(no subject)
There is one thing everyone has to understand about me...
it's that I take everything personal even if it isn't ment to be.
Right now I am having a really hard time, and I don't even really know why.
I think one major issue is that it is never anymore just me and Cara time, which was something that always kinda made me feel better. I have come to realize that over the past few years Cara is the only person that I really do trust and really do need. I don't know why... it sounds like we are dating and I am some desprate person, but this is all true.
I don't know if everyone knows this, but I guess everyone has seen all the signs but I am really messed up mentally... I have a lot of problems.
and now I sound like one of those stuped people that complain about everything, and now everyone is giong to pretend to feel bad for me. nope, doesnt work like that.
One thing that I have that I bet most of you don't is 2 shirnks or w/e those fucking people are called... gosh, I don't have 1 but 2. so I guess that calls for messed up, to an extreme. But that doesnt always have to do with it does it. gosh someone could have 100 and nothing could be wrong.
No one needs to comment or say that they feel bad, or sorry, or they can help.
I bet no one even reads this crap.
But I don't really care about anyone, sad to say, but so true.
You can't care about anyone if you don't even care about yourself.
actually that is wrong.
I do care about people.
but the person I hate most in this world is me.
I wish that I would die.
like not kidding, or even anything.
I drive along on the freeway you know... going 70 and there are those nice large cement walls... and i wish i could just drive my car right into one. wouldnt that be so great, but then other people might get hurt, and i wouldn't want that.
then i start to think of other ways.
and it gets bad.
i should tell someone, i told my sister. she didnt care.
i guess i am telling people now.
but i cant open up to people.
this isnt people this is me openeing up to myself, then I am going to post it and if anyone even cares they will read it...
well. anyways. one day i hope to never wake up, and i hope its soon.
and i guess you could say I am the biggest liar around...
I walk around happy, talking to everyone
but the truth is I wish I wasn't where I ever am.
god, I'm fucked up and I don't even know why.
It's not like I don't have friends or anything.
god.
w/e.