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I feel oh-so-much better now after typing it out. Thank goodness for livejournal.
This week has just been really stressful. Not as bad as last week but still bad. I come home, do homework, read Great Expectations, and study until like what, 3 in the morning?
Well I had my Espanol uno& Algebra2 finals this week and while I doubt I got a good grade or even passed. I know I did my best so I'm pretty chill with it. I was hecka freaking out today before the math final, big time. I felt so stressed out it was crazy but yeah, I took Jen's? advice and prayed before the test. That really just calmed me down so much and just, yeah. I really don't know if I passed or not but it doesn't matter really to me because I mean, look at me.
1 I'm NOT on AIM 24/7 anymore
2 I DONT check my lj friends page every 5 seconds
3 And I actually get my work done
It's like, major progress to the max yknow? Even though I still do have failing grades right now. But I really think that now that I have all these study habits down& whatever. I can pass all my classes 4th quarter f'sho. But yeah, pretty pathetic. Right now it's like
NC's for Spanish& PE, means F
& I for Algebra2, means D
Don't worry! I can explain the PE :x It was cause I missed too many classes but 'cause I did makeup PE yesterday& today during advisory I'm good to go on that. And Spanish.. well let's see how I did on my final >_>. Math, no mistake there. I'm progressing a lot but it's so ACK. 'Cause I feel like I try so hard but it's so..
STUPID
how some people, AKA RYAN ICHIKAWA! !!, can just like not study or anything and get A+ while I spend like freakin' 4-5 hours studying and studying throughout the week and so far the last test grades I got were 20% no excuse for that, I didn't study. 50% Heckkaa studied for that one but I guess it was cause I crammed. and 67%! I tried so hard too.. I really thought I passed that one. Suckz0rz but that's life sometimes! Hopefully next test will be above a 70%. & yeah. Don't you guys hate it when that happens?!
I guess today was just. My dad's having trouble at work and stuff. Like he works at ATI which is some business that helps Nintendo and stuff and he's one of the higher positions and supposedly there's hecka crap going on right now and so he's super stressed.
My mom's semi-stressed about her paintings& if they're gonna place in some art show etc.
& my brother.. just likes being a butthead.
But it's like all three of them take out their stress on me and lately I've been really trying to like, keep everything in check y'know? 'Cause Eachan asked me if I wanted to be a student leader @ HOC3 next year and I wasn't going to just because like. Leaders, in general, people look up to them. Like I look up to Matt, Brent, Jen, Eachan, & Anh. And I don't want it to be like the 9th graders of next year seeing me like doing bad stuff and just like, me dissuading them on their walk with God. I just.
I'm so effin' scared I'm going to mess up.
Grades, not so much. But why if I like, become obsessed with boys. Or start smoking. Or I don't know. Other stupid stuff like that. People younger than me are going to see me as an example and I can't take disappointing them. So I was not gonna do it.
But then after talking to Grace& Jen, they made me realize that
a. I'm not going to be alone. Not only are there going to be 2934802384 other leaders, but of course God's going to be there leading me on the whole way.
b. Everyone screws up. Everyone, not only us Interluders or 180 kids but even the youth leaders.
also Jen made me realize one BIG thing that's been on my mind a lot. I don't know if she realizes it but basically.
I wanted something to happen for a long time now. I prayed about it, but mostly, I tried to take matters into my own hands. And after talking to Jen while we were 'tutoring', she said this:
"If God wants something to happen, He'll make it happen."
and seriously, I realized everything I was doing. I wasn't letting God into any of it. I was just stressing myself out for no reason whatsoever. Lame.
.. Like I was saying before I totally got off track. I guess I just blew up, cause as stressful as this week was. The realization that I might be looked to made me realize that I really had to just change some bad aspects about mself. But it's like. I've been working the whole day and my parents& brother come home from dinner and
BAM
All 3 of them are yelling at me. And it's just chaotic. So I left the house around 9 and just went to Annie's (without a cell) and had to throw rocks at her window for a half hour before she was brave enough to look outside. Haha it was pretty cool 'cause I was thinking Hm maybe God wants me to go to Him instead of a friend this time.. Well okay, I'll trust You. And if Annie doesn't come out than I guess I'll walk home. So right as I'm walking out of her backyard, she sticks her head out and she's like Jennifer?! Haha nice move there God :)
But yeah, I just can't wait for this week to be OVER and for tomorrow. Church baby <3 I'm gonna go eat some dinner now too. Not hungry but might as well. :)
One more thing, thanks to Grace, Jen, Anny, Annie, Stephanie, Calvin, Andrew Cheng,& Jonathan Lee. You might not think you did anything, but you guys do everyday and I really value you guys. Everyday. Thanks <3 Lol, they aren't the only ones of course but it's just like, these couple of days and stuff. Little stuff they don't realize they do make me smile.
If you guys want to know the truth, I really was contemplating cheating on the math final today. Like I even had my notecards with my formulas on it in my sweater pocket before the test. But just, after I prayed I realized, What's the point? I mean, so I cheat on this final, and pass. It doesn't mean anything because I didn't earn it and plus. I'm choosing to go to summer school for math whether I pass this class or not. If by some miracle I do, I'm still going so there is no point in cheating. And I'm not going to feel good about my test if I knew I had to cheat in order to get that grade. So. I left it in my pocket during the test. And ripped it up after. Check plus for me!
EDIT It's 5:11AM. Why am I still up :( But yeah I wanted to put this so I shall remember for future purposes!
So remember
God is in control.
But first, you need to trust in Him.
I'm so falling asleep in class tomorrow. F'reals.
This week has just been really stressful. Not as bad as last week but still bad. I come home, do homework, read Great Expectations, and study until like what, 3 in the morning?
Well I had my Espanol uno& Algebra2 finals this week and while I doubt I got a good grade or even passed. I know I did my best so I'm pretty chill with it. I was hecka freaking out today before the math final, big time. I felt so stressed out it was crazy but yeah, I took Jen's? advice and prayed before the test. That really just calmed me down so much and just, yeah. I really don't know if I passed or not but it doesn't matter really to me because I mean, look at me.
1 I'm NOT on AIM 24/7 anymore
2 I DONT check my lj friends page every 5 seconds
3 And I actually get my work done
It's like, major progress to the max yknow? Even though I still do have failing grades right now. But I really think that now that I have all these study habits down& whatever. I can pass all my classes 4th quarter f'sho. But yeah, pretty pathetic. Right now it's like
NC's for Spanish& PE, means F
& I for Algebra2, means D
Don't worry! I can explain the PE :x It was cause I missed too many classes but 'cause I did makeup PE yesterday& today during advisory I'm good to go on that. And Spanish.. well let's see how I did on my final >_>. Math, no mistake there. I'm progressing a lot but it's so ACK. 'Cause I feel like I try so hard but it's so..
STUPID
how some people, AKA RYAN ICHIKAWA! !!, can just like not study or anything and get A+ while I spend like freakin' 4-5 hours studying and studying throughout the week and so far the last test grades I got were 20% no excuse for that, I didn't study. 50% Heckkaa studied for that one but I guess it was cause I crammed. and 67%! I tried so hard too.. I really thought I passed that one. Suckz0rz but that's life sometimes! Hopefully next test will be above a 70%. & yeah. Don't you guys hate it when that happens?!
I guess today was just. My dad's having trouble at work and stuff. Like he works at ATI which is some business that helps Nintendo and stuff and he's one of the higher positions and supposedly there's hecka crap going on right now and so he's super stressed.
My mom's semi-stressed about her paintings& if they're gonna place in some art show etc.
& my brother.. just likes being a butthead.
But it's like all three of them take out their stress on me and lately I've been really trying to like, keep everything in check y'know? 'Cause Eachan asked me if I wanted to be a student leader @ HOC3 next year and I wasn't going to just because like. Leaders, in general, people look up to them. Like I look up to Matt, Brent, Jen, Eachan, & Anh. And I don't want it to be like the 9th graders of next year seeing me like doing bad stuff and just like, me dissuading them on their walk with God. I just.
I'm so effin' scared I'm going to mess up.
Grades, not so much. But why if I like, become obsessed with boys. Or start smoking. Or I don't know. Other stupid stuff like that. People younger than me are going to see me as an example and I can't take disappointing them. So I was not gonna do it.
But then after talking to Grace& Jen, they made me realize that
a. I'm not going to be alone. Not only are there going to be 2934802384 other leaders, but of course God's going to be there leading me on the whole way.
b. Everyone screws up. Everyone, not only us Interluders or 180 kids but even the youth leaders.
also Jen made me realize one BIG thing that's been on my mind a lot. I don't know if she realizes it but basically.
I wanted something to happen for a long time now. I prayed about it, but mostly, I tried to take matters into my own hands. And after talking to Jen while we were 'tutoring', she said this:
"If God wants something to happen, He'll make it happen."
and seriously, I realized everything I was doing. I wasn't letting God into any of it. I was just stressing myself out for no reason whatsoever. Lame.
.. Like I was saying before I totally got off track. I guess I just blew up, cause as stressful as this week was. The realization that I might be looked to made me realize that I really had to just change some bad aspects about mself. But it's like. I've been working the whole day and my parents& brother come home from dinner and
BAM
All 3 of them are yelling at me. And it's just chaotic. So I left the house around 9 and just went to Annie's (without a cell) and had to throw rocks at her window for a half hour before she was brave enough to look outside. Haha it was pretty cool 'cause I was thinking Hm maybe God wants me to go to Him instead of a friend this time.. Well okay, I'll trust You. And if Annie doesn't come out than I guess I'll walk home. So right as I'm walking out of her backyard, she sticks her head out and she's like Jennifer?! Haha nice move there God :)
But yeah, I just can't wait for this week to be OVER and for tomorrow. Church baby <3 I'm gonna go eat some dinner now too. Not hungry but might as well. :)
One more thing, thanks to Grace, Jen, Anny, Annie, Stephanie, Calvin, Andrew Cheng,& Jonathan Lee. You might not think you did anything, but you guys do everyday and I really value you guys. Everyday. Thanks <3 Lol, they aren't the only ones of course but it's just like, these couple of days and stuff. Little stuff they don't realize they do make me smile.
If you guys want to know the truth, I really was contemplating cheating on the math final today. Like I even had my notecards with my formulas on it in my sweater pocket before the test. But just, after I prayed I realized, What's the point? I mean, so I cheat on this final, and pass. It doesn't mean anything because I didn't earn it and plus. I'm choosing to go to summer school for math whether I pass this class or not. If by some miracle I do, I'm still going so there is no point in cheating. And I'm not going to feel good about my test if I knew I had to cheat in order to get that grade. So. I left it in my pocket during the test. And ripped it up after. Check plus for me!
EDIT It's 5:11AM. Why am I still up :( But yeah I wanted to put this so I shall remember for future purposes!
So remember
God is in control.
But first, you need to trust in Him.
I'm so falling asleep in class tomorrow. F'reals.