FIC: What a Girl Wants {The Social Network - Eduardo/Sean}
Title: What a Girl Wants
Author: Silvia Kundera
Pairing: Eduardo/Sean
Rating: Explicit
Length: 1,680 words
Summary: If you've been waiting desperately for a cracky little tale of that time Sean woke up a girl... don't worry baby, I've got you covered.
Note: if you are wondering who Andrew is, I don't really know either. Other than that he's one of the people we see in the Palo Alto house that Mark refers to by name. ;)
*
When Sean woke up a girl he initially assumed it was just a really bad acid trip.
Then when Andrew confirmed that he was indeed a tall chick with a mess of short blond curls and hairy legs it's entirely possible that Sean might have been screaming like he was being murdered (since that's what the 911 call next door claimed and the reason they were visited by two cops and a very surly police dog), but no one really blamed him because a missing dick is pretty traumatic shit.
Once the police observed that there were no bloody handprints or dead bodies, Sean got high as hell and then proudly showed everyone the goods (because changing sex characteristics doesn't give you a personality transplant or anything - even if he did feel a little deflated for letting some evil witch or whatever clearly get the best of him).
But once all the requisite yelling and substance abuse and flashing was finished, it was mostly back to business as usual.
It wasn't a big deal in the scheme of things, because he just told Peter Thiel that he was Sean Parker's cousin and silent partner, Peter had always been partial to big-titted blonds (even skinny tomboy ones in glasses), and Sean had no problems constantly flashing the cleavage, so that was going well. Mark just squinted, shrugged, and then went back to proving his ex-girlfriend wrong or trying to get her back or showing Eduardo that he was better than him and also everyone else who ever lived, or whatever Mark's fucking deal was that week.
Eduardo heard about it and flew over to look all concerned and helpful or whatever, though, and that was a little weird. Since they mostly completely hated each other and everything.
Sean wasn't sure he'd have even placed a consolatory phone call if Eduardo had been turned into a girl, and when they'd all got smashed together than first night everyone had agreed that if Eduardo had a sudden magical sex change then he'd probably be sort of ball-achingly gorgeous.
But no, that kid had broken all of their unspoken but blatant sworn-vendetta rules and flown across the damn country when Sean wasn't even a slightly hot one.
Sean had no hips, still refused to shave, and since none of his clothes fit other than that emergency pantsuit he borrowed from the neighbors, he just kept wearing his white undershirts with Andrew's board shorts.
His favorite sandals still worked, though, and he let Dustin paint his toenails with something see-through but glittery.
*
A step or five lower than drop dead gorgeous or not, Sean was initially very excited about the constant access to pussy but it turned out that playing with yourself is still... playing with yourself. And girl bits are complicated.
Cindi with an i, who had had started coming over to the house a few weeks ago after he met her at an Apple Store, gave him a bright pink vibrator and some masturbation tips that turned Dustin hilariously red and worked pretty good, but it just wasn't the same.
So path to billionairehood or--nope, definitely going to be billionaire, Sean was a man-cleverly-disguised-as-a-woman with needs. "So obviously one of you guys is going to have to take one for the team," he explained, "because it's not like I can go pick up some hot dyke who doesn't even know I'm a guy. I could ruin her gold star or something. I know about these things. My best friend when I was supposed to be going to high school was a lesbian and she wouldn't even let me eat her out when we were drunk."
"Not it," Chris said, and then went back to hide in Mark's room again.
"A lot of words just came out of your mouth," Andrew said, "but I think my mind just isn't letting me process them."
*
Basically, no one cared that Sean might actually die of sexual frustration (which is an actual scientific fact, no matter what Mark says about not even touching his dick for a month during freshman year), only Eduardo looked halfway sympathetic and would join Cindi and Sean for a bra shopping expedition, and everyone kept saying that they were too busy to fuck Sean super quick or just really really didn't want to.
Admittedly, this might also be because Sean absolutely refused to have vag sex. But seriously,
“What if I get pregnant and then turn back into a guy? Best case scenario, I’m a pregnant dude. That should just not happen outside of anime and bad 80s movies. Worst case, it fucking shreds my intestines or something, and I bleed out screaming."
“… and with that imagery I may never have sex with a woman again," Dustin said. "Thanks for that.”
"Hey, you wanna try the backdoor approach, you know where I am!"
*
"I need you to take my anal virginity," Sean finally told Eduardo very earnestly after Mark turned him down for the sixth time.
"wait, Dustin's been serious?"
"Look, I am not made for celibacy. In any incarnation."
Unlike those other ungrateful bitches, Eduardo did seem to process this. And his neck got a little flushed, which was interesting and had Sean suddenly wondering why Eduardo was the only one of them he hadn't directly asked before (other than the whole deep smoldering resentment angle) .
"How about I just," Eduardo paused and turned redder, "go down on you?"
"Why do motherfuckers suddenly think I’ve gone all delicate and weak sauce?" Sean demanded, "I go all the way, because I fucking do that. That has not changed."
"This is why chicks are pissed off all the time," he realized, "I totally get it now. You’re going to fuck me in the ass and then I’m gonna google some wicked feminist shit."
He could see the moment when Eduardo caved. "Someday I’m going to sleep with a woman who’s not crazy."
"But not today!" Sean said cheerfully.
*
It turned out that Eduardo did not stop sleeping with at least one crazy woman for approximately three weeks, which is when Sean changed back.
They mostly had slept in Sean's room after having increasingly good sex (and then one time out in Eduardo's rental car, but that wasn't post-fucking - they were just banished for making too much noise and then suffered horrible back aches).
At first it was mostly slow and with Sean on his side, Eduardo curled up along his back and nudging his leg up with a knee and panting into Sean's neck kind of sweetly. He was predictably gentle about it (long fingers petting at Sean's insides and then opening Sean up with the head of his dick, pushing in firmly but stroking Sean's stomach as he did it, mouthing at the top of Sean's spine). But that was just as new as everything else and thus fresh and interesting.
And Sean got a bit more confident, used to the burn and the warm thick feel of him, and would bite him awake at night with teeth dragging over Eduardo's chest, hooking fingers in his boxers and rolling them down so Sean could scoot up to hug Eduardo's hips with his legs and rock over Eduardo's dick until it was as hard as he liked. Until he could slick it up and slide down on it, arching his back and gripping Eduardo's arms, pressing them down hard into the mattress. It was still interesting, Sean wiggling and rolling in just the right way, making them gasp and making Eduardo fight him until he raised his hands and let Eduardo turn them over and get that dick in real deep and fast enough to finish them, slipping a hand down to make Sean shudder.
It had maybe gotten a little fiercer than usual the night before Sean's body finally remembered what kind of body it had been for the first 24 years of his existence. He could see a long, thin pink scratch along the soft plane of Eduardo's back when he opened his eyes and then joyfully cupped his junk.
This obviously warranted a full house celebration and it was complete bullshit how Chris bitched about still wanting to gouge his eyes out no matter what manner of body part Sean wanted to show him, and Mark continued to be unimpressed, and Eduardo trotted in awkwardly to hunch his shoulders and stare at the coffee maker without even offering to give Sean a kiss good morning or his dick an introductory handjob (which would only be polite).
"You know, I'm still going to expect morning sex," Sean informed him, "I just got all excited, because: look!"
"When my auntie told me to take a chance and follow my dreams, I don't think this is what she was envisioning," Andrew said morosely.
"Plus," Dustin said, "Mark never lets us sleep."
"Shut the fuck up," Chris said, "Eduardo got a boyfriend before me, even if he started out as a woman and is still Sean Parker."
Eduardo didn't get to say anything because Sean was busy fucking Eduardo's mouth with his tongue as he initiated the necessary introductions against the fridge, and then in the hall bathroom, and then with Eduardo on his back and making quiet whines into Sean's neck, shaking and clutching at his shoulders, as Sean rocked in, circling his hips, and showed Eduardo exactly what he had been missing, why Sean had ended up liking it so much, and why he should like it even more.
And if they hadn't been looking where they were going too well and ended up in Dustin's bed, well, events have been known to go awry in the heat of the moment.
"Guys? Why is my door locked?" Dustin said, "I need my wallet. Guys?" and then pressed his ear up against it because he was a sick pervert like that. "We're switching rooms, I swear to god."
"I'm switching houses," Andrew said.
"You're switching jobs if you don't get that debug fixed within the next thirty minutes," said Mark.
Stranger things had happened.
the end.
[all of my TSN fic can be found here]
This entry was originally posted at http://silviakundera.dreamwidth.org/828540.html. There are
comments.
Author: Silvia Kundera
Pairing: Eduardo/Sean
Rating: Explicit
Length: 1,680 words
Summary: If you've been waiting desperately for a cracky little tale of that time Sean woke up a girl... don't worry baby, I've got you covered.
Note: if you are wondering who Andrew is, I don't really know either. Other than that he's one of the people we see in the Palo Alto house that Mark refers to by name. ;)
*
When Sean woke up a girl he initially assumed it was just a really bad acid trip.
Then when Andrew confirmed that he was indeed a tall chick with a mess of short blond curls and hairy legs it's entirely possible that Sean might have been screaming like he was being murdered (since that's what the 911 call next door claimed and the reason they were visited by two cops and a very surly police dog), but no one really blamed him because a missing dick is pretty traumatic shit.
Once the police observed that there were no bloody handprints or dead bodies, Sean got high as hell and then proudly showed everyone the goods (because changing sex characteristics doesn't give you a personality transplant or anything - even if he did feel a little deflated for letting some evil witch or whatever clearly get the best of him).
But once all the requisite yelling and substance abuse and flashing was finished, it was mostly back to business as usual.
It wasn't a big deal in the scheme of things, because he just told Peter Thiel that he was Sean Parker's cousin and silent partner, Peter had always been partial to big-titted blonds (even skinny tomboy ones in glasses), and Sean had no problems constantly flashing the cleavage, so that was going well. Mark just squinted, shrugged, and then went back to proving his ex-girlfriend wrong or trying to get her back or showing Eduardo that he was better than him and also everyone else who ever lived, or whatever Mark's fucking deal was that week.
Eduardo heard about it and flew over to look all concerned and helpful or whatever, though, and that was a little weird. Since they mostly completely hated each other and everything.
Sean wasn't sure he'd have even placed a consolatory phone call if Eduardo had been turned into a girl, and when they'd all got smashed together than first night everyone had agreed that if Eduardo had a sudden magical sex change then he'd probably be sort of ball-achingly gorgeous.
But no, that kid had broken all of their unspoken but blatant sworn-vendetta rules and flown across the damn country when Sean wasn't even a slightly hot one.
Sean had no hips, still refused to shave, and since none of his clothes fit other than that emergency pantsuit he borrowed from the neighbors, he just kept wearing his white undershirts with Andrew's board shorts.
His favorite sandals still worked, though, and he let Dustin paint his toenails with something see-through but glittery.
*
A step or five lower than drop dead gorgeous or not, Sean was initially very excited about the constant access to pussy but it turned out that playing with yourself is still... playing with yourself. And girl bits are complicated.
Cindi with an i, who had had started coming over to the house a few weeks ago after he met her at an Apple Store, gave him a bright pink vibrator and some masturbation tips that turned Dustin hilariously red and worked pretty good, but it just wasn't the same.
So path to billionairehood or--nope, definitely going to be billionaire, Sean was a man-cleverly-disguised-as-a-woman with needs. "So obviously one of you guys is going to have to take one for the team," he explained, "because it's not like I can go pick up some hot dyke who doesn't even know I'm a guy. I could ruin her gold star or something. I know about these things. My best friend when I was supposed to be going to high school was a lesbian and she wouldn't even let me eat her out when we were drunk."
"Not it," Chris said, and then went back to hide in Mark's room again.
"A lot of words just came out of your mouth," Andrew said, "but I think my mind just isn't letting me process them."
*
Basically, no one cared that Sean might actually die of sexual frustration (which is an actual scientific fact, no matter what Mark says about not even touching his dick for a month during freshman year), only Eduardo looked halfway sympathetic and would join Cindi and Sean for a bra shopping expedition, and everyone kept saying that they were too busy to fuck Sean super quick or just really really didn't want to.
Admittedly, this might also be because Sean absolutely refused to have vag sex. But seriously,
“What if I get pregnant and then turn back into a guy? Best case scenario, I’m a pregnant dude. That should just not happen outside of anime and bad 80s movies. Worst case, it fucking shreds my intestines or something, and I bleed out screaming."
“… and with that imagery I may never have sex with a woman again," Dustin said. "Thanks for that.”
"Hey, you wanna try the backdoor approach, you know where I am!"
*
"I need you to take my anal virginity," Sean finally told Eduardo very earnestly after Mark turned him down for the sixth time.
"wait, Dustin's been serious?"
"Look, I am not made for celibacy. In any incarnation."
Unlike those other ungrateful bitches, Eduardo did seem to process this. And his neck got a little flushed, which was interesting and had Sean suddenly wondering why Eduardo was the only one of them he hadn't directly asked before (other than the whole deep smoldering resentment angle) .
"How about I just," Eduardo paused and turned redder, "go down on you?"
"Why do motherfuckers suddenly think I’ve gone all delicate and weak sauce?" Sean demanded, "I go all the way, because I fucking do that. That has not changed."
"This is why chicks are pissed off all the time," he realized, "I totally get it now. You’re going to fuck me in the ass and then I’m gonna google some wicked feminist shit."
He could see the moment when Eduardo caved. "Someday I’m going to sleep with a woman who’s not crazy."
"But not today!" Sean said cheerfully.
*
It turned out that Eduardo did not stop sleeping with at least one crazy woman for approximately three weeks, which is when Sean changed back.
They mostly had slept in Sean's room after having increasingly good sex (and then one time out in Eduardo's rental car, but that wasn't post-fucking - they were just banished for making too much noise and then suffered horrible back aches).
At first it was mostly slow and with Sean on his side, Eduardo curled up along his back and nudging his leg up with a knee and panting into Sean's neck kind of sweetly. He was predictably gentle about it (long fingers petting at Sean's insides and then opening Sean up with the head of his dick, pushing in firmly but stroking Sean's stomach as he did it, mouthing at the top of Sean's spine). But that was just as new as everything else and thus fresh and interesting.
And Sean got a bit more confident, used to the burn and the warm thick feel of him, and would bite him awake at night with teeth dragging over Eduardo's chest, hooking fingers in his boxers and rolling them down so Sean could scoot up to hug Eduardo's hips with his legs and rock over Eduardo's dick until it was as hard as he liked. Until he could slick it up and slide down on it, arching his back and gripping Eduardo's arms, pressing them down hard into the mattress. It was still interesting, Sean wiggling and rolling in just the right way, making them gasp and making Eduardo fight him until he raised his hands and let Eduardo turn them over and get that dick in real deep and fast enough to finish them, slipping a hand down to make Sean shudder.
It had maybe gotten a little fiercer than usual the night before Sean's body finally remembered what kind of body it had been for the first 24 years of his existence. He could see a long, thin pink scratch along the soft plane of Eduardo's back when he opened his eyes and then joyfully cupped his junk.
This obviously warranted a full house celebration and it was complete bullshit how Chris bitched about still wanting to gouge his eyes out no matter what manner of body part Sean wanted to show him, and Mark continued to be unimpressed, and Eduardo trotted in awkwardly to hunch his shoulders and stare at the coffee maker without even offering to give Sean a kiss good morning or his dick an introductory handjob (which would only be polite).
"You know, I'm still going to expect morning sex," Sean informed him, "I just got all excited, because: look!"
"When my auntie told me to take a chance and follow my dreams, I don't think this is what she was envisioning," Andrew said morosely.
"Plus," Dustin said, "Mark never lets us sleep."
"Shut the fuck up," Chris said, "Eduardo got a boyfriend before me, even if he started out as a woman and is still Sean Parker."
Eduardo didn't get to say anything because Sean was busy fucking Eduardo's mouth with his tongue as he initiated the necessary introductions against the fridge, and then in the hall bathroom, and then with Eduardo on his back and making quiet whines into Sean's neck, shaking and clutching at his shoulders, as Sean rocked in, circling his hips, and showed Eduardo exactly what he had been missing, why Sean had ended up liking it so much, and why he should like it even more.
And if they hadn't been looking where they were going too well and ended up in Dustin's bed, well, events have been known to go awry in the heat of the moment.
"Guys? Why is my door locked?" Dustin said, "I need my wallet. Guys?" and then pressed his ear up against it because he was a sick pervert like that. "We're switching rooms, I swear to god."
"I'm switching houses," Andrew said.
"You're switching jobs if you don't get that debug fixed within the next thirty minutes," said Mark.
Stranger things had happened.
the end.
[all of my TSN fic can be found here]
This entry was originally posted at http://silviakundera.dreamwidth.org/828540.html. There are
comments.