Shadows of Self, an entry for the Flame

[silver_raven]

There - just there, stapled to the wall with the teeniest bit of yellowed scotch tape in the upper left corner, left as a reminder of its long ago attachment to another wall in another time, another memory. "Me and Jack - 1996" The writing was small and scrawled in my imperfect hand across the dingy white bottom of the Polaroid. It was a happy

Comments

Editor!

[captainpookey]

I really liked the piece, especially the way you tied the very beginning back to the end. Your character’s voice was very strong. I wish this piece had been a little longer in some places, because it was fun and interesting to read.

The 1st paragraph had a few awkward spots in it. I had to read the 1st sentence several times to figure out whether the photo had been taped to the wall, or stapled, and I think it could use slight rewording. I also believe it might be a fragment, because you don’t specify what’s been stapled to the wall until the next sentence, when you talk about what’s written on the Polaroid.

I really liked this bit:

Then there, lopsided on the rough wood paneling was my wedding photo. Not one snapped by my mother or his, but the true, honest-to-God-we-actually-did-it photo from the hired photographer. I think her name was Jill.It made me giggle. I also liked the way in which you discussed the throwaway camera, because I think the reader can definitely relate (at least, I know I can :P