[Day 0] [Closed] Overdue Part Two.
Who: Rufus and Kadaj, will lead on into a thread with Rufus, Kadaj, Yazoo and Seph.
Where: On Jenova's mothership.
What: Set shortly after the scene presently running in Yazoo's thread, Rufus's reason for being on the ship becomes clear.
Rating: PG-13 for mild violence, mind control, some sadism on Kadaj's part.
Warnings: Dark, loooooong. Continues on from previous post. Seeing as how this turned into one maaaammoth thread, I've thrown in a short summary at the end of basically everything that happened.
And Rufus stood where he was as Kadaj released him to wander through the room. His eyes flicked to the window, and curiosity stirred in the back of his mind, curiosity that was blunted, dismissed by Mother. Questions were to come later, apparently.
It made him just a tad resentful, though, becuase he wanted to move to that window and peer out, and, like the faintest echo of an echo, he thought he recalled a time when he cared for no one's opinions.
But most of his attention was rivetted on his brother, watching him retrieve a glass. It made him realise how utterly parched he was, lips cracked and bleeding, eyes stinging from dehydration.
Dehydration, blood loss, low blood sugar, words swirled behind the fog that seemed to cling to his mind, making it so, so difficult to think. Thoughts too, were apparently something best left for later.
He felt himself moving even before he registered the command, his brother's words sweet music to his ears. But though the spirit was willing, the flesh was weak. He stumbled right on the first step, caught himself on the second, but the next were more a scramble as black swam across his vision and his knees threatened to give.
And give they did, just as he reached the bed. He collapsed to the floor, catching the edge of the bed, resting his forehead on the mattress and trying to catch his breath. Had his brother wanted him on the bed? It seemed impossible right now, when he was a hair's breath from passing out entirely.
----
It took a lot to keep the laughter down, and Kadaj finally let it go when Rufus fell a mere breath away from his intended destination, collapsing in a panting heap. He really would try and do anything, wouldn't he?! Oh, he was going to enjoy this...
... As much as would not upset mother, at least. After all, nobody wanted him dead; it took all of the fun out of it, didn't it? There was no sense of danger in destruction, not with it's absoluteness, not with what was left at the end.
Moving to Rufus with glass in hand, he lifted him by the back of his collar, flung him face down on the small cot. He sat down next to him, the springs creaking in the mattress, water sipped again as he studied him thoughtfully.
He touched his hair, smoothed his gloved fingers through it. His weakness was tangible, sweet and bitter at once; though he was his natural enemy, though Kadaj was filled with an incredible want to be as cruel as possible, Rufus was mother's now. Even if mother left him in his care, well... it was his care.
Annoying.
"If you want some water, sit up. Take that much and I'll let you rest." After all, didn't he have better things to be do than babysitting?
----
Gone was the earlier gentleness that his brother had shown him. Gone was the sense of closeness; Kadaj's movements and tone were suddenly harsh, rough.
He didn't understand it. His shoulder throbbed as he hit the mattress, soft landing though it was, and for a moment, he felt as though the pain stabbed through the fog clouding his mind. Suddenly, there was anger, rebellion, fury at being treated like this, even after he'd tried, so hard... it wasn't fair, he'd done his best--
--he whirled, glaring, not even knowing why he was so angry, except that it clawed up from within, seeking a way out.
For the briefest of moments, his eyes shone blue.
Then he was falling backwards onto the pillows, clutching his temple, a migraine starting to pound in his head as the world practically resonated with Mother's disapproval. Something about him deserving this. Something about it being Kadaj's right.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, digging his fingers into his temple as though he could dig the headache out. The words felt wholly unnatural on his tongue. But he needed the water, and if he didn't sit up, brother wouldn't give to it him. Wouldn't let him rest.
Or eat? he wondered. His stomach felt like it was on fire, cramped as though it had knotted in on itself. Panic and desperation stirred, and he forced himself to get an elbow underneath him, propping himself up, at least halfway.
----
Nothing satisfied Kadaj, nothing about the situation settled him, it seemed. The closeness had been... pleasant, but the resentment stood out in harsh contrast, took over. He watched Rufus, saw the flash of anger there, the flash of blue, and realised he didn't like that, either.
Nor did mother. She sent a bolt of pain through his skull, a harsh reminder. He hissed, the drink almost spilling on the sheets, barely saved.
Weak, she hissed, waiting for him to be compliant before you punish him.
He exhaled shakily, refocused on Rufus. Yes... she was right, as she was always right. He wasn't the President. He wasn't the man who'd shot at him as he plunged from the building. He was mother's son, and he would incur her wrath all the more if he continued, he realised.
Swallowing it down, he moved to his brother, used his free hand to help lift him into sitting.
"You're going to need to work hard for my affection. Work your way up. It's mother's way to do this." Although hardly that of her sons, but perhaps she wouldn't fault him. Rufus's face still infuriated him, something about it so breakable now that he was mother's, and resisting, complying, even with mother's gentler tones to help him, wasn't easy.
He held the glass out to Rufus, letting him take it.
"Tell me what you want."
----
And Mother needed the treatment of this one to be more subtle, for she couldn't afford to overwhelming his will to the point of rendering him useless. No, the control had to be more subtle than that, and although most of the work was done, the follow up was just as important. If not more.
And, as was evident, her control over him wasn't perfect yet.
But still she loosened the leash just a little, to give Rufus some room to breathe, some room to be himself instead of a mere extension of her will.
--
And green eyes blinked. The hands that took the glass were hesitant, shaking just a little, their owner nervous and wary of his brother's rapid mood-swings. Rufus' brow furrowed just a little at the question as he cradled the precious glass, stealing a sip to buy himself more time to think about it. What did he want? He didn't know. He really didn't know. Or wait, he did.
"To please you," the reply was soft, halting, but his tone was sincere. "To win your affection." His eyes averted, too embarrassed to meet Kadaj's gaze, even as his words slowly regained the eloquence he had been gifted with. "Forgive me, brother, for being so weak."
He took another sip of the water, the other needs clamouring in the back of his head, but he was half-hearted about voicing them. He didn't want his brother's opinion of him to drop even lower. After all, brother's opinion was important. He was the one who had...
...had...
...had what?
----
The response was anything but what he had expected; it had, in fact, totally misinterpreted the meaning of the words.
Or had it, really? Was Rufus misunderstanding intentionally to get his point across to him, or was he really that innocent, that oblivious? Kadaj, nevertheless, found the answer pleasing, and made no secret of it in his dark smile.
"I forgive you," he responded, watching his brother a moment longer when he noticed he'd averted his eyes. Rufus had been good at playing this game before, the feigning of submission right before he drew the curtain back and revealed the farce; it was clear to Kadaj now when he was playing, and when he was not.
"I want to give you my affection. I anticipate you proving yourself well, brother."
He finally turned away, looking to the stars beyond. Innumerable planets had been laid to waste in a matter of days, destroyed one by one. Even Kadaj wasn't truly sure what purpose they could serve when mother seemed to have it all under control... but no doubt the meaning behind it all would inevitably become clear.
He smiled, a slight hint of laughter in his tone. "What I meant was what you felt you needed to physically continue to function. Shall I feed you, or shall I have you rest? You must want something, and I'm allowing you to voice it."
----
As a matter of fact, Rufus really was that oblivious at the moment. Mental faculties stripped to the point where he barely had the mind of a child, he was quite, quite incapable of deceit. His face lighted with surprise and joy at Kadaj's words, eyes flicking back to his brother's face. He wondered what he had done right to deserve this sudden kindness, and thought churned sluggishly in an effort to analyse.
"Food," he found himself saying, downing the last of the water. Enthusiasim made his tone brighter, his words coming faster and less tentatively, and he unconsciously reached up to tug at the metal ringing his throat. It chaffed. "The bathroom," he said impulsively. "...A shower?"
Had he overstepped his boundaries? His brother had given him two options, and he didn't need a shower to physically continue to function. Suddenly anxious, he gnawed on his lower lip, dropping his hands to his lap.
----
It really was like handling a child. Kadaj studied him, noting the discomfort of the collar but not yet taking it off for him. It'd take a little longer before he'd be quite comfortable without that attached, the extra weight, that thing that would certainly ensure he wouldn't get far if he tried.
"Food first! Mother will want her youngest big and strong, won't she?" His voice held the hint of a purr, not quite as chilling as it had been before, but at least eerie - an attempt at affection that wasn't quite working. He held his hand out to Rufus, smirking. "Up. Sit at the table."
***
It was a good two hours later that saw Rufus's needs finally met, the hot run of water in Kadaj's adjoined shower hissing, wafting small tendrils of steam from the gap beneath the door. Kadaj stood - washing dishes at the sink, of all things - and staring out in the starry expanse.
He had learned, within those two hours, at least a little about the Dark Water's affect on Rufus. While he was not reduced to a vegetable - that much had been obvious from the start - it had certainly decreased his mental faculties. It was like speaking to a nine year old. A nine year old with an incredible, overwhelming, passionate desire to please the family and live up to them, despite not truly being one of them.
Kadaj's lips curved, and he placed the next dish on the rack. If he remained that way, he would be easy to twist to their bidding. The only problem was that lack of a guarantee. Though he intended to keep an eye on him, mother was quick to remind him that that would not be enough. And if he did revert, what then? What use was he to so frequently need fixing?
He slammed the next dish in. He would need to speak to his brothers. They could decide the next course of action together.
The water cut out, and Kadaj dried his hands.
----
Kadaj's information was about to become outdated.
In the compact shower stall, warm water streaming down him and finally chasing away the vestiges of barely remembered cold, Rufus leaned his head back against the wall and dozed. And in sleep he collapsed into Mother's embrace, while she studied her youngest. Strangleholds on his mind were slowly loosened, while Jenova poked and prodded, rearranging thoughts and memories as she saw fit. It was easy when the mind was at rest, defenses down, and here she could experiment with little fear of repercussion.
There was resistence, of course, but it was growing steadily weaker, the struggles fading almost into nothing. The human mind could only resist for so long before tiring, before it turned on itself and let defeatism devour it. And Rufus was at the end of his strength.
Minutes ticked by while Jenova did her work, darkly amused by the sight of Kadaj doing the dishes like a good mommy's boy. He would have quite a surprise when his newest brother finally emerged from the shower. And giving him a pet seemed to have curbed some of his brattish tendencies. Teaching him a measure of responsibility and patience. She was frankly surprised that he hadn't broken the door down. She'd been taking a while.
But now she was done, and she settled back to let her handiwork run its course.
***
He emerged from an exhausted doze to find himself being rained on. Looking up, he caught sight of the light streaming through the shower droplets, fracturing into tiny, glittering rainbows. A bright day. A new day. Or so Mother assured him, and he found himself rising from where he had been seated on the floor of the showerstall at her prompting, flicking the shower off and stretching muscles that were going a little stiff.
It didn't take long for him to towel off and grab his clothes, and he emerged from the shower barely two minutes later, hair still damp, clad in his black shirt, jacket slung over his shoulder.
"Brother?" he called out, looking around.
----
To be entirely honest, Kadaj's patience was starting to run somewhat thin. He had been thinking to poke his head in over it, to ensure that Rufus hadn't lapsed and tried to drown himself in there - but mother assured from time to time, and he could still feel him, bright and alive. Let him enjoy himself, for now. Kadaj knew how fleeting freedom could be, knew that this would be the last time for him if things went her way. And so he had cleaned, distracted himself, did the things that pleased mother and frustrated him to no end.
When the shower had clicked off, he'd almost felt relief.
When Rufus emerged from inside the shower, Kadaj still stood at the sink, leaning his back against it with his arms crossed in front of him. There was something making him anxious, giving him butterflies - and he suspected, strangely enough, that it must be mother's doing.
Strange.
He smiled nevertheless, gaze piercing through pale hair; back in those clothes again, naturally, the blood-speckled mess that they were. Such a shame that, for now, he was more effective this way; it created such a divide when he couldn't dress as they did, be as they were.
"Did you enjoy your shower?" he asked, that same eerie, pseudo-caring tone that spoke down to Rufus, treated him as the mental age he knew him to be. "Are you ready to sleep?"
----
ufus halted, eyes flicking from the sink, still sporting suds, to the plates, and back to his brother, quite effortlessly deducing that Kadaj had been cleaning up after him. And felt something akin to distress. Menial work was beneath his brother.
His brow furrowed in perplexity at Kadaj's words, though, talking to him as though he was a child. Or possibly retarded. Had Kadaj been using that tone all along and had he failed to notice?
He draped the jacket over the back of a chair, and if it hadn't been evident earlier, it was starkly obvious now -- gone was the hesitance; his movements were as poised and confident as they had ever been, if somewhat quiet. Subdued. "Thank you for your care and hospitality, brother." He glanced back Kadaj, feeling somewhat at a loss. Truth to be told, he was still exhausted, despite the nap in the shower, but he'd already imposed on his brother by apparently slacking off when he should have been helping. Was he sick, he wondered? Everything before this had the hazy feel of a delirious fever dream. There was something about him leaning against his brother, stumbling in exhaustion; perhaps he was sick. It explained the fatigue, the muscle-ache, the lightheadedness.
"My job is to assist you, not to laze around," he said, looking about for anything that needed doing. "How may I be of service?"
----
Kadaj almost became guarded when he saw the way Rufus moved, more like the confident President he'd known than the boy he'd become over the last few hours. Green eyes defied his assumption, the gaze leveled at him more equal now, less hungry for attention. Kadaj pushed away from the counter, moved to him with his head tilted inquisitively.
Mother's voice emerged from the grey, a soft whisper that caressed down his spine, made him blink slowly. An improvement, hmm? It was certainly more familiar, had the discipline of maturity behind it - and devoted selflessly, if his words were any indication.
"Perhaps," he responded, smirking a little. "But you aren't much good to me if you collapse from exhaustion..." However, if Rufus felt sure of himself and his capabilities, who was Kadaj to argue? He rolled his shoulders in a childish manner, turned away from him to stride across the long length of the room, out of the kitchen, down to small step and into the main room again.
"You can show yourself to my brothers, I suppose. We have to map out our plans, and I'd expect you to be there." He looked over his shoulder. "I was going to let it wait, but if you're feeling well enough..."
He eyed him again, turned to him fully.
"Come here." After all, it wasn't so long ago that Rufus could barely carry himself. He needed to see how much improvement the food and water had garnered him. If it looked sufficient... why not settle the plans now, and rest later when all was prepared?
----
Less hungry for attention? Only because it was better masked now, tempered by fatigue. His world still revolved around this particular brother, still centered around the all-important goal of winning his trust and affection.
Which lent him strength to shove away all other concerns. Rest could wait; he was used to keeping it at bay (but when? why?) and besides, he was just way too stubborn to pass up the opportunity to prove himself to his brother.
Although the thought of seeing the others made him somehow uneasy. Worried. Fearful, perhaps... especially if Sephiroth himself, Mother's best-beloved and chosen, was there. He found himself scratching at the collar, and stopped. Kadaj expected him to be there, and he could do nothing but obey.
Trailing fingers across furniture and against the wall to give him support should he stumble, Rufus set off after Kadaj. It was an effort to take it a pace he could manage - something of a brisk walk - instead of trying to run. He hoped his brother wouldn't think him tardy. His knee still buckled when he took the step... or perhaps his foot slipped. Fingers curled against the wall, and he fought for balance for one precarious moment before he caught himself again and straightened.
----
Willful. Kadaj watched him, watched every little stumble and recovery, listened for even the slightest indicative sound of exertion. He was doing well - surprisingly well, considering what a state he had been in before. Mother did that for them, though. She did that for her precious sons, lending her will, lending that motivation to fight for her.
He smirked when Rufus made it all the way over, clinging to the wall though he was, and he cocked his head to the side.
"... Are you going to need me to hold your hand everywhere?" His tone was half-cruel, straddling that line between teasing and derision. Nevertheless, he reached out to grasp Rufus's upper arm, giving him a little support. If Kadaj had learned anything from watching his brothers, it was that their orchestrated movements, their support of each other didn't stop at fighting. It had always been one of his quiet envies, to be that close to someone.
He doubted Rufus was worth trying it with. He could trust this man less than any other in his family, but small, naive hopes were Kadaj's weakness, it seemed.
"We'll go, then. You're good enough."
----
If Rufus had been himself, and if he had known what was going on in Kadaj's head, he would have laughed straight out. Trust? Nevermind the fact that family didn't equate trustworthy, especially for Rufus I-tried-to-assassinate-my-daddy-and-I-didn't-even-get-the-lousy-T-shirt Shinra, nevermind that Kadaj was hoping to trust someone whose world he'd destroyed, whose friends and subordinates he had tortured, whom he had tortured in turn and drugged into submission...
...even putting all that aside, Kadaj was doing an awful job of winning his loyalty over. Human Resource Management was all about the carrot and the stick, and right now, Kadaj was way too much stick.
And even if Rufus wasn't himself, he still felt a tingle of disappointment at Kadaj's response, stung by the derision that hit so much harder than the teasing. He dropped his eyes to the floor, following, trying not to stumble again, even as sweat started beading on his forehead from the effort. Somehow, though, it all felt familiar, somehow -- this expectation of perfection, this inability to please the one whose respect he was trying to win, the way his best was never good enough.
He'd have said it felt like his childhood all over again, except that that was ridiculous; he was Mother's creation, had never been a child.
He hoped that wherever they were going wasn't too far away.
----
Perhaps he was looking too hard for signs. Perhaps it was all in his head, the slight flicker in Rufus's eyes, the way his features tightened just a little. Perhaps. He frowned, gripped his brother's arm tighter and supportively. 'You lure more flies with honey', wasn't that how that saying went?
"It's alright," he murmured, leading him to the door. It wasn't quite repentant, still upbeat, positive, and he was excited about the prospects and what this all meant for them. His words were a little tight in his throat, unfamiliar; he was not used to reassuring people... especially with words that he wasn't sure about, himself.
"Mother will appreciate your efforts, but she won't like it if you hurt yourself doing it. You're important to us."
But he supposed it sounded a little like something mother would say, and for that reason he hoped that he wasn't going far wrong. She would want him to treat him well; well enough that he would keep his faith in them, that he wouldn't resent or resist. Oblivious though he was to the similarity in rule from mother and the figure in Rufus's own past, he felt sure that any taste of tyranny over love would incur seeds of doubt.
He'd experienced it first-hand, after all. He thought it day by day. They couldn't risk it with Rufus.
Into the corridor, back into the yawning dark and the tall ceilings. He rubbed Rufus's skin through the light material of his shirt. "Come on, brother. You're doing well. Stay close to me."
----
And there was the subtle whisper that he'd come to associate with Mother in the back of his head - of course it wouldn't be easy to win their respect. He was the bastard child, his blood tainted (how? why?). He didn't look the same, didn't dress the same, had just, apparently, been rescued out of darkness (why can't I remember?!) and hence the collar, hence the mark of control that singled him out.
He must have betrayed them at some point. It seemed the only logical explanation.
Kadaj's encouragement made him brighten. The reassurance that he was important. That he was still loved, still being given a second (second?) chance to be with the family. And Mother's chilling warning, just an icy finger of cold that made his skin prickle, hinting at the consequences of crossing the line again.
He did inch unconsciously closer to Kadaj as they stepped out into the corridor. This place was strange, alien. Utterly unfamiliar, cold and unwelcoming. Anxiety gnawed at the edges of his senses, and he found himself peering into the shadows, half expecting some of those monsters from the labs (labs?) to emerge.
"Where are we going?" he asked softly.
----
The slight closeness made Kadaj smile - almost genuine, possessing the reassurance of his trust. Excellent. Mother was a warm blanket across his shoulders, proud of him, reassuring him that he was doing well, and he found that he felt closer to her for it.
Doing her work was its own reward.
"To find my brothers and mother. We must set out our plan." He led him down, the grate forming a slight incline; it was, Kadaj found, easy to remember where he was within the colossal ship. Designed from scrap though it was, sealed over in silver that made it clean and glorious as any other, each corridor and room was entirely unique in its construction, and vast though it was, it was easy to memorise.
Rufus was such an improvement this way. He grinned at the soft tone to his voice, drove him ever forward.
"Don't be afraid, brother. They're all much like me." He pondered that for a moment, and then quietly amended, "most of them."
Most of them would need to be enough. It occured to him to wonder just what Sephiroth would make of a brother who lacked the necessary cells, who wasn't pure like they were, who wasn't even partially tainted like Cloud. Perhaps the lure of a useful face would help that. Perhaps mother's approval would make him more accepting.
... Perhaps he would be able to change her mind, and for some bizarre reason, that bothered him. Perhaps it bothered him in the same ways, with the same reasons that he took Rufus as special in the first place.
----
The reference by Kadaj to his brothers -- not 'ours', never ours -- did not go unnoticed. But Rufus said nothing, eyes on the corridor ahead.
Not to mention that Kadaj's assurance did nothing to assuage his fears. If they were like Kadaj, then he had much to be afraid of. While he revered his brother, he was well aware of his capacity towards cruelty, of his sudden and violent moodswings. His jaw ached, and although he couldn't quite recall where it had come from, apart from darkness and cold and green, he had an inkling that Kadaj had had something to do with it.
Well within his rights, as it was the perogative and duty of an older brother to put an erring younger into place... but it did not make him any less fearsome.
And Kadaj at least he knew. The others...
Deal with that bridge when you get to it.
He blinked. The words hadn't come from Kadaj, hadn't come from Mother, yet the tone and inflection of that mental subvocalisation had been familiar. More than familiar. Had it been himself? Someone else? A tutor of sorts?
Mother grew watchful in the back of his mind, and he shied away from her attention, concentrating on walking. The corridors twisted and turned under his feet.
Summary.
Kadaj uses shiny New Improved Dark Water to turn Rufus to a 'brother' of sorts, primarily for use as a rather handy spy on Arcadia, what with his influence over the Turks. Mother rearranges his brains while he showers. He emerges shiny, competetive, and not trusting Kadaj in the slightest. Kadaj is presently underestimating him and trusting him a little too much. Rufus has vague inklings of what happened prior to being given the dark water, but struggles to bring it to the fore, so the dark water influence seems to be tenuous.
The two of them are presently heading over to see Seph and Yazoo.
Where: On Jenova's mothership.
What: Set shortly after the scene presently running in Yazoo's thread, Rufus's reason for being on the ship becomes clear.
Rating: PG-13 for mild violence, mind control, some sadism on Kadaj's part.
Warnings: Dark, loooooong. Continues on from previous post. Seeing as how this turned into one maaaammoth thread, I've thrown in a short summary at the end of basically everything that happened.
And Rufus stood where he was as Kadaj released him to wander through the room. His eyes flicked to the window, and curiosity stirred in the back of his mind, curiosity that was blunted, dismissed by Mother. Questions were to come later, apparently.
It made him just a tad resentful, though, becuase he wanted to move to that window and peer out, and, like the faintest echo of an echo, he thought he recalled a time when he cared for no one's opinions.
But most of his attention was rivetted on his brother, watching him retrieve a glass. It made him realise how utterly parched he was, lips cracked and bleeding, eyes stinging from dehydration.
Dehydration, blood loss, low blood sugar, words swirled behind the fog that seemed to cling to his mind, making it so, so difficult to think. Thoughts too, were apparently something best left for later.
He felt himself moving even before he registered the command, his brother's words sweet music to his ears. But though the spirit was willing, the flesh was weak. He stumbled right on the first step, caught himself on the second, but the next were more a scramble as black swam across his vision and his knees threatened to give.
And give they did, just as he reached the bed. He collapsed to the floor, catching the edge of the bed, resting his forehead on the mattress and trying to catch his breath. Had his brother wanted him on the bed? It seemed impossible right now, when he was a hair's breath from passing out entirely.
----
It took a lot to keep the laughter down, and Kadaj finally let it go when Rufus fell a mere breath away from his intended destination, collapsing in a panting heap. He really would try and do anything, wouldn't he?! Oh, he was going to enjoy this...
... As much as would not upset mother, at least. After all, nobody wanted him dead; it took all of the fun out of it, didn't it? There was no sense of danger in destruction, not with it's absoluteness, not with what was left at the end.
Moving to Rufus with glass in hand, he lifted him by the back of his collar, flung him face down on the small cot. He sat down next to him, the springs creaking in the mattress, water sipped again as he studied him thoughtfully.
He touched his hair, smoothed his gloved fingers through it. His weakness was tangible, sweet and bitter at once; though he was his natural enemy, though Kadaj was filled with an incredible want to be as cruel as possible, Rufus was mother's now. Even if mother left him in his care, well... it was his care.
Annoying.
"If you want some water, sit up. Take that much and I'll let you rest." After all, didn't he have better things to be do than babysitting?
----
Gone was the earlier gentleness that his brother had shown him. Gone was the sense of closeness; Kadaj's movements and tone were suddenly harsh, rough.
He didn't understand it. His shoulder throbbed as he hit the mattress, soft landing though it was, and for a moment, he felt as though the pain stabbed through the fog clouding his mind. Suddenly, there was anger, rebellion, fury at being treated like this, even after he'd tried, so hard... it wasn't fair, he'd done his best--
--he whirled, glaring, not even knowing why he was so angry, except that it clawed up from within, seeking a way out.
For the briefest of moments, his eyes shone blue.
Then he was falling backwards onto the pillows, clutching his temple, a migraine starting to pound in his head as the world practically resonated with Mother's disapproval. Something about him deserving this. Something about it being Kadaj's right.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, digging his fingers into his temple as though he could dig the headache out. The words felt wholly unnatural on his tongue. But he needed the water, and if he didn't sit up, brother wouldn't give to it him. Wouldn't let him rest.
Or eat? he wondered. His stomach felt like it was on fire, cramped as though it had knotted in on itself. Panic and desperation stirred, and he forced himself to get an elbow underneath him, propping himself up, at least halfway.
----
Nothing satisfied Kadaj, nothing about the situation settled him, it seemed. The closeness had been... pleasant, but the resentment stood out in harsh contrast, took over. He watched Rufus, saw the flash of anger there, the flash of blue, and realised he didn't like that, either.
Nor did mother. She sent a bolt of pain through his skull, a harsh reminder. He hissed, the drink almost spilling on the sheets, barely saved.
Weak, she hissed, waiting for him to be compliant before you punish him.
He exhaled shakily, refocused on Rufus. Yes... she was right, as she was always right. He wasn't the President. He wasn't the man who'd shot at him as he plunged from the building. He was mother's son, and he would incur her wrath all the more if he continued, he realised.
Swallowing it down, he moved to his brother, used his free hand to help lift him into sitting.
"You're going to need to work hard for my affection. Work your way up. It's mother's way to do this." Although hardly that of her sons, but perhaps she wouldn't fault him. Rufus's face still infuriated him, something about it so breakable now that he was mother's, and resisting, complying, even with mother's gentler tones to help him, wasn't easy.
He held the glass out to Rufus, letting him take it.
"Tell me what you want."
----
And Mother needed the treatment of this one to be more subtle, for she couldn't afford to overwhelming his will to the point of rendering him useless. No, the control had to be more subtle than that, and although most of the work was done, the follow up was just as important. If not more.
And, as was evident, her control over him wasn't perfect yet.
But still she loosened the leash just a little, to give Rufus some room to breathe, some room to be himself instead of a mere extension of her will.
--
And green eyes blinked. The hands that took the glass were hesitant, shaking just a little, their owner nervous and wary of his brother's rapid mood-swings. Rufus' brow furrowed just a little at the question as he cradled the precious glass, stealing a sip to buy himself more time to think about it. What did he want? He didn't know. He really didn't know. Or wait, he did.
"To please you," the reply was soft, halting, but his tone was sincere. "To win your affection." His eyes averted, too embarrassed to meet Kadaj's gaze, even as his words slowly regained the eloquence he had been gifted with. "Forgive me, brother, for being so weak."
He took another sip of the water, the other needs clamouring in the back of his head, but he was half-hearted about voicing them. He didn't want his brother's opinion of him to drop even lower. After all, brother's opinion was important. He was the one who had...
...had...
...had what?
----
The response was anything but what he had expected; it had, in fact, totally misinterpreted the meaning of the words.
Or had it, really? Was Rufus misunderstanding intentionally to get his point across to him, or was he really that innocent, that oblivious? Kadaj, nevertheless, found the answer pleasing, and made no secret of it in his dark smile.
"I forgive you," he responded, watching his brother a moment longer when he noticed he'd averted his eyes. Rufus had been good at playing this game before, the feigning of submission right before he drew the curtain back and revealed the farce; it was clear to Kadaj now when he was playing, and when he was not.
"I want to give you my affection. I anticipate you proving yourself well, brother."
He finally turned away, looking to the stars beyond. Innumerable planets had been laid to waste in a matter of days, destroyed one by one. Even Kadaj wasn't truly sure what purpose they could serve when mother seemed to have it all under control... but no doubt the meaning behind it all would inevitably become clear.
He smiled, a slight hint of laughter in his tone. "What I meant was what you felt you needed to physically continue to function. Shall I feed you, or shall I have you rest? You must want something, and I'm allowing you to voice it."
----
As a matter of fact, Rufus really was that oblivious at the moment. Mental faculties stripped to the point where he barely had the mind of a child, he was quite, quite incapable of deceit. His face lighted with surprise and joy at Kadaj's words, eyes flicking back to his brother's face. He wondered what he had done right to deserve this sudden kindness, and thought churned sluggishly in an effort to analyse.
"Food," he found himself saying, downing the last of the water. Enthusiasim made his tone brighter, his words coming faster and less tentatively, and he unconsciously reached up to tug at the metal ringing his throat. It chaffed. "The bathroom," he said impulsively. "...A shower?"
Had he overstepped his boundaries? His brother had given him two options, and he didn't need a shower to physically continue to function. Suddenly anxious, he gnawed on his lower lip, dropping his hands to his lap.
----
It really was like handling a child. Kadaj studied him, noting the discomfort of the collar but not yet taking it off for him. It'd take a little longer before he'd be quite comfortable without that attached, the extra weight, that thing that would certainly ensure he wouldn't get far if he tried.
"Food first! Mother will want her youngest big and strong, won't she?" His voice held the hint of a purr, not quite as chilling as it had been before, but at least eerie - an attempt at affection that wasn't quite working. He held his hand out to Rufus, smirking. "Up. Sit at the table."
***
It was a good two hours later that saw Rufus's needs finally met, the hot run of water in Kadaj's adjoined shower hissing, wafting small tendrils of steam from the gap beneath the door. Kadaj stood - washing dishes at the sink, of all things - and staring out in the starry expanse.
He had learned, within those two hours, at least a little about the Dark Water's affect on Rufus. While he was not reduced to a vegetable - that much had been obvious from the start - it had certainly decreased his mental faculties. It was like speaking to a nine year old. A nine year old with an incredible, overwhelming, passionate desire to please the family and live up to them, despite not truly being one of them.
Kadaj's lips curved, and he placed the next dish on the rack. If he remained that way, he would be easy to twist to their bidding. The only problem was that lack of a guarantee. Though he intended to keep an eye on him, mother was quick to remind him that that would not be enough. And if he did revert, what then? What use was he to so frequently need fixing?
He slammed the next dish in. He would need to speak to his brothers. They could decide the next course of action together.
The water cut out, and Kadaj dried his hands.
----
Kadaj's information was about to become outdated.
In the compact shower stall, warm water streaming down him and finally chasing away the vestiges of barely remembered cold, Rufus leaned his head back against the wall and dozed. And in sleep he collapsed into Mother's embrace, while she studied her youngest. Strangleholds on his mind were slowly loosened, while Jenova poked and prodded, rearranging thoughts and memories as she saw fit. It was easy when the mind was at rest, defenses down, and here she could experiment with little fear of repercussion.
There was resistence, of course, but it was growing steadily weaker, the struggles fading almost into nothing. The human mind could only resist for so long before tiring, before it turned on itself and let defeatism devour it. And Rufus was at the end of his strength.
Minutes ticked by while Jenova did her work, darkly amused by the sight of Kadaj doing the dishes like a good mommy's boy. He would have quite a surprise when his newest brother finally emerged from the shower. And giving him a pet seemed to have curbed some of his brattish tendencies. Teaching him a measure of responsibility and patience. She was frankly surprised that he hadn't broken the door down. She'd been taking a while.
But now she was done, and she settled back to let her handiwork run its course.
***
He emerged from an exhausted doze to find himself being rained on. Looking up, he caught sight of the light streaming through the shower droplets, fracturing into tiny, glittering rainbows. A bright day. A new day. Or so Mother assured him, and he found himself rising from where he had been seated on the floor of the showerstall at her prompting, flicking the shower off and stretching muscles that were going a little stiff.
It didn't take long for him to towel off and grab his clothes, and he emerged from the shower barely two minutes later, hair still damp, clad in his black shirt, jacket slung over his shoulder.
"Brother?" he called out, looking around.
----
To be entirely honest, Kadaj's patience was starting to run somewhat thin. He had been thinking to poke his head in over it, to ensure that Rufus hadn't lapsed and tried to drown himself in there - but mother assured from time to time, and he could still feel him, bright and alive. Let him enjoy himself, for now. Kadaj knew how fleeting freedom could be, knew that this would be the last time for him if things went her way. And so he had cleaned, distracted himself, did the things that pleased mother and frustrated him to no end.
When the shower had clicked off, he'd almost felt relief.
When Rufus emerged from inside the shower, Kadaj still stood at the sink, leaning his back against it with his arms crossed in front of him. There was something making him anxious, giving him butterflies - and he suspected, strangely enough, that it must be mother's doing.
Strange.
He smiled nevertheless, gaze piercing through pale hair; back in those clothes again, naturally, the blood-speckled mess that they were. Such a shame that, for now, he was more effective this way; it created such a divide when he couldn't dress as they did, be as they were.
"Did you enjoy your shower?" he asked, that same eerie, pseudo-caring tone that spoke down to Rufus, treated him as the mental age he knew him to be. "Are you ready to sleep?"
----
ufus halted, eyes flicking from the sink, still sporting suds, to the plates, and back to his brother, quite effortlessly deducing that Kadaj had been cleaning up after him. And felt something akin to distress. Menial work was beneath his brother.
His brow furrowed in perplexity at Kadaj's words, though, talking to him as though he was a child. Or possibly retarded. Had Kadaj been using that tone all along and had he failed to notice?
He draped the jacket over the back of a chair, and if it hadn't been evident earlier, it was starkly obvious now -- gone was the hesitance; his movements were as poised and confident as they had ever been, if somewhat quiet. Subdued. "Thank you for your care and hospitality, brother." He glanced back Kadaj, feeling somewhat at a loss. Truth to be told, he was still exhausted, despite the nap in the shower, but he'd already imposed on his brother by apparently slacking off when he should have been helping. Was he sick, he wondered? Everything before this had the hazy feel of a delirious fever dream. There was something about him leaning against his brother, stumbling in exhaustion; perhaps he was sick. It explained the fatigue, the muscle-ache, the lightheadedness.
"My job is to assist you, not to laze around," he said, looking about for anything that needed doing. "How may I be of service?"
----
Kadaj almost became guarded when he saw the way Rufus moved, more like the confident President he'd known than the boy he'd become over the last few hours. Green eyes defied his assumption, the gaze leveled at him more equal now, less hungry for attention. Kadaj pushed away from the counter, moved to him with his head tilted inquisitively.
Mother's voice emerged from the grey, a soft whisper that caressed down his spine, made him blink slowly. An improvement, hmm? It was certainly more familiar, had the discipline of maturity behind it - and devoted selflessly, if his words were any indication.
"Perhaps," he responded, smirking a little. "But you aren't much good to me if you collapse from exhaustion..." However, if Rufus felt sure of himself and his capabilities, who was Kadaj to argue? He rolled his shoulders in a childish manner, turned away from him to stride across the long length of the room, out of the kitchen, down to small step and into the main room again.
"You can show yourself to my brothers, I suppose. We have to map out our plans, and I'd expect you to be there." He looked over his shoulder. "I was going to let it wait, but if you're feeling well enough..."
He eyed him again, turned to him fully.
"Come here." After all, it wasn't so long ago that Rufus could barely carry himself. He needed to see how much improvement the food and water had garnered him. If it looked sufficient... why not settle the plans now, and rest later when all was prepared?
----
Less hungry for attention? Only because it was better masked now, tempered by fatigue. His world still revolved around this particular brother, still centered around the all-important goal of winning his trust and affection.
Which lent him strength to shove away all other concerns. Rest could wait; he was used to keeping it at bay (but when? why?) and besides, he was just way too stubborn to pass up the opportunity to prove himself to his brother.
Although the thought of seeing the others made him somehow uneasy. Worried. Fearful, perhaps... especially if Sephiroth himself, Mother's best-beloved and chosen, was there. He found himself scratching at the collar, and stopped. Kadaj expected him to be there, and he could do nothing but obey.
Trailing fingers across furniture and against the wall to give him support should he stumble, Rufus set off after Kadaj. It was an effort to take it a pace he could manage - something of a brisk walk - instead of trying to run. He hoped his brother wouldn't think him tardy. His knee still buckled when he took the step... or perhaps his foot slipped. Fingers curled against the wall, and he fought for balance for one precarious moment before he caught himself again and straightened.
----
Willful. Kadaj watched him, watched every little stumble and recovery, listened for even the slightest indicative sound of exertion. He was doing well - surprisingly well, considering what a state he had been in before. Mother did that for them, though. She did that for her precious sons, lending her will, lending that motivation to fight for her.
He smirked when Rufus made it all the way over, clinging to the wall though he was, and he cocked his head to the side.
"... Are you going to need me to hold your hand everywhere?" His tone was half-cruel, straddling that line between teasing and derision. Nevertheless, he reached out to grasp Rufus's upper arm, giving him a little support. If Kadaj had learned anything from watching his brothers, it was that their orchestrated movements, their support of each other didn't stop at fighting. It had always been one of his quiet envies, to be that close to someone.
He doubted Rufus was worth trying it with. He could trust this man less than any other in his family, but small, naive hopes were Kadaj's weakness, it seemed.
"We'll go, then. You're good enough."
----
If Rufus had been himself, and if he had known what was going on in Kadaj's head, he would have laughed straight out. Trust? Nevermind the fact that family didn't equate trustworthy, especially for Rufus I-tried-to-assassinate-my-daddy-and-I-didn't-even-get-the-lousy-T-shirt Shinra, nevermind that Kadaj was hoping to trust someone whose world he'd destroyed, whose friends and subordinates he had tortured, whom he had tortured in turn and drugged into submission...
...even putting all that aside, Kadaj was doing an awful job of winning his loyalty over. Human Resource Management was all about the carrot and the stick, and right now, Kadaj was way too much stick.
And even if Rufus wasn't himself, he still felt a tingle of disappointment at Kadaj's response, stung by the derision that hit so much harder than the teasing. He dropped his eyes to the floor, following, trying not to stumble again, even as sweat started beading on his forehead from the effort. Somehow, though, it all felt familiar, somehow -- this expectation of perfection, this inability to please the one whose respect he was trying to win, the way his best was never good enough.
He'd have said it felt like his childhood all over again, except that that was ridiculous; he was Mother's creation, had never been a child.
He hoped that wherever they were going wasn't too far away.
----
Perhaps he was looking too hard for signs. Perhaps it was all in his head, the slight flicker in Rufus's eyes, the way his features tightened just a little. Perhaps. He frowned, gripped his brother's arm tighter and supportively. 'You lure more flies with honey', wasn't that how that saying went?
"It's alright," he murmured, leading him to the door. It wasn't quite repentant, still upbeat, positive, and he was excited about the prospects and what this all meant for them. His words were a little tight in his throat, unfamiliar; he was not used to reassuring people... especially with words that he wasn't sure about, himself.
"Mother will appreciate your efforts, but she won't like it if you hurt yourself doing it. You're important to us."
But he supposed it sounded a little like something mother would say, and for that reason he hoped that he wasn't going far wrong. She would want him to treat him well; well enough that he would keep his faith in them, that he wouldn't resent or resist. Oblivious though he was to the similarity in rule from mother and the figure in Rufus's own past, he felt sure that any taste of tyranny over love would incur seeds of doubt.
He'd experienced it first-hand, after all. He thought it day by day. They couldn't risk it with Rufus.
Into the corridor, back into the yawning dark and the tall ceilings. He rubbed Rufus's skin through the light material of his shirt. "Come on, brother. You're doing well. Stay close to me."
----
And there was the subtle whisper that he'd come to associate with Mother in the back of his head - of course it wouldn't be easy to win their respect. He was the bastard child, his blood tainted (how? why?). He didn't look the same, didn't dress the same, had just, apparently, been rescued out of darkness (why can't I remember?!) and hence the collar, hence the mark of control that singled him out.
He must have betrayed them at some point. It seemed the only logical explanation.
Kadaj's encouragement made him brighten. The reassurance that he was important. That he was still loved, still being given a second (second?) chance to be with the family. And Mother's chilling warning, just an icy finger of cold that made his skin prickle, hinting at the consequences of crossing the line again.
He did inch unconsciously closer to Kadaj as they stepped out into the corridor. This place was strange, alien. Utterly unfamiliar, cold and unwelcoming. Anxiety gnawed at the edges of his senses, and he found himself peering into the shadows, half expecting some of those monsters from the labs (labs?) to emerge.
"Where are we going?" he asked softly.
----
The slight closeness made Kadaj smile - almost genuine, possessing the reassurance of his trust. Excellent. Mother was a warm blanket across his shoulders, proud of him, reassuring him that he was doing well, and he found that he felt closer to her for it.
Doing her work was its own reward.
"To find my brothers and mother. We must set out our plan." He led him down, the grate forming a slight incline; it was, Kadaj found, easy to remember where he was within the colossal ship. Designed from scrap though it was, sealed over in silver that made it clean and glorious as any other, each corridor and room was entirely unique in its construction, and vast though it was, it was easy to memorise.
Rufus was such an improvement this way. He grinned at the soft tone to his voice, drove him ever forward.
"Don't be afraid, brother. They're all much like me." He pondered that for a moment, and then quietly amended, "most of them."
Most of them would need to be enough. It occured to him to wonder just what Sephiroth would make of a brother who lacked the necessary cells, who wasn't pure like they were, who wasn't even partially tainted like Cloud. Perhaps the lure of a useful face would help that. Perhaps mother's approval would make him more accepting.
... Perhaps he would be able to change her mind, and for some bizarre reason, that bothered him. Perhaps it bothered him in the same ways, with the same reasons that he took Rufus as special in the first place.
----
The reference by Kadaj to his brothers -- not 'ours', never ours -- did not go unnoticed. But Rufus said nothing, eyes on the corridor ahead.
Not to mention that Kadaj's assurance did nothing to assuage his fears. If they were like Kadaj, then he had much to be afraid of. While he revered his brother, he was well aware of his capacity towards cruelty, of his sudden and violent moodswings. His jaw ached, and although he couldn't quite recall where it had come from, apart from darkness and cold and green, he had an inkling that Kadaj had had something to do with it.
Well within his rights, as it was the perogative and duty of an older brother to put an erring younger into place... but it did not make him any less fearsome.
And Kadaj at least he knew. The others...
Deal with that bridge when you get to it.
He blinked. The words hadn't come from Kadaj, hadn't come from Mother, yet the tone and inflection of that mental subvocalisation had been familiar. More than familiar. Had it been himself? Someone else? A tutor of sorts?
Mother grew watchful in the back of his mind, and he shied away from her attention, concentrating on walking. The corridors twisted and turned under his feet.
Summary.
Kadaj uses shiny New Improved Dark Water to turn Rufus to a 'brother' of sorts, primarily for use as a rather handy spy on Arcadia, what with his influence over the Turks. Mother rearranges his brains while he showers. He emerges shiny, competetive, and not trusting Kadaj in the slightest. Kadaj is presently underestimating him and trusting him a little too much. Rufus has vague inklings of what happened prior to being given the dark water, but struggles to bring it to the fore, so the dark water influence seems to be tenuous.
The two of them are presently heading over to see Seph and Yazoo.