Myshuno Co-write: Bachelor Party Part Deux
Title: Bachelor Party Part Deux
Author: Leilia (LadyLarkRune), Peasant007 (Ang)
Prompt: Yakko throws Zane a second bachelor party (leilia)/Zane's Bachelor Party (Peasant007)
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,376
Spoiler Level: Not really
Universe: Dead Realm Gang (aka The Devereaux Legacy, The Vetinari Duelegacy, and Yakko's World OWBC) Can be considered canon for at least two of these.
Summary: What it says on the tin.
Ding dong!
Zane looked up from his book with a confused expression on his face. There weren't very many sims who visited him. In fact, the ones that do visit generally waltz into his house like they owned the place. Marking his place, he got up from the couch and walked over to the front door.
He opened it expecting someone from the Reaper Office or maybe Spider Jerusalem telling him that he was out of gnomes again. Instead, there was no one there.
Zane sighed, that meant that it could only be one individual. Closing the front door, he turned around to see Yakko Warner jumping on his couch.
"Boingy-boingy! Hi, Zane!"
"Yakko, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to throw you a bachelor party, Zaney-poo!" the dread-locked sim answered still jumping on the couch.
Zane looked down at his bare wrist. "Oh would you look at the time? I have things I need to do. Important things. In the office, with my boss." He wasn't very good at lying, but in situations like this it was necessary.
"Nope! I talked to Shiny-poo and he said that you don't have any collections to do today and that your paperwork is all caught up. You're free!"
Annoyed at the other Reaper, Zane tried a different tact. "You already had a bachelor party for me. Don't you remember? The slumber party, watching vaguely distant relatives as teenagers in their pajamas, falling out a tree. Any of this ringing a bell? It was a distinctly unpleasant experience and I don't want to repeat it," he paused to catch his breath. "Besides, I'm not getting married again!" He smiled at the other man, steepling his fingers. "I appreciate the thought but you don't need to do this. I'm just fine without having another one."
Yakko frowned. "But Zaney-poo, don't you know that that bachelor parties are for bachelors. You're a bachelor. I'm a bachelor. Spider's a bachelor. You don't have to be getting married to have a bachelor party! Besides, there will be no falling out of trees, I promise."
"I really have no say so in the matter, do I?"
"Nope!" Yakko chirped happily.
"Fine. What are we doing and who are we doing it with?"
"It's a surprise?"
Zane groaned.
~*~
They collected Spider Jerusalem who just smirked at him. Zane instantly knew that Spider was in on it and was encouraging Yakko. Spider's eyes flashed black and all three were wearing leopard print smoking jackets that still smelled faintly of Gage Uglacy's cologne.
"Is this really necessary?" Zane asked, wrinkling his nose.
"No," Spider replied. "It just sets the mood."
Zane resisted the temptation to rub his forehead. "Okay, let's just get this over with. Is Wil coming with us?"
Spider shook his head. "We don't want to warp the poor boy's mind. So he's staying with Binky tonight."
Zane stared at Spider in horror. Considering the things that Wil had already seen and that Binky was considered a less corrupt option than the events of the night... If Zane were mortal, he'd begin hyperventilating. "Oh god!"
"Don't worry, Zaney-poo! Wil will be well taken care of!"
"Yep! Just sit back and enjoy the night," Spider added.
Yakko handed him a stack of simoleans and a box of Spartan Stallion-sized condoms. Zane started blushing. "What am I supposed to do with these?!"
"Well, Zane, you put them on your penis when you want to have sex with someone," Spider explained patiently as if talking to a teenager or a dog.
"I know that!" Zane exclaimed.
"Then why did you ask?" Yakko countered.
"That isn't what I meant! Why are you giving me these?" Zane was extremely confused. He couldn't contract any diseases and it's not like he could impregnate anyone, anyway.
Spider just smiled. "Because don't be a fool, cover your tool."
"Oh my God! What are we doing tonight?! That's it! I'm out! I'm out!" Zane exploded, horrified. "I am not having sex with random strangers. I don't have Romance or Pleasure anywhere in my stats. What part of Family/Knowledge don't you get?"
"The knowledge part," Yakko shot back. "I thought you knowledge sims wanted to learn new things."
"Not in that way!"
Yakko shrugged. "We should get going. We have reservations, you know."
"I also have reservations, I do!"
Spider smacked Zane on the back of the head. "Be a man! Pull yourself together."
Zane groaned.
~*~
Zane was surprised to find out that they really did have reservations. At Londoste of all places. The food was superb and to his shock, Yakko actually had decent table manners. Still he couldn't fully enjoy the meal because he knew, knew, something was going to happen. He was also very careful to check all of the food and drink he consumed to make sure that there were no plastic dog poo or fake vomit in it.
After dinner, the three men went to a local kareoke joint. They took turns singing various songs, although Zane kept missing notes every time a woman walked by because he knew, knew, something was going to happen. Spider and Yakko teased him since they knew Zane was the best singer of the group and the mistakes were newbie level. Ending with a rousing rendition of "Yellow Submarine" they paid their bill and moved on to their next location.
An art gallery. They brought him to an art gallery. Then it hit him. The nude statues. The flaming toilet. This was where the shit was going to hit the fan, because he knew, knew, something was going to happen. But nothing did. They didn't even linger in front of the nude statues and the only comment that the flaming toilet got was, "Well that's one way to deal with stinky farts." What was going on here?
Their last stop was a combo bowling alley/greasy spoon where they shed their smoking jackets in favor of shirtsleeves and bowling shoes. They played their first frame and nothing happened. Then nothing happened on the second, third, and fourth frames so Zane was beginning to wonder if anything was going to happen. After all, if you took away the nervous anticipation it had been a rather pleasant night.
Then he saw her and he knew, knew, something was going to happen. She was incredibly voluptuous with overly teased hair wearing a tied mens shirt baring her midriff and cutoff shorts. This was it. This is what they were planning. As soon as her bright red lips started to form words, he dropped his bowling ball on his foot.
"Oh my god, are you okay, sir!"
"I have a girlfriend! I have girlfriend! It was their idea! I didn't want anything to do with it." He pulled the box of condoms and wad of cash out of his pocket. "They gave me these! I don't want to use them! I have a girlfriend. I'm very happy with her. It was their idea!"
The woman stared at the items in his hands in shock. "Just what kind of girl do you think I am?" she asked in disgust.
"Yeah, Zane, what kind of girl do you think she is? She's the cocktail waitress. She just wanted to get your drink order."
Zane's mouth worked for several long moments, but no words came out as he realized the extent of his faux pas. "I'm sorry?" he managed to get out.
She walked away with a sniff, accepting his apology.
He rounded on Yakko and Spider. "You did this!"
"What did we do, Zaney-poo?" He paused. "Hey, that rhymes."
"You made me... You set me... This is all your fault!"
Yakko and Spider shared a look then both of them leaned back in the booth and started laughing. "You should see your face! You're so easy, Zane."
Yakko grinned. "You hand a man a box of condoms and a wad of singles and he jumps to all sorts of conclusions."
Zane stared at the two sims.
"You still had fun, right?" Spider asked.
"If you take away the pit of dread I had all night, I suppose."
"Great!" Yakko clapped his hands. "That's awesome! Just wait until you see what we have planned for next week."
Zane groaned.
Author: Leilia (LadyLarkRune), Peasant007 (Ang)
Prompt: Yakko throws Zane a second bachelor party (leilia)/Zane's Bachelor Party (Peasant007)
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,376
Spoiler Level: Not really
Universe: Dead Realm Gang (aka The Devereaux Legacy, The Vetinari Duelegacy, and Yakko's World OWBC) Can be considered canon for at least two of these.
Summary: What it says on the tin.
Ding dong!
Zane looked up from his book with a confused expression on his face. There weren't very many sims who visited him. In fact, the ones that do visit generally waltz into his house like they owned the place. Marking his place, he got up from the couch and walked over to the front door.
He opened it expecting someone from the Reaper Office or maybe Spider Jerusalem telling him that he was out of gnomes again. Instead, there was no one there.
Zane sighed, that meant that it could only be one individual. Closing the front door, he turned around to see Yakko Warner jumping on his couch.
"Boingy-boingy! Hi, Zane!"
"Yakko, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to throw you a bachelor party, Zaney-poo!" the dread-locked sim answered still jumping on the couch.
Zane looked down at his bare wrist. "Oh would you look at the time? I have things I need to do. Important things. In the office, with my boss." He wasn't very good at lying, but in situations like this it was necessary.
"Nope! I talked to Shiny-poo and he said that you don't have any collections to do today and that your paperwork is all caught up. You're free!"
Annoyed at the other Reaper, Zane tried a different tact. "You already had a bachelor party for me. Don't you remember? The slumber party, watching vaguely distant relatives as teenagers in their pajamas, falling out a tree. Any of this ringing a bell? It was a distinctly unpleasant experience and I don't want to repeat it," he paused to catch his breath. "Besides, I'm not getting married again!" He smiled at the other man, steepling his fingers. "I appreciate the thought but you don't need to do this. I'm just fine without having another one."
Yakko frowned. "But Zaney-poo, don't you know that that bachelor parties are for bachelors. You're a bachelor. I'm a bachelor. Spider's a bachelor. You don't have to be getting married to have a bachelor party! Besides, there will be no falling out of trees, I promise."
"I really have no say so in the matter, do I?"
"Nope!" Yakko chirped happily.
"Fine. What are we doing and who are we doing it with?"
"It's a surprise?"
Zane groaned.
~*~
They collected Spider Jerusalem who just smirked at him. Zane instantly knew that Spider was in on it and was encouraging Yakko. Spider's eyes flashed black and all three were wearing leopard print smoking jackets that still smelled faintly of Gage Uglacy's cologne.
"Is this really necessary?" Zane asked, wrinkling his nose.
"No," Spider replied. "It just sets the mood."
Zane resisted the temptation to rub his forehead. "Okay, let's just get this over with. Is Wil coming with us?"
Spider shook his head. "We don't want to warp the poor boy's mind. So he's staying with Binky tonight."
Zane stared at Spider in horror. Considering the things that Wil had already seen and that Binky was considered a less corrupt option than the events of the night... If Zane were mortal, he'd begin hyperventilating. "Oh god!"
"Don't worry, Zaney-poo! Wil will be well taken care of!"
"Yep! Just sit back and enjoy the night," Spider added.
Yakko handed him a stack of simoleans and a box of Spartan Stallion-sized condoms. Zane started blushing. "What am I supposed to do with these?!"
"Well, Zane, you put them on your penis when you want to have sex with someone," Spider explained patiently as if talking to a teenager or a dog.
"I know that!" Zane exclaimed.
"Then why did you ask?" Yakko countered.
"That isn't what I meant! Why are you giving me these?" Zane was extremely confused. He couldn't contract any diseases and it's not like he could impregnate anyone, anyway.
Spider just smiled. "Because don't be a fool, cover your tool."
"Oh my God! What are we doing tonight?! That's it! I'm out! I'm out!" Zane exploded, horrified. "I am not having sex with random strangers. I don't have Romance or Pleasure anywhere in my stats. What part of Family/Knowledge don't you get?"
"The knowledge part," Yakko shot back. "I thought you knowledge sims wanted to learn new things."
"Not in that way!"
Yakko shrugged. "We should get going. We have reservations, you know."
"I also have reservations, I do!"
Spider smacked Zane on the back of the head. "Be a man! Pull yourself together."
Zane groaned.
~*~
Zane was surprised to find out that they really did have reservations. At Londoste of all places. The food was superb and to his shock, Yakko actually had decent table manners. Still he couldn't fully enjoy the meal because he knew, knew, something was going to happen. He was also very careful to check all of the food and drink he consumed to make sure that there were no plastic dog poo or fake vomit in it.
After dinner, the three men went to a local kareoke joint. They took turns singing various songs, although Zane kept missing notes every time a woman walked by because he knew, knew, something was going to happen. Spider and Yakko teased him since they knew Zane was the best singer of the group and the mistakes were newbie level. Ending with a rousing rendition of "Yellow Submarine" they paid their bill and moved on to their next location.
An art gallery. They brought him to an art gallery. Then it hit him. The nude statues. The flaming toilet. This was where the shit was going to hit the fan, because he knew, knew, something was going to happen. But nothing did. They didn't even linger in front of the nude statues and the only comment that the flaming toilet got was, "Well that's one way to deal with stinky farts." What was going on here?
Their last stop was a combo bowling alley/greasy spoon where they shed their smoking jackets in favor of shirtsleeves and bowling shoes. They played their first frame and nothing happened. Then nothing happened on the second, third, and fourth frames so Zane was beginning to wonder if anything was going to happen. After all, if you took away the nervous anticipation it had been a rather pleasant night.
Then he saw her and he knew, knew, something was going to happen. She was incredibly voluptuous with overly teased hair wearing a tied mens shirt baring her midriff and cutoff shorts. This was it. This is what they were planning. As soon as her bright red lips started to form words, he dropped his bowling ball on his foot.
"Oh my god, are you okay, sir!"
"I have a girlfriend! I have girlfriend! It was their idea! I didn't want anything to do with it." He pulled the box of condoms and wad of cash out of his pocket. "They gave me these! I don't want to use them! I have a girlfriend. I'm very happy with her. It was their idea!"
The woman stared at the items in his hands in shock. "Just what kind of girl do you think I am?" she asked in disgust.
"Yeah, Zane, what kind of girl do you think she is? She's the cocktail waitress. She just wanted to get your drink order."
Zane's mouth worked for several long moments, but no words came out as he realized the extent of his faux pas. "I'm sorry?" he managed to get out.
She walked away with a sniff, accepting his apology.
He rounded on Yakko and Spider. "You did this!"
"What did we do, Zaney-poo?" He paused. "Hey, that rhymes."
"You made me... You set me... This is all your fault!"
Yakko and Spider shared a look then both of them leaned back in the booth and started laughing. "You should see your face! You're so easy, Zane."
Yakko grinned. "You hand a man a box of condoms and a wad of singles and he jumps to all sorts of conclusions."
Zane stared at the two sims.
"You still had fun, right?" Spider asked.
"If you take away the pit of dread I had all night, I suppose."
"Great!" Yakko clapped his hands. "That's awesome! Just wait until you see what we have planned for next week."
Zane groaned.