All That Glitters/Part 30
All That Glitters/Part 30
Curt wished he could pass out. He had drunk enough to take down three
people, but he was still awake. Wide awake and remembering the anguished
look on Brian's face as he pushed him away.
He punched the sofa cushion, but like everything else in his life, it
refused to bend to his will. He threw it on the floor and heaved a great
sigh. Nothing was going the way it should.
"Brian?" he called. There was no answer from behind the closed bedroom
door. Not that he expected one. But he knew that Brian had to be awake,
too.
*****
Brian burrowed even more deeply under the covers. His body a huddled mass
beneath multiple blankets, he continued to shiver. He was so cold. Like he
was never going to be warm again.
He couldn't sleep. But he couldn't go out there again. Not when he had
already risked everything. Only to have it all thrown back in his face.
He wasn't an impulsive man. He knew what biting the hand that feeds you
could do. And he bit it anyway. He was good at getting what he wanted, but
giving it up...that was much harder.
He wished that Curt could see just what he had sacrificed to be with him.
Then he realized that maybe he did...and he didn't care.
*****
Curt crept unsteadily towards the door and tried the knob. It wasn't
locked. He didn't know why, but that surprised him. He would have thought
that Brian wanted to keep him out.
He padded barefoot into the darkened bedroom, his long pale hair the sole
source of light. He wore a light robe that belonged to the hotel, and it
gapped open, exposing his bare chest and jeans that were slung so low on
his hips that they threatened to come off altogether.
"Brian?"
*****
That voice. Always that voice. In his head. In his dreams. Even when he
wasn't asleep.
"Go away," Brian said, the barely intelligible sound strangely muffled by
all those blankets.
"I guess I deserve that," Curt said sorrowfully, and Brian squeezed his
eyes shut to prevent himself from trying to picture his lover's face.
"I just don't understand," Brian whispered.
Curt knelt on the edge of the bed and leaned over Brian's trembling form.
It was so quiet that Curt could hardly hear him breathing. But he could
feel his body beneath his fingers, quivering like it was on the verge of
some imminent explosion.
"You wanted me," Brian said with an audible pang that resonated throughout
Curt, piercing what little was left of his heart. "You got me," he
continued. "Only now...you don't want what you got."
"Brian..."
"Stop it!" Brian flung back the covers and leaped out of bed like a man
possessed. "You keep saying my name like, like it's the answer to
something, only I dunno what it is, and...and..."
"I can't stand it," Brian moaned, raking both hands through his hair.
Curt lay down on his side and reached out one arm in entreaty. "C'mere."
Brian shook his head vehemently. "No, I can't. I won't. You don't want
this. You don't want *me*."
"Please?"
Brian started to laugh, but it wasn't a pretty sound. It was a desperate
noise that set Curt's nerves on edge. "I think I'm more fucked up than you
are, and I haven't had anything to drink."
"Brian..." The way Curt said his name seemed to change every time he said
it, and Brian could feel his confusion growing.
"What do you want from me, Curt?" Brian shouted. "What?"
"Nothing," Curt said simply, realizing that it was true. Everything he had
wanted, everything he had *needed*, was right here.
Brian sank down on the bed, and Curt pulled him into a rough embrace.
"N-nothing?" Brian echoed, Curt's breath on his cheek. His eyes fluttered
shut.
"Nothing."
Everything.
They both heard it as if Curt had spoken the words. Brian jerked within
his arms, but Curt refused to let go of him. Instead his hands wound their
way through Brian's hair. Brian shuddered at the tenderness of his caress,
but he couldn't help but bury his face against Curt's neck. There was the
heartbeat that called to him.
Everything.
*****