Throwing out words that would never be heard by those who ought to

[silver_notebook]

I’d laugh it wasn’t sad that you should be so scared of me you have to hide. I jest that fear’s what first holds so many back, not knowing the fearlessly friendly form this fierce frame contains; but later, it’s the friendliness that makes fresh fears, as it’s mistaken for something more than could be merited by such as you.  Such things come much

Comments

it's true, it keeps happening

[porphyre]

My hunting for a job is beginning to merge into my feelings of emotional abandonment. I'm not at the "there must be something wrong with me" stage, but I can see it in the distance, sprinting toward me.

It hasn't happened to me for some time; but it's soooo bloody irritating!

[silver_notebook]

Oh; I quite understand the issue with the job. It must be hard, as unless something perfect comes along, it will be marking time (which doesn't have to be a bad thing, if you're making progress elsewhere in life). The weird thing is that that's what so many people are doing anyway; but I imagine when employers see a face such as yours, that fear comes to mind sooner. Their loss, but hard for you to deal with.

[dans_la_reine]

lovely
xoxox

Thank you - I think it might want to be said aloud

[silver_notebook]

It would be lovelier if it weren't true: silly boy!

Re: Thank you - I think it might want to be said aloud

[dans_la_reine]

yes but you make is sound so pretty

Re: Thank you - I think it might want to be said aloud

[silver_notebook]

Pretty things for pretty boys*, even if they are very silly, insecure/paranoid boys. It's a good reminder to me of why I try to always stipulate men; but they're a much rarer species (if still single, that is). I could deal with boys if they accept they're just to be pleasant playthings; but I don't think they realise that's an option. I think perhaps this one is on the cusp between the two, battling to become a man, and trying to deal with all the internal panic that goes with that.

*he was terribly pretty, in that very tall, very skinny, looks like a Pre-Raphaelite rendition of Jesus kind of way. And nice eyes. Ho hum.

Re: more 'itch' than 'ouch'

[silver_notebook]

Oh, I'm completely all right: just pissed off that he should be so rude and silly, when his underlying nature is so much better than that. Sadly, I fear my attempts to confront his behaviour has just made him perceive me as something to be scared of. It's a Catch 22 as far as I'm concerned, and his problem; but irritating nonetheless: rather like a mosquito bite that wants to be scratched even though you know that will only make it itchier (and possibly even slightly septic). However, I'd decided that good communication is essential; so I'd rather have things die early than have such things sensitively danced around, waiting to jump up and bite when there's more at stake.

WE all rationally know it's not worth being devoured by such people

[silver_notebook]

Yes; it's the stop talking that's most irritating: so rude and cowardly. If one is to engage in 'adult' relationships, one owes it to those involved to behave kind and respectfully, unless they've done something that merits otherwise.

In terms of the 'why', I'm not sure I need an explanation. If there are doubts that early on which aren't hidden by initial passion, then they're likely seeds that will stay there ready to burst through the foundations at a later date. I'm trying to think of the 'whys' I might have had to give if pressed too hard beyond the 'we're not right: we're very different people'; however, if I've had those feelings, I've always made sure to give the person involved a little bit of my time to tell them and not just stood them up then, failed to pick up calls. It's the rudeness and disrespect that irritates, especially when it's actually not that hard. Manners!

The funny thing is, I think he read it all much bigger than it ever needed to be; but even if light weight fluff, I still want respect and reasonable