Poverty Challenge- Fairchild: 3.1
Mild sexual undertones & some swearing
I tried to put the sadness and growing terror of Leo behind me by sparking romance with the local boys. I was just a teenager and my life was so frightening at times---I had to wash it away somehow.
Yoosung seemed to hang around quite a bit too. He always pried me for information about Leo and what he was doing. He was the constant reminder that my brother was still there and testier than ever.
But then he met this green-skinned woman and wasn't around. I could feel myself relaxing as he spent more and more time away. I began to hope---that maybe this woman would bring him out of this state he went into after mom died. But it didn't last long and he was back to his usual brutality. I would cry myself to sleep silently in my bedroom. It was awful.
Then he met Shanna. They hit it off right away. I watched from afar as he practically threw himself at her. And luckily---for the world---the feelings were mutual.
She was beautiful, too. And friendly. He was a completely different person around her. He was actually pleasant to be around. The verbal abuse ceased when she was around. I hoped she would move in and marry him. I wanted peace again.
A few months later, I was delighted to know that she had moved in and brought in a lot of money. 19,000 to be exact. I was ecstatic. It wasn't like mom left us anything and we didn't have much money. Leo still worked in Basic Army Training, and I had gotten a lowly job as a playground monitor. I was only a teenager so it barely paid anything. It was very difficult. So the fact that she brought in a bunch of money relieved some of the pressure that was placed on us. Plus my brother was happy and actually pleasant.
We took some of the money and hired people to rebuild part of the house. It actually looked really nice.
Shanna and her money didn't help anything. Not for very long, anyway. Soon, Leo was back to his formal self. Maybe even worse. It really weighed down on my nerves. I wondered if I was losing my mind. To make things even worse, Shanna didn't seem to notice how he treated me. I wanted to go to her, I did, but I was just a stupid teen and she was in love with my brother. Who was I to crush her perfect image of him?
Apart of me was angry with mom. If she didn't die I wouldn't be stuck with this monster of a brother. Not that she was much more pleasant. She just ignored us, though. She didn't verbally abuse us or make us feel small. Invisible, maybe, but not small. I missed her so much it hurt.
I thought maybe time would make it better---or Shanna would see Leo for what he really was and leave. Maybe take me with her. No such luck. A few months later, she found out she was pregnant with his child. I was trapped, and now so was she.
"A B?!?! What is this? I expect A's! You stupid idiot, can't you do anything right?" Leo yelled at me one afternoon. Shanna was blissfully napping in the other room. I wished I was her. I stared back at him blankly. I didn't bother responding anymore. What was the point?
The following months became a blur as Leo decided to make an "honest woman" out of Shanna. He asked her to marry him and shortly after they had their lovely ceremony. She was really beginning to show, though. It was a small wedding, it's not like we knew many people---well those who still spoke to us, anyway.
Yoosung had stayed away for a while, so when he came to the wedding I was surprised---and uncomfortable. The man obviously thought that Leo had feelings for him. Didn't he realize that he was just another peg on his perpetual wall of conquests? It was during the reception that I saw Yoosung and Leo talking in the hallway in hushed voices. I slunk back to peek. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't resist.
"Why? Why are you marrying her?"
"Because I love her."
"No you don't. You can't."
"And why the hell not?"
"You...you love me!"
"No I don't. You were nothing to me. You still are nothing"
"You don't mean that..."
"Are you stupid? Of course I do. You're almost as stupid as Rosa."
"Come on...Leo..I---"
"NO!"
"Please...just let me stay in your life...somehow..."
After that it became very muffled. I turned and walked away. I wondered what was going on, but I didn't want to risk getting closer. Who knows what Leo would do if he saw me eavesdropping. I shuddered at the thought. I tried not to think of his comment about Yoosung almost being as stupid as me. God. I wished I was smart. I wished I was smart and never had been born.
After that, Yoosung hung around more, like he used to, but he came to see ME instead. Me! I was stupid and boring---why would he want to be around me?
I thought about asking Leo---but I was too afraid. But I didn't need to, Leo confronted me one night.
"Rosa...you know, Yoosung is a nice man."
"Um--I know, Leo."
"He'd be good for you...you're almost eighteen now..."
"I--what do you mean?"
He snorts. "Man you are slow. Your stupidity shocks me all the time."
I wait for him to continue obediently. It was the best thing to do.
"You and him...would be good. So let him...pursue you." Was all he said. Then he walked away.
I wasn't sure what he meant. I didn't want to know. I tried not to think about it. Deep down, I did know, but I just---couldn't allow myself to "go there".
I imagined myself telling him that I didn't want Yoosung---that I wouldn't be his second choice---the left over loaf---and that I would taunt him and set him in his place. Of course, this was just wishful thinking. I would have to carefully approach him on this. Very carefully. He was like an active volcano, ready to blow at any time.
"Leo?"
"What is it." He replied gruffly.
"I--I just can't---I can't be with Yoosung." I got out finally.
He didn't even look at me. "You WILL cooperate." He returned to chopping vegetables. I didn't dare bring it up again.
I turned eighteen before I knew it. I decided to hide my beauty as much as I could. My hope was that Yoosung was shallow enough to be turned off by it.
To say Leo was unhappy was an understatement. He confronted me in the family room as soon as he noticed I was there, which did take a few days to begin with.
Shanna was practically ready to pop and so he put all his energy into pleasing her. It was nice while it lasted. My makeover seemed to open his eyes and see me again. Lucky me.
"What is this?" He shouted.
"What do you mean?" I responded quietly.
"You KNOW what I mean. Why do you look like that? You look like shit. Where are your contacts? Why are you wearing those huge glasses? What, did you forget how to put the contacts in or something?"
I stayed silent. The weird thing was---Shanna was right there. She surely would notice now, right?
"Go and fucking change you stupid cunt!" He yelled.
I ran out of the room.
Tears fell down heavily. I couldn't believe it. At eighteen I should have felt like I would finally be able to be free---but I wasn't. I had no money and had quit my high school job months ago and got a new one as a banker. It didn't pay enough for me to live on my own. I was trapped. Trapped and alone.
Leo yelled for me to keep my dumbass tears to a dull roar so I ran outside. My life was so awful. I had no one to turn to, nowhere to go. I was all alone.
I didn't even hear Yoosung come up to me until he snapped a twig. I gasped and there he was.
"Why are you crying, beautiful?" He coaxed.
"It's nothing." I mumbled.
He put his arms around me in comfort.
"I'm sure it's not nothing." He continued, massaging my back lightly.
I shook my head. "I can't. I don't want to talk about it." And I didn't---not with him anyway. Not with someone who worship the ground Leo walked on. Surely he would take his side.
Still, it was nice to have someone there. He stayed for hours comforting and holding me. He was nice when he wanted to be.
Little did I know at the time, Leo had called Yoosung and told him I was upset and that it was a perfect opportunity to 'move on in'. Then when Yoosung told him how well I'd responded, Leo congratulated him. When I found this out---I wished I had known sooner. Maybe it would have made a difference.
It wasn't long after that Shanna went to labor. It was actually Yoosung who was there when her water broke. It was no surprise since he hung around all the time anyway. I'll admit, he grew on me...a little bit at least.
Three days later Shanna came home with a beautiful boy named Drake. I wasn't allowed to come see the baby while they were at the hospital. Something about me somehow screwing everything up. I knew he was right so I put up no fight.
Drake had a dark complexion, not quite his mother's, but not quite his fathers either---fiery red hair, and Leo's dark and mysterious eyes.
Unfortunately, the baby kept us all up at night which meant more biting words from Leo and stress. Even Shanna, as even tempered as she was, seemed on edge. Maybe, I thought, I just bring out the worst in people.
Leo bought a bar not long after the baby was born and I found myself near it one night. I wasn't much of a drinker, but the baby was so loud I couldn't hear myself think. Yoosung had beat me to it. He was visiting yet again. He was sweet, but rather clingy at times. It irked me how much he seemed to need us.
"I didn't know you drank, Rosa."
"I don't. It's just the baby and the noise..."
"Say no more. I shall pour you a drink and we'll forget about the world."
And drink we did....
Then we started to become flirtatious...and rambunctious...
Before I knew it we were in my bedroom....then I blacked out.
I woke up the next morning groggy and confused. I felt sick to my stomach and had the biggest headache. I wondered how much I actually drank the night before. I looked over at my bed and remembered the warmth. Yoosung was laying there sleeping. I groggily wondered why he was sharing the bed with me.
Then the realization hit. We had slept together! I was in shock. I wondered how I could have let things get out of control. How could I have been so stupid? Did we even use a condom? I didn't remember. I was no virgin but I had never slept with anyone while drunk. Devastation and regret hit me as bile traveled back up my throat.
A month went by slowly---I barely got up and I was always feeling so sick. I felt depressed and anxious all of the time. Regret and shame hit me in waves similar to the ones that I experienced during my first hangover. I was five days late. Could it be? I thought. Could I be pregnant? Fresh tears fell down my face.
And I was so horny, it drove me crazy. Every guy I saw seemed attractive to me. Not just Remington. But I wouldn't allow hormones to get the best of me again.
To make matters worse, it was around that time I over-heard Leo and Yoosung's conversation, including the part about the time before when he had comforted me.
"...And then we had sex in her bed."
"Good. So the drunk bit worked like a charm."
"Yes, yes it did. I--I feel a bit guilty---she seems so dis--"
"Don't. She's just a stupid girl. She'll get over it. You are getting what you want, aren't you?"
"Well yes, but--"
"But nothing. You did your part. And best of all, I haven't seen any of those gross papers around, and Shanna is obviously clean since I've been banging her like a bunny---"
Yoosung cringed.
"Don't look at me like that. God, you're such a fucking baby. Grow up. Anyway. She's been moody as fuck too. Maybe she's---"
I couldn't listen to anymore. The whole thing was making me sick to my stomach all over again.
I tried to forget it by going out and meeting new people---when I could escape. I met this guy named Remington. He was so sweet and outgoing. Not like me who was timid and weak. He was playful and a real charmer too. I was falling for him fast. When I was with him, my problems seemed to disappear. Cliche, I know. But that's how I felt.
Money had gotten much tighter since baby Drake was born. We barely had enough money for groceries. Leo would often miscalculate the checkbook and a check he wrote would bounce---causing service workers to come in and repossess items all the time. Of course he blamed me. Somehow, I knew it was my fault.
And then of course order me to go grocery shopping. I pretended to hate it so he would send me every time. Honestly I loved getting out of the house outside of going to work.
The winter snow fell on the ground gracefully. I loved the snow. I would watch it for hours, entranced.
Unfortunately, winter was also when I went to the doctor and found out that I was indeed pregnant with Yoosung's baby. I was doomed. And not even the winter snow would cheer me up now.
Time passed and the morning sickness faded---but I was quickly showing. Leo told me how fat I looked at every opportunity. Yoosung came around sometimes and fussed over me and the impending babyhood. He disgusted me now, though. My brother and him had wanted this to happen. And I knew why. I just didn't want to think about it.
I tried to see my beloved Remi as much as I could before I started showing. But I knew I had to break it off somehow. He couldn't know what was going on. He would blame me too. Hell, I blamed me. I ended up telling him I was married. It hurt him a lot to know that he was the "other man" but I knew it was for the best. Besides, I had a feeling that this baby would bring Yoosung even more into my life. Yoosung and Leo had many secret 'talks'. I didn't want to try and figure out what they were saying now. I didn't want to know.
Then of course the inevitable happened. Leo confronted me and demanded I marry Yoosung. I barely put up a fight. I was too tired. The pregnancy was taking so much out of me.
The weirdest part was that he wanted ME to propose. I don't know why. He said something about keeping our name and passing down the line but I could barely concentrate. I was getting pretty fat as Leo reminded me on a daily basis---along with his nagging about not wanting a bastard child in the house---so I'd better get on with it. So there I was pregnant and miserable proposing to a man I didn't love.
The marriage ceremony came quickly after that. I was in my sixth month of pregnancy and exhausted. I wanted to wait at least until the baby was born. But Leo wouldn't have it.
"We wouldn't want to risk a bastard pre-mature baby, would we?" He reminded me in a sing-song voice.
Winter was fading again when it was officially a year since Drake had been born. So much had happened---and I was nearly giving birth myself.
There was a birthday party and everything. It was a huge event. I was amazed at how much Drake was looking like his father. But his personality was like his mothers, and unfortunately a bit like me as well. He was even-tempered, outgoing, very active but serious-minded. He was a pleasure to have around, except when he was crying. But still, I was relieved to know that he wasn't like Leo. I hoped and prayed that it would stay that way.
Then, shortly after it officially became nine months, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. It hurt so bad I cried out. Leo at first just told me to shut the fuck up already and that I was the whiniest pregnant lady he'd ever known, but when my water broke he realized I was going into labor. He called Yoosung at work and told him to come pick up his tramp and take her to the hospital. Yoosung rushed home immediately. As much as I despised him, I was glad that he was there. He did seem to care about me a little bit at least. Or maybe just the baby. Either way, he took me to the hospital and even allowed me to have the medicine to dull the pain. Twenty-four hours later I had a healthy baby girl named Lani nestled quietly in my arms.
Three days later I was able to go home. She was so beautiful. She had her dad's blond hair and blue eyes, but was pale like me. She was so precious. I knew that I had to protect her. I loved her more than life itself. I was scared,though. Scared of what was in her future. I couldn't even protect myself, how was I going to protect this innocent creature from all of the horror that was within the walls of our home? I would find out soon enough, I was sure.
Thanks for reading!!!
Previous installments:
|Prologue|
|Fairchild 1.1||
| Fairchild 2.1| Fairfield 2.2|