However..There are many challenges. Many people question whether I am doing a good job. I think it is due to my son's ADHD and possible Asperger's...he acts "abnormal" in some ways and they assume it is due to bad mothering.
But thank you for your vote of confidence. I really, really DO want to be a wonderful mom. I guess everyone has different ideas of what "wonderful mom" means though.
My family goes to a gathering where they have "greet your neighbors" time. My son HATES this (random interaction with people he doesn't really know.) This week, I had enough. I told him, "Let's just skip this part" and we walked the hall until it was over. Happier him. Happier me for not forcing him to try to look people in the eye, etc.
I don't think I have ever met a mother who said "Yes, I am an amazing mother". Everyone always assumes they can be better... and that, to me, is what makes someone a wonderful mother from an outsiders perspective. You love your kids, you strive to be better all the time. You never settle for not being a better mother. You learn as you go, you make mistakes... but that's life. You love them enough to do your best and to know your not perfect. I'd say that's pretty wonderful.
ADHD and Aspergers can be difficult to deal with if you aren't sure of what to do. I have Aspergers, my nephew does too (though he's yet to be diagnosed, the teachers are now mentioning the possibility and to me, it's obvious). My niece has ADHD.
See? You learn what works. You can't automatically assume you will know whats best for him (EVERY kid is different, regardless of ADHD or not). You understand him a bit more because of it. Others may not get it, but you took the time to get to understand your son more instead of pushing it.
Did you/do you find it hard/found it hard as a child to shake the hands of random people just because the group is doing it?
See, my husband would say, "He needs to learn to do this, it's part of life." However, for years (literally) we have been "forcing the issue" and it never seems to make a difference. My son still hates doing it, still has issues with meeting someone's eyes or smiling nicely etc etc.
I do wonder if I am doing him a disfavor by not "forcing" this practice but, at the same time, like I said, the current method was NOT changing him, it upset him somewhat, it upset my husband ("why can't he just do it right for once?") and ultimately confused or upset the people who greet my son.
If no one is happy..it seems it is time for a change.
Yes, it is. Just about nothing turns out very close to what I expected. I have learned to expect my plans to change and get all twisted around...and then to be ready to deal with however that cookie crumbles.
It was the other way for me. When I fell accidentally pregnant almost three different friendships ended. As if it were my fault. Those friendships survived. /cool story bro.
I really liked this. Very moving and so much told in so few words.
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I am very happy to finally have kids (and very challenged as there is, of course, nothing easy about parenting.)
But I am happy to get this chance, to be a mom:)
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However..There are many challenges. Many people question whether I am doing a good job. I think it is due to my son's ADHD and possible Asperger's...he acts "abnormal" in some ways and they assume it is due to bad mothering.
But thank you for your vote of confidence. I really, really DO want to be a wonderful mom. I guess everyone has different ideas of what "wonderful mom" means though.
My family goes to a gathering where they have "greet your neighbors" time. My son HATES this (random interaction with people he doesn't really know.) This week, I had enough. I told him, "Let's just skip this part" and we walked the hall until it was over. Happier him. Happier me for not forcing him to try to look people in the eye, etc.
Why didn't I think of just skipping it before?
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ADHD and Aspergers can be difficult to deal with if you aren't sure of what to do. I have Aspergers, my nephew does too (though he's yet to be diagnosed, the teachers are now mentioning the possibility and to me, it's obvious). My niece has ADHD.
See? You learn what works. You can't automatically assume you will know whats best for him (EVERY kid is different, regardless of ADHD or not). You understand him a bit more because of it. Others may not get it, but you took the time to get to understand your son more instead of pushing it.
Reply
See, my husband would say, "He needs to learn to do this, it's part of life." However, for years (literally) we have been "forcing the issue" and it never seems to make a difference. My son still hates doing it, still has issues with meeting someone's eyes or smiling nicely etc etc.
I do wonder if I am doing him a disfavor by not "forcing" this practice but, at the same time, like I said, the current method was NOT changing him, it upset him somewhat, it upset my husband ("why can't he just do it right for once?") and ultimately confused or upset the people who greet my son.
If no one is happy..it seems it is time for a change.
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It's amazing, isn't it, how life always has the unexpected in store?
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Thanks for commenting!
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I really liked this. Very moving and so much told in so few words.
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