[Maya leans into the camera, holding up....]
Ha...! Juicier than the tenderest steak, on buns hotter and toastier than toast itself... That is a burger.
[She pauses to dramatically take a bite of said burger and munch on it]
Look at this burger in my hand. Then look at your hand. Then look at my burger. [She pauses - because she forgot where she was going with that]
A-Anyway, the point is! It has come to my attention that there are people here who have not experienced the deliciousness that is a burger! This is heaven between two toasted sesame buns, enlightenment in a delicious meat patty, and... some other metaphor about how delicious it is!
One bite of this and you'll feel all your doubts and unhappiness slipping away! Look at the melted cheese on the patty, the lettuce and tomatoes strategically placed for maximum taste efficiency! This is the greatest creation known to man!
And there's no way I couldn't keep this greatness to myself! You!
[SHE POINTS INTO THE CAMERA. AT YOU]
You! All of you! You've all gotta try this! There's a special going on at my favorite burger joint and I will not rest until I have shared this deliciousness with Siren's Port!
So you! All of you! Take a bite of this and your life will be instantly bettered! You'll feel all your troubles disappear! You'll taste pure bliss and let it dancingly descend into your stomach! Believe it! Believe it and eat it!
[And then she takes another bite before switching off the feed. THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WITH MAYA FEY]