Fic: See It Through
Word Count: 6,884
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: none; established relationship, modern AU
Summary: After nearly two years together, Merlin has firmly worked his way into Arthur's life. So when good news turns unexpectedly sour, neither one of them handle the separation well.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has commented/kudos'd this series so far. However as of right now, because of my new school/volunteer schedule, this is the last update for the series. I have had such a good time researching, writing, and reading reviews for the fics, but unfortunately I just don't have the time for it anymore. Hopefully this is a satisfying enough ending, and thank you again for everyone's kind words. xxx
Read on AO3.
Part 8 of the Pole Dancing AU. [part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | all]
Merlin’s flat hadn’t changed much since Arthur had first stepped foot inside it nearly two years ago. There were still bookshelves everywhere, rivaled in number only by the amount of homey clutter throughout it. The old squashy sofa was still in the middle of it all, covered in one of Hunith’s lovingly crafted blankets (one of the only changes to the room was the addition of a second blanket, crocheted last Christmas and had since become irrevocably known as Arthur’s).
Arthur allowed that familiarity to seep into him and help him relax as he kicked off his shoes and patted Aithusa obligingly, only half listening to Merlin’s rambling as the weight of his work week slowly crept from his shoulders.
“Oh, my God,” Merlin said suddenly, holding up a letter from the mail he’d been rifling through, “Mithian and Leon sent us an actual postcard. They are officially the old married couple of the group.”
“I think Gwen and Lance still have the upper hand in that department, given that they’re actually married,” Arthur pointed out. Merlin tsked.
“Gwen and Lance are too prone to grand romantic gestures to be the old couple. They’re like the walking love sonnets of the group,” he replied, which Arthur certainly couldn’t argue with. While Gwen and Lance had continued being the sickeningly sweet couple even after their wedding, Leon and Mithian’s relationship had quickly developed from club dancing to quiet dinners at their newly shared home, an adopted dog, and joint vacations from which they sent all of their friends cheesy postcards.
“’Merlin and Arthur, Milan is beautiful. Mith’s family has been great with showing us all the best places. Maybe one day we’ll be able to drag you away from the office long enough to visit with us. Best, L&M,’” Arthur read aloud, ignoring Merlin’s snort at Leon’s dig.
“I’m just waiting for the day they come back married,” Merlin sighed with a fond smile at the card. “Gwen’s wrath at being denied wedding planning privileges will be epic.”
“You underestimate Leon’s love for weddings,” Arthur said, but the rest of the conversation was cut short when Merlin’s mobile went off. Arthur rolled his eyes when he saw the caller.
“What on earth does Helen want?”
“No idea. Probably another lesson she wants to skive off on me,” Merlin rolled his eyes, but swiped his thumb to answer the call anyway, putting it on speaker so Arthur could hear, too. “Hey, Helen.”
“Merlin,” Helen’s voice came through, “guess what I have in my hand right now.”
“Er,” Merlin replied, “your phone?”
“Don’t be cheeky. It’s an invitation, for you,” Helen said with the air of someone revealing a long-awaited surprise. Judging by Merlin’s expression, though, he was as clueless as Arthur.
“Oh. Er, good. Who’s having a party?”
Helen huffed, “It’s not a party, smartarse, it’s for internationals! You made internationals!”
“…are you shitting me?” Merlin half-laughed, one hand coming up to press against his mouth as Helen laughed, “No, I swear, you did it!” over the phone, and he really did laugh then, a fully-bodied guffaw that made his eyes crinkle and his face light up, and Arthur absolutely had to kiss him.
“Congratulations,” he murmured, not bothering to hide his wide smile. Merlin laughed again against his lips.
“Fuck, I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it,” Helen piped up, followed by the sound of paper rustling. “’Dear Mr. Emrys. The International Committee of Pole Dance Performance is pleased to invite you to our 2013 International Competition. You are recognized for your admirable accomplishments’-blah, blah, blah, ‘hope you will join us in Sydney, Australia this fall…’ It’s all real!”
“Fuck,” Arthur whistled, turning to share a grin with Merlin. Merlin, however, was staring at the phone again.
“Australia…” he murmured, a brief shadow passing over his face before Helen spoke again.
“We’ll have to talk about adjusting your training schedule. Maybe you should come in and we can review your routines-“
“Maybe some other time, Helen. I’m afraid I have my own plans for him tonight,” Arthur interrupted, wrapping an arm around Merlin and tugging him closer. Helen, predictably, giggled.
“You drive a hard bargain, Pendragon,” she flirted, the fluttering eyelashes practically audible over the phone.
“Tomorrow he’s all yours,” Arthur promised. “Have a nice evening, Helen.”
He reached over to end the call. Merlin continued to say nothing until Arthur had turned and started kissing up his neck, murmuring, “So, Mr. Internationals. How do you propose we celebrate?”
Merlin snorted, but let his eyes fall closed rather than meet Arthur’s gaze. “I don’t know about you, but I won’t be up for any celebrating until after dinner.”
“I can manage that,” Arthur nodded, placing one more kiss to the side of Merlin’s neck before stepping back. “No, you stay out here,” he said when Merlin made to follow, “dinner’s my responsibility tonight.”
“Is this a celebration or a threat?” Merlin asked. Arthur swatted at him, but wasn’t surprised when Merlin dodged it.
“Out before I change my mind.”
Merlin went, and Arthur turned to survey his options. He’d just set water on to boil for a pasta when he heard music come on from the back room, one of the songs he’d seen Merlin perform to before. He hummed quietly to himself as he worked, until he set the finished pasta on the table. In a fit of celebration he salvaged a lone candlestick from the depths of Merlin’s kitchen and placed it in the middle, before heading towards the back room.
The door was open, so Arthur had a clear view of Merlin’s body unfolding from move to move. Arthur’d seen him do this routine before, usually at the very beginning of a lesson as a sort of warm up, the movements so familiar that Arthur had witnessed him carry on full conversations without missing a step. So it was a surprise when, mid-twist, Merlin’s foot caught on the pole, making Merlin wobble and slide but not fall before he caught himself.
Arthur frowned. Merlin hardly ever made simple mistakes like that. He fell often enough, sure, but Merlin had excellent control, and he knew this routine like the back of his hand. Looking at him now, he seemed almost…sloppy.
That wasn’t the end of it. Though he’d recovered from the first slip up, a few beats later Merlin’s grip slackened just enough for him to slip further down on the pole mid-spin. It was an easy fix, but Merlin didn’t react in time. Instead, his feet grazed the floor, making him wobble badly and fall against the pole before he could right himself. Arthur winced, but Merlin hardly stopped for breath-just a quick pause to assess damages-before he was off again. But he was visibly frustrated now, making his movements stiff and sloppy. Arthur could practically hear Freya's voice shouting, "See it though, Merlin!" as Merlin abandoned several moves halfway through, either because he wasn't paying attention or another slip up had made him slip again, until finally the routine ended, and he stepped away from the pole, running a hand through his hair. Arthur raised his eyebrow at him.
“What was that?”
Merlin flinched sheepishly. “I know. I was crap.”
“Yes, you were,” Arthur said bluntly. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“I’ll live,” Merlin replied with a tiny smile. Arthur returned it for a brief second before cuffing him lightly about the head.
“You idiot, you could’ve put yourself out of the running before you could even accept your invitation. What was up with you? You looked like you were a thousand miles away.”
Merlin shrugged again, one hand rubbing at his leg. He gave Arthur another smile, but this time Arthur noticed how it didn’t meet his eyes, which seemed to be looking at everything but Arthur himself. “I just got distracted, it happens.”
Arthur frowned but decided to let it pass.
“Alright, then,” he said, reaching out to tug Merlin close enough to kiss. “Come on, let’s eat before your celebratory dinner gets cold.”
Merlin’s smile barely faltered before he tacked on another one.
“Great. I’m starved,” he said, and promptly swept from the room, leaving Arthur with nothing to do but follow. He nearly ran straight into Merlin, though, who had come to a sudden stop in the doorway of the kitchen and was staring at Arthur’s set up. “What-“
“Surprise,” Arthur said, wrapping his arms around Merlin’s waist, “and congratulations.”
Merlin didn’t say anything, just continued staring at the table. His body had gone stiff against Arthur’s, who was starting to feel like something was very much wrong. Gently, he eased around until they were standing face to face, effectively blocking Merlin’s view of the kitchen with his body.
“Merlin? Are you alright?”
“Of course I am,” Merlin replied a little too breezily, giving Arthur another unconvincing smile. “I’m just surprised. You didn’t have to do all this.”
“Why wouldn’t I? Internationals is a big deal for you-“ He stopped when Merlin flinched and dropped his gaze to the floor, looking pained. “Merlin?”
“Can we not talk about internationals?” he asked in a quiet voice, still staring downwards. Arthur frowned.
“What, why?” When Merlin didn’t answer, Arthur smoothed a hand down his back and tried again. “Are you nervous? You shouldn’t be, you’re brilliant and it’s ages away-“
“No,” Merlin sighed, shaking his head. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? Let’s just have a nice dinner together.”
He made to step around Arthur, but Arthur just tightened his grip, expecting it when Merlin stiffened but not letting go.
“Merlin. I know something’s wrong, I’m not an idiot. Don’t treat me like one.”
To his surprise, Merlin just scowled and tugged himself free.
“Yeah, well, I’m not an idiot either. If I had a problem I’d be able to take care of it myself, thanks.”
“Excuse me?” Arthur demanded. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, running his hands over his arms like he was cold.
“Nothing, I just-don’t worry about it, Arthur.”
“Merlin-“
“I don’t want to talk about that stupid competition,” Merlin finally snapped, surprising Arthur into silence, “and I’m not going to it, either.”
For a second, they just stood there in silence, Merlin scowling down at the ground and Arthur staring back at him. Finally, Arthur shook his head.
“What do you mean you’re not going?”
“I mean I’m not. Simple as.”
“But that’s stupid, of course you’re going.”
“No, I’m really not.”
“Merlin-“
“Just drop it, Arthur,” Merlin commanded, throwing his hands up and finally meeting Arthur’s gaze. “God, I wish Helen hadn’t even said anything. I’m not going to internationals, and we’re not going to talk about it again. Alright?”
“Of course it’s not alright, Merlin, you’re being stupid. Why on earth wouldn’t you take advantage of this opportunity-“
“Because I can’t afford to!” Merlin finally shouted. “Didn’t you hear Helen? It’s in Australia. I have-I have rent to pay. I know it’s a foreign concept for you, but not all of us can afford to fuck off across the globe on a lark whenever they feel like it. We’re not all as privileged as you, Arthur.”
Arthur felt like he’d been punched. Merlin was breathing heavily, his cheeks pink, angry and embarrassed and absolutely not backing down.
“I don’t want to hear about how good the opportunity is,” Merlin continued, “because believe me, I know. Just like I knew about all the other good opportunities I was missing out on because I was a poor scholarship student from a shit town in Wales.” He swallowed, and Arthur noticed for the first time the gleam of tears in his eyes. “I don’t need to hear it, especially not from you.”
“My privileges growing up have nothing to do with this-“
“They have everything to do with this! Arthur, just-you have no idea what it’s like to not have money. You’ve never had to worry about having enough money for food, let alone your rent-“
“It’s not my fault I was born into a wealthy family-“
“I never said it was-“
“You’re certainly implying it!”
“What do you want me to say, Arthur?” Merlin demanded, throwing his hands in the air. “I can’t afford to go to internationals, and the last thing I need right now is my boyfriend sighing at me about missed opportunities-“
“I’m trying to help you.“
“By pointing out how bad of a decision this is, even though I have no choice? Right, well, thanks for that.”
“I could always give-“
“Don’t you dare,” Merlin said in a dangerous voice, face flushed, “don’t you fucking dare treat me like a charity case.”
“I’m not treating you like anything,” Arthur insisted, feeling anger and frustration bubbling beneath his skin. “I’m offering, as your boyfriend, to help you out. If anything, you’re the one treating me like an idiot, accusing me of having all these privileges and then refusing to let me help you out just because I can and I want to-“
“I’m not a problem you can pay to be fixed!” Merlin shouted, and Arthur had finally had enough.
“I don’t need this,” he said coldly, turning abruptly and stalking out of the kitchen. “Call me when you’ve decided to stop acting like a child.”
“Fuck you, Arthur,” Merlin shouted after him. “I’m not the one who relies on daddy for everything!”
Arthur slammed the door.
---
It only took until Arthur’s feet hit the pavement outside Merlin’s flat before he wanted to turn around again. By the time he let himself into his own flat his any remaining anger had fizzled out to nothing. Two hours later he was drunker than he had been in recent memory, stretched out on his back and watching the light from Llamrei’s tank play across the ceiling.
It hadn’t even been that bad of a fight, really. They’d definitely had worse. But that didn’t make Arthur feel any better at the moment.
He was an idiot. Merlin was an idiot. They were a right pair of idiots and right then Arthur hated both of them for it. Hated Merlin for his stupid smiles and pride and for being exactly what Arthur pretended he didn’t need, only to make him feel like this.
Groaning, Arthur lifted his hand to take a sloppy sip out of his bottle. There wasn’t even enough left to make a mouthful, so Arthur swallowed and let the bottle roll away as his hand fell.
He fell asleep like that, on the floor in the middle of his sitting room, fingers curled around his mobile.
---
It had only been a week. Arthur had gone far longer without seeing some of his closest friends with no problem. Seven days without Merlin was easy, a cakewalk, a-
“Still nothing?”
“What?” Arthur asked, looking up and pretending he hadn’t just been looking at his mobile. “Sorry?”
Leon gave him a rather sympathetic look before nodding down at the hand Arthur had stuffed in his pocket. “Still no message?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Arthur, please, I’m your best mate. And it doesn’t take a genius to work out what’s gotten you into such a mood the past few days.”
Arthur coughed awkwardly. It’d only been a week, he reminded himself. “I still don’t know what you mean.”
“Of course you don’t,” Leon sighed and took a drag from his drink. “So why don’t you tell me why you keep checking your mobile?”
“I’m not,” Arthur said automatically, ignoring the way his fingers clenched around said mobile. Leon gave him a look. “What?”
“Listen, Arthur, we’ve been friends for years. But if I have to put up with another day of you sitting around not-pining for Merlin I’m going to start looking for another job. Why don’t you just call him?”
Arthur didn’t answer. A week, he thought for the millionth time that day, why hadn’t he called?
Leon leaned forward again, tapping his finger beside Arthur’s drink. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I’m willing to bet it’s something that can be fixed. You’re brilliant together. Call him.”
Arthur didn’t.
---
“-there’s a meeting at 1 to discuss possible project expansions, and Annis is sending over a draft for revising sometime this morning. Elyan should have the merger logo completed for reviewing before then,” Gwen recited before flipping her notebook closed and looking back at Arthur.
“Is that all?” he asked, not even managing to make his tone anything less than resigned. It’d been nearly two weeks, and hope was starting to run thin.
“That’s all the business I have, yes,” Gwen told him, leaning against the desk. “But there is a personal matter I’d like to bring up.”
“Another event for me to attend? You have my calendar, Guinevere, you don’t have to ask-“
“It’s about Merlin,” Gwen interrupted, and Arthur snapped his mouth shut. Gwen gave him the same look she’d been giving him for two weeks, the one that managed to be both pitying and incredibly vilifying. “You haven’t called him.”
“No,” Arthur admitted, looking down, “but as I’m sure you’re aware, he hasn’t called me, either.”
“Trust me, I’ve already given him the lecture. This isn’t healthy.”
“We just had a fight. All couples fight.”
“Yes, but all couples aren’t made up of two equally stubborn idiots,” Gwen said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re not going to resolve anything by waiting around for someone else to figure things out for you. At least talk to him so you can have some sort of closure, because all this pining isn’t healthy for either of you.”
Arthur didn’t even bother protesting her pining comment. “It’s not that easy-“
“I’m almost positive it is, but you’re just determined to make a mountain out of this. Like you said, all couples fight. What usually comes after is talking things through until the issue is resolved, one way or another. You two were together for almost two years. Whatever happened couldn’t have been bad enough to destroy all of that in just a day.”
Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face. Truthfully, he’d come up with a thousand and one solutions to their fight, but none of them meant a damn thing if he couldn’t pluck up the courage to call Merlin first.
Gwen reached over to pat his arm.
“It’s not like you to just give up, Arthur,” she said, and Arthur smiled weakly at her.
“No, no it’s not.”
---
The door to Merlin’s flat looked exactly like it had when Arthur had last stormed out of it. The key Merlin had given him was heavy in his pocket, but Arthur didn’t use it, not sure if he even had the right to anymore. He could hear the faintest strains of music coming through it, something vaguely classical-sounding and somehow familiar. He hesitated, not wanting to interrupt Merlin if he was practicing on the pole. Maybe he should come back later? Maybe even tomorrow?
Arthur shook himself. “Stop making excuses,” he muttered under his breath and knocked firmly on the door.
Inside, the music stopped. Arthur was vaguely aware of holding his breath until he heard the scrape of the lock, and then he was face-to-face with Merlin.
If the door looked the same after two weeks, Merlin decidedly didn’t. The tiredness from that night still sat heavily on his shoulders and under his eyes, but it had expanded now to shadows under his eyes and skin even paler than usual. Part of Arthur dared to hope that Gwen had been right, that Merlin had taken their separation just as badly as Arthur had, but another said no, there were a thousand reasons for Merlin to look like he hadn’t slept for days.
At least Merlin’s clothes were familiar, his usual workout combination of t-shirt and sweats, but Arthur hardly glanced at them before his gaze returned to Merlin’s face, taking in his surprised expression along with everything else.
“Arthur?”
“Hi,” Arthur said lamely. Luckily, Merlin didn’t seem to mind.
“Hi. Um. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“No,” Arthur agreed. “I thought we should talk.”
Merlin’s expression wavered, but it was gone too quickly for Arthur to identify it. “Oh.”
A few seconds passed where they just stared at each other before Arthur coughed. “So, can I come in?”
“Um,” Merlin swallowed, glancing almost nervously behind him, and Arthur had enough time to panic and wonder who was in there and why Merlin didn’t want him to see him before Merlin said, “Sure,” and stepped back.
The door had hardly closed behind them before there was a loud yowl and Aithusa came barreling out of the sitting room, purring madly as she wound herself around Arthur’s legs. Arthur fought a lump in his throat as he bent down to pet her.
“Hey, Aithusa. How’ve you been?” he murmured, smiling when Aithusa butted his fingers in response. A quiet cough above them brought Arthur’s attention back to Merlin, who was watching them with a torn look on his face.
“She, um. She’s missed you,” he said uncomfortably, crossing his arms and hunching over as if he was trying to make himself smaller. Arthur smiled weakly.
“I missed her, too.”
Aithusa purred again before trotting over to her owner and placing a paw on his bare toes. She meowed, glancing back at Arthur and then at Merlin again, tail swishing. Merlin took a deep breath.
“I didn’t have a chance to get any of your things for you,” he said in a rush, not looking at Arthur. “If you want, I can just grab you a box and you can grab whatever-“
Arthur didn’t hear anything else. Merlin was talking about taking his things back. Merlin wanted to break up. He was too late. A strange roaring drowned out the rest of Merlin’s words from Arthur’s ears, and the next thing he knew Merlin was speeding past into the sitting room, and it was all Arthur could do to follow him shakily.
“Merlin, wait-“
He stopped in the doorway to the sitting room, staring at the TV screen. Legolas stared back at him. Suddenly Arthur realized where he’d heard the music before-it was part of the soundtrack for Fellowship of the Ring, the movie they’d watched the first night they’d gotten together.
He was so distracted that he didn’t notice Merlin had stopped until he heard his name and turned to see Merlin watching him, looking fragile and embarrassed in the middle of his living room. He was clutching something in one hand, and Arthur recognized it as the sweatshirt he’d left here months ago, the one Merlin had taken to wearing to bed every night when the blankets and Arthur’s body heat weren’t enough to keep him properly warm.
“What is this?” Arthur asked, gesturing at the telly and the movie frozen on it. Merlin glanced over, even though he knew full well what Arthur was pointing at.
“I-“ Merlin bit his lip, and then sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Why are you here, Arthur?”
“I wanted to talk,” Arthur replied easily enough, and then hesitated. “I wanted to see you again.”
“Why?”
Arthur bit back a groan at the question, but Merlin was talking to him, and he wasn’t packing his things and this might be his only chance, so he said, “Because I’ve missed you.”
Merlin’s expression turned almost pained at that, and his grip on the sweatshirt tightened visibly. Arthur wasn’t sure what that meant-was it rejection? Or was it just surprise?-but he continued anyway.
“It was a stupid fight, and we were both idiots that night. I know I shouldn’t have walked out, and I regretted it as soon as the door closed and wanted to call you every day after.” He swallowed. “I’m not…not good with emotions, but I don’t want that to be the end of us. I want to keep trying.”
A tiny smile broke out on Merlin’s face. “I’ve wanted to call you, too. Gwen kept telling me to but I was so sure you wouldn’t want to hear from me after I went crazy on you like that. I was sure when you showed up here that it was too late and you just wanted to take your stuff back.”
“God, fuck no,” Arthur said earnestly, losing the last of his restraint and walking forward until he could curl his fingers around Merlin’s arm. Merlin reached out for him too, dropping the sweatshirt and sliding his hands up until he found Arthur’s shoulder. “Merlin-“
“Hang on, it’s my turn for an awkward apology,” Merlin interrupted, earning a huff of laughter from Arthur that put a genuine, if small, smile on his own face. “I know you were just trying to help me that night. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. I was embarrassed and upset, but that’s not an excuse and I’m sorry.”
Arthur pressed their foreheads together. “And I’m sorry for leaving. God, we’re idiots.”
“Well, from now on we’ll be idiots who talk things through instead of getting all constipated and shouting at each other,” Merlin teased, and they both laughed, giddy with the feeling of each other again.
From there it was the most natural thing in the world for Merlin to slide his hands even further and tug Arthur into a kiss. A thousand things that Arthur had planned on saying immediately flew out of his brain, but Arthur didn’t care. He knew they’d be said eventually, but all that mattered right then was that Merlin was there again.
Arthur didn’t know how long they stood there kissing, but he knew it wasn’t long enough before Merlin broke it with a laugh, pulling back before darting in for a smaller kiss, and another, and another.
“God, I missed you, you prat,” he mumbled between kisses, still smiling. “I thought Gaius was going to strangle me. All I’ve done for two weeks cuddle Aithusa and watch fucking Lord of the Rings by myself-“
“I know what you mean. Mithian asked Leon if someone had died.”
Merlin let out a delighted laugh and tightened his hold around Arthur’s shoulders. “We’re so stupid.”
“So stupid,” Arthur agreed, and then neither of them talked for several more minutes. Neither of them were really willing to come up for air more than was absolutely necessary, so by the time they finally pulled apart for longer than a few seconds they were both breathing heavily, but the need to taste had been sated enough to dwindle down to a soft heat beneath their skin.
Arthur traced a finger along the base of Merlin’s spine, smiling against Merlin’s neck at the gentle shiver it got.
“I’m getting you to Australia if it’s the last thing I do,” he murmured, just loud enough to Merlin to hear. Merlin sighed.
“Arthur-“
“No, I mean it.” Arthur pulled away enough to look Merlin in the eye, meeting his resigned look with his own determined one. “You were right, I’ve never had to worry about money like you have. But I’ve thought about this, and I think I have a solution.”
“I’m still not taking money from you, Arthur,” Merlin said firmly, but Arthur shook his head.
“Just listen to me,” Arthur implored. “You shouldn’t have to let go of something this important just because of money, not as long as I can help it. I’m not the best with relationships, but I do know that you help the people you love. So I’m buying you those plane tickets, whether you like it or not. You can pay for whatever hotel you want,” he continued, holding a finger up to stop Merlin’s protests, “but the airfare is on me. Think of it as an early Christmas present.”
“Prat,” Merlin snorted, and then pulled Arthur into yet another kiss. “More like presents for the next three years.” Arthur smirked, pleased with Merlin’s consent and hoping it boded well for things to come.
“There’s one more thing.”
“Of course there is. What is it?”
“Move in with me.”
Whatever Merlin had been expecting, it clearly hadn’t been that. He gaped at Arthur, who used his silence to plough forward.
“I know we’re sort of still working things through, but I want you to know that I want it. It’s stupid for you to pay rent on your flat by yourself when it’d be cheaper to share, whether it’s here or my place or somewhere else. So, you know. Just think about it.”
He closed his mouth. Part of him wished he had done a proper job of it, gotten flowers or music or asked Lance for some of his poetry, or something, but Arthur’s skin was already itchy from embarrassment at the uncustomary amount of emotions on display tonight.
Thankfully, Merlin didn’t seem to mind, if the frantic kiss he pulled Arthur into was any indication. Arthur grinned as Merlin laughed, “Yeah, alright, yes,” against his lips and kissed back.
Arthur tightened his hold around Merlin’s waist, and the feeling of Merlin’s body flushed against his sent a rush down his spine. Their kiss, which had already long passed chaste, deepened even further as Merlin let out a tiny moan and nipped Arthur’s bottom lip. Without breaking contact, Arthur gently pushed Merlin backwards in the direction of the sofa. The back of Merlin’s legs hit the cushions and they fell back onto it, but a loud yowl prevented them from spreading out. They broke apart in time to see Aithusa’s disgusted look as she fled from the danger zone, and laughed.
“Oops,” Merlin sniggered, not sounding very apologetic as his hands continued their exploration of Arthur’s arse. “I think we’ve scarred the children.”
Arthur laughed against Merlin’s bottom lip. “Maybe we should move this debauchery elsewhere?”
“Mmm. Somewhere without an audience,” Merlin agreed with a nod towards the telly, where Legolas’ face was still frozen. Arthur snickered, but sat up, and they ran together towards Merlin’s bedroom, holding hands and giggling like school children.
The door slammed behind them, and Arthur used their newfound privacy to pull Merlin closer and kiss him once before breaking apart to order, “Clothes, off.”
“Yes, sir,” Merlin replied cheekily, stripping off his shirt. Arthur watched the pale skin become bared to him, hypnotized, before hurrying to catch up. By the time he stripped off his last sock, Merlin was already naked and stretched out on the bed, stroking himself into arousal. His hungry eyes were fixed on Arthur, who wasted no more time in climbing after him and kissing him, hot and messy. There was no way this was going to last long-all Arthur wanted was the taste of Merlin again after far too long without it.
“Arthur?” Merlin croaked when Arthur broke their kiss and moved away, and then sighed when he dragged his tongue along Merlin’s cock. “Oh, yes.”
Long fingers tangled in Arthur’s hair as he kissed and licked along Merlin’s length, giving him a proper tease before finally taking the head into his mouth. He went slowly, wanting to make it last somehow, even if it wasn’t for long. Glancing up, he saw Merlin’s eyes flutter closed and his bottom lip bend beneath his teeth. Suddenly his hands itched to just touch, so he let his fingers skitter over Merlin’s thighs, following the lines of his hipbones to dance over the dragon tattooed there. Merlin let out a huff of laughter when Arthur dragged his finger over his belly, feeling the muscles jump with every drag of Arthur’s mouth on his cock. That had always been Arthur’s favourite part of sex with Merlin: his responsivity. He fully intended to exploit that tonight, but Merlin caught on to his game far too quickly.
“Fuck, Arthur, I swear you can play all you want later. Just suck me.”
“Promise?” Arthur asked, popping off Merlin’s cock with an obscene slurp, and Merlin groaned and nudged his head with his knee.
“Yes, you arsehole, I promise.”
“Good,” Arthur chuckled, and promptly swallowed Merlin back down, this time bringing his hand down to wrap around the base. Merlin let out a whine when he began to bob his head up and down, working Merlin’s entire cock with fist and lips until he was panting and squirming. His hands were fisted in the sheets, white from the effort to stay still, and Arthur grinned around his mouthful.
With a final tug, Arthur uncurled his hand from Merlin’s cock and shoved it under Merlin’s hips. He pulled back until only the tip was in his mouth when Merlin looked down at him, red-faced and bleary-eyed and so, so gorgeous, and then released it completely.
“Go ahead,” he said huskily, throat burning already, “fuck me.”
“Jesus Christ,” Merlin gasped, dropping his head, but Arthur had already swallowed him down and squeezed his arse. In response, Merlin gave a tiny, explorative thrust, then another. Arthur hummed encouragingly, and Merlin finally gave in, digging his heels in and thrusting up into Arthur’s mouth.
It was clear after only a few thrusts that Merlin wasn’t going to last long, so Arthur wasn’t surprised when Merlin’s pace shifted and he groaned, “Gonna come.” Instead of pupping off, though, he slipped a hand around to cup Merlin’s balls. The angle was awkward, but Merlin must not have cared because a second later he was coming down Arthur’s throat with a groan.
Arthur did pull off then, tongue flicking out to catch the droplets of come at the corner of his mouth. Merlin watched him, panting.
“Come here,” he ordered, and Arthur obeyed, moving up until his cock was dragging against Merlin’s belly and they could kiss messily. When Merlin’s fingers found Arthur’s neglected erection Arthur had to stifle a moan, but it was a near thing, and he felt Merlin grin as if he’d heard it, anyway.
“Can’t wait for you to fuck me,” he murmured against Arthur’s jaw, fist still working Arthur’s cock. “Gonna open myself up and let you fuck me as hard as you want.”
Arthur moaned a garbled response, too distracted by Merlin’s hand and the mental picture he painted to respond properly. Merlin pulled him down again as his hand sped up, swallowing all of Arthur’s grunts until he finally gasped and spilled all over both of their stomachs. Arthur’s breathed heavily through his orgasm, and Merlin sucked gentle kisses to his jaw until he’d caught it again, one hand possessively splayed across the small of Arthur’s back. He chuckled fondly when Arthur groaned and sagged against him, automatically wiggling to accommodate his weight even as Arthur wrapped them tightly together.
The embrace only lasted for a moment before Arthur shifted back, kissing Merlin’s neck before going to fetch them a tissue. Merlin watched him with a dopey grin on his face which only grew when Arthur teased him.
“I’m happy, you arse,” he said unapologetically, rolling over until his face was buried in the pillows and peeking up at Arthur from among the fabric, “don’t ruin it.”
Arthur laughed at him, but his touch was equally fond as he slotted in place beside Merlin, lying close enough to wrap his arms around him and press his cheek to Merlin’s shoulder blade.
“Are we okay?” he ventured after a moment, not wanting to break the comfortable silence but feeling like it needed to be asked anyway. He couldn’t see Merlin’s face from here, but he figured that was for the best if they were going to have another talk. Merlin didn’t answer right away.
“Yeah,” he said at last, and Arthur could hear the smile in his voice, “I think we are.” Arthur sighed in relief and kissed the skin beneath his lips. Merlin chuckled again, squirming until Arthur shifted enough to let him sit up. He did, smiling fondly and smoothing away his hair before swooping down for a kiss. “Want to watch Lord of the Rings with me?”
Arthur laughed. “Always.”
---
It wasn’t easy. Try as he might overcoming a lifetime of emotional constipation was never going to be easy for Arthur, and he and Merlin would never really stop having fights. Many of those fights would be about money, because Arthur had it and Merlin wasn’t used to being able to just spend it. But they were still happy, and in his sappier moments Arthur didn’t think he’d ever get used to the ease with which they just were, and he was so grateful for it.
The door to Arthur’s study opened and closed softly. Arthur didn’t look up, just waited for the pair of hands to rest on his shoulder. “You’re running late.”
Merlin hummed, sliding around to lean against the desk. “Got sidetracked. Is this important?”
“Not vitally, why?”
Merlin said nothing, and when Arthur finally looked he saw a giant grin on his boyfriend’s face.
“I found a place.”
Arthur stifled a groan. They’d been flathunting for what felt like ages now, and had already turned down countless places for no reason either of them could quite place. Something of his reluctance must’ve shown on his face, though, because Merlin just shook his head.
“I’m serious, I really think we should check this place out. It sounds perfect, and it’s right in our price range.”
“Have you seen it yet?”
“No, just photos, but Gwen was telling me about it. I wanted to wait for you.”
Arthur hesitated, thought about reminding Merlin they’d agreed to take a break from all this, but something about Merlin’s expression kept him from it.
“Alright, let’s go.”
He knew he’d made the right decision when Merlin’s face lit up and didn’t dim for the entire drive, until he announced, “It’s the third one on the left,” and turned to watch Arthur expectantly.
It was a nice place, a house rather than the flat Arthur’d expected. The garden was small enough to be easily manageable. And from where they were standing, it seemed to be a good size-bigger than either of their flats, but not too big that it’d be empty with just the two of them. It was probably the most promising one they’d seen.
“Can we go in?” he asked, and Merlin gave him another beaming smile.
“Landlord’s waiting for us. Come on.”
Before Arthur could accuse him of planning all of this Merlin swept him forward into the house, and then he was too busy taking it in to do anything else. The landlord led them through the first floor, showing them the open sitting room, the small but functional dining room, the newly refurbished kitchen, and even a pair of spare rooms in the back that could easily be turned into an office for Arthur, or a studio for Merlin. Merlin kept sending Arthur excited little glances, but Arthur kept his face passive even as his own excitement rose.
It got harder to hide, though, the more he imagined it, their combined lives filling up all the empty spaces, with Merlin’s bookshelves and Llamrei’s tank, and Aithusa curled up in the window, watching the garden…
“Upstairs is mostly bedrooms,” the landlord told them as he led them up. “There’s two bathrooms, including the master ensuite, as well as the toilet downstairs. Here,” he reached over and opened the closest door, “we have the first of two spare rooms.”
Merlin and Arthur dutifully stepped inside to admire the decently sized room, and Merlin made a beeline for the window.
“It’s nice,” he said, his reflection smiling back at the room.
“Aye, most of my former tenants have found it to be perfect for guests, or an office,” the landlord agreed, “or children, if you’ve got any.”
Arthur froze in the middle of his exploration, eyes automatically finding Merlin. They hadn’t really talked about that part yet, whether they would or wouldn’t. Merlin’s eyes met his, and for a second Arthur could picture it, the room full to bursting with toys and a tiny child bouncing on Merlin’s hip, with Merlin’s unruly hair, or maybe Arthur’s blonde, or maybe someone else’s genetics entirely. The image was gone almost as soon as it came, but it left behind a lingering warmth in Arthur’s skin.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly, not quite looking away from Merlin yet, “yeah, it’d be great for kids.”
Merlin’s answering smile told him all he needed to know.
The last room on their tour was the master bedroom. The landlord excused himself to let them talk, and suddenly they were alone. Arthur didn’t talk right away, choosing instead to walk around the room, imagining what it’d be like to live in it and, when the picture came with hardly any effort, realizing he’d already made his decision.
“What do you think?” Merlin asked, standing in the middle of the room with a nervous expression.
“I think it’s the best one we’ve seen so far,” Arthur answered honestly. Merlin laughed in relief.
“Really?”
“Really. I think it’s great.” He smiled at Merlin’s obvious delight.
“Oh God, I’m so glad to hear that,” Merlin laughed, stepping forward until he could throw his arms around Arthur’s shoulders. “So is that a yes? Are we moving in?”
Rather than answer, Arthur kissed him, right there in the middle of the empty house where they would build their lives together.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: none; established relationship, modern AU
Summary: After nearly two years together, Merlin has firmly worked his way into Arthur's life. So when good news turns unexpectedly sour, neither one of them handle the separation well.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has commented/kudos'd this series so far. However as of right now, because of my new school/volunteer schedule, this is the last update for the series. I have had such a good time researching, writing, and reading reviews for the fics, but unfortunately I just don't have the time for it anymore. Hopefully this is a satisfying enough ending, and thank you again for everyone's kind words. xxx
Read on AO3.
Part 8 of the Pole Dancing AU. [part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | all]
Merlin’s flat hadn’t changed much since Arthur had first stepped foot inside it nearly two years ago. There were still bookshelves everywhere, rivaled in number only by the amount of homey clutter throughout it. The old squashy sofa was still in the middle of it all, covered in one of Hunith’s lovingly crafted blankets (one of the only changes to the room was the addition of a second blanket, crocheted last Christmas and had since become irrevocably known as Arthur’s).
Arthur allowed that familiarity to seep into him and help him relax as he kicked off his shoes and patted Aithusa obligingly, only half listening to Merlin’s rambling as the weight of his work week slowly crept from his shoulders.
“Oh, my God,” Merlin said suddenly, holding up a letter from the mail he’d been rifling through, “Mithian and Leon sent us an actual postcard. They are officially the old married couple of the group.”
“I think Gwen and Lance still have the upper hand in that department, given that they’re actually married,” Arthur pointed out. Merlin tsked.
“Gwen and Lance are too prone to grand romantic gestures to be the old couple. They’re like the walking love sonnets of the group,” he replied, which Arthur certainly couldn’t argue with. While Gwen and Lance had continued being the sickeningly sweet couple even after their wedding, Leon and Mithian’s relationship had quickly developed from club dancing to quiet dinners at their newly shared home, an adopted dog, and joint vacations from which they sent all of their friends cheesy postcards.
“’Merlin and Arthur, Milan is beautiful. Mith’s family has been great with showing us all the best places. Maybe one day we’ll be able to drag you away from the office long enough to visit with us. Best, L&M,’” Arthur read aloud, ignoring Merlin’s snort at Leon’s dig.
“I’m just waiting for the day they come back married,” Merlin sighed with a fond smile at the card. “Gwen’s wrath at being denied wedding planning privileges will be epic.”
“You underestimate Leon’s love for weddings,” Arthur said, but the rest of the conversation was cut short when Merlin’s mobile went off. Arthur rolled his eyes when he saw the caller.
“What on earth does Helen want?”
“No idea. Probably another lesson she wants to skive off on me,” Merlin rolled his eyes, but swiped his thumb to answer the call anyway, putting it on speaker so Arthur could hear, too. “Hey, Helen.”
“Merlin,” Helen’s voice came through, “guess what I have in my hand right now.”
“Er,” Merlin replied, “your phone?”
“Don’t be cheeky. It’s an invitation, for you,” Helen said with the air of someone revealing a long-awaited surprise. Judging by Merlin’s expression, though, he was as clueless as Arthur.
“Oh. Er, good. Who’s having a party?”
Helen huffed, “It’s not a party, smartarse, it’s for internationals! You made internationals!”
“…are you shitting me?” Merlin half-laughed, one hand coming up to press against his mouth as Helen laughed, “No, I swear, you did it!” over the phone, and he really did laugh then, a fully-bodied guffaw that made his eyes crinkle and his face light up, and Arthur absolutely had to kiss him.
“Congratulations,” he murmured, not bothering to hide his wide smile. Merlin laughed again against his lips.
“Fuck, I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it,” Helen piped up, followed by the sound of paper rustling. “’Dear Mr. Emrys. The International Committee of Pole Dance Performance is pleased to invite you to our 2013 International Competition. You are recognized for your admirable accomplishments’-blah, blah, blah, ‘hope you will join us in Sydney, Australia this fall…’ It’s all real!”
“Fuck,” Arthur whistled, turning to share a grin with Merlin. Merlin, however, was staring at the phone again.
“Australia…” he murmured, a brief shadow passing over his face before Helen spoke again.
“We’ll have to talk about adjusting your training schedule. Maybe you should come in and we can review your routines-“
“Maybe some other time, Helen. I’m afraid I have my own plans for him tonight,” Arthur interrupted, wrapping an arm around Merlin and tugging him closer. Helen, predictably, giggled.
“You drive a hard bargain, Pendragon,” she flirted, the fluttering eyelashes practically audible over the phone.
“Tomorrow he’s all yours,” Arthur promised. “Have a nice evening, Helen.”
He reached over to end the call. Merlin continued to say nothing until Arthur had turned and started kissing up his neck, murmuring, “So, Mr. Internationals. How do you propose we celebrate?”
Merlin snorted, but let his eyes fall closed rather than meet Arthur’s gaze. “I don’t know about you, but I won’t be up for any celebrating until after dinner.”
“I can manage that,” Arthur nodded, placing one more kiss to the side of Merlin’s neck before stepping back. “No, you stay out here,” he said when Merlin made to follow, “dinner’s my responsibility tonight.”
“Is this a celebration or a threat?” Merlin asked. Arthur swatted at him, but wasn’t surprised when Merlin dodged it.
“Out before I change my mind.”
Merlin went, and Arthur turned to survey his options. He’d just set water on to boil for a pasta when he heard music come on from the back room, one of the songs he’d seen Merlin perform to before. He hummed quietly to himself as he worked, until he set the finished pasta on the table. In a fit of celebration he salvaged a lone candlestick from the depths of Merlin’s kitchen and placed it in the middle, before heading towards the back room.
The door was open, so Arthur had a clear view of Merlin’s body unfolding from move to move. Arthur’d seen him do this routine before, usually at the very beginning of a lesson as a sort of warm up, the movements so familiar that Arthur had witnessed him carry on full conversations without missing a step. So it was a surprise when, mid-twist, Merlin’s foot caught on the pole, making Merlin wobble and slide but not fall before he caught himself.
Arthur frowned. Merlin hardly ever made simple mistakes like that. He fell often enough, sure, but Merlin had excellent control, and he knew this routine like the back of his hand. Looking at him now, he seemed almost…sloppy.
That wasn’t the end of it. Though he’d recovered from the first slip up, a few beats later Merlin’s grip slackened just enough for him to slip further down on the pole mid-spin. It was an easy fix, but Merlin didn’t react in time. Instead, his feet grazed the floor, making him wobble badly and fall against the pole before he could right himself. Arthur winced, but Merlin hardly stopped for breath-just a quick pause to assess damages-before he was off again. But he was visibly frustrated now, making his movements stiff and sloppy. Arthur could practically hear Freya's voice shouting, "See it though, Merlin!" as Merlin abandoned several moves halfway through, either because he wasn't paying attention or another slip up had made him slip again, until finally the routine ended, and he stepped away from the pole, running a hand through his hair. Arthur raised his eyebrow at him.
“What was that?”
Merlin flinched sheepishly. “I know. I was crap.”
“Yes, you were,” Arthur said bluntly. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“I’ll live,” Merlin replied with a tiny smile. Arthur returned it for a brief second before cuffing him lightly about the head.
“You idiot, you could’ve put yourself out of the running before you could even accept your invitation. What was up with you? You looked like you were a thousand miles away.”
Merlin shrugged again, one hand rubbing at his leg. He gave Arthur another smile, but this time Arthur noticed how it didn’t meet his eyes, which seemed to be looking at everything but Arthur himself. “I just got distracted, it happens.”
Arthur frowned but decided to let it pass.
“Alright, then,” he said, reaching out to tug Merlin close enough to kiss. “Come on, let’s eat before your celebratory dinner gets cold.”
Merlin’s smile barely faltered before he tacked on another one.
“Great. I’m starved,” he said, and promptly swept from the room, leaving Arthur with nothing to do but follow. He nearly ran straight into Merlin, though, who had come to a sudden stop in the doorway of the kitchen and was staring at Arthur’s set up. “What-“
“Surprise,” Arthur said, wrapping his arms around Merlin’s waist, “and congratulations.”
Merlin didn’t say anything, just continued staring at the table. His body had gone stiff against Arthur’s, who was starting to feel like something was very much wrong. Gently, he eased around until they were standing face to face, effectively blocking Merlin’s view of the kitchen with his body.
“Merlin? Are you alright?”
“Of course I am,” Merlin replied a little too breezily, giving Arthur another unconvincing smile. “I’m just surprised. You didn’t have to do all this.”
“Why wouldn’t I? Internationals is a big deal for you-“ He stopped when Merlin flinched and dropped his gaze to the floor, looking pained. “Merlin?”
“Can we not talk about internationals?” he asked in a quiet voice, still staring downwards. Arthur frowned.
“What, why?” When Merlin didn’t answer, Arthur smoothed a hand down his back and tried again. “Are you nervous? You shouldn’t be, you’re brilliant and it’s ages away-“
“No,” Merlin sighed, shaking his head. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? Let’s just have a nice dinner together.”
He made to step around Arthur, but Arthur just tightened his grip, expecting it when Merlin stiffened but not letting go.
“Merlin. I know something’s wrong, I’m not an idiot. Don’t treat me like one.”
To his surprise, Merlin just scowled and tugged himself free.
“Yeah, well, I’m not an idiot either. If I had a problem I’d be able to take care of it myself, thanks.”
“Excuse me?” Arthur demanded. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, running his hands over his arms like he was cold.
“Nothing, I just-don’t worry about it, Arthur.”
“Merlin-“
“I don’t want to talk about that stupid competition,” Merlin finally snapped, surprising Arthur into silence, “and I’m not going to it, either.”
For a second, they just stood there in silence, Merlin scowling down at the ground and Arthur staring back at him. Finally, Arthur shook his head.
“What do you mean you’re not going?”
“I mean I’m not. Simple as.”
“But that’s stupid, of course you’re going.”
“No, I’m really not.”
“Merlin-“
“Just drop it, Arthur,” Merlin commanded, throwing his hands up and finally meeting Arthur’s gaze. “God, I wish Helen hadn’t even said anything. I’m not going to internationals, and we’re not going to talk about it again. Alright?”
“Of course it’s not alright, Merlin, you’re being stupid. Why on earth wouldn’t you take advantage of this opportunity-“
“Because I can’t afford to!” Merlin finally shouted. “Didn’t you hear Helen? It’s in Australia. I have-I have rent to pay. I know it’s a foreign concept for you, but not all of us can afford to fuck off across the globe on a lark whenever they feel like it. We’re not all as privileged as you, Arthur.”
Arthur felt like he’d been punched. Merlin was breathing heavily, his cheeks pink, angry and embarrassed and absolutely not backing down.
“I don’t want to hear about how good the opportunity is,” Merlin continued, “because believe me, I know. Just like I knew about all the other good opportunities I was missing out on because I was a poor scholarship student from a shit town in Wales.” He swallowed, and Arthur noticed for the first time the gleam of tears in his eyes. “I don’t need to hear it, especially not from you.”
“My privileges growing up have nothing to do with this-“
“They have everything to do with this! Arthur, just-you have no idea what it’s like to not have money. You’ve never had to worry about having enough money for food, let alone your rent-“
“It’s not my fault I was born into a wealthy family-“
“I never said it was-“
“You’re certainly implying it!”
“What do you want me to say, Arthur?” Merlin demanded, throwing his hands in the air. “I can’t afford to go to internationals, and the last thing I need right now is my boyfriend sighing at me about missed opportunities-“
“I’m trying to help you.“
“By pointing out how bad of a decision this is, even though I have no choice? Right, well, thanks for that.”
“I could always give-“
“Don’t you dare,” Merlin said in a dangerous voice, face flushed, “don’t you fucking dare treat me like a charity case.”
“I’m not treating you like anything,” Arthur insisted, feeling anger and frustration bubbling beneath his skin. “I’m offering, as your boyfriend, to help you out. If anything, you’re the one treating me like an idiot, accusing me of having all these privileges and then refusing to let me help you out just because I can and I want to-“
“I’m not a problem you can pay to be fixed!” Merlin shouted, and Arthur had finally had enough.
“I don’t need this,” he said coldly, turning abruptly and stalking out of the kitchen. “Call me when you’ve decided to stop acting like a child.”
“Fuck you, Arthur,” Merlin shouted after him. “I’m not the one who relies on daddy for everything!”
Arthur slammed the door.
---
It only took until Arthur’s feet hit the pavement outside Merlin’s flat before he wanted to turn around again. By the time he let himself into his own flat his any remaining anger had fizzled out to nothing. Two hours later he was drunker than he had been in recent memory, stretched out on his back and watching the light from Llamrei’s tank play across the ceiling.
It hadn’t even been that bad of a fight, really. They’d definitely had worse. But that didn’t make Arthur feel any better at the moment.
He was an idiot. Merlin was an idiot. They were a right pair of idiots and right then Arthur hated both of them for it. Hated Merlin for his stupid smiles and pride and for being exactly what Arthur pretended he didn’t need, only to make him feel like this.
Groaning, Arthur lifted his hand to take a sloppy sip out of his bottle. There wasn’t even enough left to make a mouthful, so Arthur swallowed and let the bottle roll away as his hand fell.
He fell asleep like that, on the floor in the middle of his sitting room, fingers curled around his mobile.
---
It had only been a week. Arthur had gone far longer without seeing some of his closest friends with no problem. Seven days without Merlin was easy, a cakewalk, a-
“Still nothing?”
“What?” Arthur asked, looking up and pretending he hadn’t just been looking at his mobile. “Sorry?”
Leon gave him a rather sympathetic look before nodding down at the hand Arthur had stuffed in his pocket. “Still no message?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Arthur, please, I’m your best mate. And it doesn’t take a genius to work out what’s gotten you into such a mood the past few days.”
Arthur coughed awkwardly. It’d only been a week, he reminded himself. “I still don’t know what you mean.”
“Of course you don’t,” Leon sighed and took a drag from his drink. “So why don’t you tell me why you keep checking your mobile?”
“I’m not,” Arthur said automatically, ignoring the way his fingers clenched around said mobile. Leon gave him a look. “What?”
“Listen, Arthur, we’ve been friends for years. But if I have to put up with another day of you sitting around not-pining for Merlin I’m going to start looking for another job. Why don’t you just call him?”
Arthur didn’t answer. A week, he thought for the millionth time that day, why hadn’t he called?
Leon leaned forward again, tapping his finger beside Arthur’s drink. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I’m willing to bet it’s something that can be fixed. You’re brilliant together. Call him.”
Arthur didn’t.
---
“-there’s a meeting at 1 to discuss possible project expansions, and Annis is sending over a draft for revising sometime this morning. Elyan should have the merger logo completed for reviewing before then,” Gwen recited before flipping her notebook closed and looking back at Arthur.
“Is that all?” he asked, not even managing to make his tone anything less than resigned. It’d been nearly two weeks, and hope was starting to run thin.
“That’s all the business I have, yes,” Gwen told him, leaning against the desk. “But there is a personal matter I’d like to bring up.”
“Another event for me to attend? You have my calendar, Guinevere, you don’t have to ask-“
“It’s about Merlin,” Gwen interrupted, and Arthur snapped his mouth shut. Gwen gave him the same look she’d been giving him for two weeks, the one that managed to be both pitying and incredibly vilifying. “You haven’t called him.”
“No,” Arthur admitted, looking down, “but as I’m sure you’re aware, he hasn’t called me, either.”
“Trust me, I’ve already given him the lecture. This isn’t healthy.”
“We just had a fight. All couples fight.”
“Yes, but all couples aren’t made up of two equally stubborn idiots,” Gwen said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re not going to resolve anything by waiting around for someone else to figure things out for you. At least talk to him so you can have some sort of closure, because all this pining isn’t healthy for either of you.”
Arthur didn’t even bother protesting her pining comment. “It’s not that easy-“
“I’m almost positive it is, but you’re just determined to make a mountain out of this. Like you said, all couples fight. What usually comes after is talking things through until the issue is resolved, one way or another. You two were together for almost two years. Whatever happened couldn’t have been bad enough to destroy all of that in just a day.”
Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face. Truthfully, he’d come up with a thousand and one solutions to their fight, but none of them meant a damn thing if he couldn’t pluck up the courage to call Merlin first.
Gwen reached over to pat his arm.
“It’s not like you to just give up, Arthur,” she said, and Arthur smiled weakly at her.
“No, no it’s not.”
---
The door to Merlin’s flat looked exactly like it had when Arthur had last stormed out of it. The key Merlin had given him was heavy in his pocket, but Arthur didn’t use it, not sure if he even had the right to anymore. He could hear the faintest strains of music coming through it, something vaguely classical-sounding and somehow familiar. He hesitated, not wanting to interrupt Merlin if he was practicing on the pole. Maybe he should come back later? Maybe even tomorrow?
Arthur shook himself. “Stop making excuses,” he muttered under his breath and knocked firmly on the door.
Inside, the music stopped. Arthur was vaguely aware of holding his breath until he heard the scrape of the lock, and then he was face-to-face with Merlin.
If the door looked the same after two weeks, Merlin decidedly didn’t. The tiredness from that night still sat heavily on his shoulders and under his eyes, but it had expanded now to shadows under his eyes and skin even paler than usual. Part of Arthur dared to hope that Gwen had been right, that Merlin had taken their separation just as badly as Arthur had, but another said no, there were a thousand reasons for Merlin to look like he hadn’t slept for days.
At least Merlin’s clothes were familiar, his usual workout combination of t-shirt and sweats, but Arthur hardly glanced at them before his gaze returned to Merlin’s face, taking in his surprised expression along with everything else.
“Arthur?”
“Hi,” Arthur said lamely. Luckily, Merlin didn’t seem to mind.
“Hi. Um. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“No,” Arthur agreed. “I thought we should talk.”
Merlin’s expression wavered, but it was gone too quickly for Arthur to identify it. “Oh.”
A few seconds passed where they just stared at each other before Arthur coughed. “So, can I come in?”
“Um,” Merlin swallowed, glancing almost nervously behind him, and Arthur had enough time to panic and wonder who was in there and why Merlin didn’t want him to see him before Merlin said, “Sure,” and stepped back.
The door had hardly closed behind them before there was a loud yowl and Aithusa came barreling out of the sitting room, purring madly as she wound herself around Arthur’s legs. Arthur fought a lump in his throat as he bent down to pet her.
“Hey, Aithusa. How’ve you been?” he murmured, smiling when Aithusa butted his fingers in response. A quiet cough above them brought Arthur’s attention back to Merlin, who was watching them with a torn look on his face.
“She, um. She’s missed you,” he said uncomfortably, crossing his arms and hunching over as if he was trying to make himself smaller. Arthur smiled weakly.
“I missed her, too.”
Aithusa purred again before trotting over to her owner and placing a paw on his bare toes. She meowed, glancing back at Arthur and then at Merlin again, tail swishing. Merlin took a deep breath.
“I didn’t have a chance to get any of your things for you,” he said in a rush, not looking at Arthur. “If you want, I can just grab you a box and you can grab whatever-“
Arthur didn’t hear anything else. Merlin was talking about taking his things back. Merlin wanted to break up. He was too late. A strange roaring drowned out the rest of Merlin’s words from Arthur’s ears, and the next thing he knew Merlin was speeding past into the sitting room, and it was all Arthur could do to follow him shakily.
“Merlin, wait-“
He stopped in the doorway to the sitting room, staring at the TV screen. Legolas stared back at him. Suddenly Arthur realized where he’d heard the music before-it was part of the soundtrack for Fellowship of the Ring, the movie they’d watched the first night they’d gotten together.
He was so distracted that he didn’t notice Merlin had stopped until he heard his name and turned to see Merlin watching him, looking fragile and embarrassed in the middle of his living room. He was clutching something in one hand, and Arthur recognized it as the sweatshirt he’d left here months ago, the one Merlin had taken to wearing to bed every night when the blankets and Arthur’s body heat weren’t enough to keep him properly warm.
“What is this?” Arthur asked, gesturing at the telly and the movie frozen on it. Merlin glanced over, even though he knew full well what Arthur was pointing at.
“I-“ Merlin bit his lip, and then sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Why are you here, Arthur?”
“I wanted to talk,” Arthur replied easily enough, and then hesitated. “I wanted to see you again.”
“Why?”
Arthur bit back a groan at the question, but Merlin was talking to him, and he wasn’t packing his things and this might be his only chance, so he said, “Because I’ve missed you.”
Merlin’s expression turned almost pained at that, and his grip on the sweatshirt tightened visibly. Arthur wasn’t sure what that meant-was it rejection? Or was it just surprise?-but he continued anyway.
“It was a stupid fight, and we were both idiots that night. I know I shouldn’t have walked out, and I regretted it as soon as the door closed and wanted to call you every day after.” He swallowed. “I’m not…not good with emotions, but I don’t want that to be the end of us. I want to keep trying.”
A tiny smile broke out on Merlin’s face. “I’ve wanted to call you, too. Gwen kept telling me to but I was so sure you wouldn’t want to hear from me after I went crazy on you like that. I was sure when you showed up here that it was too late and you just wanted to take your stuff back.”
“God, fuck no,” Arthur said earnestly, losing the last of his restraint and walking forward until he could curl his fingers around Merlin’s arm. Merlin reached out for him too, dropping the sweatshirt and sliding his hands up until he found Arthur’s shoulder. “Merlin-“
“Hang on, it’s my turn for an awkward apology,” Merlin interrupted, earning a huff of laughter from Arthur that put a genuine, if small, smile on his own face. “I know you were just trying to help me that night. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. I was embarrassed and upset, but that’s not an excuse and I’m sorry.”
Arthur pressed their foreheads together. “And I’m sorry for leaving. God, we’re idiots.”
“Well, from now on we’ll be idiots who talk things through instead of getting all constipated and shouting at each other,” Merlin teased, and they both laughed, giddy with the feeling of each other again.
From there it was the most natural thing in the world for Merlin to slide his hands even further and tug Arthur into a kiss. A thousand things that Arthur had planned on saying immediately flew out of his brain, but Arthur didn’t care. He knew they’d be said eventually, but all that mattered right then was that Merlin was there again.
Arthur didn’t know how long they stood there kissing, but he knew it wasn’t long enough before Merlin broke it with a laugh, pulling back before darting in for a smaller kiss, and another, and another.
“God, I missed you, you prat,” he mumbled between kisses, still smiling. “I thought Gaius was going to strangle me. All I’ve done for two weeks cuddle Aithusa and watch fucking Lord of the Rings by myself-“
“I know what you mean. Mithian asked Leon if someone had died.”
Merlin let out a delighted laugh and tightened his hold around Arthur’s shoulders. “We’re so stupid.”
“So stupid,” Arthur agreed, and then neither of them talked for several more minutes. Neither of them were really willing to come up for air more than was absolutely necessary, so by the time they finally pulled apart for longer than a few seconds they were both breathing heavily, but the need to taste had been sated enough to dwindle down to a soft heat beneath their skin.
Arthur traced a finger along the base of Merlin’s spine, smiling against Merlin’s neck at the gentle shiver it got.
“I’m getting you to Australia if it’s the last thing I do,” he murmured, just loud enough to Merlin to hear. Merlin sighed.
“Arthur-“
“No, I mean it.” Arthur pulled away enough to look Merlin in the eye, meeting his resigned look with his own determined one. “You were right, I’ve never had to worry about money like you have. But I’ve thought about this, and I think I have a solution.”
“I’m still not taking money from you, Arthur,” Merlin said firmly, but Arthur shook his head.
“Just listen to me,” Arthur implored. “You shouldn’t have to let go of something this important just because of money, not as long as I can help it. I’m not the best with relationships, but I do know that you help the people you love. So I’m buying you those plane tickets, whether you like it or not. You can pay for whatever hotel you want,” he continued, holding a finger up to stop Merlin’s protests, “but the airfare is on me. Think of it as an early Christmas present.”
“Prat,” Merlin snorted, and then pulled Arthur into yet another kiss. “More like presents for the next three years.” Arthur smirked, pleased with Merlin’s consent and hoping it boded well for things to come.
“There’s one more thing.”
“Of course there is. What is it?”
“Move in with me.”
Whatever Merlin had been expecting, it clearly hadn’t been that. He gaped at Arthur, who used his silence to plough forward.
“I know we’re sort of still working things through, but I want you to know that I want it. It’s stupid for you to pay rent on your flat by yourself when it’d be cheaper to share, whether it’s here or my place or somewhere else. So, you know. Just think about it.”
He closed his mouth. Part of him wished he had done a proper job of it, gotten flowers or music or asked Lance for some of his poetry, or something, but Arthur’s skin was already itchy from embarrassment at the uncustomary amount of emotions on display tonight.
Thankfully, Merlin didn’t seem to mind, if the frantic kiss he pulled Arthur into was any indication. Arthur grinned as Merlin laughed, “Yeah, alright, yes,” against his lips and kissed back.
Arthur tightened his hold around Merlin’s waist, and the feeling of Merlin’s body flushed against his sent a rush down his spine. Their kiss, which had already long passed chaste, deepened even further as Merlin let out a tiny moan and nipped Arthur’s bottom lip. Without breaking contact, Arthur gently pushed Merlin backwards in the direction of the sofa. The back of Merlin’s legs hit the cushions and they fell back onto it, but a loud yowl prevented them from spreading out. They broke apart in time to see Aithusa’s disgusted look as she fled from the danger zone, and laughed.
“Oops,” Merlin sniggered, not sounding very apologetic as his hands continued their exploration of Arthur’s arse. “I think we’ve scarred the children.”
Arthur laughed against Merlin’s bottom lip. “Maybe we should move this debauchery elsewhere?”
“Mmm. Somewhere without an audience,” Merlin agreed with a nod towards the telly, where Legolas’ face was still frozen. Arthur snickered, but sat up, and they ran together towards Merlin’s bedroom, holding hands and giggling like school children.
The door slammed behind them, and Arthur used their newfound privacy to pull Merlin closer and kiss him once before breaking apart to order, “Clothes, off.”
“Yes, sir,” Merlin replied cheekily, stripping off his shirt. Arthur watched the pale skin become bared to him, hypnotized, before hurrying to catch up. By the time he stripped off his last sock, Merlin was already naked and stretched out on the bed, stroking himself into arousal. His hungry eyes were fixed on Arthur, who wasted no more time in climbing after him and kissing him, hot and messy. There was no way this was going to last long-all Arthur wanted was the taste of Merlin again after far too long without it.
“Arthur?” Merlin croaked when Arthur broke their kiss and moved away, and then sighed when he dragged his tongue along Merlin’s cock. “Oh, yes.”
Long fingers tangled in Arthur’s hair as he kissed and licked along Merlin’s length, giving him a proper tease before finally taking the head into his mouth. He went slowly, wanting to make it last somehow, even if it wasn’t for long. Glancing up, he saw Merlin’s eyes flutter closed and his bottom lip bend beneath his teeth. Suddenly his hands itched to just touch, so he let his fingers skitter over Merlin’s thighs, following the lines of his hipbones to dance over the dragon tattooed there. Merlin let out a huff of laughter when Arthur dragged his finger over his belly, feeling the muscles jump with every drag of Arthur’s mouth on his cock. That had always been Arthur’s favourite part of sex with Merlin: his responsivity. He fully intended to exploit that tonight, but Merlin caught on to his game far too quickly.
“Fuck, Arthur, I swear you can play all you want later. Just suck me.”
“Promise?” Arthur asked, popping off Merlin’s cock with an obscene slurp, and Merlin groaned and nudged his head with his knee.
“Yes, you arsehole, I promise.”
“Good,” Arthur chuckled, and promptly swallowed Merlin back down, this time bringing his hand down to wrap around the base. Merlin let out a whine when he began to bob his head up and down, working Merlin’s entire cock with fist and lips until he was panting and squirming. His hands were fisted in the sheets, white from the effort to stay still, and Arthur grinned around his mouthful.
With a final tug, Arthur uncurled his hand from Merlin’s cock and shoved it under Merlin’s hips. He pulled back until only the tip was in his mouth when Merlin looked down at him, red-faced and bleary-eyed and so, so gorgeous, and then released it completely.
“Go ahead,” he said huskily, throat burning already, “fuck me.”
“Jesus Christ,” Merlin gasped, dropping his head, but Arthur had already swallowed him down and squeezed his arse. In response, Merlin gave a tiny, explorative thrust, then another. Arthur hummed encouragingly, and Merlin finally gave in, digging his heels in and thrusting up into Arthur’s mouth.
It was clear after only a few thrusts that Merlin wasn’t going to last long, so Arthur wasn’t surprised when Merlin’s pace shifted and he groaned, “Gonna come.” Instead of pupping off, though, he slipped a hand around to cup Merlin’s balls. The angle was awkward, but Merlin must not have cared because a second later he was coming down Arthur’s throat with a groan.
Arthur did pull off then, tongue flicking out to catch the droplets of come at the corner of his mouth. Merlin watched him, panting.
“Come here,” he ordered, and Arthur obeyed, moving up until his cock was dragging against Merlin’s belly and they could kiss messily. When Merlin’s fingers found Arthur’s neglected erection Arthur had to stifle a moan, but it was a near thing, and he felt Merlin grin as if he’d heard it, anyway.
“Can’t wait for you to fuck me,” he murmured against Arthur’s jaw, fist still working Arthur’s cock. “Gonna open myself up and let you fuck me as hard as you want.”
Arthur moaned a garbled response, too distracted by Merlin’s hand and the mental picture he painted to respond properly. Merlin pulled him down again as his hand sped up, swallowing all of Arthur’s grunts until he finally gasped and spilled all over both of their stomachs. Arthur’s breathed heavily through his orgasm, and Merlin sucked gentle kisses to his jaw until he’d caught it again, one hand possessively splayed across the small of Arthur’s back. He chuckled fondly when Arthur groaned and sagged against him, automatically wiggling to accommodate his weight even as Arthur wrapped them tightly together.
The embrace only lasted for a moment before Arthur shifted back, kissing Merlin’s neck before going to fetch them a tissue. Merlin watched him with a dopey grin on his face which only grew when Arthur teased him.
“I’m happy, you arse,” he said unapologetically, rolling over until his face was buried in the pillows and peeking up at Arthur from among the fabric, “don’t ruin it.”
Arthur laughed at him, but his touch was equally fond as he slotted in place beside Merlin, lying close enough to wrap his arms around him and press his cheek to Merlin’s shoulder blade.
“Are we okay?” he ventured after a moment, not wanting to break the comfortable silence but feeling like it needed to be asked anyway. He couldn’t see Merlin’s face from here, but he figured that was for the best if they were going to have another talk. Merlin didn’t answer right away.
“Yeah,” he said at last, and Arthur could hear the smile in his voice, “I think we are.” Arthur sighed in relief and kissed the skin beneath his lips. Merlin chuckled again, squirming until Arthur shifted enough to let him sit up. He did, smiling fondly and smoothing away his hair before swooping down for a kiss. “Want to watch Lord of the Rings with me?”
Arthur laughed. “Always.”
---
It wasn’t easy. Try as he might overcoming a lifetime of emotional constipation was never going to be easy for Arthur, and he and Merlin would never really stop having fights. Many of those fights would be about money, because Arthur had it and Merlin wasn’t used to being able to just spend it. But they were still happy, and in his sappier moments Arthur didn’t think he’d ever get used to the ease with which they just were, and he was so grateful for it.
The door to Arthur’s study opened and closed softly. Arthur didn’t look up, just waited for the pair of hands to rest on his shoulder. “You’re running late.”
Merlin hummed, sliding around to lean against the desk. “Got sidetracked. Is this important?”
“Not vitally, why?”
Merlin said nothing, and when Arthur finally looked he saw a giant grin on his boyfriend’s face.
“I found a place.”
Arthur stifled a groan. They’d been flathunting for what felt like ages now, and had already turned down countless places for no reason either of them could quite place. Something of his reluctance must’ve shown on his face, though, because Merlin just shook his head.
“I’m serious, I really think we should check this place out. It sounds perfect, and it’s right in our price range.”
“Have you seen it yet?”
“No, just photos, but Gwen was telling me about it. I wanted to wait for you.”
Arthur hesitated, thought about reminding Merlin they’d agreed to take a break from all this, but something about Merlin’s expression kept him from it.
“Alright, let’s go.”
He knew he’d made the right decision when Merlin’s face lit up and didn’t dim for the entire drive, until he announced, “It’s the third one on the left,” and turned to watch Arthur expectantly.
It was a nice place, a house rather than the flat Arthur’d expected. The garden was small enough to be easily manageable. And from where they were standing, it seemed to be a good size-bigger than either of their flats, but not too big that it’d be empty with just the two of them. It was probably the most promising one they’d seen.
“Can we go in?” he asked, and Merlin gave him another beaming smile.
“Landlord’s waiting for us. Come on.”
Before Arthur could accuse him of planning all of this Merlin swept him forward into the house, and then he was too busy taking it in to do anything else. The landlord led them through the first floor, showing them the open sitting room, the small but functional dining room, the newly refurbished kitchen, and even a pair of spare rooms in the back that could easily be turned into an office for Arthur, or a studio for Merlin. Merlin kept sending Arthur excited little glances, but Arthur kept his face passive even as his own excitement rose.
It got harder to hide, though, the more he imagined it, their combined lives filling up all the empty spaces, with Merlin’s bookshelves and Llamrei’s tank, and Aithusa curled up in the window, watching the garden…
“Upstairs is mostly bedrooms,” the landlord told them as he led them up. “There’s two bathrooms, including the master ensuite, as well as the toilet downstairs. Here,” he reached over and opened the closest door, “we have the first of two spare rooms.”
Merlin and Arthur dutifully stepped inside to admire the decently sized room, and Merlin made a beeline for the window.
“It’s nice,” he said, his reflection smiling back at the room.
“Aye, most of my former tenants have found it to be perfect for guests, or an office,” the landlord agreed, “or children, if you’ve got any.”
Arthur froze in the middle of his exploration, eyes automatically finding Merlin. They hadn’t really talked about that part yet, whether they would or wouldn’t. Merlin’s eyes met his, and for a second Arthur could picture it, the room full to bursting with toys and a tiny child bouncing on Merlin’s hip, with Merlin’s unruly hair, or maybe Arthur’s blonde, or maybe someone else’s genetics entirely. The image was gone almost as soon as it came, but it left behind a lingering warmth in Arthur’s skin.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly, not quite looking away from Merlin yet, “yeah, it’d be great for kids.”
Merlin’s answering smile told him all he needed to know.
The last room on their tour was the master bedroom. The landlord excused himself to let them talk, and suddenly they were alone. Arthur didn’t talk right away, choosing instead to walk around the room, imagining what it’d be like to live in it and, when the picture came with hardly any effort, realizing he’d already made his decision.
“What do you think?” Merlin asked, standing in the middle of the room with a nervous expression.
“I think it’s the best one we’ve seen so far,” Arthur answered honestly. Merlin laughed in relief.
“Really?”
“Really. I think it’s great.” He smiled at Merlin’s obvious delight.
“Oh God, I’m so glad to hear that,” Merlin laughed, stepping forward until he could throw his arms around Arthur’s shoulders. “So is that a yes? Are we moving in?”
Rather than answer, Arthur kissed him, right there in the middle of the empty house where they would build their lives together.