The Mrmpfle Legacy: Chapter 2.11
warnings: language
previously: Squishy set the house on fire - totally intentionally - Markus and Freckles got engaged and then married, Cupcake became obsessed with firemen - hurm...that sounds dirty - Freckles is preggers again, and Pumpkin grew up into a child who was equal parts scary and cute.
Yes. They moved to Bridgeport. Sooooooo original! Biiiiggggg surprise! Whatever. Listen. I like Bridgeport, I wanted to play them in Bridgeport, let's not get all up in arms and who has copied who and how I'm a hack okay? Deal? Thank you. Moving on. I am so ashamed of myself D:
Pumpkin: Excuse me but what is this fuckery?
Anna: What?
Pumpkin: This "new" house is bullshit. It's not a new house. It's our old house in a new town. I wanted a new, shiny, sparkly house! I'm leaving.
Again, equal parts scary and cute.
Pumpkin: DIE HORSEY DIEEEE!!
Okay, maybe she's leaning a little more to the scary side of things but I promise, she's not that bad. Most of the time...
Markus had a serious craving to go fishing, randomly, so I let him. Although, from what I know of city rivers, I wouldn't touch anything that came out of that river.
But he caught us a new friend for Gerry and Abram (who are still alive..)
Gerry: 'sup new lobster friend?
Anna: Those are the most words you've ever spoken. :O
I accidentally turned on the black light feature. It's weird and unpleasant and I DON'T LIKE IT! *cries in the corner*
Anna: Oh hey Cupcake, whatchu doing?
Cupcake: Oh nothing. Just got off the subway.
Anna: That seems...safe...
Okay...this seems a lot less safe.
And then he went to a park. By himself. Without telling his parents. Clearly, Cupcake has never lived in a big city before.
Cupcake: Wheeeeee!!!!! :D
Okay so maybe I kind of really like Cupcake. He's just so adorable!
Cupcake: Hello little bug! Do you want to be my friend? I promise I'll keep you safe from my sister, I think she might try and squish you if she knows about you. She can be mean sometimes but she's really not very mean. She just has a temper. Once you get past that she's a really good friend.
Back at the house, completely unaware of where her son was, Freckles was catching up with her parents.
Gage: Hi new grandbaby. I'm so happy that your mummy is going to be an adult when she has you, and that she's now a married woman so I don't have to be even a little bit ashamed of you.
Freckles: Dad, are you saying you're ashamed of Cupcake and Pumpkin?
Gage: I love all my grandbabies.
Peanut: Yea, that definitely sounds like something your father would say. *sigh*
Freckles: It's totally whack right? Who says that about their own grandkids?
Peanut: If you could...not say "totally whack" again. I'd really appreciate that. And don't take your father too seriously. He really does love your kids. He can just be a little...odd...sometimes.
For all her temper problems and pent up anger, Pumpkin really likes to paint. And she has a habit of painting things with hearts in them. It's pretty cute.
Plus, as an aside, they had pink lighting for days and I had no idea why and it infuriated me. Infuriated.
Freckles: Okay so I took the mainline to Fourth and Jenning, switched to the east seventh and got off at Pickering, so this should be it..
Freckles: Fuck yea. Even in labour I can find my way around like a pro!
Yea, Freckles is about to have a baby. And yes, she rode the subway to the hospital. I feel like subways would have a policy against that but what do I know?
Markus was at work at the time.
Markus: I feel like something is happening...
The hospital was a happening place while Freckles was giving birth. Plus, it has a great view of the city.
Vampire: Oh no, I don't need help or anything. Vampires don't get hurt. I just hang out at the hospital because fresh baby blood is like, the best ever. I mean, those plasma juice packs are pretty good but no one sells a baby's blood one. Can you believe that? What is that about?
Freckles: Did he just say "baby blood" and something about eating it?
Anna: Let's go home like...now.
Everyone, meet Fluffy Mrmpfle. He is a loner who loves the outdoors and he also likes classical music, grilled salmon, and the colour seafoam.
Lady Vamp: Oh hi baby. Miss, would you like an escort home? These streets are dangerous, especially with that sweet little baby of yours.
Anna: Ah ah ah! No way missy. You might be perfect legacy spouse material because you're unnaturally gorgeous but there is no way you're eating this baby. Shoo!
Gage heard Porkchop was in town and wanted to go visit him, sadly, he was bested by the call box in the lobby of Porkchop's apartment.
Gage: Dammit, I keep pushing buttons but nothing is happening! Fuck this, I'm going home, I'll just send him one of those text messages.
Peanut: So, should I do it?
Anna: Do what?
Anna: Oh, that...
Peanut: heeheehee!
I get bored with babies so it's straight to toddler for this kid, but then Squishy was the one who went to take him to the cake...which is really odd.
Freckles: You there! Why are you touching my baby?
Squishy: You're pointing at the wall.
Gage: OMG YOU HAVE INTERRUPTED MY DINNER MAKING AND I AM SO HUNGRY! WWWWHHHHYYYYYY??
Gage: If I celebrate more insistently, then he will grow up faster and I can get to eating.
Markus: I. Am a doofus.
I think Markus is finally realizing he has a new baby boy.
Markus: I forgot my ghost catcher in the car. Now I have to go back out and get it. Dammit!
Nope. Still oblivious.
Squishy: Does anyone else notice this giant green thing floating over him? No one? Dad? Someone?
Gage: I AM SO EXCITED FOR CAKE!
Oh dear, my hopes for this baby were so high! Now he has wonky eyes!
Awwwww nope! His eyes are normal and he is adorable! :D eeeeeeeee *squish's Fluffy's face.*
Squishy finds it absolutely impossible to not piss off one of his family members for more than a day. Seriously. He is such a dick.
Squishy: All I'm saying, if you would listen, is that it's inappropriate for a woman your age, to wear that to bed! Okay?
Freckles: Are you calling me old? You asshat! You had better no be calling me old. If I might remind you, you're like 6 years older than me! And you're not married, you don't have any kids, you're not even in ANY kind of a relationship so don't you be telling me how to dress or live my life!
Squishy: You did not just bring my failing love life into this. OH YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE!
Freckles: OH I WENT THERE! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO HUH? HUH?
Squishy: *seethes with rage*
Squishy: So anyway, you're my favourite niece and your mother is a dickhead. That's all I'm trying to say.
Pumpkin: I'm your only niece...
Squishy: Okay fine, whatever, but are we in agreement? Your mother is a dickhead.
Pumpkin: Uncle Squishy, I don't understand. I like my mum.
So, Gage decided to quit his job, and become a private investigator. Yes, he made way more money as a mad scientist but the gig was way less cool.
Gage: *whispers* Could you please keep it down? I'm kind of in the middle of something here. And you're ruining it.
Anna: *whispers* oh I'm sorry. I think maybe you're ruining it a little bit yourself. You're really not very camouflaged.
Gage totally took my words to heart and ran away in tears.
Loljk! He just had a case to get to.
Gage: That bitch Lucy is here already. I swear, if she swiped my case I'm going to be so angry!
Gage's case was from a little girl. Someone stole her mouthwash and this filled with a hulk like rage of infinite proportions. GIVE HER BACK HER MOUTHWASH YOU DOUCHBAG! *RRRAAAGGGEEEEEE* >:(
Gage: Hey Lucy, I couldn't help but notice you leaving that park where that little girl with the missing mouthwash was. You wouldn't happen to know anything about it would you?
Lucy: That's my niece. I stole her mouthwash. Here.
Gage: Cool. I'm just going to take this picture so I can show people later how much of a bitch you are.
Lucy: I hate you Gage Mrmpfle.
The next morning Squishy was really working himself into a good ol' rage.
No seriously. He was really getting in to it. And what was he ranting about?
His eldest nephew. Seriously, Squishy is a dick.
Pumpkin: Uncle Squishy, I really don't like the way you're talking about my brother and I'd really like it if you would stop venting to me. I'm only 6. Seriously. Please stop.
Pumpkin went to paint a loving giraffe to ease the pain of having her uncle scream at her about her brother for 30 minutes.
I gave the kitchen a bit of a makeover. I'm pretty please with it but I dunno. Maybe it's crap. *sigh*
Peanut christened it with PB&J sandwiches and then, since she had this annoying want to get another cooking skill point, I made her make hot dogs.
Cupcake: Gran, these hot dogs are really delicious. I hope one day, I'm as good a cook as you are.
Peanut: Baby, I love you and all, but hot dogs are not hard to make. Set your sights higher.
And he did. He opened up his own baked goods tables. And who could resist that face? Seriously. It's adorable.
Speaking of cute, Fluffy has been a little big neglected. Oops.
Fluffy: Rawr! I'm a dinosaur! :D
We all know what that over eager face means.
And the sparkles.
Gage: I'm sad now. I don't want to be an old man. Moop. :(
Gage: But I do like my snazzy new outfit. Rawr. ;)
My favourite part is his shoes. I love them.
No one came to Gage's birthday. Pumpkin was busy kicking ass.
Pumpkin: eehehehe! Wait until Uncle Squishy sees I beat his highscore. He is going to be so pissed! That's what he gets for making me endure his crazy!
Pumpkin is more of the 'wait and get revenge when they're least expecting it' kind of girl.
Markus: EEeeeee a lamp! I love lamps!
She really did not get that from Markus, who was too busy squealing over lamps to attend his father in law's birthday.
Cupcake was trying to be manly.
Cupcake: Omg this is so boring! Why doesn't Squishy have a baking game on here?
And Freckles was being the first person to go and visit Porkchop.
Porkchop: What are you doing here? Don't you know I'm a pseudo-celebrity now? I don't really have time for the likes of you.
Freckles: You're joking right? Cause I'm your family. You love family. Plus, I'll kick your ass if you don't talk to me mmkay?
Porkchop: teehee! I can't believe you fell for that! Obvs I'm kidding! You're my sister! I love you. :)
Freckles: Aww, I love you too...
Freckles: But I was kind of hoping you could bite me. I was supposed to be the vampire first you know. I mean. I've had the fangs since I was a teen. So like. Could we?
Porkchop: Are you sure? It's not that great and it's like, totally cliche, everyone and their mother is getting vamped.
Freckles: Omg Porkchop, don't be such a pussy. If you don't bite me right now, this hand, it's gonna smack you in the face. I know you're all superpowered and shit but I will smack you. And I'll make it hurt.
Porkchop: Okay okay, sheesh. You don't have to be so violent you know.
Freckles: Huuurrrkkk.
I love this face. It makes me giggle every time.
Freckles: I like the pretty bats and colours.
And that's where we'll end now. I know I know! boo hiss Bridgeport and vampires. I GET IT OKAY?! I just. Dammit. Freckles was ~*destined*~ to be a vampire. You know it, I know it, eeerrrrbody knows it. So please don't make fun of me for being such a dickhead. I'd appreciate it. :( K LOVE YOU GUYS!