Glow of a Rose (6/6)

[silkmoth101]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5



“Far better as drugs… but just as addictive.”

Merlin groaned quietly. “You just had to say that, right? Wasn’t it you who told me to avoid clichés?”

“Sorry, but you have to admit it’s… ACK! Prince!”

“OW!” Cursing, Merlin sat up as well, cradling his nose which had just gotten a bonk from Arthur’s elbow with his left arm.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. Are you all right? PRINCE! DOWN!”

“Yeah, yeah. Just get that monster off me, will you?” Merlin watched Arthur wrestling the dog who obviously wanted to join them on the couch away. “I guess we’ll have to have him neutered,” he mused and then had to laugh when he saw the horrified look Arthur threw at him. “I was talking about the dog, not about you.”

“Oh, ha-ha, very funny. We will most certainly not have him neutered! He isn’t a stray cat, you know?”

“You will change your mind when he starts humping you. Because he won’t just hump your shin or knee, he will hump you.”

Arthur stared at Merlin for a minute, then he started laughing helplessly, the first belly laugh Merlin had heard from him so far. Grinning himself, Merlin grabbed the jeans that lay at the end of the couch and got dressed again. Then he threw the sweat pants in Arthur’s direction. “Come on, let’s get some breakfast.”



Merlin watched Arthur picking at a sesame bagel and sighed inwardly; the mood had changed dramatically in the last hour. And as always, Arthur would probably rather die than start a conversation on his own. Just as well. “So… anything you want to share with me?”

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I… I wonder why I didn’t recognize her, you know? I mean…”

“She was younger then. And hey, you saw her for what? A few seconds? I didn’t recognize her either.”

“Still. Man, I don’t know. The whole thing… it’s kind of surreal. I mean, I was alone the whole time, and now, I not only find out that you and all the… other stuff is real, no, I suddenly have a mother and an aunt and… Jesus. It’s really hard for me to… to believe all this is really happening, you know?” Arthur looked up at him and his eyes went big. “Whoa… how mad are you?”

Merlin blinked a few times. “This isn’t about me.”

“Isn’t it? You were affected by their decisions, too.”

“Arthur, I… I’m not sure if Nimueh wasn’t right. I…”

“Oh stop that shit! You’re nothing like Uther. But still…” Arthur smiled sardonically, “…I’m kinda glad you didn’t adopt me. Things would be beyond awkward now.” Before Merlin could as much as sputter one word, Arthur continued, serious again. “I wish she could have raised me, you know? I mean, I understand her reasons but…”

“I don’t!”

“Come on, Merlin, think about it. I know how it is… how the dreams totally threw me for a loop. And I was a kid when they started, so I had -at least in the beginning- a way to cope with them. Even I can’t imagine what they would do to someone almost adult, and pregnant on top of everything. No, I’m not angry at her.”

“Nimueh…”

“Yeah, okay. But even that… Merlin, be honest. What would you have done if you had found out?”

“She put you under a spell! I wasn’t able to find you!”

“Shows how scared she is of you. I got that you thought you killed her and she got away. But it sounds like there is more to it… what I overheard sounded like she avoided you like the plague because what you had done to the others. What’s that about?”

Merlin kept his mouth shut tightly. The problem wasn’t so much what he had done; the problem was that he was still doing it, and he didn’t quite know how to explain it to Arthur. While Arthur could hold a grudge like no one else, too, this was different and Merlin was ashamed of it, but couldn’t stop anyway. Another sort of addiction, he thought bitterly.

“Still no answer? That bad, huh?”

Merlin took a swallow of coffee and changed the topic. “What do you want to do now? Concerning your mother, I mean.”

Arthur looked at him, frowning, and Merlin could easily see how torn he was between demanding an answer and letting it go. To Merlin’s surprise, Arthur decided to let him off the hook. “I want to get to know her. Spend time with her. I know you don’t like it but she is my mother.”

Sighing, Merlin shook his head. “That’s not true, Arthur. I admit, I am angry at her, but I do like her. I liked her a lot, even before I knew who she really was. And I can see that she loves you. I just… please, stay away from your aunt, at least for now. Let me handle Nimueh. I don’t trust her with you.”

Arthur smiled. “As you very well know, I always let you handle anything that has to do with magic. And to be honest, the one encounter I had with her didn’t endear her to me at all.” He shuddered. “I still remember those damn spiders. I know my mother told you that Nimueh didn’t want to kill me, but hell, from where I was standing… or better, clinging, it certainly seemed as if she tried to do exactly that.” His smiled deepened. “I do remember something else, though.” Arthur held out his hand, and a second later, a blue ball of light nestled into his palm.



Merlin spent the next weeks in some kind of haze. They did lots of stuff together, buying new clothes for Arthur -which felt awesome because it was definitely revenge on Merlin’s part for the hours Arthur had made him spend with a tailor in Camelot to get him the right robes for his new job as Royal Warlock-, setting up a bank account for ‘John Smith’ -Merlin put so much money in it Arthur stopped speaking to him for the rest of that day- and of course visiting Ygraine at her café or having her over for dinner in Merlin’s house. He had warned Ygraine; he didn’t want to meet Nimueh and he wanted even less Arthur to meet her accidentally and so far, Ygraine had agreed and Nimueh hadn’t shown up anywhere.

Merlin was torn between happiness and anger. Happiness because Arthur got along so well with his mother -they loved each other dearly, it was written all over them- and anger because… well. Somewhere, deep inside his soul he wished Arthur hadn’t been so forgiving. Merlin understood, he really did, but he was still feeling resentful; he thought Ygraine got off far too easily. In the end though, he couldn’t really begrudge Arthur the sheer joy of reconciling with his mother.

They also spent lots of time talking; they had long conversations about Camelot, with and without Ygraine. Arthur and he got closer and closer, both emotionally and… physically. Merlin was still in the same state of mind he had been in the first time they had made love. Filled with equal parts of right and wrong, Merlin metaphorically closed his eyes and went with everything Arthur wanted to try. Inwardly, he waited for it to end, for Arthur to come to his senses. Merlin knew it couldn’t last; he just hoped they would survive the awkwardness that was sure to follow. With all his might, he had managed to swallow the dreaded L-word whenever it had threatened to come up, moaned out loud or trying to escape in a hiss between tightly clenched teeth. The last thing Arthur needed was to be -how did he call it?- backed into a corner again, as he had been with Guinevere. Merlin knew Arthur; a declaration of love from Merlin would trap him and he wouldn’t allow himself to move on. And while a selfish part of Merlin wanted nothing more than to keep this, keep Arthur as a lover, he knew very well it wasn’t meant to be.

He had started to come up with weird plans to stop this thing between them on his own time; the weirdest idea he had had so far was aging himself up until he fitted the image everybody had of his fairy-tale self. Long white hair, long white beard, maybe even a gnarled walking stick as an accessory. Not that he had ever looked that way, except for the one instance before Arthur had even become king. It was quite funny to think that his legendary appearance had been responsible for so many figures in modern literature; the most recent being Gandalf and Dumbledore. Anyway, it was a crazy plan; Arthur would hurt himself laughing if Merlin should ever try that.

But something had to be done, Merlin was aware of that. Already, a silent, stealthy and very comfortable routine had sneaked up on them; they went to bed together, they got up together… hell, they even took showers together. But every time Merlin tried to distance himself, even the tiniest bit, Arthur was all over him; and every time he tried to talk about the future, the same thing happened. Of course, Merlin knew he wasn’t trying very hard; he clung to this dream as tightly as Arthur had as a child to his dreams. Still, something had to give… soon.



“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Merlin stated while staring into the mirror.

“No, really? I would have never guessed that,” Arthur answered, rolling his eyes.

Merlin threw him a short look, then glanced back at the mirror. His irises were almost red and seemed to stay that way, no matter what he had tried. His hair stood up on end, literally; it looked like he had stuck his fingers into a socket.

“God, Merlin, can you try and calm down a bit?”

“No, I really can’t. And I won’t, not as long as this bi… witch is in my house.”

“She isn’t even here yet.”

“Your aunt and your mother will arrive any minute. I can already sense her.”

“And I can already sense that this will turn out to be a really nice evening.”

Merlin huffed. “Your idea. You wanted to meet her, okay, you will meet her. And what would be better than a nice family dinner to set the mood for further encounters, right? Sadly, you will have to live with the fact that I neither trust nor like her.”

“I could have met her alone.”

“Over my dead body,” Merlin muttered, as he had mentioned quite a few times before. The thought of Arthur meeting Nimueh without his supervision made his hair stand up even higher, and the air started to crackle around him ominously.

“Great. At least promise me you won’t kill her tonight.”

“That will depend on how she behaves.”

Before Arthur could respond, the doorbell rang. Arthur made two steps and was stopped by Merlin’s hand. “I will open the door; you will go into the living room.”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed but thankfully, he didn’t say anything, just turned around and left the hall. Merlin took one last deep breath and then yanked the door open, glaring at the two women standing before him. Two very beautiful women, one blonde, one dark; one smiling nervously, the other one smirking. Or trying to smirk. Merlin smiled dangerously. “Please… why don’t you come in?”

“Yes, why don’t we?” Nimueh answered.

Merlin took a step backwards and opened the door wide. Satisfied, he watched Ygraine entering immediately while Nimueh hesitated on the threshold. Merlin’s smile became broader. “It’s too late now anyway, my dear. You may just as well come in.” All of a sudden, there was lightning flashing across the sky above them. Nimueh flinched and Merlin continued smiling. “You should know better than to stay out in weather like that.”

With a huff and a glare, she swept past him and tried to catch up with her sister, only to be stopped by Prince, who stood in her way and growled.

“Prince!” Arthur’s annoyed sounding voice came from the living room, and the dog turned about and dashed into the room right after Ygraine.

“What… you hexed the dog?” Nimueh asked, eyebrows almost meeting her hairline.

“I would never do such an evil thing,” Merlin answered lightly. “But you know what they say about animals… they have good instincts. Be glad I don’t own a cat.”

“You’re both still alive out there or should I come and wipe the blood from the floor?” Arthur yelled.

Nimueh took one step, and Merlin said silently, “You try anything, Nimueh. Anything with Arthur and you are dead.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Nimueh asked, just as quietly. Then she smiled and raised her voice. “You know, Merlin, it was never Arthur I was attracted to.” With that, she entered the living room and only Arthur’s muttered, “Oh God,” startled Merlin out of his stupor and into following her.



Merlin’s stomach churned again; while the other three had been chattering about nonsense the whole time they were having dinner, Merlin had found out how difficult it was to eat while simultaneously trying not to hex some people within an inch of their lives. He had also remembered how much he hated dealing with sorceresses. All this and Arthur’s naiveté as the cherry on the top -he got along quite nicely with his aunt- had led to an enormous, constant heartburn for Merlin.

“Merlin?”

“Huh?” He looked up and saw all three looking at him expectantly. “Excuse me, what?”

“We wanted to know if you two will come to the Summer Party next Saturday? There will also be the first exhibition in the new gallery across the street… you know, where the flower shop had been?” Ygraine asked.

Merlin looked at Arthur. “What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything yet,” Arthur answered, smiling slightly. As before, Merlin was thankful for Arthur’s willingness to go along with him, to let Merlin take the lead. He wasn’t sure why Arthur hadn’t mutinied yet, but he was immensely grateful.

“That’s not quite true,” Nimueh needled. “He said, and I quote, It depends on Merlin. Interesting, isn’t it? What kind of relationship do you…”

Merlin interrupted her immediately. “If I were you, I wouldn’t finish that sentence.”

“What, now I’m not allowed to talk anymore?”

“I told you before to tread carefully.”

“No, you told me to not try anything with Arthur. I won’t. He’s a bit young for me, you know?” Nimueh smiled like a cat. “Would be too easy to always get my way.”

Arthur sighed and muttered, “Well, at least we have eaten in peace.”

Merlin ignored him. “And you’re quite used of having things happen your way, aren’t you?” He looked from Nimueh to Ygraine and back.

“Oh look, the pot is calling the kettle black.” Nimueh’s eyes flickered. “I must admit, I was surprised by how… quickly you made your move, Merlin. In hindsight, this makes me even happier that I hadn’t allowed you to adopt him.”

Merlin recoiled as if she had slapped him across the face. Before he could even think about how to react, Arthur’s hand crashed down on the table.

“Enough of that shit!” he hissed at Nimueh. “Merlin’s right; you keep your nose out of our relationship, you hear me?”

“Arthur…”

“No! You should listen to me carefully, Nimueh.” Merlin noticed with something close to awe how deep Arthur’s voice became again. “One more remark in that direction, and I will kick you out of this house and straight up to the moon! And one other thing,” he looked at Ygraine who had gotten pale in the face and then continued, “I have promised my mother that I won’t get into this discussion tonight but do not think for one second that just because I haven’t said anything I agree with the decisions you made for my life, do you understand me?”

For a few moments, Nimueh just sat on her chair, saying nothing, and stared at Arthur. Merlin actually hoped she would keep her mouth shut; she might think she knew Arthur but she didn’t. She wasn’t exactly dealing with an eighteen year old boy here. But then he saw her eyes narrowing and sighed inwardly.

“Oh but of course, Arthur, I do understand. Of course you don’t agree with things you don’t know shit about. After all, Merlin doesn’t agree… and you aren’t even able to go to a party without his permission, are you?”

Arthur nodded and smiled, a smile that made Merlin cringe, then he stood up. “Get out.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said, get out. You will leave this house, now.”

Nimueh stood up, too, red in the face, and Merlin watched her carefully. Thanks to the heavens, she didn’t reach for her magic; she just glared at Arthur and left the table. A few seconds later, Merlin heard the outer door banging closed.

Ygraine sighed and rose. “Well, it was worth a try.”

Taking her arm, Arthur smiled a completely different smile. “We will try again, mother. I’m sure it will get better.”

“If you say so.” Ygraine turned to Merlin. “I’m sorry, I really am. I told her to keep her temper but…”

Merlin raised both hands. “Hey, no one’s dead. I’m fine with that.”

“Good night, Merlin.”

“Good night, Ygraine. Arthur, you might want to offer your mother an umbrella.”

Arthur looked at him, frowning. “Why? It isn’t…” He was interrupted by the sound of rain splattering against the windows.

Merlin smiled innocently. “It just started raining.”



While Merlin listened to Arthur handing his mother not only one but two umbrellas, he sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace, turned the wine glass in his hand around and watched the red wine glinting in the firelight. He tried to consciously relax mind and body and found it close to impossible. There was a reason why he had always mistrusted women; they didn’t need magic to hit a man to the marrow.

“What a stunning success.”

Merlin looked over his shoulder at Arthur who leaned on the doorframe. “Hey, it’s family. Just wait for Christmas.”

“Are you all right?”

Merlin looked back at the fire. “I’m fine.”

Silence from behind, then Arthur’s footsteps came closer. He sat down on the armrest directly beside him and asked, “Are you sure?”

Looking up, Merlin smiled. “Yes. You know, you’re pretty hot when you go all protective on me.”

Arthur laughed. “Pretty hot, huh? Don’t tell me that this evening still has a chance for a happy end?”

Musing for a moment if he could pull it off, just let it go and -how had Arthur called it some time ago? Go ‘with the flow’- Merlin finally sighed. “We have to talk.”

“Oh wonderful! That has to be the scariest sentence in the world.” Arthur stood up again and stretched. “No way, Merlin. Not tonight. I’m going to bed.” With that, he left, whistling for Prince. Merlin heard the door to the garden open, and then Arthur rummaging around in the kitchen, probably preparing dinner for the dog. He wondered absently how much magic cleaning the garden could take before everything in it died a gruesome death.

After some minutes, Arthur was apparently finished with Prince and trampled upstairs, right into the bathroom; the shower went on immediately. Merlin drank up and watched the glass filling itself again, then he drew his legs up onto the couch and took another swallow. It was definitely a night for getting drunk.



Merlin woke up when the ground beneath him moved. Bemused, he opened his eyes and saw Arthur at his side who drew him up into a sitting position. “What are you doing?”

Sighing, Arthur slid his right arm under Merlin’s legs, his left arm under his waist and finally lifted him up. “I’m getting you into bed. It’s two a.m. and I’m tired of waiting for you.”

Merlin mulled over that for a while. “Arthur?”

Arthur stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “What?”

“You shouldn’t carry me.”

“Why not?”

“… because.”

Arthur’s face came so close to his that Merlin’s eyes started to cross.

“Jesus! What did you drink? That doesn’t smell like wine.”

Merlin thought hard for a moment. “Cognac.” He paused. “I think. Among other things.”

“Jesus,” Arthur repeated and went up the stairs. In what seemed like a second to Merlin, he was laid down on the bed and Arthur begun to undress him, starting with his shoes.

“Don’t try anything.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and wrestled him out of his jeans. “Do you think you’ll need a bucket in the night? Oh hey, do you have something like a Pepper-Up potion?”

Groaning, Merlin tried to crawl over the mattress, toward his pillows and away from Arthur. “I told you, I’m not fucking Harry Potter.” He heard Arthur’s laugh and just before his head could fall onto said pillows, he was pulled back from them.

“I’m glad you’re not cheating on me,” Arthur said while he was drawing Merlin’s shirt over his head.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Merlin grumbled.

“Never mind. What about the bucket?”

Merlin looked up at the slightly swaying ceiling above him. “Might be a good idea.”

“Yeah. Try to not throw up until I’m back.”

Merlin closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, Arthur sat on the mattress beside him, taking off his socks. “Where’s the bucket?”

“Right here on the floor. You fell asleep again. Here, drink this.” Arthur handed him a huge glass, obviously filled with water.

“If I drink this, I will puke.”

“If you don’t, you will regret it in the morning. Come on.”

He managed half of it and then dove for the bucket; if not for Arthur who grabbed him by the shoulders, he would have fallen out of the bed. Merlin hated puking. With a vengeance.

“God, you’re shot. Why the hell did you drink so much?”

Head still hanging over the edge of the bed, Merlin wheezed, “I hate my life.”

“I bet you do. Now answer the question.”

“That was the answer.” With Arthur’s help, he straightened up only to let himself fall backwards on the pillows.

“Why?”

Merlin looked up at Arthur’s serious face and groaned again. “What, now you want to talk?”

“Yes. Maybe now I have the chance to actually hear the truth.”

So Merlin talked. And then, he talked some more. He wasn’t entirely sure, but he had the feeling he was still talking while falling asleep. The only thing he was sure of was the look in Arthur’s suddenly dark eyes.



The piercing morning light shot right onto and through Merlin’s closed lids and hit his brain which promptly exploded with pain. Groaning, Merlin turned over and pulled a pillow over his head. Gods, it had been ages since he had such a gruesome hangover. On further thought he reconsidered. He had never had such a hangover before. “Arthur? Could you please shut the curtains?” he whimpered. “And then, you can save my life by getting me some aspirin.”

No answer.

“Arthur?”

Merlin squinted cautiously out from under the pillow to the other side of the bed which was empty. Wonderful, he thought grumpily. Fucking morning people. With a groan and tightly closed eyes, he heaved himself up and over to the windows, drawing the curtains closed. The problem with hangovers was that they left him a bit powerless. Oh, he could work magic if he had to -which he had proven quite a few times in history- but it made his head and eyes hurt like a son of a bitch. Cursing under his breath, he groped around until he found the door, entered the hall and immediately cursed some more. Since when was the hallway so damned bright?

“Arthur? I could use some help here!”

The house sat silent.

“Arthur?”

Where the fuck is... Merlin paused and opened his eyes; all of a sudden the morning sun didn’t bother him anymore. From afar, he could hear his own voice, stammering words. You have to understand… won’t ever work… you have a mission… I have a mission... I have done things… maybe, a new identity for you… adoption is still possible… I love you so fucking much… but don’t you understand? This can’t ever be…

Merlin blinked. He had… he had… Racing into the bathroom, he still barely made it to the toilet.



There was no letter, no message at the fridge, no nothing. Arthur’s new jacket and sneakers were gone, as was his wallet. Of course, Prince had left with Arthur, too.

Merlin sat on the stairs and stared at his hand in which he held the one thing that had destroyed the last bit of hope Merlin still had had left while he had been searching the house from top to bottom. Arthur’s keys; Merlin had found them on the kitchen table. Arthur had left his keys, and that meant he wasn’t coming back. Leaning shoulder and head at the wall to his left, Merlin stroked with his thumb over the little silver, dragon-shaped pendant. He ignored his still pounding head and he also ignored the tears running down his cheeks. He wasn’t entitled to cry, after all.

And there I was, thinking I’ve made mistakes before. Merlin smiled bitterly. How could I have been so stupid? Drinking myself into a stupor with him around, blathering out all the things he should have never heard. By now, Merlin remembered everything he had told Arthur the night before. About the curse he had laid on Morgana, Viviane and Mordred, how he was still sucking their life-force and magic out of them from afar, how he was sucking them dry like a goddamn vampire; about all the times he had destroyed Guinevere’s and Lancelot’s lives over the centuries, unable to stop no matter how often he did it; about the plans he had made for Arthur’s life, and that he, Arthur, had no say in all of this, like a puppet to which Merlin held the strings. And then, worst of all, on top of everything else, he had told Arthur that he loved him.

I wonder if he puked his guts out as well after I fell asleep.

Merlin thumped his head against the wall, pondering if he should reach out for Arthur, looking for his whereabouts. He was scared to death that Arthur would turn to drugs again; Merlin had certainly given him the means to do so. He owned so much money now that he could spend a lifetime on drugs if he chose to. Still, if Merlin searched for Arthur magically, the other man would know it immediately; Arthur was just as sensitive to Merlin’s magic now as the King of Camelot had been. Merlin was sure that Arthur would become even madder if he noticed Merlin’s presence so soon after he had left… and this could lead him right to Merlin’s second worst fear; Arthur could turn to Nimueh.

It would make sense, of course. Arthur wasn’t alone anymore, was he? He had a mother, an aunt, a family. A family who would take him in with open arms. For a moment, Merlin wondered if this had been Nimueh’s plan from the start, then he dismissed it. No one, not even Nimueh, could have foreseen the magnitude of Merlin’s stupidity. No, the only thing left to do for Merlin was to wait, maybe a few days, a week. If he hadn’t heard from Arthur by then, he would go looking for him, at least to make sure he was all right. Everything else… well. He had lost Arthur’s trust again, and no one knew better than Merlin how long Arthur could hold a grudge. But he was young, barely a man, and if Merlin managed to rein himself in and keep his head down, there might be a chance for reconciliation.

Feeling exactly as old as he was, Merlin contemplated getting up and making coffee; the kitchen seemed to be very far away, though. While he was still staring straight ahead, he suddenly heard the sound of a key being inserted in the front door, and then said door opened and Prince bounced inside, prancing like a pony and shaking an apparently new stuffed toy in his snout, followed by a flushed looking Arthur. Closing the door behind him, Arthur threw what looked like Merlin’s bunch of keys into the little dish right beside the coat rack. Prince jumped him; Arthur laughed and tried to wrestle the stuffed animal away from the dog, walking backwards toward Merlin’s direction. The moment Prince saw Merlin, he let go of the toy and stared at him; Arthur, obviously surprised by his sudden victory, stumbled back a few more steps and then followed the line of Prince’s gaze until he glanced at Merlin, too.

Even though he could imagine all too well how horrible he must be looking, Merlin wasn’t able to say a thing or to move a muscle.

Arthur regarded him for a long moment, then he swung his backpack around and opened it, pulling out a big paper bag from the bakery around the corner.

“Breakfast?”



Merlin sat in the kitchen, clutching a cup of coffee in both hands, and watched Arthur setting the table. He wasn’t sure if he could eat something; Arthur had bought bagels and muffins and cinnamon rolls… still scared, Merlin wondered if they were awaiting company.

“It’s a bit much for just the two of us, don’t you think?”

“Well, I’m very hungry and I thought you would be, too. My mistake.” Arthur sat down on the chair right beside Merlin.

Merlin didn’t answer, just nodded. As so often in the last weeks, whenever they had been alone, he averted his eyes, looking down at the cup of coffee in his hands.

“You thought I had left for good, didn’t you?”

Merlin nodded again.

“Why?”

Biting his lips, Merlin hesitated, and then took the easy way out. He got Arthur’s keys out of his jeans pocket and laid them on the table. “That’s why.”

“Oh, there they are! I couldn’t find them, so I took yours.”

“They were here, on the table.”

Silence for a moment, then, “Merlin? Would you please look at me?”

Merlin huffed; he remembered all too well a very similar scene some time ago… they were even seated at the same place. He breathed out and looked up, right into Arthur’s absolutely serious eyes. “What?”

“I guess you were right yesterday; we really have to talk.”

“Yeah, we do. Though I already did quite a bit of talking last night.”

Arthur smiled. “I wondered if you would remember; I’m kind of glad you do. So you won’t mind now if I tell you what I think?”

“No, I don’t mind. I’m surprised that you want to, though.”

“Merlin…”

“After all, I told you who I really am. What I’ve done. So yes, I am surprised, really surprised you’re still here.”

Arthur leaned back on the chair and crossed his arms, shaking his head. “What, you think I give a fuck about what you’re doing to Mordred and the others? I don’t. Neither do I care about Lancelot and Guinevere. Although I do hope that you will stop this. Again, I don’t really care but I don’t want them in our lives. Maybe that’s a habit you could break?”

“I guess.”

“Great.” Arthur sliced up a bagel and began to spread marmalade over it.

Merlin stared at Arthur, speechless for a second. This couldn’t be true; the Arthur he knew would never let something like this just go. “What… that’s all you got to say to this?”

Sighing, Arthur answered, “Merlin, I was never under the illusion that all there is to you are rainbows and unicorns, you know? The important thing is and always had been that you were and are the only one loyal to me.”

Merlin barked out a bitter laugh. “Loyalty, huh?”

“Whatever the reason.”

At once, Merlin looked back at the table. He didn’t want to discuss this, he didn’t want to talk about his reasons and he didn’t want to know Arthur’s opinion of these reasons. Tensing all over, he waited for Arthur to continue, but to his total bewilderment, Arthur changed the topic.

“The one thing I have a real problem with is your plans for the future, for my future.”

Merlin’s head whipped around and Arthur started to laugh. “God, you should see your face! A mule has nothing on you!”

“Arthur…”

“No. No, Merlin.” Standing up, Arthur got a bottle of spring water out of the fridge, and instead of returning to the table, he leaned back on the counter, eyes narrowed. “You really think I am stupid, don’t you? In the last weeks, while you were pussy footing around this damn destiny you think is mine… and around a few other things as well, I thought long and hard about it. The answer is no. I don’t want to. I won’t be the savior of the world, Merlin. I don’t want such a responsibility… again. And most of all…” Arthur laughed quietly, “… I don’t want to be adopted by you. Jesus. So please stop with all your schemes and plans and ruses. I know you know me. But you always forget that I know you, too. I… well. I can see it in your eyes. I always could. Stop it, please.”

To say Merlin was confused would be an understatement. He had noticed of course that Arthur wasn’t keen on their destiny or about anything that had to do with the Arthurian Legend. Whenever he had mentioned anything in this regard, Arthur had either left the room or, more often, kissed Merlin into the ground, cutting off any conversation immediately. But Merlin had never expected Arthur to talk so calmly, so surely about it. He had thought there would be yelling, lots of yelling, fights… and finally, Arthur giving in. He had no idea how to handle the stranger looking at him.

“The world…”

“The world can take care of itself. Merlin, please listen to me and accept it. I don’t want this.”

“What do you want then?”

Arthur took one swallow of water, put the bottle down on the counter and then, all of a sudden, smiled like a shark. “You know, I have been waiting for this question.”

He sauntered over to Merlin and sat down on top of his lap, facing him. The chair beneath them creaked ominously due to the additional weight. Merlin stared again, cross-eyed, but at least he managed to not start wheezing right away.

“I want you,” Arthur said quietly. “I want a life with you.” Smiling, he stroked a thumb over Merlin’s lips. “You weren’t the only one wrongheaded these last weeks. I heard what you told my mother the first day she came here. You said I’m not in love with you. You’re wrong. You’re all I want, Merlin. I didn’t say anything because I noticed how badly you wanted to avoid talking about feelings. I thought you would figure it out in time. But after what you told me yesterday… and when I came home earlier and saw your face, I knew you wouldn’t. So… brace yourself.” Arthur’s smile deepened. “This is not a crush, and I would never, ever jump a goat. I love you, I’m in love with you, and whatever you might think and whatever you might do… this won’t change. Ever.”



Merlin looked up at Arthur’s flushed face and stroked the sweaty blond hair back from his forehead, returning his smile. Then he drew him back into another kiss; a kiss far more gentle than the ones before. He felt Arthur smiling while he was kissing him, and again, Merlin wondered why he wasn’t feeling insecure or uncomfortable anymore. What he was feeling was peacefulness, safety, happiness and… love. How Arthur had managed that was a…

“Stop thinking, would you?” Arthur whispered. “I’m kissing you… you’re giving me a complex.”

“No need for that. I was just thinking about how lucky I am.”

“That makes two of us, then.” Arthur tightened his arms around him and rolled them over, so Merlin was now looking down at Arthur. He still hadn’t made up his mind what position he preferred best.

He stroked a fingertip over Arthur’s nose, bewitched by the beautiful blue eyes watching him. Eyes, which suddenly started to roll.

“You’re doing it again!”

Merlin started to laugh. “Hey, I was just wondering. What do you want to do with your life now that… destiny flew out of the window?”

Regarding him closely for a moment, Arthur relaxed again. “I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll go back to school, get a degree.” He shrugged and then grinned. “Or maybe I’ll take cooking lessons… and become a house husband!”

Merlin snorted. “The poor house.” And then, because he couldn’t resist, “The poor world. Maybe I should start looking into buying a remote island before the world as we know it goes down.”

Pursing his lips, Arthur nodded. “Maybe you should; then we could run around all day naked. And if you’re so worried about the world, maybe you should write a book about its state. Share some of your knowledge.”

“I write horror novels.”

“Well, if you write a book about the end of the world… if that’s not a horror novel, what is?”

Epilogue - Eight years and five books later

Merlin opened the door and stumbled into the dimly lit hallway. Feeling stupid, he just stood there some time, petting but otherwise ignoring the tail-wagging Prince. “Arthur?” he finally called out.

“In here, I’m making bread!”

Merlin dazedly turned to the right, following Arthur’s voice and then squinting when he entered the sun-streamed kitchen. “Gods, it’s bright in here.”

“You just came home… isn’t the sun shining on the other side of the street?” Arthur grinned, turning around to him, then started to frown. “Hey… are you all right?”

“They want me to… run for office… the Governor’s office.”

Arthur leaned back against the fridge, crossed his arms and grinned. “That’s so?”

“Yes.” Merlin wondered if he sounded as flabbergasted as he felt. “They’re all crazy.”

Arthur’s grin became broader. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“What do you mean? Get what?”

“Merlin… you’re a totally stupid twit. You never catch on with things that are happening around you, you know that? As I told you years ago, it’s not me who will save the world. It never had been me. God, you just have to think about how my reign ended. It’s you, Merlin.”

“What?”

Arthur smirked some more and then went over to him, taking him into his arms. “The world will be saved by an idiot warlock with big ears,” he stated. “And I think that’s exactly what the world needs.”



The End.