance, then looked over at her alcove. The ducklings were all sleeping peacefully, so if she left quietly, she wouldn't have to worry about them tagging along. Kougaiji, Teresa and Ky knew she was capable of taking care of herself, so that took care of that. The Master could bother someone else for a change. Nill had Haine and Haine had Nill, which would have to be enough.
If she stayed without confronting her inner demons, things would never change. In a sense, she had to leave.
Naoto sighed under her breath, instinctively reaching up to adjust her scarf before remembering Ky still had it. It would be pointless and time-consuming to hunt for it now, so she'd just have to do without it. So long as she still had her katana, nothing else really mattered.
One step. Then another. So it went until Naoto stood outside of her cave, giving her jacket sleeves a brisk tug.
"I'm just... afraid that you plan on detaching yourself from us, Naoto."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, unwilling to admit, even to herself, that she was afraid that she couldn't.
"Sorry, Ky," she muttered, turning without a second glance at the cave. She'd just keep walking until there was no one-- nothing awaiting her but solitude. "I'm not going to watch anyone's back anymore. I need to do this."
The wind swept her words away and the blade maiden vanished along with them.
SEE YOU IN A WEEK~