oczy sierot

[sionek]

oczy sierot -
na twarzach uśmiech
starego człowieka
* * *
глаза сирот -
на лицах улыбка
старого человека

Comments

[evgenyivanov]

I see, at you the whole series of verses about orphans. Beautifully, but it is very sad.

[sionek]

There is only a few - Shiki said to write 30-40 ;-)
I like special kind of rythm in haiku. I do not like haiku where the first or the last verse contain only one word. "глаза сирот" is a haiku with this kind of rythm which is in the previous English versions.
Yes, it is sad. Haiku & senryu should give deep feelings.