ProCessIng!
Goodness.
Lot's of spinny stuff in my head. Time to try and sort it out a bit.
The storage unit is now cleaned out and waiting for sorting, pricing, etc. in preparation for our yard sale. W00T!
I had a bit of a shock last night when my beloved phoned. It was difficult, but we got through it.
Ferret's been enjoying his vacation, even more so now that he is at Paradise Unbound. He'd wanted to volunteer and had emailed his request quite a while ago about it, but there was no response. We went out to the long house on 8/26 for the family meeting and luckily the guest speakers were the PU staff so he was able to speak to them and get it sorted out. He arrived yesterday and one of his duties will be relieving Owl on campfire tending and then doing whatever else needs to be done for them out there. He'll be back Thursday. He'd planned this quite sometime ago, before we had been dating. He'd wanted me to go with him, but it's not a good time for me to leave work being a payroll week and with new staff starting.
In the haste of him getting out there and me being very supportive of that, my love and I unfortunately did not touch on the subject of him having a possibility of playing while at this event. Much to his credit, he did call me last night round 8pm to discuss that very subject, and to say that he wished that I could be there. The conversation started when he mentioned that he just got out of the hot tub, and that someone [mutual acquaintance] was being flirty with him. This was someone we'd talked about before, and who he knew was interested in him. From the tone of the conversations he and I had.... there was no indication that this interest was returned. Well, this has changed apparently, and he would be OK with checking out the possibility of having her as a play partner. He's at a sex positive event and of course I want him to have a good time for gosh sakes! Right?
I asked him what he wanted to do, and he explained, putting his cards on the table so to speak. More processing followed.
The conversation continued and there were more questions, some negotiating... my love was apologetic for dropping a bit of a bomb from a distance, and after the event started. I assured him that I was very glad that he called to tell me this before doing anything, and to please not be afraid to come to me with such topics.
I also take part of the responsibility for not bringing it up either. I wasn't even thinking about what might happen after he got there, we were just wanting him to get there.
During the phone call as we were processing all this, I had a whole bunch of emotions like insecurity, frustration, anger, self consciousness [read: feeling REALLY stupid] at not having figured out he was attracted to this person, and last but not least feeling a bit territorial. In past conversations with the "attraction", I've been annoyed because I don't quite understand the attraction's communication style. Also, watching how they interact with others has made me shudder a bit. This person has been a bit of a smart ass, bordering on disrespectful. I realize that my love is naturally dominant, will not take any BS or drama, and can full well take care of himself if the situation starts to go awry.
AND - I also realize, intellectually speaking.... that I don't need to measure my love's attractions, possible loves, or play partners with my behavioral yardstick.
This is so easier said than done!
Emotionally [not logically] speaking...you see - it's like this.
I don't want my partner sleeping with insane! I know it's my version of insane, but isn't that shit contagious? Does he need a haz-mat suit or a clearing ceremony after they spend time with each other? Yes, it would seem that this person's energy and mine or not mixing and I want to keep a respectable distance from exposure. At least at this time.
I will not attempt to control or intentionally or unintentionally sabotage this possibility because I don't understand or am fearful of it.
My knee jerk reaction though....is "eeeew", and NO, no, no! Please? Don't go there. kthxbye.
All right, now that we've got that out of the way....
So, we got to a place where we were both satisfied, and agreed on the level of sexual interaction he would have during paradise. For good measure we reviewed our safe sex rules with other partners, and he promised that he'd come back to me just the same as he'd left.I look forward to seeing him, and hope he has a wonderful time. A friend just called and asked me how I was doing around this stuff. I had spoke with her a bit last night about it, and she was very helpful. Love you girlie. Well, I figured out that right now - I'm angry. How come I didn't know about Chris' thought process around this issue? Was it the fact that he and I were so busy doing "us" stuff that the opportunity to discuss didn't come up? His logic for dealing with this person makes sense for God's sake! He'd elaborated on some details last night, and I would have agreed that it was a good course of action for dealing with this person. I am most cheesed because I was in on the thought process after the fact. Was an oversight I'm sure, and not intentional. But still. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It's OK. I'll allow the anger to happen, I'll move through it, and be better able to have a decent conversation about it when he gets back. Lack of communication is a big trip wire for me. I know Chris is not my past, he's a totally different wonderful person. I do know that I want this relationship to have communication about what's happening in the moment whenever possible. That's why the concern.
Lot's of spinny stuff in my head. Time to try and sort it out a bit.
The storage unit is now cleaned out and waiting for sorting, pricing, etc. in preparation for our yard sale. W00T!
I had a bit of a shock last night when my beloved phoned. It was difficult, but we got through it.
Ferret's been enjoying his vacation, even more so now that he is at Paradise Unbound. He'd wanted to volunteer and had emailed his request quite a while ago about it, but there was no response. We went out to the long house on 8/26 for the family meeting and luckily the guest speakers were the PU staff so he was able to speak to them and get it sorted out. He arrived yesterday and one of his duties will be relieving Owl on campfire tending and then doing whatever else needs to be done for them out there. He'll be back Thursday. He'd planned this quite sometime ago, before we had been dating. He'd wanted me to go with him, but it's not a good time for me to leave work being a payroll week and with new staff starting.
In the haste of him getting out there and me being very supportive of that, my love and I unfortunately did not touch on the subject of him having a possibility of playing while at this event. Much to his credit, he did call me last night round 8pm to discuss that very subject, and to say that he wished that I could be there. The conversation started when he mentioned that he just got out of the hot tub, and that someone [mutual acquaintance] was being flirty with him. This was someone we'd talked about before, and who he knew was interested in him. From the tone of the conversations he and I had.... there was no indication that this interest was returned. Well, this has changed apparently, and he would be OK with checking out the possibility of having her as a play partner. He's at a sex positive event and of course I want him to have a good time for gosh sakes! Right?
I asked him what he wanted to do, and he explained, putting his cards on the table so to speak. More processing followed.
The conversation continued and there were more questions, some negotiating... my love was apologetic for dropping a bit of a bomb from a distance, and after the event started. I assured him that I was very glad that he called to tell me this before doing anything, and to please not be afraid to come to me with such topics.
I also take part of the responsibility for not bringing it up either. I wasn't even thinking about what might happen after he got there, we were just wanting him to get there.
During the phone call as we were processing all this, I had a whole bunch of emotions like insecurity, frustration, anger, self consciousness [read: feeling REALLY stupid] at not having figured out he was attracted to this person, and last but not least feeling a bit territorial. In past conversations with the "attraction", I've been annoyed because I don't quite understand the attraction's communication style. Also, watching how they interact with others has made me shudder a bit. This person has been a bit of a smart ass, bordering on disrespectful. I realize that my love is naturally dominant, will not take any BS or drama, and can full well take care of himself if the situation starts to go awry.
AND - I also realize, intellectually speaking.... that I don't need to measure my love's attractions, possible loves, or play partners with my behavioral yardstick.
This is so easier said than done!
Emotionally [not logically] speaking...you see - it's like this.
I don't want my partner sleeping with insane! I know it's my version of insane, but isn't that shit contagious? Does he need a haz-mat suit or a clearing ceremony after they spend time with each other? Yes, it would seem that this person's energy and mine or not mixing and I want to keep a respectable distance from exposure. At least at this time.
I will not attempt to control or intentionally or unintentionally sabotage this possibility because I don't understand or am fearful of it.
My knee jerk reaction though....is "eeeew", and NO, no, no! Please? Don't go there. kthxbye.
All right, now that we've got that out of the way....
So, we got to a place where we were both satisfied, and agreed on the level of sexual interaction he would have during paradise. For good measure we reviewed our safe sex rules with other partners, and he promised that he'd come back to me just the same as he'd left.I look forward to seeing him, and hope he has a wonderful time. A friend just called and asked me how I was doing around this stuff. I had spoke with her a bit last night about it, and she was very helpful. Love you girlie. Well, I figured out that right now - I'm angry. How come I didn't know about Chris' thought process around this issue? Was it the fact that he and I were so busy doing "us" stuff that the opportunity to discuss didn't come up? His logic for dealing with this person makes sense for God's sake! He'd elaborated on some details last night, and I would have agreed that it was a good course of action for dealing with this person. I am most cheesed because I was in on the thought process after the fact. Was an oversight I'm sure, and not intentional. But still. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It's OK. I'll allow the anger to happen, I'll move through it, and be better able to have a decent conversation about it when he gets back. Lack of communication is a big trip wire for me. I know Chris is not my past, he's a totally different wonderful person. I do know that I want this relationship to have communication about what's happening in the moment whenever possible. That's why the concern.