Fic: Winning the Next Go 'Round
Title: Winning the Next Go ‘Round
Author: silverraven
Rating: PG
Pairings: Jared/Jensen, background JDM/Danneel
Wordcount: ~3,700
Summary: He knew Jared would leave eventually, one way or another. There is no competing with his love of the rodeo.
Notes: Written for spn-j2-xmas and my dearest akintay for her prompt ‘J2, ranch!AU - cowboy boots and hats and tight jeans’ because anything with the words J2 and cowboy, and I am there :D Hope you enjoy! And Happy Holidays!
A world of thank yous to lavishsqualor for brainstorming with me all those weeks ago, giving Jared's horse a name, and the speedy beta! You are my rockstar.
Moulton, Texas doesn’t have a lot going for it. It’s a small town just like any other, mainly a farming and ranching community, with a population just under a thousand. It’s got one high school and one city park (that’s actually called City Park), and a small town center made of a few streets that hardly see any traffic.
There’s nothing special about Moulton; it’s quiet and ordinary and that’s exactly why Jensen likes it so much.
Away from the hustle and bustle and unending stress that seems to encompass every major US city these days. The people here are a friendly, hard-working bunch that welcomed Jensen with open arms when his uncle passed and left the ranch to him. They’re always willing to offer a helping hand when the ranch gets too much to manage on his own and there’s always an invitation or two to a home-cooked meal whenever Jensen ventures into town for supplies.
But the best part? They leave him alone. Most days it’s usually just Jensen and the land, taking care of his herd of cattle and handful of horses and sheep. Two dogs, one collie and one blue heeler, round out the group.
It isn’t the easiest of lives; Jensen’s up before the sun and works right up until dinner, with not many breaks in between. He comes home covered in dust and sweat. New callouses on his hands appear every so often, and even after four years, he sometimes still forgets to leave his muddy boots at the door and has to spend a good half hour cleaning the footmarks he leaves all through the kitchen and hallway.
It’s a good life, though, a simple one. A world away from Jensen’s dreams growing up, but he doesn’t regret for one moment his decision to keep the ranch. He’s glad he didn’t listen to his parents when they told him to sell it, that while he might know how to ride a horse, he didn’t know the first thing about ranching.
Which was true back then, but he had learned.
Nowadays the only thorn in his otherwise peaceful existence is Danneel. The woman is a menace. She runs the town paper, and her and her husband, JD, head up the local chamber of commerce and agriculture.
She claims that all she wants is to help promote the town and its businesses, but how that equates to her showing up at his door and somehow strong-arming him to help out with the Miss Moulton Pageant every February or the Moulton Town & Country Jamboree every summer, he doesn’t know.
When she decided to add a rodeo to this year’s three day jamboree, Jensen had put his foot down, refusing any part of it. She hadn’t pushed, which he figured was JD’s doing, and he was glad for it.
He’s almost forgotten all about the darn thing until he runs into JD outside the local grocery, asking Jensen if he’s heard they’re adding a small stock show to the event.
“Yeah,” he answers, shifting all three bags to one arm so he can hold the door open for Mrs. Howland as she smiles and nods her thanks while walking in.
“You finally gonna sell Lily?” JD says, taking pace beside Jensen as they walk to the small parking lot. “You’ve been talking about it for awhile now. Here’s your chance.”
“Not sure.” He has been thinking about. Lily had been his uncle’s horse, and while she’s as sweet as they come, she’s getting older and not as fast or strong as she used to be.
Jensen can’t afford another mouth to feed, not when he has three other horses that are more able.
He knows there’ll be plenty of parents at the Jamboree, looking for a gentle mare for their young’uns, willing to give Lily a good home that’s better suited for her now.
“I reckon this is the perfect time to sell,” Jensen says as they stop in front of his Ford truck, the blue paint chipping off, and he sets his bags down in the cab. “But I… I don’t think I will.”
“Why not?” JD lifts off his cowboy hat, wiping his brow before setting it back down. This July is another scorcher.
He shrugs, looking away. “Can’t really sell Uncle Mike’s mare, you know? Don’t feel right.” And it’s not a complete lie.
But it ain’t the whole truth either.
“It wouldn’t have anything to do with Jared taking a shine to the old girl, would it?” JD asks slyly, one side of his mouth curving up.
“Of course not,” Jensen says, his voice rising, too loud by a mile, and he knows he’s as good as said yes. “No, it wouldn’t,” he tries again, tone more controlled. “He’ll be leaving in a few weeks, as soon as the doctor okays him, so there’s really no point in having Lily here.” Except that maybe having her here would be a reason for Jared to come back, maybe even st-
“The doc already okayed him. Danneel insisted on a written approval letter before she let him enter the rodeo.”
“What?!” Jensen sputters. There is no way he heard that right.
JD frowns. “Jared didn’t tell you? Boy was excited as a pup when Danni said he’s in. She’s still a little bit hesitant, but with the doc’s note and how fast tickets are going-although, I guess that’s not surprising. It seems like everyone in southern Texas wants to see Jared’s return to bull riding…”
Jensen misses whatever JD says next, his blood turning cold as he yanks the car door open, snorting at himself, at how foolish he’d been. How ridiculous it was, thinking for even a second that something here could make Jared stay.
~ ~ ~ ~
He’s lucky he doesn’t get pulled over on his way to the ranch, breaking the speed limit and half a dozen other traffic violations, but Jensen is spitting mad, hands fisting the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turn white.
Jared isn’t in the house, or out front. Jensen sees the barn doors are halfway open and marches in-only to stop dead in his tracks as all thoughts fly right out of his head.
Jared’s inside, shirtless, wiping down Lily with sure strokes, the large sponge in his hand dark with moisture and leaving a wet trail down Jared’s arm. His tight jeans have patches of wet on them and there’s an overfull bucket resting next to the boots Jared’s wearing.
The palomino’s usually light gold coat is a dark tan now, eyes half closed as she lets Jared bath her and lavish her with attention.
It’s nearing sunset and the barn is dim, almost too dark to see, but a ray of sunshine is coming in from the hayloft window and falls directly across Jared’s broad chest as he moves. The light shows every contour and sinew of Jared’s lean and well-muscled body, the curve of his ass as he bends to rinse the sponge out.
Jensen just stands there, silent and watching, as Jared runs a sweat scraper across Lily’s body to remove the excess water, following the direction of the hair, leaving the golden coat gleaming. Once finished, he picks up a comb, using it and his fingers to carefully brush Lily’s ivory mane, her head resting on Jared’s shoulder, looking as relaxed as Jensen’s ever seen her.
Jared’s face nuzzles against her and that’s when Jensen notices that Jared has been quietly speaking to Lily, praising her, telling how pretty she is, how strong and special she is, how much Jared loves her, and Jensen swallows thickly, has to look away.
Reckons he’s pretty pathetic to be so jealous of a damn horse.
When he looks back, Jared’s staring right at him.
Jared is smiling softly, mouth opening to offer a greeting most likely, but Jensen doesn’t let him speak, remembering why he came in here and getting right to it. “Heard you entered the rodeo next week.”
“Yep.” Jared pats Lily before stepping away from her, facing Jensen.
“And when were you planning on telling me?” he asks, struggling to keep his face and voice passive, calm.
Jared sighs, body sagging like all the fight has gone out of it. “I knew you weren’t going to like it.”
“So what? So you weren’t going to tell me at all? Just pack your bags and go?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jared says, taking a few steps closer, “Of course I was going to tell you. Just waiting for the right time.”
“Right time?” Jensen roars, all his anger coming back as he lets loose. “Would the right time be after you get yourself hurt again? Only this time it’ll be your fool head that gets kicks in, not your chest! You were lucky you only broke a few ribs this last time and didn’t puncture a lung!” He pokes Jared hard in his chest, surprised when Jared grabs his wrist harshly and knocks it away.
“I’ve been bull riding for ten years, mostly on professional circuits, getting a few broken bones is part of the job.”
“A job that could kill you!” Jensen screeches, nostrils flaring and fisting his hands, wanting to punch the placid expression right off Jared’s face.
“It ain’t gonna kill me, Jen, I’m too good for that.” He puts his hands up, palms out, as if trying to calm a skittish horse and Jensen sees red.
“Oh yes, JT Padalecki, best bull rider in the country, how could I forget? Your face is on just about every Wheaties box in Texas. Three time NFR bull riding champion,” he spits out, listing Jared’s accomplishments out on his fingers as he says them, “two time champion of the PBR, sure to make the hall of fame, and all around golden boy of the sport.”
Jared looks shell-shocked for a long moment before narrowing his eyes and hissing out, “So that’s what this is? You’re jealous.” He shakes his head, frowning at Jensen.
Jensen snorts. “Don’t be an idiot. I’m not-”
“Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes. Jesus Christ, is that why you left?”
Jensen gasps, wondering how Jared could have it so wrong.
Neither says anything for a time, it’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop, the air crackling with tension, before Jensen just deflates. “You’ve got it all wrong, Jay. I just don’t want to see you hurt doing something so pointless.”
That seems to set Jared off; he straightens his back until he’s at his full height, and with them standing so close together, he’s just about towering over Jensen.
“Pointless,” Jared echoes, something dangerous in his tone that lets Jensen know he took it too far. “You know, I don’t think I’m wrong at all. I think I’m finally understanding.” He moves away, reaching for his shirt and harshly tugging it on.
“Jared,” he starts.
“No.” Jared’s face is closed off, his eyes cold, his whole body screaming stay away. “Thank you for letting me stay here these past couple months, Jensen. I’ll go pack and be out of your hair within the hour.”
Jensen opens his mouth but no words come out. He knew Jared would leave eventually, one way or another. There is no competing with his love of the rodeo.
The sound of the door swinging shut behind Jared makes Jensen flinch.
There’s only a shimmer of sunlight illumining the barn now, just enough light so Jensen can make his way to Lily.
She’s not looking too happy with him, and Jensen thinks that if horses could frown that’s exactly what she’d be doing right now. He reaches to stroke her neck, and while she allows the touch, she doesn’t lean into it like she does with Jared.
“I’ve really screwed this one up, haven’t I, girl?”
Lily gives no answer, but she nuzzles her head against his as if to agree.
And to think everything had been going so well.
~ ~ ~ ~
THEN
Jensen grumpily makes his way down the stairs. He may have been getting up at 5am for a few years now but he’s still not a morning person. He’s not even sure he resembles something human until he’s halfway through his second cup of joe.
He blinks blurrily at Jared when he reaches the kitchen, not surprised that Jared is already up and singing softly to himself, all smiles, as he pours the coffee. Jensen’s pretty sure Jared’s never met a morning he didn’t like, even the dark and rainy ones like today.
“Morning,” Jared says, dimples flashing, and Jensen makes a grouchy face in return. It’s way too early for his brain to handle those damn dimples.
The kitchen isn’t very big, not with the large island in the middle, and he has to pass Jared to get to the fridge, their bodies sliding against each other easily, Jared handing a full steaming mug to Jensen in the process. Jensen relaxes after the first taste, the coffee is just the way he likes it.
He pulls the leftover pancakes out from yesterday and heats them in the microwave, taking out the unsalted butter and grape jelly that Jared likes so much without being asked, before getting his maple syrup and Country Crock out.
Breakfast is a quiet affair, Jensen needs a good hour after waking up before attempting speech, and Jared seems satisfied with just having him there, sharing the meal together.
It’s not until they’re putting on their raincoats that Jensen realizes that Jared is wearing one of his plaid shirts. It don’t matter none, their laundry has been mixing together since Jared got here. Jensen’s pretty sure he’s worn Jared’s boxer-briefs once, he’s reasonable sure he would have remembered buying a pair of Daffy Duck underroes.
They get the animals fed without any problems. Jared’s ribs have been healing nicely, and when Jensen comments on it, Jared stiffens.
“Getting there,” Jared finally says. “Still kinda aching though, at times.”
“You let me know if you need a break, okay?” Jensen furrows his brows when Jared just nods and returns to lifting a large square hay bale into a wagon.
He doesn’t want Jared to push himself too hard. He’d told Jensen that the doctor had said about six weeks for all three ribs to heal, and although Jared’s been here for nearly two months now, Jensen sees no reason to rush things.
“I know you’re probably gunning to get out of here, but there’s no reason to return, and possibly reinjure yourself, until you’re at a hundred percent.”
“I ain’t gunning to get out, Jensen, you have a pretty great setup here.” Jared pulls the bandana in his back pocket out and wipes his forehead and neck, tipping his hat up in the process. It may be cold in the barn, but Jared gives off heat like a furnace, and sweats like one too.
Not that Jensen minds, or wants to lick it off.
He clears his throat loudly. “Yes, well, you don’t want to stay away for too long and risk losing your adoring public, or fall too much more in the standings than you already have.”
Jared frowns at Jensen, tilting his head like he’s trying to understand something. “I didn’t think you were still following my standings.”
He wants to say that he never stopped, but he isn’t ready to admit that yet, isn’t ready for Jared to know how much of Jensen’s free time Jared occupies even when he isn’t here. “You’re the only thing Moulton talks about these days, I can’t go into town without someone asking about you.”
“I didn’t know that. Sorry for the bother.”
Jensen’s shaking his head before Jared finishes speaking. “It’s no bother, I like having you here.”
“Yeah?” Jared asks, with a soft, almost shy smile.
“Of course. Having the famous JT Padalecki here is a story for the grandkids for sure.”
Jared’s subdued for the rest of the day. And the next day, when he goes to visit the Morgan ranch, Jensen doesn’t think anything of it.
~ ~ ~ ~
NOW
Jensen makes his way to the house slowly, seeing the light on in Jared’s room, hoping that he isn’t actually packing. He doesn’t want Jared to go, never wants Jared to leave, but has no idea how to make him stay.
He climbs the stairs with trepidation and feels something a lot like his heart breaking when he stops at Jared’s bedroom and spots Jared busy folding clothes into a suitcase, his back to the door.
Jensen can’t bear to watch, and he shuffles away without making any noise.
The fourth bedroom doesn’t have much use, too small for even an office or library; Jensen thinks it was designed to be a nursery. Now, he uses it as a den of sorts. An old twenty-four inch TV that weighs more than the wide-screen plasma TV in his bedroom sits atop a small wooden stand, Uncle Mike’s worn out recliner facing it and a small cabinet along the far wall fill up the tiny room.
Jensen hasn’t had much use for this space since Jared came, hasn’t even set a single foot in it to be exact. He opens one side of the cabinet, the home-made stack of DVDs have a thin layer of dust on them, and Jensen reaches for one, blowing on the case and running his sleeve across it.
He takes out the disc, popping it in the player and turning on the TV, muting the volume. Once everything is set, he hits play, world fading away as he watches Jared get settled into the chute.
He loses track of time, doesn’t know how long he sits there, watching Jared ride bull after bull with an ease and grace that is both mystifying and amazing. It’s like the more the animal bucks, kicks, spins or twists, the more relaxed Jared gets, holding on with one arm as the other remains outstretched and free, moving his body with the bull’s until the eight agonizingly long seconds are up.
Jensen just about jumps out of his skin when he hears Jared cough behind him. Jensen hadn’t heard him come in and wonders how long Jared has been standing in the doorway. He hits the pause button as Jared says, “Even after you left and got the ranch, you’d still come to nearly all my rodeos in Texas. Then it was like one day, you just stopped, and I never understood why. You used to love the rodeo as much as I do, maybe more.”
Jensen doesn’t take his eyes off the screen as he replies, “After you broke your arm that second time, I realized-I couldn’t-I can’t bear to watch you get hurt, Jay.”
Jensen sneaks a peek at Jared; he’s leaning in the doorway, arms casually crossed across his chest, not saying anything until Jensen looks at him fully.
There’s something in Jared’s eyes, something that’s almost pleading with Jensen, but he has no idea what Jared is asking for, what answer Jared is hoping for when he simply asks, “Why?”
Jensen bites his lip, not finding the words, can’t seem to ever find the words with this man, not knowing how to tell Jared. He’s been half in love with him since their first rodeo all those years ago, Jared fresh out of college and starting out on the PRCA circuit, Jensen on his way out after too many years saddle bronc riding and never placing above third.
So Jensen does the only thing that makes any sense to him, he’s always been a man of action more than words anyway. He gets up, quickly stepping closer to Jared and fisting his hideous pink flannel shirt, reeling him in and pressing their lips together.
Nothing happens for a moment, then two, and Jensen is about to recoil but then… Jared moves, opening his mouth and grasping Jensen tight.
Jensen gets the wind knocked out of him as he’s shoved against the wall, Jared’s giant hands cupping his face, the back of his neck, fingers curling around the short hairs there.
And Jared’s mouth, holy Jesus, Jared’s mouth is devouring Jensen’s. Jared kisses him rough and eager, going in again and again, as if he needs Jensen to breath and won’t ever let go. Jensen hopes he never does.
Jensen’s heart kick-starts, beating like a jackrabbit. He doesn’t care one bit about the moans he can’t hold in, or that his hands are clinging onto Jared’s back, fingernails digging in.
When Jared lifts him up, Jensen goes easy, wrapping his legs around Jared’s waist, mouths never faltering, exchanging hot, open mouthed kisses, and Jensen thinks he can happily spend the rest of his life right here in Jared’s arms.
And that’s when it all comes crashing down around him, because this isn’t forever. Jared was packing his bags, about to leave and Jensen-Jensen can’t do this. Can’t give anymore of himself to Jared only to watch Jared leave.
He pushes away as best he can, which doesn’t get him anywhere since Jared’s arms are locked tight, keeping Jensen right where he is, but it’s enough to give him an inch or two of space to look Jared in the eye.
“Don’t compete in the rodeo,” he begs, voice hoarse, not caring anymore. “You don’t have anything to prove anymore, you won enough money and gold buckles.”
“That’s not why-”
“Please. I can’t stand to you see you hurt again, wondering if the next time you hit the ground, you’re not gonna get up. Please, Jared, I’d do anything,” he doesn’t get any further, as Jared kisses him again, desperate and distressed, like Jensen’s words physically pain him.
“You’re more important to me than any rodeo,” Jared rasps into Jensen neck. “When you stopped coming, I didn’t know what to do, I thought maybe you didn’t-but then you invited me here when I got hurt and I-I don’t know how to be without you anymore, Jen.”
“Then don’t,” Jensen answers, knowing the right words now, what he should have said to Jared all along. “Stay.”
Author: silverraven
Rating: PG
Pairings: Jared/Jensen, background JDM/Danneel
Wordcount: ~3,700
Summary: He knew Jared would leave eventually, one way or another. There is no competing with his love of the rodeo.
Notes: Written for spn-j2-xmas and my dearest akintay for her prompt ‘J2, ranch!AU - cowboy boots and hats and tight jeans’ because anything with the words J2 and cowboy, and I am there :D Hope you enjoy! And Happy Holidays!
A world of thank yous to lavishsqualor for brainstorming with me all those weeks ago, giving Jared's horse a name, and the speedy beta! You are my rockstar.
Moulton, Texas doesn’t have a lot going for it. It’s a small town just like any other, mainly a farming and ranching community, with a population just under a thousand. It’s got one high school and one city park (that’s actually called City Park), and a small town center made of a few streets that hardly see any traffic.
There’s nothing special about Moulton; it’s quiet and ordinary and that’s exactly why Jensen likes it so much.
Away from the hustle and bustle and unending stress that seems to encompass every major US city these days. The people here are a friendly, hard-working bunch that welcomed Jensen with open arms when his uncle passed and left the ranch to him. They’re always willing to offer a helping hand when the ranch gets too much to manage on his own and there’s always an invitation or two to a home-cooked meal whenever Jensen ventures into town for supplies.
But the best part? They leave him alone. Most days it’s usually just Jensen and the land, taking care of his herd of cattle and handful of horses and sheep. Two dogs, one collie and one blue heeler, round out the group.
It isn’t the easiest of lives; Jensen’s up before the sun and works right up until dinner, with not many breaks in between. He comes home covered in dust and sweat. New callouses on his hands appear every so often, and even after four years, he sometimes still forgets to leave his muddy boots at the door and has to spend a good half hour cleaning the footmarks he leaves all through the kitchen and hallway.
It’s a good life, though, a simple one. A world away from Jensen’s dreams growing up, but he doesn’t regret for one moment his decision to keep the ranch. He’s glad he didn’t listen to his parents when they told him to sell it, that while he might know how to ride a horse, he didn’t know the first thing about ranching.
Which was true back then, but he had learned.
Nowadays the only thorn in his otherwise peaceful existence is Danneel. The woman is a menace. She runs the town paper, and her and her husband, JD, head up the local chamber of commerce and agriculture.
She claims that all she wants is to help promote the town and its businesses, but how that equates to her showing up at his door and somehow strong-arming him to help out with the Miss Moulton Pageant every February or the Moulton Town & Country Jamboree every summer, he doesn’t know.
When she decided to add a rodeo to this year’s three day jamboree, Jensen had put his foot down, refusing any part of it. She hadn’t pushed, which he figured was JD’s doing, and he was glad for it.
He’s almost forgotten all about the darn thing until he runs into JD outside the local grocery, asking Jensen if he’s heard they’re adding a small stock show to the event.
“Yeah,” he answers, shifting all three bags to one arm so he can hold the door open for Mrs. Howland as she smiles and nods her thanks while walking in.
“You finally gonna sell Lily?” JD says, taking pace beside Jensen as they walk to the small parking lot. “You’ve been talking about it for awhile now. Here’s your chance.”
“Not sure.” He has been thinking about. Lily had been his uncle’s horse, and while she’s as sweet as they come, she’s getting older and not as fast or strong as she used to be.
Jensen can’t afford another mouth to feed, not when he has three other horses that are more able.
He knows there’ll be plenty of parents at the Jamboree, looking for a gentle mare for their young’uns, willing to give Lily a good home that’s better suited for her now.
“I reckon this is the perfect time to sell,” Jensen says as they stop in front of his Ford truck, the blue paint chipping off, and he sets his bags down in the cab. “But I… I don’t think I will.”
“Why not?” JD lifts off his cowboy hat, wiping his brow before setting it back down. This July is another scorcher.
He shrugs, looking away. “Can’t really sell Uncle Mike’s mare, you know? Don’t feel right.” And it’s not a complete lie.
But it ain’t the whole truth either.
“It wouldn’t have anything to do with Jared taking a shine to the old girl, would it?” JD asks slyly, one side of his mouth curving up.
“Of course not,” Jensen says, his voice rising, too loud by a mile, and he knows he’s as good as said yes. “No, it wouldn’t,” he tries again, tone more controlled. “He’ll be leaving in a few weeks, as soon as the doctor okays him, so there’s really no point in having Lily here.” Except that maybe having her here would be a reason for Jared to come back, maybe even st-
“The doc already okayed him. Danneel insisted on a written approval letter before she let him enter the rodeo.”
“What?!” Jensen sputters. There is no way he heard that right.
JD frowns. “Jared didn’t tell you? Boy was excited as a pup when Danni said he’s in. She’s still a little bit hesitant, but with the doc’s note and how fast tickets are going-although, I guess that’s not surprising. It seems like everyone in southern Texas wants to see Jared’s return to bull riding…”
Jensen misses whatever JD says next, his blood turning cold as he yanks the car door open, snorting at himself, at how foolish he’d been. How ridiculous it was, thinking for even a second that something here could make Jared stay.
~ ~ ~ ~
He’s lucky he doesn’t get pulled over on his way to the ranch, breaking the speed limit and half a dozen other traffic violations, but Jensen is spitting mad, hands fisting the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turn white.
Jared isn’t in the house, or out front. Jensen sees the barn doors are halfway open and marches in-only to stop dead in his tracks as all thoughts fly right out of his head.
Jared’s inside, shirtless, wiping down Lily with sure strokes, the large sponge in his hand dark with moisture and leaving a wet trail down Jared’s arm. His tight jeans have patches of wet on them and there’s an overfull bucket resting next to the boots Jared’s wearing.
The palomino’s usually light gold coat is a dark tan now, eyes half closed as she lets Jared bath her and lavish her with attention.
It’s nearing sunset and the barn is dim, almost too dark to see, but a ray of sunshine is coming in from the hayloft window and falls directly across Jared’s broad chest as he moves. The light shows every contour and sinew of Jared’s lean and well-muscled body, the curve of his ass as he bends to rinse the sponge out.
Jensen just stands there, silent and watching, as Jared runs a sweat scraper across Lily’s body to remove the excess water, following the direction of the hair, leaving the golden coat gleaming. Once finished, he picks up a comb, using it and his fingers to carefully brush Lily’s ivory mane, her head resting on Jared’s shoulder, looking as relaxed as Jensen’s ever seen her.
Jared’s face nuzzles against her and that’s when Jensen notices that Jared has been quietly speaking to Lily, praising her, telling how pretty she is, how strong and special she is, how much Jared loves her, and Jensen swallows thickly, has to look away.
Reckons he’s pretty pathetic to be so jealous of a damn horse.
When he looks back, Jared’s staring right at him.
Jared is smiling softly, mouth opening to offer a greeting most likely, but Jensen doesn’t let him speak, remembering why he came in here and getting right to it. “Heard you entered the rodeo next week.”
“Yep.” Jared pats Lily before stepping away from her, facing Jensen.
“And when were you planning on telling me?” he asks, struggling to keep his face and voice passive, calm.
Jared sighs, body sagging like all the fight has gone out of it. “I knew you weren’t going to like it.”
“So what? So you weren’t going to tell me at all? Just pack your bags and go?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jared says, taking a few steps closer, “Of course I was going to tell you. Just waiting for the right time.”
“Right time?” Jensen roars, all his anger coming back as he lets loose. “Would the right time be after you get yourself hurt again? Only this time it’ll be your fool head that gets kicks in, not your chest! You were lucky you only broke a few ribs this last time and didn’t puncture a lung!” He pokes Jared hard in his chest, surprised when Jared grabs his wrist harshly and knocks it away.
“I’ve been bull riding for ten years, mostly on professional circuits, getting a few broken bones is part of the job.”
“A job that could kill you!” Jensen screeches, nostrils flaring and fisting his hands, wanting to punch the placid expression right off Jared’s face.
“It ain’t gonna kill me, Jen, I’m too good for that.” He puts his hands up, palms out, as if trying to calm a skittish horse and Jensen sees red.
“Oh yes, JT Padalecki, best bull rider in the country, how could I forget? Your face is on just about every Wheaties box in Texas. Three time NFR bull riding champion,” he spits out, listing Jared’s accomplishments out on his fingers as he says them, “two time champion of the PBR, sure to make the hall of fame, and all around golden boy of the sport.”
Jared looks shell-shocked for a long moment before narrowing his eyes and hissing out, “So that’s what this is? You’re jealous.” He shakes his head, frowning at Jensen.
Jensen snorts. “Don’t be an idiot. I’m not-”
“Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes. Jesus Christ, is that why you left?”
Jensen gasps, wondering how Jared could have it so wrong.
Neither says anything for a time, it’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop, the air crackling with tension, before Jensen just deflates. “You’ve got it all wrong, Jay. I just don’t want to see you hurt doing something so pointless.”
That seems to set Jared off; he straightens his back until he’s at his full height, and with them standing so close together, he’s just about towering over Jensen.
“Pointless,” Jared echoes, something dangerous in his tone that lets Jensen know he took it too far. “You know, I don’t think I’m wrong at all. I think I’m finally understanding.” He moves away, reaching for his shirt and harshly tugging it on.
“Jared,” he starts.
“No.” Jared’s face is closed off, his eyes cold, his whole body screaming stay away. “Thank you for letting me stay here these past couple months, Jensen. I’ll go pack and be out of your hair within the hour.”
Jensen opens his mouth but no words come out. He knew Jared would leave eventually, one way or another. There is no competing with his love of the rodeo.
The sound of the door swinging shut behind Jared makes Jensen flinch.
There’s only a shimmer of sunlight illumining the barn now, just enough light so Jensen can make his way to Lily.
She’s not looking too happy with him, and Jensen thinks that if horses could frown that’s exactly what she’d be doing right now. He reaches to stroke her neck, and while she allows the touch, she doesn’t lean into it like she does with Jared.
“I’ve really screwed this one up, haven’t I, girl?”
Lily gives no answer, but she nuzzles her head against his as if to agree.
And to think everything had been going so well.
~ ~ ~ ~
THEN
Jensen grumpily makes his way down the stairs. He may have been getting up at 5am for a few years now but he’s still not a morning person. He’s not even sure he resembles something human until he’s halfway through his second cup of joe.
He blinks blurrily at Jared when he reaches the kitchen, not surprised that Jared is already up and singing softly to himself, all smiles, as he pours the coffee. Jensen’s pretty sure Jared’s never met a morning he didn’t like, even the dark and rainy ones like today.
“Morning,” Jared says, dimples flashing, and Jensen makes a grouchy face in return. It’s way too early for his brain to handle those damn dimples.
The kitchen isn’t very big, not with the large island in the middle, and he has to pass Jared to get to the fridge, their bodies sliding against each other easily, Jared handing a full steaming mug to Jensen in the process. Jensen relaxes after the first taste, the coffee is just the way he likes it.
He pulls the leftover pancakes out from yesterday and heats them in the microwave, taking out the unsalted butter and grape jelly that Jared likes so much without being asked, before getting his maple syrup and Country Crock out.
Breakfast is a quiet affair, Jensen needs a good hour after waking up before attempting speech, and Jared seems satisfied with just having him there, sharing the meal together.
It’s not until they’re putting on their raincoats that Jensen realizes that Jared is wearing one of his plaid shirts. It don’t matter none, their laundry has been mixing together since Jared got here. Jensen’s pretty sure he’s worn Jared’s boxer-briefs once, he’s reasonable sure he would have remembered buying a pair of Daffy Duck underroes.
They get the animals fed without any problems. Jared’s ribs have been healing nicely, and when Jensen comments on it, Jared stiffens.
“Getting there,” Jared finally says. “Still kinda aching though, at times.”
“You let me know if you need a break, okay?” Jensen furrows his brows when Jared just nods and returns to lifting a large square hay bale into a wagon.
He doesn’t want Jared to push himself too hard. He’d told Jensen that the doctor had said about six weeks for all three ribs to heal, and although Jared’s been here for nearly two months now, Jensen sees no reason to rush things.
“I know you’re probably gunning to get out of here, but there’s no reason to return, and possibly reinjure yourself, until you’re at a hundred percent.”
“I ain’t gunning to get out, Jensen, you have a pretty great setup here.” Jared pulls the bandana in his back pocket out and wipes his forehead and neck, tipping his hat up in the process. It may be cold in the barn, but Jared gives off heat like a furnace, and sweats like one too.
Not that Jensen minds, or wants to lick it off.
He clears his throat loudly. “Yes, well, you don’t want to stay away for too long and risk losing your adoring public, or fall too much more in the standings than you already have.”
Jared frowns at Jensen, tilting his head like he’s trying to understand something. “I didn’t think you were still following my standings.”
He wants to say that he never stopped, but he isn’t ready to admit that yet, isn’t ready for Jared to know how much of Jensen’s free time Jared occupies even when he isn’t here. “You’re the only thing Moulton talks about these days, I can’t go into town without someone asking about you.”
“I didn’t know that. Sorry for the bother.”
Jensen’s shaking his head before Jared finishes speaking. “It’s no bother, I like having you here.”
“Yeah?” Jared asks, with a soft, almost shy smile.
“Of course. Having the famous JT Padalecki here is a story for the grandkids for sure.”
Jared’s subdued for the rest of the day. And the next day, when he goes to visit the Morgan ranch, Jensen doesn’t think anything of it.
~ ~ ~ ~
NOW
Jensen makes his way to the house slowly, seeing the light on in Jared’s room, hoping that he isn’t actually packing. He doesn’t want Jared to go, never wants Jared to leave, but has no idea how to make him stay.
He climbs the stairs with trepidation and feels something a lot like his heart breaking when he stops at Jared’s bedroom and spots Jared busy folding clothes into a suitcase, his back to the door.
Jensen can’t bear to watch, and he shuffles away without making any noise.
The fourth bedroom doesn’t have much use, too small for even an office or library; Jensen thinks it was designed to be a nursery. Now, he uses it as a den of sorts. An old twenty-four inch TV that weighs more than the wide-screen plasma TV in his bedroom sits atop a small wooden stand, Uncle Mike’s worn out recliner facing it and a small cabinet along the far wall fill up the tiny room.
Jensen hasn’t had much use for this space since Jared came, hasn’t even set a single foot in it to be exact. He opens one side of the cabinet, the home-made stack of DVDs have a thin layer of dust on them, and Jensen reaches for one, blowing on the case and running his sleeve across it.
He takes out the disc, popping it in the player and turning on the TV, muting the volume. Once everything is set, he hits play, world fading away as he watches Jared get settled into the chute.
He loses track of time, doesn’t know how long he sits there, watching Jared ride bull after bull with an ease and grace that is both mystifying and amazing. It’s like the more the animal bucks, kicks, spins or twists, the more relaxed Jared gets, holding on with one arm as the other remains outstretched and free, moving his body with the bull’s until the eight agonizingly long seconds are up.
Jensen just about jumps out of his skin when he hears Jared cough behind him. Jensen hadn’t heard him come in and wonders how long Jared has been standing in the doorway. He hits the pause button as Jared says, “Even after you left and got the ranch, you’d still come to nearly all my rodeos in Texas. Then it was like one day, you just stopped, and I never understood why. You used to love the rodeo as much as I do, maybe more.”
Jensen doesn’t take his eyes off the screen as he replies, “After you broke your arm that second time, I realized-I couldn’t-I can’t bear to watch you get hurt, Jay.”
Jensen sneaks a peek at Jared; he’s leaning in the doorway, arms casually crossed across his chest, not saying anything until Jensen looks at him fully.
There’s something in Jared’s eyes, something that’s almost pleading with Jensen, but he has no idea what Jared is asking for, what answer Jared is hoping for when he simply asks, “Why?”
Jensen bites his lip, not finding the words, can’t seem to ever find the words with this man, not knowing how to tell Jared. He’s been half in love with him since their first rodeo all those years ago, Jared fresh out of college and starting out on the PRCA circuit, Jensen on his way out after too many years saddle bronc riding and never placing above third.
So Jensen does the only thing that makes any sense to him, he’s always been a man of action more than words anyway. He gets up, quickly stepping closer to Jared and fisting his hideous pink flannel shirt, reeling him in and pressing their lips together.
Nothing happens for a moment, then two, and Jensen is about to recoil but then… Jared moves, opening his mouth and grasping Jensen tight.
Jensen gets the wind knocked out of him as he’s shoved against the wall, Jared’s giant hands cupping his face, the back of his neck, fingers curling around the short hairs there.
And Jared’s mouth, holy Jesus, Jared’s mouth is devouring Jensen’s. Jared kisses him rough and eager, going in again and again, as if he needs Jensen to breath and won’t ever let go. Jensen hopes he never does.
Jensen’s heart kick-starts, beating like a jackrabbit. He doesn’t care one bit about the moans he can’t hold in, or that his hands are clinging onto Jared’s back, fingernails digging in.
When Jared lifts him up, Jensen goes easy, wrapping his legs around Jared’s waist, mouths never faltering, exchanging hot, open mouthed kisses, and Jensen thinks he can happily spend the rest of his life right here in Jared’s arms.
And that’s when it all comes crashing down around him, because this isn’t forever. Jared was packing his bags, about to leave and Jensen-Jensen can’t do this. Can’t give anymore of himself to Jared only to watch Jared leave.
He pushes away as best he can, which doesn’t get him anywhere since Jared’s arms are locked tight, keeping Jensen right where he is, but it’s enough to give him an inch or two of space to look Jared in the eye.
“Don’t compete in the rodeo,” he begs, voice hoarse, not caring anymore. “You don’t have anything to prove anymore, you won enough money and gold buckles.”
“That’s not why-”
“Please. I can’t stand to you see you hurt again, wondering if the next time you hit the ground, you’re not gonna get up. Please, Jared, I’d do anything,” he doesn’t get any further, as Jared kisses him again, desperate and distressed, like Jensen’s words physically pain him.
“You’re more important to me than any rodeo,” Jared rasps into Jensen neck. “When you stopped coming, I didn’t know what to do, I thought maybe you didn’t-but then you invited me here when I got hurt and I-I don’t know how to be without you anymore, Jen.”
“Then don’t,” Jensen answers, knowing the right words now, what he should have said to Jared all along. “Stay.”