THE FIRST EVER LIVEJOURNAL BRAGGING CONTEST

[silverpenlight]

FIRST EVER, DIRECT FROM ME TO YOU

LIVEJOURNAL BRAGGING CONTEST
'08

I think it's time we all blew a little steam off, and what better way then a bragging contest? The rules of play are simple, so if you've never even heard of this before, no problem.
The idea is, quite simply, to out-brag someone else. So to begin, you comment with something you've done

Comments

[figliaperduta]

I built a time-machine out of dryer lint, shed dog hair, twelve empty soda cans, and some pipe-cleaners.

Then, I travelled back in time and caused the downfall of the Roman Empire.

[alas_a_llama]

I built a machine that could travel through time and space and into parallel universes and had super powerful ion cannons out of two paperclips, a chocolate wrapper and only one full can of soda!

Then I used it to go back in time and create life on Earth. So there.

[figliaperduta]

I used my time-machine to travel into your time when you were about to leave to create life on Earth, and I drank your soda.

I then replaced it with a full bottle of beer (Heineken, to be specific), which according to my calculations should make your machine self-destruct on 'takeoff.'

So there.

[deutscheami]

Oh please. Today I gave myself sutures without anesthesia--and I did it with dental floss and a Swiss Army knife.

[wanttobeatree]

Sutures? Is that it? Last night, I had to amputate my arm with nothing but a butter knife.

[pneumatique]

That's funny, because last night I tried to do a liver transplant with a butter knife, but someone needed it to amputate their arm so I did it with my teeth, instead. And now the patient can FLY.

[rushin_doll]

Fly, huh. That's cute. Since someone had the butter knife I was going to do open heart surgery with I was forced to fall back on my teeth, but an emergency brain surgery case came up which required them so I was forced back to plan B: using the nurse's teeth (still attached) to do the open heart surgery while simultaneously using my own teeth for the brain surgery.

One of the patients not only flies, but exudes magic pixie dust that makes other people fly too (if they believe in themselves). The other patient used their new massive brain powers to end world hunger with a thought.

[pneumatique]

The other day I lept from a moving car into a launching space craft and survived without air long enough to save all the kittens, everywhere, before falling back to earth into a diving competition in China (which I won) and through the planet into a gymnastics tournament (I received a perfect ten for my dismount) and STOPPING a bank robbery.

And then I destroyed Pete Doherty's heroin problem with the POWER OF MY LOVE, reunited the Libertines, and they wrote a song in my honour which is receiving rave reviews from everyone AS WE SPEAK.

[rushin_doll]

I spent that day helping make people feel good about themselves. I saved all the kittens everywhere and pretended it was the work of someone who had jumped from a car. Then I went to China to pay off some diving judges so that the worst diver would win and feel good about themselves. Then I did the same thing at a gymnastics tournament before staging a fake bank robbery so that some concerned citizen could foil it and feel like they helped.

After that I disguised myself as Pete Doherty except I didn't pretend to have a heroin problem, got the band back together, wrote a tribute song, and included $100 bills with our sample tracks to ensure everyone would give us good reviews.

[rushin_doll]

Ten percent of the US federal government's budget goes to pay subsidies directly to me. I am, in fact, paid not to put effort into academic work because if I did I'd put every person working in the fields of science, engineering, and the advanced study of polka music out of a job.

[dontangernyx]

i can't believe i missed this. xD

WELL. i was in israel for almost two weeks, i'm in england right now for one week, and a dashing-ly amazing god damn HOT man helped me carry my suitcase down the stairs to the underground the other day.

i also when to the bbc store this week and bought the doctor who poster and spend twenty mintues drooling in front of the cardboard cutout of david tennant until my mum dragged me out of the store.

NO LIES.

beat that bitch. xD