Pimpology 101 (Volume I) by Don Lothario
Pimpology 101 (Volume I)
(How to be a player in 8 easy steps)
by Don Lothario
I was flipping around on the TV one day and saw the movie “Smustle & Flow.” The song from the movie, “It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp” was so inspiring. I thought to myself, self, it is hard being such a ladies man (or in the slang term pimp playa)! Then I thought, why not offer tips to other men that are trying to be pimps too. So I wrote this little book. I hope it helps. (*Names and locations have been changed to protect the naughty!!)
Rule # 1 - Date A Variety of Women.
Don’t just settle for the first pretty face you see!! Be a man on the town and meet all the girls that you can meet.
Remember, you are a man, and men have needs.
Let me tell you, the Don knows about these things. I’ve dated poor girls, rich girls, pizza delivery girls, and maids, you name it!
Get out there. Women are all over! Try the park, try stores! Look in your front yard!
Rule #2 - The Girl Must Know How To Cook Like Your Moma!
Now you all know that nothing compares to moma’s cooking. BUT you have to find a girl that can cook!
See, I had this one dame that tried to cook for the Don. She damn near killed me! Don’t be fooled. If they don’t pass this simple test,
you pass on to the next.
A. Can she boil water?
B. Can she make grilled cheese?
C. Can she cook something more than spaghetti?
If she passes these 3 tests, you have a winner. But remember, rule #1.
She may be a winner in this category, but you still need to shop around.
Rule # 3 -Have An Understanding.
Look into the mirror. Ask yourself, who’s in control? Who’s the man?
The answer should be you! Make sure your ladies know where they stand.
Is she your #1, #2, mistress, booty call, baby mama, or what?
Let’s take my friend Danny*. He’s a happily married man (mostly). His wife is his number 1 woman!
His maid on the other hand is a wonderful distraction after a hard day at work! (He's an atlete after all. Athletes get all the action!)
Also, when in public, make sure she knows that hand holding is out! BUT, who’s the man?
I ask again, because PDA is out, but woowho in public places is in!
Rule # 4 - Set Daily Goals.
When I wake up each day, I say, "Don, what’s your motivation?" I had a goal to go at it in the hot tub with two girls, and you know what, the Don did!
You should make goals too. Make a list. Do you want to kiss just your #4 today?
OR, do you want to #4, woowho with #5, and meet #6-8?
Which sounds better to you? If you are reading this book with any real sense, I’d say option 2.
Men of any age can use these tactics successfully. Let’s take Portimer*, a rather old geezer.
He’s married to a rather hot woman, we’ll call her Trina*. He set his goal to marry this young philly and he did.
I know he’s hitting those purple pills pretty hard and reaching the top of Mt. Simerest!
I know if he's not, I don't mind being the maintenance man! (I'll explore that more in my next book)
Rule # 5 - Never Fall In Love
This is the biggest mistake any self-proclaimed player can make! I almost married a girl once.
What was I thinking? I’ll tell you, I thought I was in love. I had the tingling sensation, heart pounding, all that!
Then I said, Don, don’t be a fool! What will poor Tracey* and Stacey* think? Why should they suffer because love has given you a conscience?
Treat love like a cold. It’s something that may get to you, but its curable (of course with the help of some sweet, sweet woowhoing!)
Rule #6 - Never Let Them See You Sweat!
Now sometimes, your ladies will shout from the mountaintops about your good lovin' and their noisy friends will hear.
Then calls will be made and people start to talk. Then they will plot and try to CATCH you "cheating."
Pimps and playas don’t let them see you sweat. Use the 3-Cs - Stay Calm, Cool, and Collected! Act nonchalant.
I have a buddy named Mario* who has that down to a science. Be like him. When you are in a room with 2 or more of your ladies,
keep the conversation casual. Don’t touch them, don’t flirt, resist the urge to take them upstairs to woowho.
Just be your charming self. At times, even talking about their nails or clothes, and they’ll forget that they came over to hang you.
Rule #7 - Let ‘Um Down Easy
Now the Don hates breaking hearts. What man wants to see a woman cry? It’s not sexy at all.
To avoid it, let them down as easy as possible. Give them the “It’s me, not you speech.”
Sometimes this leads to backlash, but have no fear and us this simple formula.
Add one of your guy friends + phone number of newly dumped woman = Happy woman with one of your boys & your boy has a new toy.
Who can lose?? I even went as far as to introduce my friend Moe* to a lady friend.
It worked also for Aaron* and Cassi*. Like the song goes, “Hotel, motel, holiday Inn. If you girl starts acting up, give her to your friends.”
Not the real song, but you get the point!
Rule #8- Never Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever Fall In Love
Again, this is so important. I’ve seen to many men from our flock give in to their hearts. It disturbs me.
Don’t be drawn in. I have been there my friends.
Like when I was dating the pizza girl, Maureen*. She is a sweet, kind, fun, considerate, patient, ummmmm, great girl.
BUT I am the Don! I played along and got engaged, but there will be no wedding!
Men, I say resist! Recall rule #4, make a goal to meet 3 new women and from there, woowho with them all!
This will remind you of what you will miss by submitting to one woman. Think of it fellas, woowho with the same woman,
EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I could cry thinking about it.
In closing, I hope you’ve enjoyed my first book. I plan to put my second volume out soon. I feel my calling is to help other men out there see the light.
Email me at donjuan@pimpology.sim. I plan to include personal stories and interviews.
There is so much more to discuss like “baby” traps and the love hungry stalker woman!
Until then, my brothers, LOVE ON!
- The Don
