Trust 5/?
Donghae and Hyukjae sat next to each other while looking at the beautiful sunset before them. They’re smiling enjoying the beautiful view like there’s no burden in his life and there’s nothing to worry in this life. They’re too happy to be with each other. Today is such a beautiful for them because they’ve been spending the day together. But, it’s just 6PM. The day is not over yet, right?
Donghae saw a ball came to his feet and he took it with his both hands. Two boys-looks like around 5 year old kids-ran to him immediately.
“Hyung! can I have my ball back?” One of them asked.
Donghae looked at the ball then to them, “This ball?” He asked innocently.
“Ne.” The boy nodded eagerly. he looked scared of Donghae. Maybe he thought that Donghae was a bad guy. But he should be brave to take his ball back.
Donghae looked at the two boys and he just realized that they’re brothers. The younger brother clutched his older brother’s shirt and hid himself behind his older brother.
Donghae smiled his angelic smile, “But can I play with you please?” He asked with his puppy eyes.
The boy looked surprised, “But mom already told us to go home.” He pointed at their mom who watching them from a far. “you’re late, hyung.”
Donghae pouted, “Too bad. Next time, can i?”
“of course! We’ll play in this beach every weekend, hyung!” The boy smiled widely.
“Oke, deal!” Donghae gave him the ball and he took it happily. “See you again.” Donghae ruffled the kids hair and the kids giggled.
“Ne! Bye, hyung!” The boy waved at Donghae and turned around. He held his younger brother’s hand before ran to their mom.
“haaaaah… kyeopda…” Donghae said while his eyes still following the kids who ran to their mom.
Hyukjae smiled and pinched Donghae’s cheek, “You’re cute too.” Donghae pouted while caressed his cheek. Hyukjae chuckled to see Donghae’s cuteness. “You love kids?”
“Yes, I do.” Donghae answered simply. “You?”
Hyukjae took a deep breath and looked at the sunset in front of him, “I do. I already dream my life in the future. Have my own kids from my beautiful wife, have a family vacation together, play soccer with my son. That would be a really beautiful life.” He smiled to his own dream.
Donghae froze.
He looked at Hyukjae with his aching heart. He looked away. Anywhere else but Hyukjae. Oh my God, that’s so hurt. That’s the moment Donghae’s beautiful day got ruined. Hyukjae maybe didn’t realize about what he just said. but those words stabbed Donghae’s heart really badly.
Hyukjae didn’t even have Donghae in his dream of his future.
Have my own kids from my beautiful wife…
Donghae tried so hard to hold his tears not to fall. Those words that Hyukjae just said to him were equal to someday Hyukjae would leave him to get married with a beautiful girl and have their own kids. Donghae definitely excluded in his future. Donghae would never give him a kid, right? Hyukjae didn’t even love him. So why would Donghae included in his future? Hyukjae would leave him someday.
Donghae bite his lips to stop himself from crying. It hurts. It really hurts. He felt like he just left behind by Hyukjae.
“How about you? Do you want to have a kid?” Hyukjae asked with a big smile and unaware of Donghae’s heart that really broken by his words, and his question.
Donghae looked at his fingers on his laps like it’s really interesting, “yes.” Donghae answered. “but you know I cant.”
That moment Hyukjae just realized about what he just asked. His smile disappeared and he looked guilty, “o-oh… y-yeah… I’m sorry…”
Donghae chuckled to himself, “why did you say sorry? That’s not even your fault that I’m gay.” Donghae said with laugh, trying to cover his sadness.
“No, Donghae-“
“Hyukjae, I want to go home. I feel a little bit unwell…” Donghae cut Hyukjae’s words and immediately stood up. Hyukjae looked up and follow Donghae to stand up as well.
“Oke…” Hyukjae answered.
Donghae walked to Hyukjae’s car expressionless and Hyukjae followed behind him with guilty feeling in his heart.
During their way to Donghae’s home, they remained silent. Donghae pretend to sleep and Hyukjae just sighed heavily every 20 minutes. he still thinking how stupid he was to asked such question. While Donghae’s eyes got wet even he trying so hard pretend that he’s sleeping. He’s feeling too sad, and it’s really hard to handle.
When they arrived at Donghae’s house, Donghae was already sleep for real. Hyukjae took his hand and kissed it sweetly to woke him up. It works because Donghae slowly opened his eyes. He rubbed his eyes cutely and looked around. When he realized that they’re in front of his house already, he sat up straightly.
“Thanks, Hyukjae. See you tomorrow.” Donghae said to Hyukjae and Hyukjae smiled gently to him.
“I couldn’t drive you to your work and pick you up too tonight. Is that okay?” Hyukjae squeezed Donghae’s hands on his. Donghae looked at it and slowly nodded.
Hyukjae noticed that Donghae still sad since the conversation on the beach. So he cupped Donghae’s face and kissed him full on the lips. Donghae was surprised but he kissed back.
“I’m sorry about it…” Hyukjae said when he pulled away.
Donghae stared deeply into Hyukjae’s eyes. His eyes slowly got warm and tears fell. Hyukjae surprised and panic, “Why are you crying?”
Donghae looked down to hide his face and shook his head, “No… I’m fine… I’m sorry…” Donghae sobbed and immediately ran out of the car. He slammed the door and ran to his house. Leaving Hyukjae dumbfounded,
Hyukjae sighed heavily and feel like a bastard.
While Donghae ran inside his house and immediately went to his room. He threw his body to the bed and cried.
but you still didn’t realized about what hurt me the most, Hyukjae…
Donghae kept crying and he felt he’s really selfish. Hyukjae has his own rights to build his future, with or without him inside. Donghae didn’t have any rights to make Hyukjae sorry because of it.
***
Donghae woke up by his mother’s loud voice screaming like a crazy women she is. She’s calling Donghae over and over again. Donghae stood up and immediately ran to his mother.
He saw his mom coughing badly on her bed, “What’s wrong, mom? Are you okay?” Donghae asked while kneeling beside the bed and helped his mom to sat up.
“My medicines runs out. Go buy at the hospital.” She said between her cough.
Donghae nodded, “Okay. I’ll get a water for you first.” Donghae said. He ran to the kitchen and get a glass of water for his mother. He gave it to her and took the medicine’s receipt. Then he ran to the hospital hurriedly.
In hospital, he’s thinking that maybe he should skip work tonight. he should just stay at home and take care of his mother. He looked at the medicines in his hands and feel bad about it. His mom was sick, but he couldn’t take care of her because he’s too busy working. but his mom didn’t want him to take care of her sometimes.
“Yes, Mr. Lee Hyukjae. You can wait for a while here.”
Donghae stopped his track and looked around to find the source of the voice. He looked at not so far behind him, there’s a nurse talking with a guy who sitting on the waiting bench. He couldn’t see who’s the guy in the beginning, but when the nurse left, Donghae widened his eyes.
There’s Hyukjae. He’s sitting with a girl beside him who looked so weak. No, not only a random girl. It’s Seungyeon again. Seungyeon looked so weak, she leaned his head on Hyukjae’s shoulder. Her hands hugging Hyukjae’s waist tightly while Hyukjae’s hands circled around her shoulder. He saw Hyukjae kissed the top of Seungyeon’s head and whispered something to her. Seungyeon nodded and moved closer to buried her face on Hyukjae’s neck. They looked so romantic to each other.
Donghae felt his legs turned into jelly. What is this…, He thought.
“Mrs, Han Seungyeon.” The nurse came out of the room.
Hyukjae and Seungyeon stood up and walked inside the room. When the door closed, Donghae walked to that room. He stand in front of the room to read the sign on the door’s room to know what Doctor they were visit.
obstetricians.
Donghae gasped and dropped his jaw in surprised. What are they doing here?
Donghae didn’t even dare to imagine what’s the answer.
***
After gave the medicines to his mother, he sat on the corner of his room without even turn the lamp on. He hugged his legs up to his chest and he stared blankly at the bed in front of him. His mind was hovering in the air, thinking what exactly happened between Hyukjae and Seungyeon. Is... Seungyeon pregnant? Is it Hyukjae's baby? Is that why Hyukjae's eyes looked so bright when he's talking about having his own kid?
Donghae couldn't help but cry in silent. He bite his lips and covered his mouth with his hands. He sobbed in silent. His whole body shaking and trembling because he's crying. He couldn't stop his cry. He's hurting. He's breaking. He's scared. He don't know what to do.
He never asked Hyukjae if he has a girlfriend. Should he ask? But he's too scared to hear the answer. Is he stupid if he want to act like he doesn't know anything about this? He only want Hyukjae to be with him. Protect him. Loving him. Even he knows Hyukjae doesn't love him, but he felt like he was loved by the other. Yes, he's really selfish. But he only want Hyukjae in his life. Never in his life he really want someone or something. He only want Hyukjae to be with him always. He loves Hyukjae so much.
He hugged himself tightly. He bite his lips to prevent his voice to be heard. He didn't want his mother to hear he's crying.
Hyukjae... Actually, who are you? What do you want?, Donghae thought inside his mind.
Donghae trust Hyukjae so much. Is that wrong?
Donghae cried and cried all night long. He couldn't imagine his life without Hyukjae who has been protecting him lately. He's too attached to Hyukjae. He didn't want Hyukjae to leave.
But why? If Hyukjae has a girlfriend, why Hyukjae do this to me..., Donghae thought.
For 3 hours Donghae just sat on the corner of his room without turn on his lamp. He sat on the dark, dried tears still linger on his cheeks. He didn't know what to do and he didn't have any strength to do something either. His eyes blank. He didn't sleep either. He just did nothing.
He already told Nickhun to replaced him tonight so he didn't need to work. He only wanted to lock himself all night long. He's lucky because his mother seems okay after she got her medicines.
He just sat there and did nothing. He still thinking about him and Hyukjae when suddenly his phone ringing.
He turned his head lazily to his cellphone on the bed and he moved lazily to get the cellphone.
His heart stopped.
It's Hyukjae.
Should he answer? Donghae got a really big dilemma. He wants to answer but he couldn't talk with Hyukjae right now.
But the cellphone keep ringing and Donghae didn't have a heart to reject the call. So he answered it.
He didn't say anything at first until Hyukjae talked first.
"Donghae?"
"Yeah..."
"Where are you? Are you okay? I'm at your work place but you're not here. Are you okay?" Hyukjae said in panic and Donghae was a little bit surprise to know that Hyukjae is at his work place.
"I'm at home." Donghae answered weakly.
"You're sick, right? I know it through your voice." Hyukjae assumed and Donghae could tell that Hyukjae is worry.
Yes, I'm sick of everything happened to me..., Donghae thought. Tears fell from his eyes.
"Just feel a little bit unwell." Donghae answered.
"Really?" Hyukjae asked again. "It isn't because of me, right?"
Donghae bite his lips to prevent the sobs heard by Hyukjae. He sighed heavily and said, "can we meet right now?"
"Huhh?" Hyukjae was lost.
"I need to talk to you." Donghae said again and he wiped his tears with his hands.
"Hmmm... Okay. Where do you want to meet?" Hyukjae asked.
"At the park. Like usual." Donghae answered immediately.
"Okay, I'm on my way."
***
Donghae felt a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and a kiss landed on his cheek.
"What's up?" Hyukjae whispered in his ear and buried his face on Donghae's neck sweetly.
Donghae sighed and turned around to face Hyukjae. He pushed Hyukjae's arms away and Hyukjae was a little bit surprised at the gesture.
Hyukjae stared at Donghae in confuse while Donghae stared at Hyukjae with his glassy and sad eyes, "I want you to kiss me."
Hyukjae laughed, "what? You called me to meet you just for a kiss? You're so impatient to wait until tomorrow, ne?" Hyukjae said and kissed Donghae full on the lips immediately. He kissed him passionately and Donghae kissed back. Hyukjae hugged Donghae tightly as if he doesn't want Donghae to let go.
But then Donghae broke the kiss and pushed Hyukjae away. Hyukjae stared at him with a smile, "is it good?"
Donghae wanted to answer him that it's beyond good. But he didn't.
"Why did you kiss me?"
Hyukjae widened his eyes and raised his eyebrow in confused, "what? You asked me to kiss you." Hyukjae answered with a chuckle.
"That's it?" Donghae asked sadly.
"Yeah," Hyukjae answered. "Why did you ask me to kiss you?"
"Because I love you. I love you so much that it hurts to know you kissed me just because I asked you to kiss me." Donghae said with tears fell from his eyes. Hyukjae was taken aback at Donghae's answer and the tears that fell from his eyes.
"What?" Hyukjae was really confused. "What's wrong, Donghae? You scared me."
Donghae chuckled, his tears fell again but he immediately wiped it.
"I scared you?" He chuckled. "You don't know how much you just scared me, Hyukjae."
Hyukjae narrowed his eyes at the answer. He really don't understand.
"I saw you with a girl and I don't even want to tell you where it was. It was freaking me out." Donghae said to Hyukjae and Hyukjae widened his eyes when he heard it. "It's totally freaking me out, Hyukjae. I'm scared. I feel like I want to kill myself because I couldn't take it. I'm really scared!" Donghae started to sob and he couldn't stop it anymore. He's crying his heart out.
"Dong-"
Donghae stopped Hyukjae, he raised his palms in front of Hyukjae's face to stop him. He tried to breath properly and control his cry.
"I don't know what you actually want from me. I have no idea at all, Hyukjae. But I hope you came not to ruin my life. I trust you so much." Donghae said in a low voice. He still crying and Hyukjae couldn't stand it. "It's not your fault. You can be with a thousand girls and I died with a broken heart, it's all your rights to do that. But please just stop this. Don't make me fall to you even more. Stop the hugs. Stop the kisses if you can't love me back as much as I love you. I couldn't..." Donghae couldn't even continue his words. It hurts so bad.
Hyukjae stared at Donghae in pity and he confused what to do to comfort him. He really want to hug him and protect him, but he asked him to stop doing that.
"Don't hug or kiss me anymore just because I asked you to. I couldn't take the fact that I'm fooling myself..." Donghae shook his head slowly and crying even more. He couldn't even breath properly. It's so hard to breath. "It's all fake. The happiness I felt were fake."
"Donghae-"
"Let's just stop this, okay?" Donghae looked at Hyukjae's eyes and Hyukjae was froze on his feet when he saw how broken Donghae was. The light on his eyes were gone. It was replaced by a thousand pain. He's such a bastard to hurt this boy.
"No."
Donghae turned around and going to leave Hyukjae. But Hyukjae kept yelling and shouting that he won't stop this.
"I won't leave you, Donghae! You hear me! You trust me and I will always be there for you whenever you need me! You hear me, Donghae?!!" Hyukjae shouted to him loudly but Donghae still walked away with a breaking heart. "For God sake I will never leave you! It would be the stupidest thing I do, you know that?! I did enough of stupid things in my life and leave you will be the very last stupid thing I want to do in my life! I won't fucking do it!!!" Hyukjae snapped as loud as he could, wish that Donghae still can hear him even though he was far enough.
Donghae keep walking and crying at Hyukjae's outburst. He wants to believe it but he couldn't. It's a bullshit, right?
"Fvck it, Donghae! Fvck, I love you!!! Damn it!" Hyukjae yelled helplessly and turned around when he saw that Donghae keep walking and didn't want to turn around.
He started to walk weakly and hate on himself. He just hurt Donghae. Donghae the innocent and the cutest boy he ever met in his life. Screw his brother. He wants Donghae to be happy. He loves Donghae even though he's-
Hyukjae stopped his track when he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his waist tightly.
"Say it again."
Hyukjae was surprised and speechless at first. But then he realized the warm hands on his waist were Donghae's.
"I love you." Hyukjae finally said.
Donghae leaned his head on Hyukjae's back and hugged Hyukjae even tighter than before. He touched Hyukjae's chest and tightened his hug.
"Is that even true?"
"It is."
Donghae sighed heavily. He smell the scent of Hyukjae's body and closed his eyes. Hyukjae was so warm. He couldn't let him go.
"I love you, Hyukjae. I can't even bring myself to walk away from you any further than I just did a few minutes ago. I love you so much. I'm sorry, Hyukjae..." Donghae sobbed again and Hyukjae just stand there looked straight to the front, feeling Donghae's heartbeat on his back. It's calm him down. But the cry didn't.
"Stop crying. It's silly." Hyukjae said finally. "I started all of this. I want to be with you 'til the end."
"Where's the end?" Donghae asked between his sobs.
"I don't know. You just have to trust me, Donghae." Hyukjae said in a low and calming voice.
Donghae tightened his hug and nodded slowly.
***
a/n: someone still remember this fic? ;____;