He's Just Not That Into You.
Sometimes you just break down.
I've been waiting for something to push me over the edge and finally it happened and I cried and cried but I'm getting better. This story starts way before tonight, though.
A million and five years ago, Jonas Blake left me a comment on some post (I can't find it now,) in which I was whinging about Chris Coit, suggesting that I read He's Just Not That Into You. At the time I was highly offended and da da da. Whatever. Recently I saw the trailer for the film and figured I'd go see it.
So, I did.
Oh, God. I cried the whole movie. I bawled when we left the theatre. I called people and just cried and nothing makes sense. It's a really good film but it's too real. Like, really? I could see myself in ALL of the characters. It was just too much. It hurt like it was happening to me but that's not why I cried.
I cried not because I'm into some guy and He's Just Not That Into Me but rather, I am NOT into a guy and I am sad because I miss having him as my friend. I'm sure if you asked him, he'd be like, "What? Yeah, we're totally still friends." but I just feel like we're not. We fucked up. I didn't regret it until tonight because I just miss having guy friends. The real bitch of the situation is that the person I would normally go to with this problem is the problem. I just don't know what to do.
I googled the book and got excerpts and blah blah and it's just awful. I mean, it's really true and like a lot of really true things, it hurts. It's just making things worse because reading it makes me think I fancy my friend even when I know I don't. The whole format of the book is ladies asking questions and making excuses for lame guys (and it turns out, all guys are lame) and it made me realize that I'm making excuses, too:
"He's not talking to me because he's afraid things will be awkward."
"...because he thinks I fancy him."
"...because he thinks I want it to mean something."
ETC ETC ETC
But if this friendship meant half as much to him as it does to me, it really wouldn't matter what happened because we're friends. I'm afraid things will be awkward! I'm fucking terrified but I know we just need to suck it up and go back to normal. I so want to be back to normal. I didn't fancy him 3 weeks ago and I don't fancy him now. It didn't mean anything to me and it still doesn't. Now I'm crying again.
The point is: I just miss my friend and not talking about it is making me neurotic.
The Blake Brothers make me insane.
Excerpt!
The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse
Dear Greg,
I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?
Jodi
Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster - but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "(expletive) buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.
I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves - we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of - and I say this with a lot of love - is how not attracted to you he is.
My problem is precisely the opposite of this.
Bigger excerpt!
I've been waiting for something to push me over the edge and finally it happened and I cried and cried but I'm getting better. This story starts way before tonight, though.
A million and five years ago, Jonas Blake left me a comment on some post (I can't find it now,) in which I was whinging about Chris Coit, suggesting that I read He's Just Not That Into You. At the time I was highly offended and da da da. Whatever. Recently I saw the trailer for the film and figured I'd go see it.
So, I did.
Oh, God. I cried the whole movie. I bawled when we left the theatre. I called people and just cried and nothing makes sense. It's a really good film but it's too real. Like, really? I could see myself in ALL of the characters. It was just too much. It hurt like it was happening to me but that's not why I cried.
I cried not because I'm into some guy and He's Just Not That Into Me but rather, I am NOT into a guy and I am sad because I miss having him as my friend. I'm sure if you asked him, he'd be like, "What? Yeah, we're totally still friends." but I just feel like we're not. We fucked up. I didn't regret it until tonight because I just miss having guy friends. The real bitch of the situation is that the person I would normally go to with this problem is the problem. I just don't know what to do.
I googled the book and got excerpts and blah blah and it's just awful. I mean, it's really true and like a lot of really true things, it hurts. It's just making things worse because reading it makes me think I fancy my friend even when I know I don't. The whole format of the book is ladies asking questions and making excuses for lame guys (and it turns out, all guys are lame) and it made me realize that I'm making excuses, too:
"He's not talking to me because he's afraid things will be awkward."
"...because he thinks I fancy him."
"...because he thinks I want it to mean something."
ETC ETC ETC
But if this friendship meant half as much to him as it does to me, it really wouldn't matter what happened because we're friends. I'm afraid things will be awkward! I'm fucking terrified but I know we just need to suck it up and go back to normal. I so want to be back to normal. I didn't fancy him 3 weeks ago and I don't fancy him now. It didn't mean anything to me and it still doesn't. Now I'm crying again.
The point is: I just miss my friend and not talking about it is making me neurotic.
The Blake Brothers make me insane.
Excerpt!
The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse
Dear Greg,
I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?
Jodi
Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster - but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "(expletive) buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.
I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves - we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of - and I say this with a lot of love - is how not attracted to you he is.
My problem is precisely the opposite of this.
Bigger excerpt!