Warning: Angst and Grumpiness Ahead.
I feel so fucking grumpy ALL the time lately, like each day I'm fighting everyone and everything to do what I need or want to.
Work is more stressful than its ever been because head office has basically gone 'fuck you, look after everything yourself, just send us the money' and its killing my Dad, at least five or six times in the last month he's nearly had a heart attack sat at his desk arguing on the phone with head office, its beyond horrible and I'm terrified one of these times his glycerine heart spray won't work and I'm going to lose him sat there surrounded by all that bloody paperwork.
I'm screaming at my brothers every other day because they're not doing their work, I've had to take on scheduling in and keeping track of all their work because neither of them cares enough to do it anymore, even my older brother Clive who used to be bugging me to work all the time has just stopped thinking how its affecting me and my father now he has a girlfriend, I mean don't get me wrong she's absolutely lovely but his head isn't on work anymore, its constantly elsewhere and texting her and calling her and not getting work done!
It would be so very easy to say "oh well all get new jobs then, or start your own company" which is what my Dad would love to do and has started talking about but it would cost at LEAST £50,000 to do that and we just can't afford it, no bank in the economy we're in currently would lend us that no matter what business plan we drew up. As for the new jobs...well yes I could probably very easily get a new job but that would be abandoning my family and I just can't do that. Instead I'm going to sit here at my desk and try not to cry because its just so hard to fight against something that's meant to be supporting you.
So very annoyed at ebay, well not ebay itself but the fact we bought a treadmill off there because I currently have a running addiction but the fucking couriers dropped it and broke it and it was the last one they were selling so they had to refund our money and now I am left with no treadmill. I could go out into the country running like I did on Friday but its all so horribly uneven and I almost turned my ankle over twice which wasn't fun. I hate running in the city with everyone looking at me so that's out as well, I think it may have to be a case of buying a more expensive one from somewhere like Argos or possibly one of my Mum's catalogues because at the moment running is the only thing that's calming me down and clearing my head even if the tops of my thighs and part of my buttocks REALLY hurt right now!
I love Google though because it figured out why I repeatedly keep getting a stitch on my right side, apparently I'm breathing wrong while I'm running, too quickly and contracting the muscles in my side, slow long breaths is what I should be taking.
I've decided that the 'Wii' is evil, its frozen the muscle at the top of my right arm twice now, and its addictive and I want one but I don't...its left me feeling so confused! Maybe I should just move into Jennie's house...but that would mean living with Jennie which just NO!
Ugh, second visit to the dentist tonight for my other filling, not looking forward to it because last time he almost made me cry by skidding the drill across my back teeth and rattling my brain in my skull, also it means I'll miss the first hour of Scott Mills again and abandon Mark in my inbox :(
and this is why I don't write proper entries because they go on for ages!
Work is more stressful than its ever been because head office has basically gone 'fuck you, look after everything yourself, just send us the money' and its killing my Dad, at least five or six times in the last month he's nearly had a heart attack sat at his desk arguing on the phone with head office, its beyond horrible and I'm terrified one of these times his glycerine heart spray won't work and I'm going to lose him sat there surrounded by all that bloody paperwork.
I'm screaming at my brothers every other day because they're not doing their work, I've had to take on scheduling in and keeping track of all their work because neither of them cares enough to do it anymore, even my older brother Clive who used to be bugging me to work all the time has just stopped thinking how its affecting me and my father now he has a girlfriend, I mean don't get me wrong she's absolutely lovely but his head isn't on work anymore, its constantly elsewhere and texting her and calling her and not getting work done!
It would be so very easy to say "oh well all get new jobs then, or start your own company" which is what my Dad would love to do and has started talking about but it would cost at LEAST £50,000 to do that and we just can't afford it, no bank in the economy we're in currently would lend us that no matter what business plan we drew up. As for the new jobs...well yes I could probably very easily get a new job but that would be abandoning my family and I just can't do that. Instead I'm going to sit here at my desk and try not to cry because its just so hard to fight against something that's meant to be supporting you.
So very annoyed at ebay, well not ebay itself but the fact we bought a treadmill off there because I currently have a running addiction but the fucking couriers dropped it and broke it and it was the last one they were selling so they had to refund our money and now I am left with no treadmill. I could go out into the country running like I did on Friday but its all so horribly uneven and I almost turned my ankle over twice which wasn't fun. I hate running in the city with everyone looking at me so that's out as well, I think it may have to be a case of buying a more expensive one from somewhere like Argos or possibly one of my Mum's catalogues because at the moment running is the only thing that's calming me down and clearing my head even if the tops of my thighs and part of my buttocks REALLY hurt right now!
I love Google though because it figured out why I repeatedly keep getting a stitch on my right side, apparently I'm breathing wrong while I'm running, too quickly and contracting the muscles in my side, slow long breaths is what I should be taking.
I've decided that the 'Wii' is evil, its frozen the muscle at the top of my right arm twice now, and its addictive and I want one but I don't...its left me feeling so confused! Maybe I should just move into Jennie's house...but that would mean living with Jennie which just NO!
Ugh, second visit to the dentist tonight for my other filling, not looking forward to it because last time he almost made me cry by skidding the drill across my back teeth and rattling my brain in my skull, also it means I'll miss the first hour of Scott Mills again and abandon Mark in my inbox :(
and this is why I don't write proper entries because they go on for ages!