Let me preface this by saying I'm not talking about "Drooling down your front and talking to your boobs" when I say "hitting on". thats just being creepy
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Oookay, this is one tricky one, but I think it actually comes with a certain caveate. So let's get that out of the way: Men are pbecoming the commodified gender that women once were, so sooner or later we are going to be told (or more likely our kids are going to be told) to try to land a good woman, so don't check into a hotel with the first one you find and never ever commit to one until you have them firmly in your clutches. Otherwise, you are going to end up supporting a rich divorcee who will deprive you of your children and ruin you for life. But I digress
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lets start with the assumption that both people are looking for a mate. otherwise it doesn't matter how you approach it nothing will happen.
I think you've pointed out the path to "freindville" nicely. If a guy is just "chill" with a woman and generally fun to hang out with, then there is no "passion" or "excitement" with them. so they get filed under "friend" and that's the end of it. if you try to interject passion after that point you get the "I don't want to risk the friendship we have" or the dreaded "I love you, as a friend"
The pressure is on the guy to not be "chill" if he is interested in attracting a mate.
Now maybe Im weird but I like the Chill stage of the relationship. I love NRE as much as the next guy, but the stable, long term, comfort of a "Friend" who is also your life partner is the best.
So frankly I'd rather it was that you try to be friends first and partners second.
Not being sarcastic hereangry_americanAugust 25 2009, 04:26:01 UTC
I'd say I was friends first with my partner, but that came later. I was very chill when I was looking for a mate but quick to identify signs of tension. As I get older, the more sophisticated and interesting women become to me as friends, and the less chill they seem to be because I am interested in what they think. Damn if it isn't the dumbest thing ever, because I don't have any female friends anymore. It's like they have a one-track mind.
For me, being a friend is a benefit that goes beyond anything else. By introducing sex, I see the chance at both friendship and later down the road relationships can be ruined. So I struggle to see how your brain functions in this realm. For me, letting the friendship grow is a way for me to reach deeper in myself and give more of myself over to the other person not a dead ended road of friendship only
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one of the things I like about the BD/SM lifestyle is it is much more up front and honest then vanilla society. In the BD/SM realm I feel much more comfortable because there is no guessing.
I think you might have failed to notice that my major problem is with Sex and Boundary so I might be attracted to people who have a similar problem and also use the same structure?
I have never had a problem with you dear. And if I was not in a clearly commited mono relationship I would love to get to know you more romantically.
With my SO we first were friends. Really good friends. There was a tiny bit of flirting (like wow you are pretty, and I like your ________). However, we were good friends that could talk and discuss anything before we got romantically involved. It was a good 6 months before we actually consumated anything.
*hugs*
Hope that helps.
I prefer finding a friend, and then having it turn into a romantic relationship.
That is really sweet of you. I feel the same way about you. now how do we get rid of your husband :-)
Seriously, Thank you, I do wish things were different when we met.
when you met your man was it in a "kink" context? my point to mmmicx13 was that there seems to more interest in establishing a strong friendship in kink then there is in Vanilla world. I'd like your take on that.
Stella, Please back off now. you are taking a general discussion about Romance VS Friendship and making it a personal attack. I will not delete your comments because I do not censor. But I ask you to stay on topic.
However your experience with FW is a example of my point. You went to bed before you had a friendship. Which is exactly what I am saying. If you start out as a friend you stay a friend, which is why guys tend to "Hit" on women early and often.
I have always allowed men and women to jump into a relationship with me to quickly and it has caused nothing but trouble for me.. I have been friends with my current partner for seven years and he has now taken me as his.. I would have to say that I like this a lot better than the other..
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I think you've pointed out the path to "freindville" nicely. If a guy is just "chill" with a woman and generally fun to hang out with, then there is no "passion" or "excitement" with them. so they get filed under "friend" and that's the end of it. if you try to interject passion after that point you get the "I don't want to risk the friendship we have" or the dreaded "I love you, as a friend"
The pressure is on the guy to not be "chill" if he is interested in attracting a mate.
Now maybe Im weird but I like the Chill stage of the relationship. I love NRE as much as the next guy, but the stable, long term, comfort of a "Friend" who is also your life partner is the best.
So frankly I'd rather it was that you try to be friends first and partners second.
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-FW
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(The comment has been removed)
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With my SO we first were friends. Really good friends. There was a tiny bit of flirting (like wow you are pretty, and I like your ________). However, we were good friends that could talk and discuss anything before we got romantically involved. It was a good 6 months before we actually consumated anything.
*hugs*
Hope that helps.
I prefer finding a friend, and then having it turn into a romantic relationship.
Reply
Seriously, Thank you, I do wish things were different when we met.
when you met your man was it in a "kink" context? my point to mmmicx13 was that there seems to more interest in establishing a strong friendship in kink then there is in Vanilla world. I'd like your take on that.
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(The comment has been removed)
However your experience with FW is a example of my point. You went to bed before you had a friendship. Which is exactly what I am saying. If you start out as a friend you stay a friend, which is why guys tend to "Hit" on women early and often.
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Yes.. I did meet him in lifestyle
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