Pieces

[singyoular]

At some point last night, my fingernails started to fall off. I didn't notice it. I don't notice anything when I'm working. There are so many machines around me, and I have earphones jammed so tightly in me ears that parts of my earlobes have scabbed over. It is easy to forget that I am human, surrounded by so many machines. Each one has another

Comments

[kabloomers]

This is pretty cool. Needs polish, of course, but for a new piece it's well conjured. It grossed me the fuck out and I had to stop halfway through and come back later, but then that's probably similar to what you're going for.

[singyoular]

Yeah, I need to at LEAST go thru with find/replace "nervously"... jeez.

[jream]

I was confused, because in the beginning it sounds like some 1984 type future where people aren't allowed to feel emotions, they have numbers instead of names, he's been sitting in the same place for long enough that he doesn't feel his limbs falling off, and yet he's allowed to clock out and just drive away? That's the only part that got me.

The other thing that strikes me about this is that this is what it looks like when a good, experienced writer does angst. Because you're a lot more subtle about it. But it is angsty, and I love that because angst is a necessary part of literature--but not teenage angst. So good job.

[singyoular]

you called me a good experienced writer, I'm flattered.

[jream]

You are! FSU has done you well.