[f(x) | 011.] i'm with stupid
i'm with stupid
amber/luna
r
1959 w.
[in sum]: amber meets luna.
note(s): inspired by nineteen by t&s; listen while you read; in what i call the dreaming!au.
read the prequel
i felt you in my legs before i even met you.
there's a familiar hollow of homesickness when amber first steps into the all girls' korean school. her knees act like they're disintegrating from the joints on out. and amber knows why. she knows that she doesn't fit in. she's not korean, for one. wistfully, she recalls her brief consideration of international school. her pride had taken over when she was told by certain school administratives that her korean was good enough for her to attend a regular korean school. that she was good enough. she didn't have to be different. but she knows that there are other reasons she doesn't fit in and that those reasons will always set her apart. maybe she doesn't fit in because of her short hair, her relatively low voice, and her inherent attraction to clothes that are cut and fit like a boy's. she doesn't really know if these are the exact reasons but she has an inkling. she's not stupid.
immediately upon entering her newly assigned classroom, she wishes that she was back with her friends in america -- loud, energetic, spunky kids that would tease and make fun but really just love her and support her. she misses the sound of their laughter with a burning ache in her lungs as soon as the class in front of her goes silent, all eyes on her, curious and judging.
she mumbles an obligatory introduction about how she's from the states and how she's training to be a dancer and can they all get along please? she can tell that the girls in her class aren't listening to the sincerity in her voice but they are absorbing every detail at the same time. she shudders a little at the intensity glowing in their pupils. amber feels a little better when, five minutes later, another student comes skidding into the classroom, late. she's loud in her apology and all the other girls stare her down because she's wearing bright neon orange socks and equally showy nail polish. her hair has streaks of bleached blonde in it and amber can tell she's tried to hide the ostentatious color with temporary black hair dye.
the girl gets in trouble for the nails; it's against the regulation dress code. and amber is made curious when the teacher says to her, "i understand that you have another job, but try to be more like a student when you're in school?" the girl nods somberly at the teacher's warning, then turns. she walks down the aisle of desks, oblivious to the whispering from the others that amber is so painfully aware of. upon seeing amber, she breaks out into the largest smile amber has seen so far. it takes a few seconds to realize that this girl is smiling big for the new girl. for amber.
§
i feel you in my heart, but i don't even know you.
it's a little ridiculous how fast they become best friends. sometimes amber swears it's because they're both alienated by the other girls in their class. but sometimes, amber feels it's because they are meant to be somehow. their brains are on the same wavelength, but with different amplitudes or something because, though they're alike, amber never gets bored.
amber learns that the girl's name is luna.
"actually it's sooyoung" she admits. "but luna is my stage name."
luna is a musical actress and amber now knows why she has this presence that makes amber unable to take her eyes off of luna.
"starving artist, really. but it's cool the school lets me act, sing, and dance all while going to school!"
luna says this brightly, but amber can tell there's something behind the perky act. amber doesn't pry though and busies herself on staring at luna's hair in the sunlight. they like going to the rooftop during lunch time. it's kind of a cliche and amber is pretty sure that the roof top access is bolted shut, but somehow they end up here all the time. amber doesn't mind it though because this way, she can stare at how the gold flecks in luna's hair sparkle through the black hair dye.
"some times i run out. the stuff's expensive! and so i have to use my father's shoe shine."
she makes a grossed out face. but laughs at herself, making amber smile. it makes amber wonder and feel giddy -- how luna can let her true self shine through, though the world suppresses her so hard.
§
one day luna calls amber at night. it's not a huge deal. nothing is out of the ordinary. they call each other and text each other all the time. but today, amber is particularly tired from an intense dance class and right when she is climbing into bed to turn in early, luna calls. the ringtone sounds extra shrill and tinny. amber thinks it might be her fatigue, her imagination.
"hey" luna says softly.
"hi" amber replies sleepily.
it's the first time hearing luna's just cried voice, so amber doesn't know at first. she only gets it when, during the middle of their ordinary conversation, luna's voice warbles at the end of her sentence.
"luna?" asks amber in a worried voice she can't disguise. "luna?"
"amber" luna replies. "can i come over?"
of all things, it starts raining just as amber expects luna to show up at her door. they don't live too far apart, but the climb to amber's flat is a steep one and the rain can make the way slippery...
amber dons a parka and runs out into the rain to wait for her.
when she comes, luna's lips are blue-ish but her cheeks and the tip of her nose is rosy. her eyes are a little puffy and the only thing about her face that looks semi-normal is her smile. "can i sleep over?" is the first thing that blurts out of luna's mouth when the get within audible distance. luna looks so hesitant and miserable, so different from her normal self that amber can't help it. she bursts out into laughter while luna looks on, dazed. but pretty soon, luna's laughing too. and tilting her face back, the rain drops catch on her eyelashes and cheeks and amber thinks she has never seen luna so beautiful. amber's hand acts on autopilot. she reaches out, catches a stuck strand of luna's burnished gold hair and twirls it around her own finger, pretending to brush it out of luna's eye.
when they finally get inside amber's flat, all amber seems to be able to do is pile on towel after towel on top of luna's head. "you'll catch a cold" is amber's excuse, but on the fifth towel, amber has to admit she's doing this because, suddenly, having luna so close and thinking so beautiful is more than a little embarrassing. it's hard to look luna in the eyes. luna just giggles though, thinking it's all a joke. "no more, no more!" she squeals. and amber wants to smile with her, laugh along, but her lips are frozen into this awkward line. it's only minutes after that luna notices.
amber is a little disappointed in herself. she should be asking, "why are you sad?" or "who made you cry?" but amber feels like these are the wrong questions. besides, there's luna, who's fully aware by now of what amber is going through; luna can obviously see how amber's legs, tightly pressed together are squirming every time luna inches closer. and when the tip of luna's freezing nose touches amber's fiery hot cheek, amber jumps.
"why don't we try?" luna whispers.
surprised, amber turns to face her, but instead ends up kissing her, eyes slithering closed because the sensation is so deliciously warm and sweet. her tongue finds it's way to luna's like it's always known but has just been awakened to the thing it had suppressed for so long. amber's hands fumble along luna's shoulders, along her collarbone, and flitters just above luna's cleavage. amber wonders if luna is surprised because amber is surprised at herself. her hands cup luna's breasts as luna's cup amber's cheek. when amber puts pressure on her fingertips, luna gives her a spine-tingling moan that sends rivers of sparks throughout amber's body. the place between her legs gets hot and begs to be touched -- an ever so gentle touch.
it's almost as if luna reads her mind. luna's hand, with steady pressure, slides down amber's front. it passes through the valley of amber's chest. luna's index finger catches inside the dip of amber's belly button. and finally, luna's fingers explore the V of amber's crotch over her pants. at the same time, amber's fingers sink in further and luna keens into amber's mouth.
amber almost can't take it anymore. luna smells like the rain, but also of something sweet. she is so so soft that amber wants to pillow into her and never get up. amber's hands leave luna's chest and grab onto her waist. she lifts her lightly so that luna sits on the edge of her bed. amber gets one glimpse into luna's eyes before she hikes up luna's skirt, peels off her underwear, and starts to kiss luna's lips -- ones amber had never seen before. amber closes her eyes and kisses luna like she had kissed her on the mouth. luna gasps, clutching at amber's short cropped hair, arching and begging.
"please please please"
amber uses her tongue tentatively at first, then gets it deeper and deeper, until she can barely hear luna screaming to the ceiling.
"ungh, ungh, ungh" luna whines.
and when luna comes for the last time onto amber's tongue, she lets out a cry mixed with tears, satisfaction, and something else amber can't place. luna falls to the bed, exhausted. and amber crawls up until she's aligned with luna's mouth. amber presses butterfly kisses until luna falls asleep. and the last thing amber remembers thinking as she falls asleep is "love tastes so sweet".
§
"fuck school" amber thinks, right before she has her eyes open, because there's this nasty taste in her mouth. she notices there's an extra warmth in her bed though and she smiles, while thinking, "luna". but when amber turns her head, all she gets is a view of a piece of crinkly paper. off white and scary looking. amber stares at it, glares at it, for five minutes hoping that luna will come out of the bathroom. but there's no flush. there is only the silence that always accompanies her in the mornings.
"i'm sorry" the note starts off with. and amber can only think wryly that that is not a good sign. "i'm moving away. my father took out some loans in my name and we can't pay them back. i'll miss you." and here, there is a smudge and a scribbled out part, which makes amber think a thousand things. "i'll never forget you. -sooyoung"
amber tries to be nonchalant, tries to understand. but her throat goes dry and her vocal cords suddenly develop spikes so that every time she swallows it feels like there are a thousand fish bones in her gullet. she slides off her bed, onto the floor, and covers her face with her hands, heels of her palms digging into her closed eye sockets.
"didn't even say goodbye" she mumbles. "didn't even say..."
i love you.
---
i felt you in my legs
before i ever met you.
and when i lay beside you
for the first time i told you.
i feel you in my heart
and i don't even know you.
but now we're saying bye. bye. bye.
-nineteen by t&s
amber/luna
r
1959 w.
[in sum]: amber meets luna.
note(s): inspired by nineteen by t&s; listen while you read; in what i call the dreaming!au.
read the prequel
i felt you in my legs before i even met you.
there's a familiar hollow of homesickness when amber first steps into the all girls' korean school. her knees act like they're disintegrating from the joints on out. and amber knows why. she knows that she doesn't fit in. she's not korean, for one. wistfully, she recalls her brief consideration of international school. her pride had taken over when she was told by certain school administratives that her korean was good enough for her to attend a regular korean school. that she was good enough. she didn't have to be different. but she knows that there are other reasons she doesn't fit in and that those reasons will always set her apart. maybe she doesn't fit in because of her short hair, her relatively low voice, and her inherent attraction to clothes that are cut and fit like a boy's. she doesn't really know if these are the exact reasons but she has an inkling. she's not stupid.
immediately upon entering her newly assigned classroom, she wishes that she was back with her friends in america -- loud, energetic, spunky kids that would tease and make fun but really just love her and support her. she misses the sound of their laughter with a burning ache in her lungs as soon as the class in front of her goes silent, all eyes on her, curious and judging.
she mumbles an obligatory introduction about how she's from the states and how she's training to be a dancer and can they all get along please? she can tell that the girls in her class aren't listening to the sincerity in her voice but they are absorbing every detail at the same time. she shudders a little at the intensity glowing in their pupils. amber feels a little better when, five minutes later, another student comes skidding into the classroom, late. she's loud in her apology and all the other girls stare her down because she's wearing bright neon orange socks and equally showy nail polish. her hair has streaks of bleached blonde in it and amber can tell she's tried to hide the ostentatious color with temporary black hair dye.
the girl gets in trouble for the nails; it's against the regulation dress code. and amber is made curious when the teacher says to her, "i understand that you have another job, but try to be more like a student when you're in school?" the girl nods somberly at the teacher's warning, then turns. she walks down the aisle of desks, oblivious to the whispering from the others that amber is so painfully aware of. upon seeing amber, she breaks out into the largest smile amber has seen so far. it takes a few seconds to realize that this girl is smiling big for the new girl. for amber.
§
i feel you in my heart, but i don't even know you.
it's a little ridiculous how fast they become best friends. sometimes amber swears it's because they're both alienated by the other girls in their class. but sometimes, amber feels it's because they are meant to be somehow. their brains are on the same wavelength, but with different amplitudes or something because, though they're alike, amber never gets bored.
amber learns that the girl's name is luna.
"actually it's sooyoung" she admits. "but luna is my stage name."
luna is a musical actress and amber now knows why she has this presence that makes amber unable to take her eyes off of luna.
"starving artist, really. but it's cool the school lets me act, sing, and dance all while going to school!"
luna says this brightly, but amber can tell there's something behind the perky act. amber doesn't pry though and busies herself on staring at luna's hair in the sunlight. they like going to the rooftop during lunch time. it's kind of a cliche and amber is pretty sure that the roof top access is bolted shut, but somehow they end up here all the time. amber doesn't mind it though because this way, she can stare at how the gold flecks in luna's hair sparkle through the black hair dye.
"some times i run out. the stuff's expensive! and so i have to use my father's shoe shine."
she makes a grossed out face. but laughs at herself, making amber smile. it makes amber wonder and feel giddy -- how luna can let her true self shine through, though the world suppresses her so hard.
§
one day luna calls amber at night. it's not a huge deal. nothing is out of the ordinary. they call each other and text each other all the time. but today, amber is particularly tired from an intense dance class and right when she is climbing into bed to turn in early, luna calls. the ringtone sounds extra shrill and tinny. amber thinks it might be her fatigue, her imagination.
"hey" luna says softly.
"hi" amber replies sleepily.
it's the first time hearing luna's just cried voice, so amber doesn't know at first. she only gets it when, during the middle of their ordinary conversation, luna's voice warbles at the end of her sentence.
"luna?" asks amber in a worried voice she can't disguise. "luna?"
"amber" luna replies. "can i come over?"
of all things, it starts raining just as amber expects luna to show up at her door. they don't live too far apart, but the climb to amber's flat is a steep one and the rain can make the way slippery...
amber dons a parka and runs out into the rain to wait for her.
when she comes, luna's lips are blue-ish but her cheeks and the tip of her nose is rosy. her eyes are a little puffy and the only thing about her face that looks semi-normal is her smile. "can i sleep over?" is the first thing that blurts out of luna's mouth when the get within audible distance. luna looks so hesitant and miserable, so different from her normal self that amber can't help it. she bursts out into laughter while luna looks on, dazed. but pretty soon, luna's laughing too. and tilting her face back, the rain drops catch on her eyelashes and cheeks and amber thinks she has never seen luna so beautiful. amber's hand acts on autopilot. she reaches out, catches a stuck strand of luna's burnished gold hair and twirls it around her own finger, pretending to brush it out of luna's eye.
when they finally get inside amber's flat, all amber seems to be able to do is pile on towel after towel on top of luna's head. "you'll catch a cold" is amber's excuse, but on the fifth towel, amber has to admit she's doing this because, suddenly, having luna so close and thinking so beautiful is more than a little embarrassing. it's hard to look luna in the eyes. luna just giggles though, thinking it's all a joke. "no more, no more!" she squeals. and amber wants to smile with her, laugh along, but her lips are frozen into this awkward line. it's only minutes after that luna notices.
amber is a little disappointed in herself. she should be asking, "why are you sad?" or "who made you cry?" but amber feels like these are the wrong questions. besides, there's luna, who's fully aware by now of what amber is going through; luna can obviously see how amber's legs, tightly pressed together are squirming every time luna inches closer. and when the tip of luna's freezing nose touches amber's fiery hot cheek, amber jumps.
"why don't we try?" luna whispers.
surprised, amber turns to face her, but instead ends up kissing her, eyes slithering closed because the sensation is so deliciously warm and sweet. her tongue finds it's way to luna's like it's always known but has just been awakened to the thing it had suppressed for so long. amber's hands fumble along luna's shoulders, along her collarbone, and flitters just above luna's cleavage. amber wonders if luna is surprised because amber is surprised at herself. her hands cup luna's breasts as luna's cup amber's cheek. when amber puts pressure on her fingertips, luna gives her a spine-tingling moan that sends rivers of sparks throughout amber's body. the place between her legs gets hot and begs to be touched -- an ever so gentle touch.
it's almost as if luna reads her mind. luna's hand, with steady pressure, slides down amber's front. it passes through the valley of amber's chest. luna's index finger catches inside the dip of amber's belly button. and finally, luna's fingers explore the V of amber's crotch over her pants. at the same time, amber's fingers sink in further and luna keens into amber's mouth.
amber almost can't take it anymore. luna smells like the rain, but also of something sweet. she is so so soft that amber wants to pillow into her and never get up. amber's hands leave luna's chest and grab onto her waist. she lifts her lightly so that luna sits on the edge of her bed. amber gets one glimpse into luna's eyes before she hikes up luna's skirt, peels off her underwear, and starts to kiss luna's lips -- ones amber had never seen before. amber closes her eyes and kisses luna like she had kissed her on the mouth. luna gasps, clutching at amber's short cropped hair, arching and begging.
"please please please"
amber uses her tongue tentatively at first, then gets it deeper and deeper, until she can barely hear luna screaming to the ceiling.
"ungh, ungh, ungh" luna whines.
and when luna comes for the last time onto amber's tongue, she lets out a cry mixed with tears, satisfaction, and something else amber can't place. luna falls to the bed, exhausted. and amber crawls up until she's aligned with luna's mouth. amber presses butterfly kisses until luna falls asleep. and the last thing amber remembers thinking as she falls asleep is "love tastes so sweet".
§
"fuck school" amber thinks, right before she has her eyes open, because there's this nasty taste in her mouth. she notices there's an extra warmth in her bed though and she smiles, while thinking, "luna". but when amber turns her head, all she gets is a view of a piece of crinkly paper. off white and scary looking. amber stares at it, glares at it, for five minutes hoping that luna will come out of the bathroom. but there's no flush. there is only the silence that always accompanies her in the mornings.
"i'm sorry" the note starts off with. and amber can only think wryly that that is not a good sign. "i'm moving away. my father took out some loans in my name and we can't pay them back. i'll miss you." and here, there is a smudge and a scribbled out part, which makes amber think a thousand things. "i'll never forget you. -sooyoung"
amber tries to be nonchalant, tries to understand. but her throat goes dry and her vocal cords suddenly develop spikes so that every time she swallows it feels like there are a thousand fish bones in her gullet. she slides off her bed, onto the floor, and covers her face with her hands, heels of her palms digging into her closed eye sockets.
"didn't even say goodbye" she mumbles. "didn't even say..."
i love you.
---
i felt you in my legs
before i ever met you.
and when i lay beside you
for the first time i told you.
i feel you in my heart
and i don't even know you.
but now we're saying bye. bye. bye.
-nineteen by t&s