(no subject)
Six years ago I realized I was to have a child.
I was faced with a difficult decision. Should I give birth to this child and keep it and raise it on my own? I knew that the father would never be able to love me as I saw fit. I knew that no one else would be able to as well, should I keep the child. I could give the child up and continue in my own search for happiness and fulfillment; or I could keep her and give her all that I have and sacrifice myself for her.
I knew that no man would be strong enough to love me and my child - for the egocentricisms of man would prevent this - as even if he did fall in love with us both; she would never be his.
I was given this chance once before; with a man that I love more than life itself. But this man and I could not raise a child at that time - so we made a descision and our son was not to be born. I cannot change that. I can only make the best of what I have done.
So I made my choice, and it was to have this child and give her everything - at all costs. And that cost was me. And now, I have no choice but to carry on. I've met two men thus far, and they have fallen in love with her - but not me. Just as everyone else has. But she is not theirs and it seems they cannot handle being second to her and they resent me for not being able to make them first.
Everyday I pray for my own, but I cant help but realize my descision made and pay the price I bartered for. It takes extreame strength and perserverance. Maybe someday, my own pain will be rewarded. But for now, I will press on and wake everyday to her shining sleepyeyed face and know that I have made the ultimate sacrifice and revel in her happiness - for now, it is all I have - that and hope.
I was faced with a difficult decision. Should I give birth to this child and keep it and raise it on my own? I knew that the father would never be able to love me as I saw fit. I knew that no one else would be able to as well, should I keep the child. I could give the child up and continue in my own search for happiness and fulfillment; or I could keep her and give her all that I have and sacrifice myself for her.
I knew that no man would be strong enough to love me and my child - for the egocentricisms of man would prevent this - as even if he did fall in love with us both; she would never be his.
I was given this chance once before; with a man that I love more than life itself. But this man and I could not raise a child at that time - so we made a descision and our son was not to be born. I cannot change that. I can only make the best of what I have done.
So I made my choice, and it was to have this child and give her everything - at all costs. And that cost was me. And now, I have no choice but to carry on. I've met two men thus far, and they have fallen in love with her - but not me. Just as everyone else has. But she is not theirs and it seems they cannot handle being second to her and they resent me for not being able to make them first.
Everyday I pray for my own, but I cant help but realize my descision made and pay the price I bartered for. It takes extreame strength and perserverance. Maybe someday, my own pain will be rewarded. But for now, I will press on and wake everyday to her shining sleepyeyed face and know that I have made the ultimate sacrifice and revel in her happiness - for now, it is all I have - that and hope.