A Hero Born Amongst Hundreds

[sinnesspiele]

I am experimenting with this writing contest to see if it will help raise the bar of my creativity.

Words: 177
Warnings: None

I am a hero.

I wear no cape or mask.  I am not from another planet or the result of failed science.  Biologically we are the same, you and I - only I am stronger; strong enough to push you down; strong enough to tell you that

Comments

[subieko]

Mm, I like this take on the prompt--who gets decide which people are heroes? It's an interesting thing to explore...

[sinnesspiele]

Thank you.

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello, I am your editor this week! Welcome to the Flame!

First of all, I would like to say that this is a great take on the prompt. I have been reading the comments, and I have to add my compliments that the twist on the definition of what it takes to be a hero. Very creative! It is this philosophy that drives this piece. As such, I am glad that you kept the piece rather short. The brevity works in your favor. It has just enough punch, and the realization dawns and sinks in, and then it is finished. Like the strike of a snake, it is quick and clean. You resist the urge to proselytize, which is a positive. So for general comments, I think that this is a strength.

-The first person was also a good choice. It gives an everyman feel to it, and allows to to address the audience generally, to make your point in a clear and intimate way. Well done!

Specific comments

-I am not from another planet or the result of failed science Perhaps "nor" the result of failed science?

-Biologically we are the same, you and I - only I am stronger;

Re: Your BF edit!

[sinnesspiele]

Thank you for a detailed edit. I understand the punctuation was used incorrectly. It was a cognizant creative decision to use the semicolons and hyphens as they appear. It is my opinion that punctuation should be adhered to for the most part, but that ultimately its intent is to provide reader cues as to how the piece is meant to be read.

In this instance, I used the semicolons to create a longer pause than what the comma would afford, and I used the hyphens to disrupt the sentence flow and stress the italicized portion more clearly. I understand that this style does not translate completely for readers, but it is one that I enjoy using.

Thank you though for being so thorough and mindful of grammar and punctuation guidelines. It is very relieving to note that the editors provided are so knowledgeable.

[lieffeil]

I support your creative punctuation.
- If Joyce can do it - why can't we?
Anyway, I did like the premise, I just think you could take it further. There's so much of the "hero" character put into this, I can't help wanting to see him/her/it on the streets, interacting with the adoring public and beating up hipsters. Probably just my fiction addiction. As it is, great first showing! Hope to see you around the Flame some more (coming from a recent addition to the community, I can tell you - there aren't many more effective ways of strengthening your writing than having to churn something out every week.)
Oh and the line "What I stand for is orthodoxy" is so perfect. All the biggest ego-toting superheroes have some key theme, something they hold above all else. Justice, Freedom, the big Capital Letters. Nice touch.