Random non-fandom strangeness ...

[singblueeyes]

 
The Price of Addiction

The first hit had made her skin itch.

Darby told her that might happen - would probably happen. As she had drifted in and out of consciousness, it occurred to her that this couldn’t be what everyone talked about. So, she took another. And another.

Jacob thought she was in Victoria for the week, but she hadn’t even left the

Comments

[plutospawn]

I like the ideas in this, all the invitro fix em ups. Reminds me of stuff like Gattaca, or even ME with Chief Williams' eyes getting corrected in the womb.

The only area I'd look over is this:
Jacob had insisted their children undergo the same gene therapy and have the same advantages growing up. So, for an additional fee, the X/Y chromosome choice was upgraded to include the elimination of key predispositions - heart disease, diabetes, obesity, poor eyesight and addiction. Like Melodie, their children would never suffer from depression, schizophrenia or the desire to perform rash and dangerous adrenaline-provoking activities. They would be normal. Safe.

Because it seems less about the kids, more about the universe. Is there a better way to intersperse this into the universe instead of one concentrated paragraph? Just right now it seems too explanatory.

Of course, I'm more interested in Darby. All the passages with him in are nice and fluid and really adhere to the theme of music you've got going.

[singblueeyes]

Yeah, I think you're very right on that one...I wonder if I could take out the medical conditions and just play with the idea of mental health. It's just that so much of genius and creativity gets tagged onto that flipside of madness/addiction ... I need some way of illustrating that. *sigh*

*grin* I like Darby. He didn't start out that way. He kind of slithered in and stayed there....the mad lover musician. hehehehe