M.I.A.
I apologize for not answering calls. I haven't been doing well.
I've been crying a lot and sleeping very little. There are too many ghosts that haunt me right now. Especially when I'm alone too long. On the outside I'm making 'A's and going to work and smiling, but on the inside I'm barely keeping up. And it's eating me. I don't want to be in school. I don't want to be working in a grocery store. I don't want to watch my parents suffer. I'm not about the milestones in life. I've always been about the journey. Being a paralegal won't solve anything. Or going to law school or getting out of debt. Or getting my business back running. Those are just circumstances that color my life.
My journey is really hard right now, and it sucks. Over the past couple days I see myself getting ground up by things more than I want to realize. I had the weekend off and spent it almost entirely alone. And it was painful. I tried to write and went to a movie and it just made me feel all the more isolated. I felt desparate to escape this. I thought maybe last week was a fluke with finals and everything but I don't feel any less suffocated now.
I think about many things. But I don't know if I can talk about them. It hurts. And there's not much to say or do about it in response. I'll be okay.
I've been crying a lot and sleeping very little. There are too many ghosts that haunt me right now. Especially when I'm alone too long. On the outside I'm making 'A's and going to work and smiling, but on the inside I'm barely keeping up. And it's eating me. I don't want to be in school. I don't want to be working in a grocery store. I don't want to watch my parents suffer. I'm not about the milestones in life. I've always been about the journey. Being a paralegal won't solve anything. Or going to law school or getting out of debt. Or getting my business back running. Those are just circumstances that color my life.
My journey is really hard right now, and it sucks. Over the past couple days I see myself getting ground up by things more than I want to realize. I had the weekend off and spent it almost entirely alone. And it was painful. I tried to write and went to a movie and it just made me feel all the more isolated. I felt desparate to escape this. I thought maybe last week was a fluke with finals and everything but I don't feel any less suffocated now.
I think about many things. But I don't know if I can talk about them. It hurts. And there's not much to say or do about it in response. I'll be okay.