Chapter 11: A Planned Mistake
My brother Phillipe, seemed like such a nice guy. He was a police officer, father to two lovely children, and a widower. He was well liked in town, by everyone. And me?
I liked to fish. I even built a nice pond out back so I can be there if the kids needed me, but I could still do what I love best and fish.
I'm not sure if it was because I loved the feeling of the sun beating down on my head and shoulders, or the sudden relief of a soft breeze in all that heat. Maybe it was the feeling of control when I pull a fish from it's safe haven of water, and put it away for later use as fertilizer or food. Perhaps, by taking all their lives, I was just as evil as Phillipe, but less obvious.
Now I don't want you to think that Phillipe did anything like killed one of my kids, or my wife. Not to say he didn't hurt us emotionally. That was the kind of evil he specialized in, the psychological kind.
He would call my kids almost every day, I would see Teddy on the phone chatting away all the time.
And, of course, he would either come over to visit with Christen after work, or invite her over to his place.
I found myself happy that my brother would make such an effort with my family. Sure, we didn't really talk all that much, but I felt confident he was looking out for me.
I guess the trouble really began when Christen went over to visit with Phillipe, and ran into his now teenage daughter Evelyn.
She is such a pretty girl, a good mix of both her her parents I think. She welcomed her aunt Christen inside, and even gave an interview to prepare for work.
The two chatted way until her father came home. I don't blame Evelyn at all in any of this, she was just an innocent victim as the rest of us. She just happened to be there that day, and had kept Christen distracted long enough for Phillipe to show up. I often wonder how things would have turned out had she not been there to invite my wife inside.
It was Christen's birthday, and only Phillipe was there to celebrate with her. A fact he was fast to point out to Christen. Where was I during this big event, he asked her.
He pulled her into a hug to comfort her, reminding her how I had promised to always be there for her in my wedding vows.
Christen knew it was wrong, but she was so confused by his words. The voices in her head seemed to agree with everything he said.
Phillipe then seemed to remind her about the fact the he was her partner at work, and always had her back. Hadn't he protected her from their bosses when she would have an 'episode' at the office? Wasn't it him who helped her hone her interview skills that got her that last promotion? Where was I? Why wasn't I helping her do these things? Would I take a bullet for her?
Christen swears she doesn't remember how they ended up in the bed, and I believe her. She just couldn't resist his sweet honey voice, and his persistent words.
I guess it was also a bit my fault too. What if I had called to insist she come home for some cake? But I was so distracted by the fishing and making sure the kids had something to eat that night after coming home from school.
Christen says she woke up, and at first was totally disorientated. Where was she? How did she end up in this strange room and bed? Then she remembered everything that had happened when she looked over to see Phillipe.
She had a mental breakdown of sorts. She yelled at herself and her voices for allowing such a thing to happen. What would I think and do? Once I knew, would I make her leave? Would she be forced to return to that cold, empty haunted mansion again? Never to see our kids?
She ran away in a panic, afraid that Philippe would wake up and stop her. She felt, inside, that perhaps it was her fault, that she had led him on.
When she got home, she took a long, hot bath. She was trying to wash away the memory of the betrayal.
And she cuddled with Zappa, she felt nothing but worry and stress. What if she would never see the girls of the boys ever again? What had she done?
At first, she pretended nothing had happened. She went to work the next day, and never said a word to Phillipe about it. While Phillipe didn't say a word to her, he did seem to have a small grin on his face the whole day.
Christen said for the longest time she pretended, even to herself, that nothing had happened. It was all just a bad dream, and Phillipe never mentioned it in the weeks after. Until she realized she was pregnant, Christen thought the whole thing would go away. But once she knew a baby was coming, and there was no doubt who the father was, she had to tell me.
I was devastated. Feeling totally numb by her betrayal, I found myself in the shower for hours, just letting the hot water wash over me as I sobbed away my pain. What was I going to do? Is this how Phillipe had felt in high school? No, I didn't think so. That was just a high school girl. Once he had told me years ago, nothing but a silly girl to pass the time.
This was my wife, the person I had sworn my life to. Sure, I wasn't the best husband in the world. I was a far cry from the devoted husband Dad had been to Mom, but I never hurt her. Not this way.
At first I wanted to kick her out. Let Phillipe have her if he wanted her, but then I saw the girls talking.
"Mommy will make me cake for my birfday."
How could I dare hurt them because of something I knew Phillipe had planned and done? I knew he tricked my wife, took advantage of her mental instability. I wouldn't allow him to win.
After taking a long time to think it over, I decided what I wanted to do.
We celebrated the girls' birthdays first. I knew that the entire time Christen watched me with a mix of panic and fear. What was I going to do?
I guess inside me I let her worry because I wanted her to understand the pain I was feeling. But then another side of me understood the pain she was feeling too. She also was a victim in all of this.
So, I forgave her. I reminded her of my promise, and I added that this time I wouldn't be so focused on fishing. Christen refused to allow me to give it up totally, but agreed we needed to work on our marriage instead of just give up on it.
She did go over to tell Phillipe the news of the upcoming bundle of joy. He congratulated her, not saying anything about it being his. Christen was confused when he stated, "I'm sure that Jean and you must be very happy. A fifth baby! Congratulations."
She left shortly after that, missing his smile of triumph. I knew that he realized with the birth of this child, it would be a constant reminder to me about what they had done. This child would be a standing testament to my wife's infidelity, no matter how she was tricked into it.
Though we never told the children, I think they secretly knew. Each of the girls would seek me out to give me hugs.
I was such a lucky father. All during Christen's pregnancy I kept thinking about the coming baby. How should I treat him or her?
As I watched all four of my kids eat together, and do homework together, I realized something. Christen was my wife, and this new baby would be a brother or sister to my kids. How could I ever see that child as anything other then that? If I ever hurt that child, I would hurt my own babies, and I could never allow that.
So, when the time came, I allowed my heart to accept little Lucas into the fold. He was as much my son as my brother's.
Phillipe decided to acknowledge the whole affair by showing up to the hospital when Lucas was born.
I couldn't help but watch my brother in the taxi ride home. But I wouldn't allow him to see any pain or anger on my face.
Though he decided to return to his old tricks by giving me a scare as I came in the door after him.
And for the first time in my life, I raised my voice at him. I followed him quietly outside as Christen put little Lucas upstairs into his crib. I then let him have it. I warned him that I would not allow his evil ways to ruin my family, and their happiness. I would now be watching him, very closely. If he so much as lifted another finger to do any harm to my family, I would make sure he suffered in a way that even in his evil mind he could not imagine.
He was shocked, but I think he realized that I meant it. Only time would tell if he truly listened to my warning, but for now, he back off.
And I was a very proud father to Lucas. He was such a good baby. Christen seemed to avoid him a bit, but I didn't mind. I loved taking care of him. And the children accepted him as though he were fully their own.
And when he became a toddler, I sighed in relief knowing that he looked nothing like my brother and everything like his mother.