G.I. Joe: Cabbages and Kings #3: Acidic
Title: Acidic
Series: Cabbages and Kings #3 (BH/CG)
Fandom: G.I. Joe
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Hey, everyone's got to have an off-day sometime...
Disclaimer: Holy cow, I definitely don't own them... these days, they own ME!
Notes: I don't believe it. These two are STILL demanding more of these insane dialogues...!
Cabbages and Kings #3: Acidic
“Hey. Cover Girl-“
“Can we not do this right now? I’m having a bad day, Beach.”
“Yeah? No kidding. You were a fuckin’ mess out there. What the Hell happened to you?”
“Really not in the mood for this, Beach Head.”
“Uh-huh, I can see that. If your body language got any more stiff, we could use you as rebar. You’re definitely tall enough.”
“Oh-fuck you very much, Master Sergeant!”
“Oh, yeah, ‘cause that’s a smart thing to say to your upper-level in charge of PT? You are going to be so sore after I’ve had my way with you tomorrow morning, Cinderella, that you’re gonna be lyin’ facedown on top of that tank of yours, cryin’ for your prince to come save you!”
“Did you not hear me the first time? Fuck. You.”
“You do not talk to me like that, Corporal.”
“What’re you gonna do, Beach-spank me?”
“You keep actin’ like a brat, and yeah, I’ll turn you over my knee!”
“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Your hand across my ass? Make you feel more like a man, huh-ow! What’re you-you can’t come into my room!”
“Girl, if you are spoilin’ for a fight, you’re gonna have it, but we are not doin’ this in the hallway. Close the door.”
“Or what?”
“Close. The. Door. If I have to repeat myself again, you’re not gonna like it.”
“You know what, Wayne? I am so sick of your autocratic bullcrap. I have one rough day out on the obstacle course, and all of a sudden, you’re at my door?! Yeah, sure, sure, you being a jerk is nothing new, but now you’re riding my ass like I got someone killed on the field! Whatever, maybe I deserve a dressing-down for how badly I did today, but didn’t you have enough of chewing me out in front of the whole team out there-“
“Cover Girl-“
“-but no, after all the push-ups, after making me run around the track until my knees gave out and Duke had to catch me before I cracked my skull on the pavement, after sending me through that course so many times I swear the leeches in that mud pile can taste my fucking blood just from the smell of me coming at them… all of a sudden you’re here, in my room, in my private space, to chew me yet another new one-“
“Whoa, girl, just a-“
“-I don’t know where you think you get off, Master Sergeant, coming to my quarters to ream me out! I know that you don’t have a life, but the rest of us expect that if we’re not on call, we’re not on call. It doesn’t mean I won’t be ready if that page comes in, but-“
“Courtney, will you just-“
“-I’ve always carried my own weight. Always. You should goddamned well know that by now. I might have one bad day on the courses, but what the Hell, those courses are just practice! Pra-a-actice. They’re not the real thing, they’re not the mission, and sometimes I think you forget that in that screwed-up little PT world you inhabit-“
“SHUT UP AND STAND DOWN, KRIEGER!”
“…”
“You done?”
“Actually, I-“
“I said. Are. You. Done?”
“…”
“Thank God. Jesus Christ, you can yap. I was about to take some duct tape to your mouth.”
“Whatever. You done insulting me, McGyver.”
“Not hardly. You gonna zip it?”
“Will you go away if I do?”
“Every word of mouthy commentary is buying you more pain, Cinderella.”
“Fine. Fine. You know what? Go ahead. Say what you need to say. You can’t possibly make my day any worse.”
“Look. I… ah, Hell. This is all screwed up ten ways from frickin’ Saturday.”
“Huh?”
“I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, that’s all.”
“Happy… huh?”
“What? It is your birthday, ain’t it?”
“I… well… I mean… yes. It’s been… Wayne, but…”
“But what?”
“That’s… it?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s why you came to see me?”
“That’s it.”
“That’s… you weren’t going to yell at me?”
“Y’know, I’m pretty sure that’s what ‘that’s it’ means.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. You think I couldn’t see things weren’t quite right with you out there? I ain’t in the habit of kickin’ people when they’re already down, Courtney. And I definitely ain’t going to their private quarters to do it. I don’t know what the Hell you think of me, but… shit. You know what? Never mind.”
“I… I’m… oh, God, I’m…”
“Whatever, Princess.”
“Beach …”
“Don’t matter. Get your pretty little act together, screw that head of yours back on straight, and we’ll just forget this ever happened.”
“Beach-Wayne, wait, I-“
“I’ve got things to do, Princess. Let go of my arm.”
“No. No, I… look. I was out of line.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you sure as Hell were. I’m gonna let this slide, Cover Girl, but the next time you talk to me like that-”
“I know. I know. I know, I’m sorry, it’s just… I’m sorry. You shouldn’t let this slide. I don’t… I just… you just blindsided me when you came to my door.”
“Yeah, well, that makes two of us!”
“I wasn’t thinking. It’s a rotten excuse. You’re my friend, Wayne. I don’t… I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
“Yeah, it is. Or it will be if you make it up to me tomorrow.”
“What-how will I… oh. Yeah.”
“Yeah, what?”
“Yeah, I’ll be the best damned soldier on that hellish obstacle course, Master Sergeant.”
“That’s right, Corporal. You’d better be.”
“…”
“I’m waiting here, Cover Girl. Where's my 'sir, yes, sir?' I’m expectin’ higher PT scores out of you tomorrow than anyone else: man, woman, dog, or freaky ninja in black pajamas.”
“………heh. Sir, yes, sir!”
“See, there’s my girl.”
“Wha-what did you say?!”
“What? I almost wasn’t recognizing you without that smirk on your face.”
“Hah! Oh! Screw you, Beach.”
“Oh, what, you offering, now?”
“And with that highly disturbing glimpse into your dreams, you can march your tight-assed way out of my quarters now, thanks!”
“You started it, just you remember that. See you tomorrow, Princess. O-four-hundred.”
“O-four-wha--?! Okay. Okay. Yeah. O-four-hundred, tomorrow. Hey, Wayne?”
“Hm?”
“You’re not drunk, are you?”
“What?! No, I’m not drunk-why the fuck would you think I was-mmph!”
“Mmmmh.”
“…ah. Ah.”
“Oh. Mmm. Oh, wow. Mmm. Phew.”
“What the Hell was that?!“
“No particular reason. I just… mmh. Really needed that.”
“Goddamn. You are fuckin’ Looney Tunes, you know that, Cinderella?!”
“Don’t give me that-you’re not one to talk. For one, you started it. For another, you just kissed me back.”
“Beautiful woman’s got her lips on mine, you think I’m gonna say no? I ain’t no Rhodes Scholar, but no-one’s that stupid.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, hardass.”
“Remind me not to do you any more favors, Princess. What the Hell’s been the matter with you today, anyway? Aren’t birthdays supposed to be, like… happy, or some shit?”
“Long story. I don’t want to talk about it. And you don’t want to hear it.”
“You’re right. I don’t. Hey. How old are you?”
“Mmph. How old are you?”
“Thirty-two.”
“Wow. You’re… oh. Really? I thought you were younger. You’ve really been in the military almost half your life?”
“Damned straight, Cinderella. And proud of it.”
“Don’t you even think about what life would’ve been like if you’d done something else?””
“Nope. And you think I can’t see you’re avoiding the question? Blazes. Seriously, Cover Girl, you must actually think I’m a moron.”
“…damn it. Aw, Beach, don’t you know you’re not supposed to ever ask a woman her age? It’s not polite.”
“Do I look polite to you?”
“Mm. Ugh. Point. Well… how old do you think I am?”
“I dunno. Thirty, thirty-one, maybe?”
“Thir-get the Hell away from me!“
“Ow! What? What?”
“BEACH!”
~fin~
Start: June 06, 2009
End: June 07, 2009
-shakes head in amazement at characters- Oh, Wayne. That… was not a smart move at all. And no, I haven't the faintest idea why Courtney's so grumpy. -laugh- Yeah, I know it wasn't as silly as the last two, but they've got to have their serious moments as well, right?
My thanks to the lovely reviewer Psyk2, from whence the original inspiration for this came. I realize it has nothing to do with swats, but, for some reason, ‘birthday’ and ‘swat’ equated ‘argument’ in my head…
Series: Cabbages and Kings #3 (BH/CG)
Fandom: G.I. Joe
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Hey, everyone's got to have an off-day sometime...
Disclaimer: Holy cow, I definitely don't own them... these days, they own ME!
Notes: I don't believe it. These two are STILL demanding more of these insane dialogues...!
Cabbages and Kings #3: Acidic
“Hey. Cover Girl-“
“Can we not do this right now? I’m having a bad day, Beach.”
“Yeah? No kidding. You were a fuckin’ mess out there. What the Hell happened to you?”
“Really not in the mood for this, Beach Head.”
“Uh-huh, I can see that. If your body language got any more stiff, we could use you as rebar. You’re definitely tall enough.”
“Oh-fuck you very much, Master Sergeant!”
“Oh, yeah, ‘cause that’s a smart thing to say to your upper-level in charge of PT? You are going to be so sore after I’ve had my way with you tomorrow morning, Cinderella, that you’re gonna be lyin’ facedown on top of that tank of yours, cryin’ for your prince to come save you!”
“Did you not hear me the first time? Fuck. You.”
“You do not talk to me like that, Corporal.”
“What’re you gonna do, Beach-spank me?”
“You keep actin’ like a brat, and yeah, I’ll turn you over my knee!”
“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Your hand across my ass? Make you feel more like a man, huh-ow! What’re you-you can’t come into my room!”
“Girl, if you are spoilin’ for a fight, you’re gonna have it, but we are not doin’ this in the hallway. Close the door.”
“Or what?”
“Close. The. Door. If I have to repeat myself again, you’re not gonna like it.”
“You know what, Wayne? I am so sick of your autocratic bullcrap. I have one rough day out on the obstacle course, and all of a sudden, you’re at my door?! Yeah, sure, sure, you being a jerk is nothing new, but now you’re riding my ass like I got someone killed on the field! Whatever, maybe I deserve a dressing-down for how badly I did today, but didn’t you have enough of chewing me out in front of the whole team out there-“
“Cover Girl-“
“-but no, after all the push-ups, after making me run around the track until my knees gave out and Duke had to catch me before I cracked my skull on the pavement, after sending me through that course so many times I swear the leeches in that mud pile can taste my fucking blood just from the smell of me coming at them… all of a sudden you’re here, in my room, in my private space, to chew me yet another new one-“
“Whoa, girl, just a-“
“-I don’t know where you think you get off, Master Sergeant, coming to my quarters to ream me out! I know that you don’t have a life, but the rest of us expect that if we’re not on call, we’re not on call. It doesn’t mean I won’t be ready if that page comes in, but-“
“Courtney, will you just-“
“-I’ve always carried my own weight. Always. You should goddamned well know that by now. I might have one bad day on the courses, but what the Hell, those courses are just practice! Pra-a-actice. They’re not the real thing, they’re not the mission, and sometimes I think you forget that in that screwed-up little PT world you inhabit-“
“SHUT UP AND STAND DOWN, KRIEGER!”
“…”
“You done?”
“Actually, I-“
“I said. Are. You. Done?”
“…”
“Thank God. Jesus Christ, you can yap. I was about to take some duct tape to your mouth.”
“Whatever. You done insulting me, McGyver.”
“Not hardly. You gonna zip it?”
“Will you go away if I do?”
“Every word of mouthy commentary is buying you more pain, Cinderella.”
“Fine. Fine. You know what? Go ahead. Say what you need to say. You can’t possibly make my day any worse.”
“Look. I… ah, Hell. This is all screwed up ten ways from frickin’ Saturday.”
“Huh?”
“I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, that’s all.”
“Happy… huh?”
“What? It is your birthday, ain’t it?”
“I… well… I mean… yes. It’s been… Wayne, but…”
“But what?”
“That’s… it?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s why you came to see me?”
“That’s it.”
“That’s… you weren’t going to yell at me?”
“Y’know, I’m pretty sure that’s what ‘that’s it’ means.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. You think I couldn’t see things weren’t quite right with you out there? I ain’t in the habit of kickin’ people when they’re already down, Courtney. And I definitely ain’t going to their private quarters to do it. I don’t know what the Hell you think of me, but… shit. You know what? Never mind.”
“I… I’m… oh, God, I’m…”
“Whatever, Princess.”
“Beach …”
“Don’t matter. Get your pretty little act together, screw that head of yours back on straight, and we’ll just forget this ever happened.”
“Beach-Wayne, wait, I-“
“I’ve got things to do, Princess. Let go of my arm.”
“No. No, I… look. I was out of line.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you sure as Hell were. I’m gonna let this slide, Cover Girl, but the next time you talk to me like that-”
“I know. I know. I know, I’m sorry, it’s just… I’m sorry. You shouldn’t let this slide. I don’t… I just… you just blindsided me when you came to my door.”
“Yeah, well, that makes two of us!”
“I wasn’t thinking. It’s a rotten excuse. You’re my friend, Wayne. I don’t… I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
“Yeah, it is. Or it will be if you make it up to me tomorrow.”
“What-how will I… oh. Yeah.”
“Yeah, what?”
“Yeah, I’ll be the best damned soldier on that hellish obstacle course, Master Sergeant.”
“That’s right, Corporal. You’d better be.”
“…”
“I’m waiting here, Cover Girl. Where's my 'sir, yes, sir?' I’m expectin’ higher PT scores out of you tomorrow than anyone else: man, woman, dog, or freaky ninja in black pajamas.”
“………heh. Sir, yes, sir!”
“See, there’s my girl.”
“Wha-what did you say?!”
“What? I almost wasn’t recognizing you without that smirk on your face.”
“Hah! Oh! Screw you, Beach.”
“Oh, what, you offering, now?”
“And with that highly disturbing glimpse into your dreams, you can march your tight-assed way out of my quarters now, thanks!”
“You started it, just you remember that. See you tomorrow, Princess. O-four-hundred.”
“O-four-wha--?! Okay. Okay. Yeah. O-four-hundred, tomorrow. Hey, Wayne?”
“Hm?”
“You’re not drunk, are you?”
“What?! No, I’m not drunk-why the fuck would you think I was-mmph!”
“Mmmmh.”
“…ah. Ah.”
“Oh. Mmm. Oh, wow. Mmm. Phew.”
“What the Hell was that?!“
“No particular reason. I just… mmh. Really needed that.”
“Goddamn. You are fuckin’ Looney Tunes, you know that, Cinderella?!”
“Don’t give me that-you’re not one to talk. For one, you started it. For another, you just kissed me back.”
“Beautiful woman’s got her lips on mine, you think I’m gonna say no? I ain’t no Rhodes Scholar, but no-one’s that stupid.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, hardass.”
“Remind me not to do you any more favors, Princess. What the Hell’s been the matter with you today, anyway? Aren’t birthdays supposed to be, like… happy, or some shit?”
“Long story. I don’t want to talk about it. And you don’t want to hear it.”
“You’re right. I don’t. Hey. How old are you?”
“Mmph. How old are you?”
“Thirty-two.”
“Wow. You’re… oh. Really? I thought you were younger. You’ve really been in the military almost half your life?”
“Damned straight, Cinderella. And proud of it.”
“Don’t you even think about what life would’ve been like if you’d done something else?””
“Nope. And you think I can’t see you’re avoiding the question? Blazes. Seriously, Cover Girl, you must actually think I’m a moron.”
“…damn it. Aw, Beach, don’t you know you’re not supposed to ever ask a woman her age? It’s not polite.”
“Do I look polite to you?”
“Mm. Ugh. Point. Well… how old do you think I am?”
“I dunno. Thirty, thirty-one, maybe?”
“Thir-get the Hell away from me!“
“Ow! What? What?”
“BEACH!”
~fin~
Start: June 06, 2009
End: June 07, 2009
-shakes head in amazement at characters- Oh, Wayne. That… was not a smart move at all. And no, I haven't the faintest idea why Courtney's so grumpy. -laugh- Yeah, I know it wasn't as silly as the last two, but they've got to have their serious moments as well, right?
My thanks to the lovely reviewer Psyk2, from whence the original inspiration for this came. I realize it has nothing to do with swats, but, for some reason, ‘birthday’ and ‘swat’ equated ‘argument’ in my head…