G.I. Joe: Midazolam
Title: Midazolam
Series: Stand-Alone
Fandom: G.I. Joe
Rated: NC-17
Summary: There are some memories that are painful. There are some that are priceless. There are some that are both. SE/S
Disclaimer: Holy cow, I definitely don't own them... these days, they own ME!
Notes: This is for... well, you know who you are, and you know why. -laugh-
Midazolam
The first time they made love, it was in her room-he knew he’d always remember that.
It’d been their third date. Their third official date-Snake-Eyes didn’t count their walks by the river, their trips on the ferry-the times they’d sat together in the mess hall when no-one else was there, her fingertip tracing absent patterns on the skin of his forearm. So it wasn’t really their third date, but… it felt real. This felt so real. He’d never been in love before, but… was it supposed to be this simple to fall?
He kissed Scarlett-Shana-at her door-light, brief, his lips brushing against hers in a soft stroke-then a few more, just because it felt too early to let her go, quite yet. Light, soft-nothing too intense. He’d always thought that kissing, this kind of kissing, was surprisingly easy-but with her, nothing was ever quite so straightforward. It wasn’t so easy anymore, not when he wanted nothing more than to take her to the wall with him and part her lips with his tongue, taste her, let her feel the way he kissed when he really wanted it.
Too early, Snake told himself. Don’t scare her.
But then Scarlett made a small, longing sound against him, her arms tightening around his neck when he tried to pull away-and then they were up against the wall, and his tongue was in her mouth, and Snake-Eyes wasn’t entirely sure when he’d reached down to lift her knee up to the level of his hip. But he knew he’d had to slide a hand into the side-slit of her long black dress to do it.
He should apologize, for that, Snake-Eyes thought, reluctantly, when finally they broke apart-laying a hand on her that way. Carefully, he let her leg down-but her knee slid slowly down the side of his thigh, and her arms were still wrapped over his shoulders.
Scarlett looked him in the eye, and the green of hers was just the faintest rim around heavy, dark pupils. Her lips were parted, pink. “Wow,” she whispered.
She didn’t look like she wanted him to apologize.
Which was good, because Snake-Eyes didn’t actually feel like apologizing.
In typical Scarlett fashion, though, she didn’t take him by his hand-she reached up and played with his tie, before tugging on it gently. She asked, “Do you want to come in?”
Snake-Eyes knew he shouldn’t assume that she meant anything but a drink, some company-not even after a kiss that had sent his hormones into a sharp, hot tailspin. He knew that-but… the expression on her face was just incredible-the fire in her eyes, but the oddly bashful little curve to her lips. He couldn’t find the voice to do anything other than nod.
Then on the other side of the door, Scarlett pulled off his tie with a few neat little flicks of her clever fingers and the ‘thwip’ of silk, and undid his collar with another. He blinked. Tried to swallow. Tried not to hope.
Then his girlfriend leaned over and licked that sensitive patch of skin right underneath his ear-in her heels, she was as tall as he was. She’d laughed when he’d told her he liked her height. Well, he did. He especially liked it just right this minute. Her lips wrapped softly around his earlobe, sliding across it before she released him.
Scarlett chuckled-maybe it was at the way he’d stopped breathing-and laid rest to the idea that this was ‘just drinks’ when she murmured, “If you’re actually hoping I invited you in for a nice bottle of Chianti, you’re going to be very disappointed, pal.”
“Do you read my mind?” Snake-Eyes asked, startled, even though the feel of her tongue swiping against his skin again, a teasing little dart, made his voice sound strange. “Seriously.”
She backed off a little and grinned at him-fierce, funny. “You’re not as opaque as you think you are, Snake-Eyes.”
Then she kissed him again, and there was none of that awkward moment he’d always hated-that span of time between deciding that he was going to sleep with a woman, and actually getting her into bed. Seduction wasn’t something he pretended to be good at.
If he had to guess, in his admittedly limited experience with her-he had to say that it was something Scarlett was very good at.
But Snake-Eyes ran his hands up her spine, lightly-very lightly-brushing his fingertips in a glaze over the skin bared by the back of her dress, and she sighed against his lips. “That feels so good, baby,” she whispered. “Do that again?”
He did. God, he hoped she’d tell him whenever she liked something-the sound of that husky whisper, he thought, could make him crazy.
*_*_*_*
“Hey, Snake. It’s me. They tell me you’re still out cold, but… I’m here, okay? I’m here.”
“The mission… well, you know how it went. Damn it, Snake, you… I… I… never mind. I’m not here to be mad at you, you stupid, brave man.”
“You’re going into surgery, today. I don’t know if people can be scared when they’re sedated, but… I’ll be right here when you wake up. Just… just you get better, okay?”
*_*_*_*
Stupid buttons.
They definitely hadn’t been as hard to put on as they were to take off. But maybe that had to do with the fact he could hear the rustling of clothing behind him-the sound of that soft, fluid drape of a black dress coming off her pale skin, the softer click of her letting those heels fall to the ground… there were times he cursed his hearing, his training.
He wasn’t sure if now was one of those times. Listening to her undressing behind him, the rasp of a zipper that he’d almost hoped she’d ask for help with… it was almost as erotic as watching her. She’d made him turn around with a little twirl of her finger, a teasing, “No peeking, now, buster!” And he’d protested, laughing despite himself, until the temptress he was dating trailed a finger down his stomach and added, “I’ll make it worth your while…”
Easy, Snake. Easy. Take it slow. No rushing. Don’t you dare.
But it was torture to fold his shirt and lay it on top of her small bureau before Snake-Eyes turned around, unable to resist any longer.
She was already stretched out on her bed, the bedcover rumpled by her feet.
Oh, God. Oh, sweet Lord in Heaven.
Scarlett had one knee cocked up-both arms over her head, cheek pressed to one arm so she was looking at him sideways. Her clothes were in a pile on the foot of the bed-all of them, her bra-black-dangling off a bedpost like a flag. Her sheets were crisp, baby-blue.
She was the single most desirable thing he’d ever seen in all his years, and his fingers faltered again, desire-tipped and clumsy, on the button of his dress slacks.
“See something you like, soldier?” Scarlett murmured, and there was mirth mingled with the invitation in her voice.
I’ll always remember that, too, he thought-not just the way she looked at that moment. That timbre to her voice, the way she could twine together laughter and lust into something just… intoxicating.
But “That was quick,” was the first thought that came to his mouth, and he almost bit through his tongue. Of all the idiotic things…
But Scarlett just laughed and stretched, arching off the covers-the foot of her bent leg sliding down the other-thigh, knee, calf, toes. Watching the slow glide of it… Snake-Eyes tried to remember that he needed to breathe. She had faint tan lines at her throat, her arms, her thighs. Her toenails were pink, and the soft fluff of curls at the crux of her thighs was darker than the waves of hair spread across the bedsheets. “Should I take that as a yes?”
“You’re beautiful,” he told her, simply.
“That’s better,” Scarlett grinned her saucy grin, but he saw the pleasure of the compliment on her face.
I need to compliment her more often, he reminded himself.
But then she’d raised a hand to beckon him onto the bed with her, and he found that his fingers definitely did want to get his pants undone after all.
*_*_*_*
“Snake-Eyes… hey. Hey, you’re awake. I know it must hurt like the dickens… no, don’t reach up. Here. Here, hold my hand.”
“I… there’s some news, from the surgeons. I… I guess I just thought you should hear it from me, you know? It’s… it’s not good, but…”
“…oh. You know that already, huh.”
“Just give it to you straight? Is that what you’re… okay. I guess. But…okay.”
“Your voice, it’s…yeah. It’s gone, Snake. And they’ve fixed the muscles in your face, but… the scarring. Yeah. Maybe someday, they’ll figure something out, but right now… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Please don’t turn away from me, baby. I…”
“I…Snake.”
“…okay. I guess you want to be alone. I understand that. Just…just let someone know… I mean… just press your button if you want me.”
*_*_*_*
“Cheater,” Scarlett giggled, when he climbed into the bed still wearing his briefs. “You scared I’m going to jump you, big guy?”
Snake-Eyes shrugged, and offered her a chagrined smile. “The opposite, actually,” he replied. And I want to take my time with you.
Maybe Scarlett knew that. Maybe that was why her gaze danced with amusement-maybe that was why she shoved him onto his back with a strength that startled him, even though it shouldn’t have. She laughed, “Then you don’t know me very well, Snake!”
But then, he already knew she was a firebrand on the outside, and a tease at heart, and boundaries were things that Scarlett liked to push.
Really, he was okay with that-more than okay with it. Snake-Eyes found himself smiling with pure pleasure, watching her move over him. When she straddled his waist with her knees and straightened, planting her hands on his chest, her thighs skimming his hips-she could steal anyone’s breath, he thought. While he could still think.
Oh, yes, this woman could definitely move. He hadn’t realized how sexy he’d find the strength sliding underneath her skin-the taut arches of biceps, abdomen, deltoid, just as much as the softer curves of the flare of her hips, the sleek glide of her waist, her smooth, full breasts. Her nipples were already tight, rosy, and he licked his lips and grinned.
Scarlett paused, looking down at him, her hair curling in loops and waves over her shoulders, trailing down her body like a vivid frame. “Mmm-look at that. Anyone ever tell you you’ve just got a killer smile, Snake-Eyes?”
Snake-Eyes blinked. “Um… no.” He heard his own embarrassment in his little laugh. “I can’t help it…” he reached up-slid his palms up her abdomen, filled his hands with her breasts. Her hair brushed his fingers as she tossed her head. Ah-he’d almost forgotten how soft a woman’s skin could be, too. How his touch could make her watch him, the motion of his hands, through half-closed eyes. “You’re amazing.”
“Ooooh.” She leaned into his hands, pressing her rear against the bulge in his briefs until he found himself grinding up against her, separated by one layer of cotton. Why had he thought keeping his underwear on was a good idea? He wasn’t sure he remembered. “Look who’s talking. Mmm.” She studied him. “The body on you… wow. Can’t hardly wait… oh… hey…” She stretched over him, eagerness sparkling on her face as she slid her palms up his stomach. “Don’t have to!”
Shana O’Hara wanted to touch him-her hands were down his chest, his stomach, his arms, his thighs-the marvel of that shocked him. And the fact that she liked his touch-more than wonder. Her hair was long enough to veil them in scarlet, tickling his cheeks when she braced herself on the mattress, and her lips parted on a sigh as he rolled her nipples gently between his fingertips-one, the other. No-thank God he’d kept on his underwear, because if he hadn’t, her writhing against him like that, her body on display and the fact that he could already feel her, hot, wet, would have already had him spilling onto her skin. Almost helplessly, he reached up his free hand to brush the dimple at the corner of her full mouth.
But then her eyes were open, watching him watching her, and the woman truly did have the most wicked smile he’d ever seen on a human being.
Especially when she tilted her chin and wrapped her lips around his thumb. This time, he did actually hear the sound of his own choked breath. Her tongue swept his finger, swept her lips, and she pulled his thumb from her mouth with a long, slow motion that definitely felt like she was sucking on more than just a finger. If he hadn’t already been stunned and so hard he was afraid to move, he would have gotten there at her purr: “You like my mouth, huh, Snakes?”
Then she pushed her hair out of her face and started sliding down his body.
“Shana-“ he propped himself up on an elbow to look at her, watch her-first, realization hit, then disbelief. She’s-“You don’t have to-“
But she’d already hooked her fingers into his briefs, tugging, and her lips were moving low against his stomach when she laughed. “Are you kidding? If you think I’m doing any of this because I have to, Snake, you need a psych workup!”
*_*_*_*
“Hey, Snake. Doc says they’re going to change your bandages and… and… um, debride the wounds. He says… he says it’ll hurt, that they’ll give you something for the pain, but they can give you something to put you out… no? But Snake…”
“…okay. Okay. I’ll be right-what?”
“No, don’t shake your head at me. You’re nuts if you think I’m going anywhere.”
“Easy, now. I’m here, Snake-Eyes. I’m here. Just… send your mind away, okay? Just… dream for awhile.”
*_*_*_*
He ended up tumbling her off him when it got to be too hot, too good-just too much. Her enthusiasm, her obvious enjoyment as her head bobbed, had been almost as mind-blowing as the feel of her mouth on him, his fingers in that long, messy hair.
Scarlett was laughing again when she hit the bed beside him, and almost bounced off it with the force with which he’d hauled her off him-automatically, Snake-Eyes reached out to steady her, distracting himself from how close she’d driven him to the edge.
It wasn’t much of a distraction, when her lips were slick and smiling, and the smile on her face was just unbelievably smug. Well-deservedly so. Jesus, he was never going to think about it the same way again when someone commented on how Scarlett had quite the mouth on her.
“Nice?” she asked, cheekily, stretching out beside him with that knee bent up again.
He heard himself growl-that’s a definitive affirmative, Scarlett-and sat up, resting a hand on her belly. My turn.
Maybe Scarlett was hearing him again-she nodded. Or maybe it was just his fingers sketching her abdomen, her breasts, watching her nipples tighten again when he traced them, light as a suggestion-as lightly as he’d touched her back earlier.
Snake-Eyes smiled, and let that hand outline its way down between her pale thighs.
“Ooooh… Snake-Eyes, you tease,” she whimpered.
Yes, maybe he was, a little-though he considered that fair reward for what she’d put him through. Or maybe he was just finding out what she liked, what made her breathing jitter, what changed the tenor of those little sounds in her throat. She wasn’t very vocal-he hadn’t expected that, but he definitely liked the small noises she made when he found her clit.
Snake-Eyes brushed his hand still lower-had to swallow, once, twice. She was wet-more than a little. But when he went to slide a finger deeper-he had to work it into her. Her hips rocked against his hand, helping, but… she was… just… tight. If he hadn’t already had sweat beading on his forehead, he did now.
Scarlett made a slow, breathy sigh as he eased his finger into her, and he glanced up to meet her eyes. She was watching him, her eyes half-closed again.
“Yeah… mmmh. It’s been… kind of awhile, for me,” she offered, shyly.
There she went, reading his mind again.
“Me, too,” Snake-Eyes murmured. Though he suspected she’d probably already figured that one out, too.
But she didn’t seem to mind. And when he pressed a second finger into her, she crooned his name in a high, sweet trill.
It’d been a long time, yes. But it took more than years for him to forget how to pleasure a woman-especially with Scarlett’s voice guiding him, her little “Ah, yes,” and “Right there-oh!” and the breath-caught way she said his name when he stroked just right. He held her down with his other hand on her belly when she squirmed, and… she seemed to be partial to that, too. Finally, he found her a rhythm she seemed to like-fingers deep, his palm molded around her, rocking. And when he leaned down and feathered across her nipple with his lips, then gave one a firm, hard tug between his teeth, her breath hitched like a sob, her body a long arc off the bed.
“Mmmmh… yes… wait, don’t… ah.” But her hands were firm on his arm. “Ah… stop, Snake, stop,” she whimpered.
“What?” he asked, startled-raising his lips from the salt smoothness of her skin, stilling his hand instantly. She’d certainly seemed to be enjoying it enough, but… “Did I…”
But Scarlett’s smile back down at him was gorgeous, brilliant. “No, silly, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just… you know.” She licked her lips, looking up at him. “Not like this. C’mere, you.”
And the woman he loved held out her arms for him. There was no ambiguity in her smile, in what she meant-he’d never met anyone else who could purr an invitation with just the look in her eyes, he thought.
Snake-Eyes slid his fingers from her-but then hesitated, glanced over his shoulder at his discarded pants. It wasn’t that he’d thought anything was going to happen between them, but… just in case. He should have thought to put the condom on the nightstand, but with her lying on her bed like an invitation to Heaven, he hadn’t been doing much thinking…
She followed his gaze, her brow furrowed with confusion-before her eyes brightened again, and she turned his face back to hers with a finger on his jaw. “Oh-it’s okay, Snake-Eyes,” she murmured, up at him. To his surprise, Scarlett’s expression was a little shy, and she was nibbling on her lower lip again. “No need.”
Snake-Eyes blinked. “Are you sure?” he asked, automatically.
Then he cursed himself. She wouldn’t have said it if she wasn’t sure, but… but he knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t that foil-wrapped packet in his wallet.
Scarlett grinned, ran her finger in a quick swipe down his cheek. “Very sure, you leave that to ol’ Scarlett. And…”
But then she glanced away.
“And?” he prompted, softly, lifting himself up on an elbow.
Her eyes-ah, those eyes. She ran a shaky finger down his chest, followed the path of it with her gaze. “I wouldn’t want anything between us anyway. Not… tonight. Um. Is that… too much?”
Scarlett actually looked a little shy, a little scared-a temptress wrapped in timidity. But… Oh. She really… really did want… and Snake-Eyes had to close his eyes and call on memories of hours sitting in lotus underneath winter-runoff waterfalls. It was the first time he’d considered himself fortunate to have such memories.
“Shana, you’re going to kill me,” he informed her, hoarse. He meant it-of course he meant it, he wasn’t sure how much of her his heart could take-but part of the reason he said it was to get that smile out of her again.
Her tongue flicked over her lips, and the tip of it was between her teeth when she gave him just what he’d been looking for. “That’s in a good way, right?”
This time, Snake-Eyes smiled back, slid over her-saw the breath catch in her throat, saw her eyes widen at his speed as he settled over her body, between her legs-and replied, “You tell me.”
“Well, I like this a whole lot, so it’s gotta be good, right?” she replied, and the faintest hint of a smile was still caught in the corners of her eyes. But the smile was shadowed by the way she licked her lips, as if in invitation, and slid her leg up along his side-opening herself for him.
Scarlett was his; tonight, at least, he was making her his-he understood that. When he rocked against her, sliding himself in long strokes through folds already wet and ready, her breathing came in jerks to match his-yes, she was his. When he reached down, positioning himself at her, and heard her whimper in anticipation-yes, she was his, and the sudden rush of exultation and triumph surprised him enough that he paused, body trembling.
”Ah-hey-you really are a tease!” Shana accused, again, laughing, her hips pressing up against his in protest-but on the heels of her laughter, he kissed her, tasting her amusement-her enjoyment-her desire-
-tasting her sudden gasp as he filled her.
She was so tight-even stretched by his fingers, she was tight enough to steal away whatever control he thought he’d mustered, and his next thrust into her was fast, hard-harder than he’d meant it to be. It felt-ah, yes, yes, yes… a shudder went down his back, and he knew his next thrust was too rough. But Scarlett made a small, sharp sound against his lips that sounded like pain-Snake-Eyes pulled his mouth away from hers.
Fuck… It took everything he had, everything he was made of, to stop-all he wanted at this moment was to feel her taking him, all of him. They weren’t there yet, and already he felt crazed with the feel of her, this woman, welcoming him into her body.
But he stopped. Looked down at her. “You okay?” he wondered if she could understand him, his voice was so thick, breathless.
“You… kidding?” she peered up at him as if he were speaking to her in Greek, and even though her voice was as breathless as his-her eyes were wild, bright. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and she dragged her other leg up and around him, locking her ankles behind his back-spreading her wider. “Snake… oh… wow… don’t stop…”
Thank God. Thank God.
Mine, his mind said, triumph and possession and pleasure. Mine, his body said, wrapped in tight, exquisitely soft, welcoming heat-it took many more thrusts to seat him all the way inside her, but the strong legs she’d wrapped around his waist tightened with every time their bodies came together, pulling him just that little bit deeper until he could go no deeper.
He’d intended to savor this. Be slow. Be gentle.
But she was wet, writhing eagerly underneath him, throwing her head back against the pillow. She felt wildly exciting, she felt good, and he just didn’t have any control left when he found his rhythm.
But Scarlett was matching it, matching him, her breasts heaving with her breath and her lips parted with panting. Her hair was spread tangled over her baby-blue sheets, like the colour of lust. God! He’d always known she was sexy-of course she was-but this…
I’m going to have you on top of me, next time, Shana, Snake-Eyes promised himself-kissing her because he couldn’t help himself.
And there would be a next time. Oh, yes.
He’d wanted to be thoughtful with her, careful-but his plans never seemed to go quite as he’d intended, with her, and Snake-Eyes found he couldn’t think, much less be careful. Her stomach brushed his, tense and smooth, every time she arched her back. Scarlett tightened around him, and sent fire down his spine-his body jerked involuntarily-yes-and he slammed into her in a deep, short stroke. Their hips met, and he rolled his against her.
She didn’t just whimper-she cried out, a high ‘Ah!’ and he knew it wasn’t pain, this time.
Oh, you like that? He propped himself on his elbows, over her, watching her face. He wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer, but for as long as he could-
Again-again-again-yes, she liked it deep, and fast, her nails were raking across his back, her heels digging into him-but those small pains seemed so insignificant, and any moment now he was going to lose it and fill her-and he couldn’t think of that, because right now, claiming her that way was everything he’d ever wanted.
Almost everything, because he wanted her right there with him when he did.
“You… close, baby?” she whispered, her lips against his ear. “Oh… I am…”
There she was with the mind-reading again. He couldn’t answer. Couldn’t think of anything but hanging on as she started tightening around him again, just a little longer, giving her just that little bit more before he gave in himself. Then she made it even harder by tracing his earlobe with the tip of her tongue and whimpering, “Yes-oh, now, Snake, now… please-“
Snake-Eyes squeezed his eyes shut-bit his cheek until he tasted blood. And when she came under him, bucking and shuddering, it was with the most incredible little high, choked sound against his cheek, and she came hard enough to drag him down with her.
He muffled his groan of relief and ecstasy against the taut, elegant line of her neck-and when he spilled into her, it was with his eyes closed. With all his training, with all his supposed discipline, he simply couldn’t keep them open.
*_*_*_*
“Snake, damn it! Yeah, of course I’m here. Doc called me.”
“Don’t shrug at me, you know why. You know it’s going to hurt when they change the bandages again. Why won’t you let the nurses just give you something in your IV?”
“…I know. I know, you can’t tell us, but… okay. Let me just go get a chair…”
“No, Snake-Eyes. Don’t give me that.”
“No. I’m not leaving you to let you deal with that alone. If you want the pain, you’re going to have to take this Georgia gal with it.”
*_*_*_*
He spent a few long, blissful, exhausted moments just breathing her in. It wasn’t that he was tired-that wasn’t why he was lying on top of her. But he had his face in her hair, her scent surrounding him like her body still did, and there literally wasn’t a single other place he’d rather be. Shana was still coming, delicious little flutters, to his delight, his amazement. Still, and every time Snake-Eyes gave a slow, experimental thrust into her again, it made her tighten, pulsing around him in small waves. Mmmm.
Her hands moved against his back, but it was just to stroke his sweaty spine with teasing, trembling fingers… then her body finally stilled, to his disappointment. She sighed against his ear, her legs sliding down from being locked around his waist. “Oh,” she said, and that was all.
They were quiet. Scarlett didn’t ask him to move-just reached up, fingers tangling with his hair; it’d gotten too long for military standards, he thought. But she seemed to like petting him, like this, their bodies sweaty and hot and joined.
“I love your perfume,” Snake-Eyes murmured, finally, inhaling. She smelled amazing-warm, a little spicy. He nuzzled her throat, happy. Comfortable.
There was a brief pause. “Snake, I’m not wearing perfume,” she replied.
“Oh.”
But there was none of the awkwardness that sometimes followed heat, either, and Scarlett’s green eyes were shining and bright, the look on her face impossibly beautiful when he raised his head, finally, propping himself up again. Their skin clung, sweaty. She looked… she looked so content, and it wasn’t just his body that ached, looking down at her.
He played with a brilliant red lock of hair-brought it to his lips. Saw her smile again.
Mine.
Snake-Eyes didn’t understand what had brought her into his life-he didn’t understand how, with all the misfortune in his life, he could be holding Shana O’Hara in his embrace, warm and soft with afterglow. But then she pushed on his chest with an insistent little nudge. His arms tightened around her. Please don’t let her want me to leave her. No. Not now.
Not ever.
But he couldn’t make her want him to stay, so he slid off her-out of her-ah-and to the bed beside her.
But she just kissed him just underneath his jaw, and settled in against his side with a little shimmy, pillowing herself against his shoulder. His arm curled over her automatically. Hopefully. “Hope you weren’t planning to go back to your billet tonight,” Scarlett murmured, draping an arm over his waist. “I’ve kind of been dreaming of you holding me like this.”
Snake-Eyes let out a long, slow, relieved exhalation. He half-smiled, and kissed her temple. He’d have put money on Shana O’Hara being a cuddler, and he’d have won that bet, but… he never knew for sure, with her. She played with a very stacked deck, and he never knew what cards she was going to be handing him.
So what did that say about him, that he just couldn’t wait to find out what she’d surprise him with next?
Snake-Eyes almost said “I love you” into that tousled red hair. Knew he should-because it was true, and it had always been true. She’d hugged him on a Manhattan ferry, a few stray curls from her ponytail had tickled his nose, and he’d been so shocked by what he felt for this woman that he hadn’t even been able to hug her back.
He knew he should tell her that he loved her-because it was the right thing to do, because she should know.
But looking into that lovely, sleepy face, the way she was watching him like he was precious… he thought, Another time. Cowardice. Yes, but… he didn’t want to be brave tonight. He didn’t want to ruin this moment, just in case… just in case… but he didn’t think of that. Tonight she was his. There’d be other days to tell Scarlett he loved her. Other chances.
And he never imagined-not really-that… no, there wouldn’t be any more chances, ever again.
*_*_*_*
Sometimes he passed out from the pain.
When he opened his eyes in his hospital room-again-and stared up at the ceiling, the lingering agony almost wiped the sweetness from his memory. Almost. Almost, because he didn’t think anything truly could. He didn’t think anything ever would.
He’d take the pain over the oblivion any day. He’d tried the sedatives-once. They probably hadn’t called her, then, pleased at his cooperation. It had been the first and the last time.
He’d found that the sedative took the good with the bad, and… he didn’t have much good left, other than his memories.
“What’re you thinking of?” a soft voice, hoarse with exhaustion, asked at his side. Long, familiar fingers snaked through his own-squeezed. He didn’t have to turn to know who it was-to know that she’d stayed, through the awful procedure, again. It was in her voice. The pulse of pain that wasn’t wounding, wasn’t burn, wasn’t anything but Fate’s cruelty, almost wrecked his chest.
Snake-Eyes turned his bandaged, ruined face from the beautiful, sensual woman holding his hand, and shook his head.
He’d never been in love before, but… no. It wasn’t simple.
~fin~
Start: June 21, 2009
End: June 22, 2009
Midazolam, otherwise known as Versed, is a sedative-hypnotic benzodiazepine. It’s often given prior to procedures that are known to be painful-something called “conscious sedation.” Part of the reason it works is that it causes a temporary amnesia, so the patient doesn’t remember the unpleasantness of the procedure.
Why, yes, this was indeed just an excuse to write a cold-shower story… though I’m not entirely sure how it turned out. As to why I even bother trying to include a plot, well… okay, my favorite editor calls scene breaks “Monnie’s cop-outs,” and she’s right. -sheepish-
Series: Stand-Alone
Fandom: G.I. Joe
Rated: NC-17
Summary: There are some memories that are painful. There are some that are priceless. There are some that are both. SE/S
Disclaimer: Holy cow, I definitely don't own them... these days, they own ME!
Notes: This is for... well, you know who you are, and you know why. -laugh-
Midazolam
The first time they made love, it was in her room-he knew he’d always remember that.
It’d been their third date. Their third official date-Snake-Eyes didn’t count their walks by the river, their trips on the ferry-the times they’d sat together in the mess hall when no-one else was there, her fingertip tracing absent patterns on the skin of his forearm. So it wasn’t really their third date, but… it felt real. This felt so real. He’d never been in love before, but… was it supposed to be this simple to fall?
He kissed Scarlett-Shana-at her door-light, brief, his lips brushing against hers in a soft stroke-then a few more, just because it felt too early to let her go, quite yet. Light, soft-nothing too intense. He’d always thought that kissing, this kind of kissing, was surprisingly easy-but with her, nothing was ever quite so straightforward. It wasn’t so easy anymore, not when he wanted nothing more than to take her to the wall with him and part her lips with his tongue, taste her, let her feel the way he kissed when he really wanted it.
Too early, Snake told himself. Don’t scare her.
But then Scarlett made a small, longing sound against him, her arms tightening around his neck when he tried to pull away-and then they were up against the wall, and his tongue was in her mouth, and Snake-Eyes wasn’t entirely sure when he’d reached down to lift her knee up to the level of his hip. But he knew he’d had to slide a hand into the side-slit of her long black dress to do it.
He should apologize, for that, Snake-Eyes thought, reluctantly, when finally they broke apart-laying a hand on her that way. Carefully, he let her leg down-but her knee slid slowly down the side of his thigh, and her arms were still wrapped over his shoulders.
Scarlett looked him in the eye, and the green of hers was just the faintest rim around heavy, dark pupils. Her lips were parted, pink. “Wow,” she whispered.
She didn’t look like she wanted him to apologize.
Which was good, because Snake-Eyes didn’t actually feel like apologizing.
In typical Scarlett fashion, though, she didn’t take him by his hand-she reached up and played with his tie, before tugging on it gently. She asked, “Do you want to come in?”
Snake-Eyes knew he shouldn’t assume that she meant anything but a drink, some company-not even after a kiss that had sent his hormones into a sharp, hot tailspin. He knew that-but… the expression on her face was just incredible-the fire in her eyes, but the oddly bashful little curve to her lips. He couldn’t find the voice to do anything other than nod.
Then on the other side of the door, Scarlett pulled off his tie with a few neat little flicks of her clever fingers and the ‘thwip’ of silk, and undid his collar with another. He blinked. Tried to swallow. Tried not to hope.
Then his girlfriend leaned over and licked that sensitive patch of skin right underneath his ear-in her heels, she was as tall as he was. She’d laughed when he’d told her he liked her height. Well, he did. He especially liked it just right this minute. Her lips wrapped softly around his earlobe, sliding across it before she released him.
Scarlett chuckled-maybe it was at the way he’d stopped breathing-and laid rest to the idea that this was ‘just drinks’ when she murmured, “If you’re actually hoping I invited you in for a nice bottle of Chianti, you’re going to be very disappointed, pal.”
“Do you read my mind?” Snake-Eyes asked, startled, even though the feel of her tongue swiping against his skin again, a teasing little dart, made his voice sound strange. “Seriously.”
She backed off a little and grinned at him-fierce, funny. “You’re not as opaque as you think you are, Snake-Eyes.”
Then she kissed him again, and there was none of that awkward moment he’d always hated-that span of time between deciding that he was going to sleep with a woman, and actually getting her into bed. Seduction wasn’t something he pretended to be good at.
If he had to guess, in his admittedly limited experience with her-he had to say that it was something Scarlett was very good at.
But Snake-Eyes ran his hands up her spine, lightly-very lightly-brushing his fingertips in a glaze over the skin bared by the back of her dress, and she sighed against his lips. “That feels so good, baby,” she whispered. “Do that again?”
He did. God, he hoped she’d tell him whenever she liked something-the sound of that husky whisper, he thought, could make him crazy.
*_*_*_*
“Hey, Snake. It’s me. They tell me you’re still out cold, but… I’m here, okay? I’m here.”
“The mission… well, you know how it went. Damn it, Snake, you… I… I… never mind. I’m not here to be mad at you, you stupid, brave man.”
“You’re going into surgery, today. I don’t know if people can be scared when they’re sedated, but… I’ll be right here when you wake up. Just… just you get better, okay?”
*_*_*_*
Stupid buttons.
They definitely hadn’t been as hard to put on as they were to take off. But maybe that had to do with the fact he could hear the rustling of clothing behind him-the sound of that soft, fluid drape of a black dress coming off her pale skin, the softer click of her letting those heels fall to the ground… there were times he cursed his hearing, his training.
He wasn’t sure if now was one of those times. Listening to her undressing behind him, the rasp of a zipper that he’d almost hoped she’d ask for help with… it was almost as erotic as watching her. She’d made him turn around with a little twirl of her finger, a teasing, “No peeking, now, buster!” And he’d protested, laughing despite himself, until the temptress he was dating trailed a finger down his stomach and added, “I’ll make it worth your while…”
Easy, Snake. Easy. Take it slow. No rushing. Don’t you dare.
But it was torture to fold his shirt and lay it on top of her small bureau before Snake-Eyes turned around, unable to resist any longer.
She was already stretched out on her bed, the bedcover rumpled by her feet.
Oh, God. Oh, sweet Lord in Heaven.
Scarlett had one knee cocked up-both arms over her head, cheek pressed to one arm so she was looking at him sideways. Her clothes were in a pile on the foot of the bed-all of them, her bra-black-dangling off a bedpost like a flag. Her sheets were crisp, baby-blue.
She was the single most desirable thing he’d ever seen in all his years, and his fingers faltered again, desire-tipped and clumsy, on the button of his dress slacks.
“See something you like, soldier?” Scarlett murmured, and there was mirth mingled with the invitation in her voice.
I’ll always remember that, too, he thought-not just the way she looked at that moment. That timbre to her voice, the way she could twine together laughter and lust into something just… intoxicating.
But “That was quick,” was the first thought that came to his mouth, and he almost bit through his tongue. Of all the idiotic things…
But Scarlett just laughed and stretched, arching off the covers-the foot of her bent leg sliding down the other-thigh, knee, calf, toes. Watching the slow glide of it… Snake-Eyes tried to remember that he needed to breathe. She had faint tan lines at her throat, her arms, her thighs. Her toenails were pink, and the soft fluff of curls at the crux of her thighs was darker than the waves of hair spread across the bedsheets. “Should I take that as a yes?”
“You’re beautiful,” he told her, simply.
“That’s better,” Scarlett grinned her saucy grin, but he saw the pleasure of the compliment on her face.
I need to compliment her more often, he reminded himself.
But then she’d raised a hand to beckon him onto the bed with her, and he found that his fingers definitely did want to get his pants undone after all.
*_*_*_*
“Snake-Eyes… hey. Hey, you’re awake. I know it must hurt like the dickens… no, don’t reach up. Here. Here, hold my hand.”
“I… there’s some news, from the surgeons. I… I guess I just thought you should hear it from me, you know? It’s… it’s not good, but…”
“…oh. You know that already, huh.”
“Just give it to you straight? Is that what you’re… okay. I guess. But…okay.”
“Your voice, it’s…yeah. It’s gone, Snake. And they’ve fixed the muscles in your face, but… the scarring. Yeah. Maybe someday, they’ll figure something out, but right now… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Please don’t turn away from me, baby. I…”
“I…Snake.”
“…okay. I guess you want to be alone. I understand that. Just…just let someone know… I mean… just press your button if you want me.”
*_*_*_*
“Cheater,” Scarlett giggled, when he climbed into the bed still wearing his briefs. “You scared I’m going to jump you, big guy?”
Snake-Eyes shrugged, and offered her a chagrined smile. “The opposite, actually,” he replied. And I want to take my time with you.
Maybe Scarlett knew that. Maybe that was why her gaze danced with amusement-maybe that was why she shoved him onto his back with a strength that startled him, even though it shouldn’t have. She laughed, “Then you don’t know me very well, Snake!”
But then, he already knew she was a firebrand on the outside, and a tease at heart, and boundaries were things that Scarlett liked to push.
Really, he was okay with that-more than okay with it. Snake-Eyes found himself smiling with pure pleasure, watching her move over him. When she straddled his waist with her knees and straightened, planting her hands on his chest, her thighs skimming his hips-she could steal anyone’s breath, he thought. While he could still think.
Oh, yes, this woman could definitely move. He hadn’t realized how sexy he’d find the strength sliding underneath her skin-the taut arches of biceps, abdomen, deltoid, just as much as the softer curves of the flare of her hips, the sleek glide of her waist, her smooth, full breasts. Her nipples were already tight, rosy, and he licked his lips and grinned.
Scarlett paused, looking down at him, her hair curling in loops and waves over her shoulders, trailing down her body like a vivid frame. “Mmm-look at that. Anyone ever tell you you’ve just got a killer smile, Snake-Eyes?”
Snake-Eyes blinked. “Um… no.” He heard his own embarrassment in his little laugh. “I can’t help it…” he reached up-slid his palms up her abdomen, filled his hands with her breasts. Her hair brushed his fingers as she tossed her head. Ah-he’d almost forgotten how soft a woman’s skin could be, too. How his touch could make her watch him, the motion of his hands, through half-closed eyes. “You’re amazing.”
“Ooooh.” She leaned into his hands, pressing her rear against the bulge in his briefs until he found himself grinding up against her, separated by one layer of cotton. Why had he thought keeping his underwear on was a good idea? He wasn’t sure he remembered. “Look who’s talking. Mmm.” She studied him. “The body on you… wow. Can’t hardly wait… oh… hey…” She stretched over him, eagerness sparkling on her face as she slid her palms up his stomach. “Don’t have to!”
Shana O’Hara wanted to touch him-her hands were down his chest, his stomach, his arms, his thighs-the marvel of that shocked him. And the fact that she liked his touch-more than wonder. Her hair was long enough to veil them in scarlet, tickling his cheeks when she braced herself on the mattress, and her lips parted on a sigh as he rolled her nipples gently between his fingertips-one, the other. No-thank God he’d kept on his underwear, because if he hadn’t, her writhing against him like that, her body on display and the fact that he could already feel her, hot, wet, would have already had him spilling onto her skin. Almost helplessly, he reached up his free hand to brush the dimple at the corner of her full mouth.
But then her eyes were open, watching him watching her, and the woman truly did have the most wicked smile he’d ever seen on a human being.
Especially when she tilted her chin and wrapped her lips around his thumb. This time, he did actually hear the sound of his own choked breath. Her tongue swept his finger, swept her lips, and she pulled his thumb from her mouth with a long, slow motion that definitely felt like she was sucking on more than just a finger. If he hadn’t already been stunned and so hard he was afraid to move, he would have gotten there at her purr: “You like my mouth, huh, Snakes?”
Then she pushed her hair out of her face and started sliding down his body.
“Shana-“ he propped himself up on an elbow to look at her, watch her-first, realization hit, then disbelief. She’s-“You don’t have to-“
But she’d already hooked her fingers into his briefs, tugging, and her lips were moving low against his stomach when she laughed. “Are you kidding? If you think I’m doing any of this because I have to, Snake, you need a psych workup!”
*_*_*_*
“Hey, Snake. Doc says they’re going to change your bandages and… and… um, debride the wounds. He says… he says it’ll hurt, that they’ll give you something for the pain, but they can give you something to put you out… no? But Snake…”
“…okay. Okay. I’ll be right-what?”
“No, don’t shake your head at me. You’re nuts if you think I’m going anywhere.”
“Easy, now. I’m here, Snake-Eyes. I’m here. Just… send your mind away, okay? Just… dream for awhile.”
*_*_*_*
He ended up tumbling her off him when it got to be too hot, too good-just too much. Her enthusiasm, her obvious enjoyment as her head bobbed, had been almost as mind-blowing as the feel of her mouth on him, his fingers in that long, messy hair.
Scarlett was laughing again when she hit the bed beside him, and almost bounced off it with the force with which he’d hauled her off him-automatically, Snake-Eyes reached out to steady her, distracting himself from how close she’d driven him to the edge.
It wasn’t much of a distraction, when her lips were slick and smiling, and the smile on her face was just unbelievably smug. Well-deservedly so. Jesus, he was never going to think about it the same way again when someone commented on how Scarlett had quite the mouth on her.
“Nice?” she asked, cheekily, stretching out beside him with that knee bent up again.
He heard himself growl-that’s a definitive affirmative, Scarlett-and sat up, resting a hand on her belly. My turn.
Maybe Scarlett was hearing him again-she nodded. Or maybe it was just his fingers sketching her abdomen, her breasts, watching her nipples tighten again when he traced them, light as a suggestion-as lightly as he’d touched her back earlier.
Snake-Eyes smiled, and let that hand outline its way down between her pale thighs.
“Ooooh… Snake-Eyes, you tease,” she whimpered.
Yes, maybe he was, a little-though he considered that fair reward for what she’d put him through. Or maybe he was just finding out what she liked, what made her breathing jitter, what changed the tenor of those little sounds in her throat. She wasn’t very vocal-he hadn’t expected that, but he definitely liked the small noises she made when he found her clit.
Snake-Eyes brushed his hand still lower-had to swallow, once, twice. She was wet-more than a little. But when he went to slide a finger deeper-he had to work it into her. Her hips rocked against his hand, helping, but… she was… just… tight. If he hadn’t already had sweat beading on his forehead, he did now.
Scarlett made a slow, breathy sigh as he eased his finger into her, and he glanced up to meet her eyes. She was watching him, her eyes half-closed again.
“Yeah… mmmh. It’s been… kind of awhile, for me,” she offered, shyly.
There she went, reading his mind again.
“Me, too,” Snake-Eyes murmured. Though he suspected she’d probably already figured that one out, too.
But she didn’t seem to mind. And when he pressed a second finger into her, she crooned his name in a high, sweet trill.
It’d been a long time, yes. But it took more than years for him to forget how to pleasure a woman-especially with Scarlett’s voice guiding him, her little “Ah, yes,” and “Right there-oh!” and the breath-caught way she said his name when he stroked just right. He held her down with his other hand on her belly when she squirmed, and… she seemed to be partial to that, too. Finally, he found her a rhythm she seemed to like-fingers deep, his palm molded around her, rocking. And when he leaned down and feathered across her nipple with his lips, then gave one a firm, hard tug between his teeth, her breath hitched like a sob, her body a long arc off the bed.
“Mmmmh… yes… wait, don’t… ah.” But her hands were firm on his arm. “Ah… stop, Snake, stop,” she whimpered.
“What?” he asked, startled-raising his lips from the salt smoothness of her skin, stilling his hand instantly. She’d certainly seemed to be enjoying it enough, but… “Did I…”
But Scarlett’s smile back down at him was gorgeous, brilliant. “No, silly, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just… you know.” She licked her lips, looking up at him. “Not like this. C’mere, you.”
And the woman he loved held out her arms for him. There was no ambiguity in her smile, in what she meant-he’d never met anyone else who could purr an invitation with just the look in her eyes, he thought.
Snake-Eyes slid his fingers from her-but then hesitated, glanced over his shoulder at his discarded pants. It wasn’t that he’d thought anything was going to happen between them, but… just in case. He should have thought to put the condom on the nightstand, but with her lying on her bed like an invitation to Heaven, he hadn’t been doing much thinking…
She followed his gaze, her brow furrowed with confusion-before her eyes brightened again, and she turned his face back to hers with a finger on his jaw. “Oh-it’s okay, Snake-Eyes,” she murmured, up at him. To his surprise, Scarlett’s expression was a little shy, and she was nibbling on her lower lip again. “No need.”
Snake-Eyes blinked. “Are you sure?” he asked, automatically.
Then he cursed himself. She wouldn’t have said it if she wasn’t sure, but… but he knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t that foil-wrapped packet in his wallet.
Scarlett grinned, ran her finger in a quick swipe down his cheek. “Very sure, you leave that to ol’ Scarlett. And…”
But then she glanced away.
“And?” he prompted, softly, lifting himself up on an elbow.
Her eyes-ah, those eyes. She ran a shaky finger down his chest, followed the path of it with her gaze. “I wouldn’t want anything between us anyway. Not… tonight. Um. Is that… too much?”
Scarlett actually looked a little shy, a little scared-a temptress wrapped in timidity. But… Oh. She really… really did want… and Snake-Eyes had to close his eyes and call on memories of hours sitting in lotus underneath winter-runoff waterfalls. It was the first time he’d considered himself fortunate to have such memories.
“Shana, you’re going to kill me,” he informed her, hoarse. He meant it-of course he meant it, he wasn’t sure how much of her his heart could take-but part of the reason he said it was to get that smile out of her again.
Her tongue flicked over her lips, and the tip of it was between her teeth when she gave him just what he’d been looking for. “That’s in a good way, right?”
This time, Snake-Eyes smiled back, slid over her-saw the breath catch in her throat, saw her eyes widen at his speed as he settled over her body, between her legs-and replied, “You tell me.”
“Well, I like this a whole lot, so it’s gotta be good, right?” she replied, and the faintest hint of a smile was still caught in the corners of her eyes. But the smile was shadowed by the way she licked her lips, as if in invitation, and slid her leg up along his side-opening herself for him.
Scarlett was his; tonight, at least, he was making her his-he understood that. When he rocked against her, sliding himself in long strokes through folds already wet and ready, her breathing came in jerks to match his-yes, she was his. When he reached down, positioning himself at her, and heard her whimper in anticipation-yes, she was his, and the sudden rush of exultation and triumph surprised him enough that he paused, body trembling.
”Ah-hey-you really are a tease!” Shana accused, again, laughing, her hips pressing up against his in protest-but on the heels of her laughter, he kissed her, tasting her amusement-her enjoyment-her desire-
-tasting her sudden gasp as he filled her.
She was so tight-even stretched by his fingers, she was tight enough to steal away whatever control he thought he’d mustered, and his next thrust into her was fast, hard-harder than he’d meant it to be. It felt-ah, yes, yes, yes… a shudder went down his back, and he knew his next thrust was too rough. But Scarlett made a small, sharp sound against his lips that sounded like pain-Snake-Eyes pulled his mouth away from hers.
Fuck… It took everything he had, everything he was made of, to stop-all he wanted at this moment was to feel her taking him, all of him. They weren’t there yet, and already he felt crazed with the feel of her, this woman, welcoming him into her body.
But he stopped. Looked down at her. “You okay?” he wondered if she could understand him, his voice was so thick, breathless.
“You… kidding?” she peered up at him as if he were speaking to her in Greek, and even though her voice was as breathless as his-her eyes were wild, bright. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and she dragged her other leg up and around him, locking her ankles behind his back-spreading her wider. “Snake… oh… wow… don’t stop…”
Thank God. Thank God.
Mine, his mind said, triumph and possession and pleasure. Mine, his body said, wrapped in tight, exquisitely soft, welcoming heat-it took many more thrusts to seat him all the way inside her, but the strong legs she’d wrapped around his waist tightened with every time their bodies came together, pulling him just that little bit deeper until he could go no deeper.
He’d intended to savor this. Be slow. Be gentle.
But she was wet, writhing eagerly underneath him, throwing her head back against the pillow. She felt wildly exciting, she felt good, and he just didn’t have any control left when he found his rhythm.
But Scarlett was matching it, matching him, her breasts heaving with her breath and her lips parted with panting. Her hair was spread tangled over her baby-blue sheets, like the colour of lust. God! He’d always known she was sexy-of course she was-but this…
I’m going to have you on top of me, next time, Shana, Snake-Eyes promised himself-kissing her because he couldn’t help himself.
And there would be a next time. Oh, yes.
He’d wanted to be thoughtful with her, careful-but his plans never seemed to go quite as he’d intended, with her, and Snake-Eyes found he couldn’t think, much less be careful. Her stomach brushed his, tense and smooth, every time she arched her back. Scarlett tightened around him, and sent fire down his spine-his body jerked involuntarily-yes-and he slammed into her in a deep, short stroke. Their hips met, and he rolled his against her.
She didn’t just whimper-she cried out, a high ‘Ah!’ and he knew it wasn’t pain, this time.
Oh, you like that? He propped himself on his elbows, over her, watching her face. He wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer, but for as long as he could-
Again-again-again-yes, she liked it deep, and fast, her nails were raking across his back, her heels digging into him-but those small pains seemed so insignificant, and any moment now he was going to lose it and fill her-and he couldn’t think of that, because right now, claiming her that way was everything he’d ever wanted.
Almost everything, because he wanted her right there with him when he did.
“You… close, baby?” she whispered, her lips against his ear. “Oh… I am…”
There she was with the mind-reading again. He couldn’t answer. Couldn’t think of anything but hanging on as she started tightening around him again, just a little longer, giving her just that little bit more before he gave in himself. Then she made it even harder by tracing his earlobe with the tip of her tongue and whimpering, “Yes-oh, now, Snake, now… please-“
Snake-Eyes squeezed his eyes shut-bit his cheek until he tasted blood. And when she came under him, bucking and shuddering, it was with the most incredible little high, choked sound against his cheek, and she came hard enough to drag him down with her.
He muffled his groan of relief and ecstasy against the taut, elegant line of her neck-and when he spilled into her, it was with his eyes closed. With all his training, with all his supposed discipline, he simply couldn’t keep them open.
*_*_*_*
“Snake, damn it! Yeah, of course I’m here. Doc called me.”
“Don’t shrug at me, you know why. You know it’s going to hurt when they change the bandages again. Why won’t you let the nurses just give you something in your IV?”
“…I know. I know, you can’t tell us, but… okay. Let me just go get a chair…”
“No, Snake-Eyes. Don’t give me that.”
“No. I’m not leaving you to let you deal with that alone. If you want the pain, you’re going to have to take this Georgia gal with it.”
*_*_*_*
He spent a few long, blissful, exhausted moments just breathing her in. It wasn’t that he was tired-that wasn’t why he was lying on top of her. But he had his face in her hair, her scent surrounding him like her body still did, and there literally wasn’t a single other place he’d rather be. Shana was still coming, delicious little flutters, to his delight, his amazement. Still, and every time Snake-Eyes gave a slow, experimental thrust into her again, it made her tighten, pulsing around him in small waves. Mmmm.
Her hands moved against his back, but it was just to stroke his sweaty spine with teasing, trembling fingers… then her body finally stilled, to his disappointment. She sighed against his ear, her legs sliding down from being locked around his waist. “Oh,” she said, and that was all.
They were quiet. Scarlett didn’t ask him to move-just reached up, fingers tangling with his hair; it’d gotten too long for military standards, he thought. But she seemed to like petting him, like this, their bodies sweaty and hot and joined.
“I love your perfume,” Snake-Eyes murmured, finally, inhaling. She smelled amazing-warm, a little spicy. He nuzzled her throat, happy. Comfortable.
There was a brief pause. “Snake, I’m not wearing perfume,” she replied.
“Oh.”
But there was none of the awkwardness that sometimes followed heat, either, and Scarlett’s green eyes were shining and bright, the look on her face impossibly beautiful when he raised his head, finally, propping himself up again. Their skin clung, sweaty. She looked… she looked so content, and it wasn’t just his body that ached, looking down at her.
He played with a brilliant red lock of hair-brought it to his lips. Saw her smile again.
Mine.
Snake-Eyes didn’t understand what had brought her into his life-he didn’t understand how, with all the misfortune in his life, he could be holding Shana O’Hara in his embrace, warm and soft with afterglow. But then she pushed on his chest with an insistent little nudge. His arms tightened around her. Please don’t let her want me to leave her. No. Not now.
Not ever.
But he couldn’t make her want him to stay, so he slid off her-out of her-ah-and to the bed beside her.
But she just kissed him just underneath his jaw, and settled in against his side with a little shimmy, pillowing herself against his shoulder. His arm curled over her automatically. Hopefully. “Hope you weren’t planning to go back to your billet tonight,” Scarlett murmured, draping an arm over his waist. “I’ve kind of been dreaming of you holding me like this.”
Snake-Eyes let out a long, slow, relieved exhalation. He half-smiled, and kissed her temple. He’d have put money on Shana O’Hara being a cuddler, and he’d have won that bet, but… he never knew for sure, with her. She played with a very stacked deck, and he never knew what cards she was going to be handing him.
So what did that say about him, that he just couldn’t wait to find out what she’d surprise him with next?
Snake-Eyes almost said “I love you” into that tousled red hair. Knew he should-because it was true, and it had always been true. She’d hugged him on a Manhattan ferry, a few stray curls from her ponytail had tickled his nose, and he’d been so shocked by what he felt for this woman that he hadn’t even been able to hug her back.
He knew he should tell her that he loved her-because it was the right thing to do, because she should know.
But looking into that lovely, sleepy face, the way she was watching him like he was precious… he thought, Another time. Cowardice. Yes, but… he didn’t want to be brave tonight. He didn’t want to ruin this moment, just in case… just in case… but he didn’t think of that. Tonight she was his. There’d be other days to tell Scarlett he loved her. Other chances.
And he never imagined-not really-that… no, there wouldn’t be any more chances, ever again.
*_*_*_*
Sometimes he passed out from the pain.
When he opened his eyes in his hospital room-again-and stared up at the ceiling, the lingering agony almost wiped the sweetness from his memory. Almost. Almost, because he didn’t think anything truly could. He didn’t think anything ever would.
He’d take the pain over the oblivion any day. He’d tried the sedatives-once. They probably hadn’t called her, then, pleased at his cooperation. It had been the first and the last time.
He’d found that the sedative took the good with the bad, and… he didn’t have much good left, other than his memories.
“What’re you thinking of?” a soft voice, hoarse with exhaustion, asked at his side. Long, familiar fingers snaked through his own-squeezed. He didn’t have to turn to know who it was-to know that she’d stayed, through the awful procedure, again. It was in her voice. The pulse of pain that wasn’t wounding, wasn’t burn, wasn’t anything but Fate’s cruelty, almost wrecked his chest.
Snake-Eyes turned his bandaged, ruined face from the beautiful, sensual woman holding his hand, and shook his head.
He’d never been in love before, but… no. It wasn’t simple.
~fin~
Start: June 21, 2009
End: June 22, 2009
Midazolam, otherwise known as Versed, is a sedative-hypnotic benzodiazepine. It’s often given prior to procedures that are known to be painful-something called “conscious sedation.” Part of the reason it works is that it causes a temporary amnesia, so the patient doesn’t remember the unpleasantness of the procedure.
Why, yes, this was indeed just an excuse to write a cold-shower story… though I’m not entirely sure how it turned out. As to why I even bother trying to include a plot, well… okay, my favorite editor calls scene breaks “Monnie’s cop-outs,” and she’s right. -sheepish-