FIC: All's Well (A Farce in Eight Easy Pieces)
Title: All’s Well (A Farce in Eight Easy Pieces)
Author: Lee West (westwardlee)
Rating: R
Warnings: Het and slash; too many pairings.
Challenge: Sirius shows up for his own memorial.
Author's Notes: Tons of thanks to minnow_53 for a very thorough beta job and to xellas for reading and understanding.
The full text of W. H. Auden’s Funeral Blues can be found here
1. Prologue
The year was 2000 and the Wizarding world was finally at peace. It had taken a long time; the war had been a bloody one and lasted for three years after Dumbledore’s death.
After long deliberations, Hogwarts had opened again in September 1997, with Minerva McGonagall as Headmistress, the Potions professor Slughorn as head of Slytherin and a surprise: Remus Lupin was reinstated as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor and Head of Gryffindor.
It took a lot of negotiation and shouting matches between McGonagall and Scrimgeour, but the decree banning werewolves from holding paying jobs had finally been repealed. If it hadn’t been for Scrimgeour’s long-standing desire to make friends with Harry Potter, this might never have happened; when The Chosen One joined the Headmistress in lauding Remus’s capabilities, Scrimgeour faltered. The clinching argument was that having a werewolf as a professor would certainly send a positive message to other werewolves, who had joined Voldemort’s side because they had been shunned by society.
Slughorn had promptly agreed to prepare the Wolfsbane potion for Remus. Any parents who might have been wary of having a dark creature teaching their children were immediately assured that Professor Lupin was a citizen of excellent standing and the best teacher for the subject.
The parents relented. Hogwarts was still the safest place to leave their children. Even the best wizard and witch could do very little against an attack on their children at home; at school, however, there were several excellent trained professionals to protect their offspring.
In the end, Remus’s position as DADA professor turned out to be instrumental in the Light Side’s victory against Voldemort. Remus helped Harry master Occlumency and worked with him to locate and destroy Horcruxes. Being a werewolf proved immensely valuable, too, as the magic protecting the Horcruxes had no effect on his body. He emerged from the ordeals quite unscathed.
Wizarding society as a whole was delivered a hard blow. Lives were lost, wizards and witches were maimed, and many were Crucio’ed into oblivion.
The Weasleys had to bury Charlie and Percy. The Dementors, working for Voldemort, turned Sturgis Podmore into a soulless shell. The Aurors suffered such immense casualties that the three-year training program had to be cut to one.
Hogwarts lost many students and teachers. Slughorn and Sinistra died side by side rescuing Draco, who had been about to be Kissed by a Dementor; this was probably Slughorn’s sole act of courage. Draco had changed sides after Dumbledore’s death and had been a valuable asset in finding the Horcruxes.
The Giants themselves had killed Hagrid, Grawp and Madame Maxine, before being slain by the sharp arrows of the centaurs.
Towards the end of the war, the bloodbath was so huge that funerals became rushed affairs. Families and friends hoped that, after the war, they would be able to hold proper memorials for their loved ones.
And these memorials took place for several months after the war ended. The dead were many and the memories were equally large in number.
After the last service had been performed, Harry Potter requested one more, for a hero fallen in 1996.
***
2. Remus
Remus woke up on the day of Sirius’s memorial and quickly left the bed, before Tonks stirred and tried to have morning sex.
They’d been married for two years and were still childless. This was a thorn in Tonks’s side. She was desperately trying to have a baby and was very envious of Fleur Weasley, who was already expecting her third. Tonks had tried every Charm, every Potion, to no avail. Her biological clock seemed to be ticking more loudly every day: she had decided that this year she would be a mother, which meant that the Lupins had to have sex whenever she was fertile, to Remus’s dismay.
Remus felt very sorry for his wife. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t consider having a child at all, but he wanted to do it for her. He often thought that their childlessness might be his fault. He was a rational, intelligent man, but sometimes he had to wonder if his lack of desire for his wife had somehow lowered his sperm count.
Or maybe it was the fact that whenever he had sex with her he was mentally making love to Sirius.
Sighing deeply, he took a shower, thinking for the thousandth time that marrying Tonks was the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his life. He silently cursed Molly and McGonagall, the two busybodies he held responsible for his misery.
He’d thought many times about coming out to Tonks, but he couldn’t do it. She was a good, funny person, who genuinely loved him. He also loved her dearly; he just wasn’t in love with her. He might have managed to come out to Tonks in the infirmary on the day that Dumbledore was killed, but his old hang-ups had persisted. He was already too old, too poor, too dangerous: he couldn’t force himself to say that he was also too gay. He wasn’t about to admit that he and Sirius had lived together from the day they left Hogwarts to the few months preceding that awful Halloween night in 1981, though they always described themselves as roommates.
He was also prevented from saying the words when he remembered something he and Sirius had talked about during the Christmas of 1980. They had had dinner together, and Sirius had turned on the wireless. Celestina Warbeck was singing her trademark song, Come Stir My Cauldron, and Sirius had mock-serenaded Remus with it. They both laughed and Remus had never felt so happy in his life.
The song was then cut short by a news bulletin announcing that there had been an attack in a village and several people were dead, including an Auror friend of Sirius’s. The mood became gloomy. Sirius thought about the Auror’s wife, a nice witch who always baked him cakes. “Poor woman,” he said, “she won’t have much of a Christmas this year. Or next.,” he said as he hugged Remus tightly.
Sirius was also an Auror, and constantly at risk. The same thing could happen to him. He wouldn’t want his Remus to be alone, suffering, if anything happened to him. He had a thought, then. “If I get killed, Remus, I want you to find someone else.”
Remus was appalled at the idea. “Sirius, I’d never want another man.”
“A woman, then.”
That comment stunned Remus, who’d never dated a woman in his life and had absolutely no intention of doing so. But Sirius explained, “I’d be jealous of a man, but not of a woman.”
Remus tried to lighten up the mood, saying playfully, “Well, if you’re dead, how will you be jealous?”
Sirius laughed. “Remus, I’ll be watching you from the other side, you know?” He kissed his lover and continued, “And I’ll be waiting for you there.”
And so, in 1997, instead of coming out to Tonks when he had a chance, Remus finally followed Sirius’s advice.
Remus was never quite sure why Tonks had pursued him. He knew that she’d had an affair with her boss, Kingsley Shacklebolt, during the first year Grimmauld Place served as Order Headquarters. It was a hush-hush relationship, probably because boss/subordinate affairs were frowned upon.
They’d actually been quite discreet. Nobody seemed to know; Remus had only found out about it when he went down for a glass of water one night and walked in on them kissing in the kitchen. He’d stuttered “sorry” a few times and quickly closed the door.
He mentioned it to Sirius when he returned to the bedroom they shared in secret. Sirius laughed and said it proved that Tonks was a real Black. When a puzzled Remus asked why, Sirius casually replied that Blacks had good taste, and Kingsley seemed to have buns of steel.
Remus didn’t like the comment and started a row, accusing Sirius of ogling Kingsley’s arse. Sirius appeased him with hot kisses and the assurance that, of all the Blacks, he had the best taste.
The next morning, Kingsley quietly asked Remus to keep what he’d seen to himself. Remus agreed; it was none of his business anyway, and he didn’t want to create any problems for two Order members. Then he remembered that Sirius had a big mouth, so he decided to ask his lover to keep quiet, too. Sirius demanded kisses and promises of hot sex in exchange for his silence. Remus happily let himself be blackmailed.
After Remus and Tonks got married, he learned that her affair with Kingsley had started right after school, when she began her training. She didn’t want to tell him why they’d broken up, only that it happened in the early summer of 1996. He remembered that she seemed very withdrawn at that time. Her hair, normally an interesting, vibrant pink, had turned mousy brown.
Of course, 1996 was a bad year for Remus, too. He spent Christmas in perfect misery, at the Burrow, listening to the Celestina Warbeck song that, pathetic as it was, reminded him so much of Sirius and the last Christmas before Azkaban. The mood at the Burrow had been very strange, with Molly and Fleur at odds with each other. He also felt uncomfortable when Molly started making cryptic remarks about Tonks. Apparently Molly had invited her for Christmas and she’d declined, or something like that. Remus had assumed that Tonks would be spending Christmas with Ted and Andromeda.
What was even stranger was that Molly somehow looked at him as if he was responsible for Tonks not being present at Christmas and for Bill marrying Fleur instead of Tonks. That was incredibly odd, since Bill and Tonks didn’t seem to like each other like that at all.
He shrugged it all off. Molly had been under a lot of pressure. But he made a point of checking on Tonks, just to make sure that she was all right.
One day he met her by chance in Diagon Alley; her hair was still mousy brown and she was looking very sad. They sat down for a cup of tea and she started talking about herself, and relationships, and things that were not important to him at all. But he’d been told that he was a very good listener, and Tonks was definitely in need of a friendly ear. He would have loved to spill his heart to someone, too, but he still couldn’t admit out loud that he was gay.
They talked for a long time, then they went together to the Order Headquarters, Remus because he had nowhere else to go and Tonks because she was technically on call that night.
Remus hated being back at Grimmauld Place with a passion. It reminded him of everything he had regained and lost again.
Tonks was equally upset about being there; her mood had deteriorated even more. Remus wondered if it had anything to do with her being at the house of her deceased cousin and felt very touched by the thought.
They sat at the kitchen table to continue their conversation. He was glad of the company and they opened a bottle of wine, then another and another. At the end of the fourth bottle, they were kissing. Another bottle and they went upstairs, to the old master bedroom.
Remus woke up the next day with the worst hangover of his life, next to Tonks, who was sleeping quietly, her hair having changed from mousy brown to faintly pink.
He sat bolt upright, horrified by what he had done. Not that he could remember much of it. He recalled, however, being slightly confused when she was lying naked underneath him. He had been a happy bottom all his life and the sudden change in positions was a little disconcerting, especially when one was that drunk.
With her help, though, he managed to put his cock in the right place. From then on, his mind went blank; which was a blessing, he thought.
As he scurried out of the bedroom, he remembered the promise he’d made to Sirius. Nursing a hot cup of tea, he admitted that Tonks was a very nice person, and he could certainly keep her company, as long as he didn’t have to shag her.
After that night, they saw each other often. She was a very understanding person and he found it very easy to talk to her, although sometimes she’d spend hours badmouthing Kingsley and his fear of commitment.
Remus and Tonks had dinner together, talked up a storm, even kissed quite frequently, but had very little sex. And, whenever they did, it was usually quite awkward. Remus knew what to do, but he had to really concentrate hard to get it done.
With everyone at the Burrow going on about Bill and Fleur’s upcoming wedding, Tonks started talking more and more about commitment and long-lasting relationships. Remus realized that these conversations were directed at him, that she was pushing for marriage.
Remus freaked out like never before. Him, getting married? To a woman? The idea was so alien that drowning seemed a better alternative.
He stopped seeing Tonks. If he knew she’d be at the Headquarters on call, he’d do double duty with the werewolves. Once or twice he was invited to dinner at the Burrow and found out that Molly had invited her, too. From then on, he never accepted any invitations from the Weasleys.
He noticed, however, whenever he saw Tonks at an Order meeting, that her hair, which had never gone back to its vibrant pink color, had turned mousy brown again.
Remus hoped that Tonks would snap out of it and find someone more adequate for her - someone less gay, to start with. He wanted to be friends with her again. She really was a fun companion.
A few times she cornered him after a meeting and asked him why he didn’t want to marry her. He’d come up with the “too poor, too old, too dangerous” excuse, though even he had to admit that it sounded quite lame. But he could never bring himself to say the most important thing, the thing that would have made her change her mind about him.
Molly started to get involved, telling him how wonderful Tonks was and dropping hints about him needing a woman to take care of him. Many times he tried to tell her that he didn’t need a woman for anything at all. If he needed anyone, it would be a man. But still, he couldn’t quite get the words out.
He resisted bravely. He was proud of himself. Then, Tonks and Molly, aided by McGonagall breached his barrier at the time he was at his most vulnerable. In the aftermath of the invasion of Hogwarts by Death Eaters, of seeing Bill maimed by the odious Greyback, of Dumbledore’s death, he gave his old meek excuse again.
This time he was defeated.
Remus and Tonks were married a month after Bill and Fleur, in a small ceremony at the Tonkses’ country home. Tonks was a pretty bride, her hair shining pink. She was given away by a somber-looking Ted, who was very nice to Remus, but couldn’t hide the fact that he wouldn’t have picked him for a son-in-law.
Remus promised to make her happy. He planned to fulfil that promise. She was now his best friend.
And this was what Sirius had asked him to do.
***
3. Tonks
Tonks opened up her eyes as soon as Remus left the bedroom. She was glad not to have to initiate sex that morning, even if it meant the chance of a pregnancy chance gone to waste.
Before she and Remus got married, she’d tried to enjoy sex with him. He was such a sweet darling, so affectionate. He loved to cuddle with her and kiss her. But the truth was that Remus was a very boring lover. If she hadn’t known better, she could’ve sworn that she had been his first. Not that she knew for sure, but no thirty-something man with reasonable good looks could be a virgin. And Remus was a very good kisser, which probably meant that he had had plenty of experience.
At first, she’d assumed that his lack of interest in more exotic sex was due to them not being married. She’d confessed to him that she wanted to have a baby and he flinched visibly, telling her that it was cruel to have a child out of wedlock.
She didn’t understand the cruelty of it, but Remus seemed very conservative and had reminded her that he’d been in school with her parents. She had pointed out that Ted and Andromeda had been Seventh Years when he started. And, she added sulkily, Remus knew that she had dated Kingsley, who was the same age as him.
Still, he seemed worried about what Ted and Andromeda would say and would refuse to risk a pregnancy. She’d tried to make him understand that she knew a lot about Contraceptive Charms. Sometimes he gave in, but sex was still stilted.
She hoped that things would change once they were married. The sex was bad, true, but he was a sweet man who treated her well.
Unlike that bastard Kingsley. She’d dated him for three years. Well, dating was a stretch. The man didn’t date. He shagged. Mr. I’m-not-in-love, Mr. No-strings-attached. No loving. Just shagging.
But what shagging!
What Kingsley lacked in love and commitment, he made up for it in bed. He knew how to make a woman come like no one else; and a man, too, apparently. She’d heard about his many affairs with members of both sexes. Sturgis, the idiot, used to call her “my sister in Kingsley”. She hated Sturgis.
The truth was that Kingsley seemed more attached to her than to anyone else, which had caused her to start hoping. One day, still flushed from a mind-blowing orgasm, she dared to mention that, at her age, Andromeda was already a mother. He was, as usual, playing with her tits and he replied casually, “Glad you aren’t.”
“Why?” she asked, pouting a little.
He sat up and smirked. “Because your knockers will be all saggy after the baby’s weaned.” He squeezed her breasts and continued, “And then they won’t be this nice and fun to play with.”
Tonks was then only in her very early twenties, but she was feeling much older than her years. She’d heard that Bill Weasley would be proposing to the French girl, who was barely nineteen. At this speed, Fleur would be a mother before her, and married, too.
She slapped his hands away and sat up angrily. “Well, I want to have a baby.”
“Be my guest, darling,” he answered, still smirking, “as long as it isn’t mine.”
Tonks actually wanted to have a baby with Kingsley. “Why not?” she asked in shock.
Laughing, Kingsley said, “Can you imagine a black sprog with pink hair?”
She was about to tell him that yes, she could. She had imagined such a baby many times, a baby girl, with his exotic good looks and her ability to change her black curls into pink or blue, to match her emotions.
His right hand touched her breast again and his left slid between her legs. She was still pouting when he kissed her and she started moaning softly, shivering with pleasure, until she heard his deep, sexy voice: “Let’s make a baby.”
At that moment, Tonks wasn’t in a position to do anything else but enjoy the wonderful feeling of what he was doing to her. In the back of her mind, though, the sentence sounded cruel and selfish. He knew that she had performed the Contraception Charm for the night. He’d seen her cast it.
She’d planned to spend the night; Kingsley had told her many times that she could stay if she wanted to. But that night, after they came, she realized that she would never have him the way she wanted. She got out of bed and started getting dressed.
“Leaving so soon?” he asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” was the curt reply.
“I thought you were staying the night,” he reminded her.
“No, Kingsley, I’m leaving.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to be just a fuck.”
He smirked. “But you aren’t just a fuck, darling.” And, as she snapped her head to look at him, he continued, “You’re a great fuck.”
She was mad at herself for hoping for something else. “You think you’re really funny, don’t you? Well, guess what? I don’t see the humor in it.”
He sat up in bed. “Tonks, what’s going on? What bit you?”
“We have different agendas, Kingsley. You want a bed partner. I want a companion. A relationship.”
“Hey, hold on there,” he said. “What do you mean by this?”
“Exactly what I just said.” She finished zipping up her jeans and slipped on her shoes. “You’re a selfish bastard. I’m tired of this.”
“Me? A selfish bastard? Why are you saying that?”
“Because you only think about yourself. All you want is a good time in bed, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Yeah, it is. And I seem to remember that this is what you wanted, too. We had an agreement, didn’t we? No strings attached.”
She sighed. “No strings attached.”
“Exactly. And you knew it. Why this fuss about babies and relationships now?”
“I WANT A BABY! I WANT A MAN TO RAISE A BABY WITH ME!” She knew she had lost it by screaming, but she wanted to cry.
“Not with me. I didn’t want a commitment when we started and I still don’t.”
She inhaled deeply. “All right. Then find someone else to fuck. And never talk to me again, unless it’s work-related and can’t be resolved through a written communication.”
She grabbed her handbag and walked out of the bedroom and out of his life. When she got downstairs, the tears were streaming down her face.
In the years to come, she had tried hard, but she couldn’t forget that night. It had been a great orgasm; the last one of her life. Her husband made her feel like a million Galleons, but he couldn’t make her come.
***
4. The Memorial
Sirius’s memorial was held by the lake at Hogwarts. It was a beautiful day and the service was extremely well attended. It seemed that the whole of Wizarding society had come to honor a man who had been so unjustly punished. All the teachers and current students were there. Ron and Hermione, holding their first born, were next to Bill, a very pregnant Fleur and their two small children. Ginny was sitting beside Luna. The two young women had become excellent friends during the war. They were both still unmarried.
Harry was at the front, next to Draco. Some people probably thought it was a strange sight, the two former enemies sitting side by side. But Draco was one of Sirius’s few remaining relatives, so this was his rightful place, too. Andromeda, Ted, Tonks and Remus occupied the remaining first row seats.
McGonagall started the service with a touching speech about Sirius’s life. The service continued with several witches and wizards rising, one by one, to speak about their interaction with Sirius. There were many teary eyes.
Remus had decided that he wouldn’t make a speech. The absence of Sirius hurt immensely, and he knew it would do so forever. He didn’t want to break down and cry in front of everyone.
As Harry was talking about the role that his godfather had played in his life, there wasn’t a single dry eye in the audience. Most people were crying because they realized that Sirius had played an important part in the fight for freedom. Some people, however, were crying because they regretted never having done anything for the poor man.
When Harry had finished, in an impulsive gesture, he invited Remus, as Sirius’s oldest friend, to come up to the dais and say a few words about their friendship.
Remus shook his head feebly, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse.
All eyes were on him. He braced himself and approached the dais, wondering what he could say; something that would come across as neutral, but convey the emotion he was feeling.
He looked at the audience, asked “What can I say about this person who was so important in my life?” and then, without thinking, started to recite a poem: Funeral Blues, by the Muggle poet W.H. Auden.
As he was reciting it, he noticed a few wide eyes - surprise and recognition from Kingsley, Harry, Draco, Ginny, Luna and, of course, from Hermione Granger Weasley. He knew he had just outed himself to these people. The poem was an elegy to a dead lover.
He couldn’t stop, though. His brain dimly registered that most of the audience hadn’t grasped the real meaning of the poem and were thinking that it was about brotherly love. People were sobbing loudly.
When he finished the last line, ‘for nothing now can ever come to any good’, he closed his eyes in deep thought. If anyone confronted him with the truth, he had no idea what he would say.
He heard a collective gasp and opened his eyes. Everyone was staring at a point behind him. He turned around to see what was going on.
And he saw Sirius walking towards him, looking much better than he had since escaping Azkaban.
Remus passed out.
***
He came to in the infirmary; he looked around, at the hordes of people talking in hushed voices, trying to find the one person he desperately wanted to see.
And there he was, on a corner, talking to Tonks.
Remus closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. This was the kind of stuff that only happened to him, he was sure: strange, weird things, like seeing his wife talking to the man he loved, who happened to be her cousin.
He wanted to fall back into a blissful coma and hopefully never wake up again. He decided that he would feign sleep. But Molly, always a busybody, had already noticed that he’d opened his eyes.
Tonks rushed to the bed, and Sirius followed her. She hugged Remus, asking him if he was feeling all right. He nodded, looking at Sirius, whose face was unfathomable.
She beckoned Sirius to approach. He walked slowly, unsmiling. Remus’s heart skipped a beat, and before he could open his mouth, Sirius had stretched out his hand, saying, “Congratulations, Remus. I understand you’re family now. My cousin-in-law, I suppose.”
His tone of voice was cutting, but Remus knew he was the only one to sense the iciness. He thought about what to say and decided on the question that had been killing him slowly for all those years. “Where have been, Sirius?”
Everyone waited intently for the answer.
“Travelling in other dimensions, trying hard to find my own. This afternoon I felt a strong pull from wherever I was, and ended up here. It must have been the collective positive emotions.”
All the wizards and witches surrounded Sirius, to find more about dimension travelling, while Remus closed his eyes again. Collective positive emotions. So simple. Why in hell hadn’t they held a memorial for Sirius the day after he had fallen through that bloody Veil? Sirius would have returned much earlier and Remus would never have married Tonks.
***
5. A Night to Remember
That night there was a big celebration at The Three Broomsticks; after all, people didn’t return from the dead every day.
There was loud music and free-flowing drinks. Everyone was in a great mood, with the exception of Remus. He looked subdued and danced sparingly with his wife, with a long face, as if he’d been forced onto the dance floor.
Sirius danced with every woman present, starting with a tearful McGonagall. He seemed to be a in a great mood and was truly the life of the party. After a while, with mock pomposity, he asked Remus for permission to dance with “my cousin - your wife.”
Firewhiskey was flowing freely. Ginny had been dancing with Harry most of the time, to Molly’s undisguised glee. As the night grew older and people less sober, Ginny said something in Harry’s ear, laughed at his response and grabbed Luna, bringing her to the dance floor. The two girls started dancing cheek-to-cheek in full view of all the witches and wizards present.
Molly started to hyperventilate and approached the two women, demanding that Ginny stop that spectacle right there and then. Ginny, who was dancing extremely suggestively with Luna, didn’t even bother to remove her hand from her lover’s ass. She half-turned to Molly and said, loud and clear, “Mum, please, get a life,” and kissed Luna full on the mouth.
Molly staggered back to her seat in shock, McGonagall frowned in disapproval, Madam Pomfrey stifled a gasp with her hand and Flitwick fell on the floor.
Emboldened by Ginny’s brazen coming out, Harry pulled Draco to the floor and the two young men embraced tightly and started to dance.
Madam Pomfrey abruptly left the room and McGonagall pursed her lips even more tightly. Flitwick, who had just started to get up, fell back to the floor. Nobody noticed that Molly was threatening to pass out.
Sirius stared in disbelief at his godson dancing with his…cousin? Damn, but if his fucking family wasn’t roping in everyone who was dear to him! He was about to open his mouth and say something quite rude, when he felt a hand on his arm and heard Kingsley’s deep voice saying, “Sirius, let’s dance.”
Sirius had known about Kingsley’s bisexuality since school. He had never kept it a secret and had brushed off the snide remarks from other people. Many times Sirius had used Kingsley as an example to Remus, when he was trying to convince his lover to come out. But Remus had always been adamant about keeping it a secret.
The voice made Sirius tear his eyes from the two young men on the dance floor and turn to Kingsley. In all the confusion of returning from the supposedly dead into his own dimension and the shock of finding his true love married to his cousin, Sirius had overlooked Kingsley.
At school, Sirius had thought that Kingsley was a hot bloke. He knew that the feeling was mutual, but Kingsley had never made a move. Sirius had found that odd, since Kingsley had made moves on a lot of people. He’d even thought about initiating something, but, by the time he’d felt comfortable with his sexuality, he was already totally in love with Remus; the same Remus who had married his own little cousin; the girl they used to baby sit!
Sirius looked at Kingsley carefully. The years had been very good to Shacklebolt. He was tall, even taller than Sirius, broad-shouldered and exuding strength and self-assurance. He’d shaved his head and sported a gold hoop earring in one ear.
Kingsley Shacklebolt had been hot while they were students, but now he was downright scorching.
Sirius felt someone watching him. He turned and saw Remus, sitting next to his wife and staring at Sirius with pleading eyes. Sirius stared back defiantly, grabbed Kingsley’s hand and led the tall Auror to the dance floor, where they joined the other couples, who were now dancing extremely suggestively.
Remus and Tonks left at one a.m., so Remus was spared the sight of the smoldering kiss that Kingsley and Sirius exchanged about one hour later. The pub was almost empty by then, and kissing, even between two blokes, was mild compared to what some of the remaining revelers were doing.
Remus didn’t see, but heard, that Kingsley and Sirius had left together. No one knew where, but it would’ve been a good bet that they’d gone to Kingsley’s flat.
***
It would have been a winning bet, too. In fact, Sirius moved into Kingsley’s flat. After Sirius’s return party, no one seemed to care whether two same-sex people were living together. Ginny and Luna rented a place together, despite Molly threatening to have a heart attack (she didn’t). Draco moved into Grimmauld Place, which technically belonged to Harry. Harry tried to give it back to Sirius, but his godfather wouldn’t hear of it. He did accept his money back, though. Harry already had much more than he’d ever need, and Sirius had no intention of having to work for a living.
The two members of the Lupin household were in an extremely bad mood for the same reason, although neither husband nor wife had admitted it to each other.
Remus was devastated by the Kingsley-Sirius affair. It hurt him immensely to see the two men together, especially as they seemed to be getting along extremely well. Every time that Remus saw the two of them, he had visions of them in bed, enjoying each other’s bodies, Sirius doing to Kingsley the things that he used to do to Remus.
And he saw them quite often. Wizarding society went into party mode. There was a lot of cause for celebration and it seemed that every day there was a gathering of some sort.
Tonks was also very upset about Kingsley’s torrid love affair with Sirius. For the first time in his life, Kingsley had agreed to have someone actually live with him. It looked like a commitment, a serious affair, of the kind that he had never wanted to have with her.
She tried to rationalize it, acknowledging that Sirius definitely had something that she didn’t. Maybe Kingsley was more gay than bisexual.
Deep inside, she knew that it wasn’t true. If anything, Kingsley seemed to like women better.
The Lupins’ sex life, already shaky, came to a total standstill. They simply didn’t want to have sex any more. The objects of their desire, the ones that made them tick, were happy with each other. Neither Sirius nor Kingsley seemed to even think about the Lupins.
Tension built up. Remus, usually a mild-spoken person, started complaining loudly if things weren’t just the way he wanted. Tonks, who had always done everything that her sweet husband wanted, started snapping.
***
6. Sirius
On the occasion of Ginny and Luna’s commitment ceremony, Remus and Tonks were in an especially bad mood. The two women had finally found a young, progressive wizard who’d agreed to perform the rite. It would be a Binding Ceremony, just like a regular wedding, with the difference that there would be two brides.
The campaign started by Molly to “stop this nonsense” was short-lived. Even Arthur had turned against his wife. He would have preferred to see his only daughter marrying handsome Harry Potter, but it was obvious that neither Harry nor Ginny wanted this outcome. Arthur was a practical man. Besides, he could see that Ginny and Luna were truly happy together. He proudly walked his daughter down the broad aisle, side by side with Luna and her ecstatic father.
During the party, Harry and Draco, as witnesses to the brides, made a very touching toast, praising true love, a love not bound by what society dictated. Then they announced their own commitment date, scheduled for the following month.
After the applause died down, the young men disclosed that they would also have two witnesses - two best men, actually: Harry’s godfather Sirius and his partner, Kingsley Shacklebolt.
There was more applause and Harry continued, “And we hope they’ll propagate the tradition and announce their own commitment ceremony next.” He joked, “No pressure, fellows, but you’re not getting any younger.”
Amidst laughter, Sirius and Kingsley raised their glasses, saying, “Hear, hear!” Tonks’s hair, which had been a bright pink for the festive occasion, immediately turned the ugliest mousy brown. Remus excused himself and went to the bathroom.
He stayed there for a long time, feeling very sick; he couldn’t believe that his true love would be attaching himself to another man. And Remus cried. He thought bitterly that he’d suffered much less when he believed that Sirius was dead. Seeing his loved one with someone else was the worst punishment ever.
But the deed was done. Sirius would belong to Kingsley.
He tried to find a comforting thought. It was obvious that he would never be happy again. He decided that at least he owed Tonks something and he would make the sacrifice. He would convince his wife to leave Britain altogether, start a new life somewhere, anywhere where he wouldn’t be faced with a blissful Sirius-Kingsley union.
After a while he calmed down enough to leave the bathroom - and bumped right into Sirius, who was coming in.
Remus was well aware that he was a sorry sight, pale with red-rimmed eyes. He tried to pass by Sirius without looking at him, but it didn’t work; Sirius grabbed his arm.
“Remus, what happened? Are you feeling sick?”
Remus disengaged himself, thinking that he’d never heard a more stupid question. He walked quickly towards the ballroom, where he could sit down and wallow in misery. Maybe he could convince Tonks to leave at once and they could make plans to go to…Siberia. Or hell. Or wherever.
But Sirius grabbed him again. “Remus, talk to me. What happened?”
Shaking his head, Remus replied, “You’re a bloody idiot, Sirius,” and walked away.
Sirius followed him, speaking more loudly now. “I’m a bloody idiot? Me? And why is that?”
Remus’s voice also rose. “If you have to ask why, you’re more of an idiot than I thought.”
A few people stopped talking to pay attention to the altercation between the two men.
Sirius roared. “Well, you’d better tell me why, Remus. Nobody calls Sirius Black an idiot like that.”
Remus sneered. “Hah. Sirius Black, right? Not for long, is it?”
“What’re you talking about?” Sirius’s face was beet red.
“Soon enough you’ll be Sirius Shacklebolt, won’t you?” Remus said in a mocking voice. “Or maybe Sirius Black Shacklebolt? Will you hyphenate your name, perhaps? Or will you be a thoroughly modern couple and keep your maiden names?”
Tonks and Kingsley approached from opposite directions. By now all eyes were fixed on the two wizards.
Sirius grabbed Remus’s shoulders angrily. “And why does it matter to you?”
“Why does it matter to me? Why?” Remus was also red with rage. The wizards and witches now standing in a circle around the two men had never seen the mild-mannered man so worked up. “Are you daft? You didn’t waste a second after coming back, did you? No time at all. You just got yourself a hot piece of ass and now you’re GETTING BOUND TO HIM!”
“Remus, this is none of your business. I can get bound to whomever I want.”
“And all those words about undying love, huh?” Remus asked petulantly.
Sirius gaped at him, opening and closing his mouth a few times. “Undying love? You have the nerve to talk about undying love? YOU? You, who just had to go and get yourself married?”
“You told me to, remember? You told me you didn’t want me to be alone if you died,” Remus shouted.
“BUT I DIDN’T DIE!”
“How was I supposed to know that? You were happily sauntering in other realities, weren’t you? Probably even getting laid.” Deep inside, Remus knew that he was being unreasonable -- Sirius had not exactly been ‘sauntering’ -- but he was too upset to care about fairness.
Before Sirius could say anything, Remus heard a familiar female voice, asking, “Wait a minute. You two…” It was Tonks.
Sirius snorted. “Yes, dear cousin. We were lovers. Your dear husband is gay. Very gay. Not even bisexual. You must have been the first woman he ever shagged.” He stared at Remus defiantly. “There. You’ve always been afraid of coming out, so I outed you.”
There was a loud gasp from the spectators. Tonks shrieked. “Remus! Why didn’t you tell me?”
Remus’s face was burning. He had been outed in the most embarrassing way. He mumbled, “I…couldn’t.”
Sirius was on a roll. “He couldn’t because he was ashamed. Ashamed of what he is.”
Tonks didn’t seem to have heard him. She addressed Remus. “And you married me anyway? Why?”
“Because…you wanted to.”
“Remus, if I’d known you were gay, I’d never have married you.”
Kingsley decided to intervene. “I’ve always wondered why you married him. I knew how much you like sex.”
She turned to him. “You knew?”
Kingsley laughed. “Tonks, come on. He’s obviously gay…”
While Remus complained, indignantly, “I’m not!” Sirius nodded his agreement with Kingsley, and Tonks asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Kingsley hissed, “You weren’t talking to me, remember? You told me never to talk to you again because I didn’t want to have a baby with you.”
Remus was a smart man and realized this was a perfect opportunity to take the heat off himself. He turned to his wife, asking, “Is that why you married me? For a child? I was nothing more than a sperm donor?”
Tonks snorted. “Obviously you weren’t even that.”
The crowd was hanging on to every word. Kingsley looked around and decided to end the scene. “I don’t know about you, Sirius, but I’m leaving. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin have a few issues to sort out.” He turned to the spectators and said, “I think we should all give them some privacy,” then started shooing people away. They left a little begrudgingly, but obeyed Kingsley. He was a power to reckon with.
He was waving good-bye to the couple when Sirius spoke, “I’m going with you.”
Remus panicked. He said the first thing that came to his mind. “Sirius, don’t go. I love you.”
Sirius looked at him in shock. “Remus! You’re a married man!”
Tonks shook her head. “No need for such scruples, Sirius. As of now, he isn’t.”
“What do you mean?” Remus asked, surprised.
She enunciated each word carefully. “I’m divorcing you, Remus.”
He looked at her in shock. “You…can’t. We made a vow.”
“Vow? I made a vow to love and honor my husband. Husband. You’re not a husband. You’re a best friend. I’m sorry, but I have no intention of being married to a best friend.”
“Tonks, sex isn’t everything in a marriage. There are other things that are important: love and companionship, for instance.”
She sighed. “Remus, I married you because you were a considerate, caring man - unlike this bastard here.” She pointed at Kingsley, who took a step back in shock at her harsh words. “And I thought you loved me. But you’ve just admitted that you love Sirius. I can’t be married to a man who loves someone else.”
Remus closed his eyes. His life had just been destroyed. Yes, he loved Sirius, but Sirius would never be his anyway. He could live a rather comfortable life with Tonks, as long as sex wasn’t involved. But he knew that this wouldn’t be fair to her. “Tonks, please understand. I do love you, a lot. I never lied to you about this. You’re a great person and you’re fun to be with. But you’re right: I’m not in love with you. I never was. I’ve been in love with Sirius since we were seventeen.” He looked at Sirius sadly. “And I always will be.”
There was total silence. Kingsley cleared his throat, told Sirius, “I’ll be home, if you want to talk about this,” and Disapparated.
Sirius looked at Remus, who was staring at the floor. Then he said to his cousin. “If you need to talk to someone, Tonks, I’ll be at Kingsley’s,” and left.
The other witches and wizards had kept their distance, but a few of them were still watching the couple, eavesdropping in silence. Tonks hated all these nosy people. She hated everyone at that moment. She hated her life. She had been completely humiliated and she knew that her failed, farcical marriage would be hot news in Diagon Alley the next day. With a supreme effort, she told her husband, “Remus, let’s talk. At home.” Without waiting for his response, she was gone.
Remus didn’t think that he would be able to concentrate enough to Apparate without splinching.
***
Kingsley Apparated home and poured himself a drink. He needed something strong to help him sort out his thoughts. He had just sat down heavily on the sofa when he heard a loud Crack!, announcing Sirius’s arrival. He stood up and poured another glass: the other man would need it, too.
He handed Sirius his drink and they sat side by side. Sirius downed the whiskey in one gulp and Accio’ed the bottle. Kingsley was still calmly sipping his.
Finally, Sirius broke the silence. “That was…intense, wasn’t it?”
Kingsley nodded. “Yes, but hardly surprising.”
Sirius turned his head quickly towards the other man. “What do you mean?”
“Sirius, it was obvious that Remus loves you.” After a pause, he continued, “And that you love him, too.”
Sirius opened his eyes in surprise. “You know?”
“I think I have to be pretty daft not to know. But then again, I’m very perceptive.”
“But…we were going to be Bound to each other. Could you bear being Bound to someone who didn’t love you?”
Kingsley shrugged. “It’s all right. I don’t love you either.”
Sirius choked on his drink. “You don’t?”
Kingsley shook his head. “No. I mean, I like you all right. You’re a great shag and a very pleasant companion. But no, I don’t love you.”
Sirius was perceptive, too. “Are you in love with someone else?”
“I am. It took me ages to accept it. By the time I did, it was too late.”
“Why?”
“Married,” was the laconic reply.
“Who?” Sirius sat up.
“Sirius, please. You shouldn’t even have to ask.”
Sirius looked appalled. “Remus?”
Kingsley snorted. “Don’t be daft. I know you love the man and you’re very attracted to him, but he’s not my type at all.”
Sirius remembered something that Remus had told him one night at Grimmauld Place. He grinned when he recalled the price paid for his silence. “No fucking way! Tonks?”
The Auror gave him a half smile. “Yep. Mrs. Lupin.”
Laughing, Sirius said, “This is amazing. Tonks is married to Remus, who loves me. I love him but will be Bound to you, and you love Tonks. This sounds like a Knut novel. And a bad one at that. What a mess.”
Kingsley laughed, too. “I bet we could make some money selling the story. But there’s one wrong piece in your reasoning: we won’t be Bound to each other any more.”
“You’re sure?” Sirius asked, relieved. He had given his word and knew that he could have a good life with Kingsley, but his heart was somewhere else.
“Of course. By now Mr. and Mrs. Lupin are no longer married. Your place is next to him.”
“And yours is next to her?”
“I don’t know. I hurt her a lot. She probably doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“Don’t be so sure. I think she does.”
Kingsley looked doubtful. “She called me a bastard tonight, Sirius.”
“Well, Remus and I called each other names, too. This doesn’t mean anything. Do you want me to talk to her?”
“No, this is something I have to do. Why don’t you go find Remus now?”
“I’ll wait until tomorrow morning. I have no idea where he’ll be. Can I sleep here tonight?”
“Of course.” Kingsley rose, went into the guest bedroom and flicked his wand, changing the linens. “You can use this room. If Tonks threw him out and he has no place to go, you can both stay here until you get settled.
***
The next morning Sirius found Remus in a room at the Leaky Cauldron, looking forlorn, with a single hastily-packed suitcase. The two men stayed at Kingsley’s flat for a few days, until they found their own place.
Remus had felt a little uncomfortable about being in his lover’s ex-lover’s house, but Kingsley did everything he could to make him feel at home. Remus was grateful, and he held lengthy talks with Shacklebolt about what had transpired when he and Tonks returned home.
Kingsley took a few days off and went to his family’s house to meditate about what he would do.
***
7. Kingsley
Tonks was spending her free time with her parents, who had been very sympathetic. Ted had confessed to his daughter that he’d always had a feeling that Remus was gay. “I was very uneasy about this marriage, dear. I know it’s a shock for you and you’re suffering now, but you’ll fall in love again. I’m sure you’ll find another nice wizard.”
She couldn’t tell her father that the only wizard she wanted would never be hers. She wondered how he was doing. She hadn’t attended Harry and Draco’s ceremony; she’d declined the invitation so she didn’t have to face all the wizards and witches who had witnessed her public humiliation. It had been bad enough to go back to work the day after. People were whispering behind her back, and, worse still, some were even trying to console her. It took her co-workers a few days to realize that she wasn’t going to talk about it at all. They had finally left her alone.
Through the grapevine at work she heard that Remus and Sirius had announced their own Binding ceremony at the Potter-Malfoy union.
She also knew that Kingsley had been there. Ginny, her fellow Auror, had been a great help during her ordeal, basically telling people to shove off if they bothered Tonks at work. She also kept Tonks informed about what was going on, so Tonks knew that Kingsley was looking very sad during the ceremony.
Her perverse side hoped that he’d suffered a little when Sirius dumped him. Her logical side, however, told her that Kingsley had probably not cared much. She knew, again through Ginny, that Sirius and Remus had lived in Kingsley’s flat for a while.
She had no idea why he looked sad and thought that it was probably all in Ginny’s imagination. Tonks was sure that Kingsley didn’t have enough feeling in him to be sad. She, on the other hand, was finding it very hard to cope. Her hair had turned its ugly mousy brown and, try as she might, she couldn’t make it change color at all.
A few days after Harry and Draco’s Binding, Tonks woke up feeling strong. It was her day off and she thought, Fuck them all. This is my life and I’m the one who has to live it. I don’t care if people laugh or make comments. I’m not going to hide any longer. I can just waste my life away, or I can take charge of it again.
She went to Diagon Alley and sat down at Florean Fortescue’s parlor, at an outside table, in full view of passers-by. She ordered an enormous ice-cream; it was awfully fattening, but it was also comfort food. Besides, she felt she could gain as much weight as she wanted. She was under no obligation to seduce a “nice wizard”.
She was enjoying every single spoonful, thinking about Fleur’s irritating voice, “She has let ‘erself go, zat Tonks,” and how she just didn’t give a damn about it all any more. Fleur could just fuck herself - or Bill - and have tons of sprogs. That kind of life, the life she had craved so much, was not for her. Marital bliss and motherhood weren’t for everyone. She had her job. She would find her own happiness, any way she could.
If a nice wizard came by, great. If not, so be it. Her happiness would not depend on a man.
She had nearly finished the ice-cream and was contemplating a second one; maybe a different, exotic flavor. Suddenly she felt a shadow looming over her. With her sharpened Auror’s reflexes, she turned round quickly and let the spoon fall on the table with a loud clank.
It was the antithesis of the nice wizard: Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was standing tall and handsome, as usual, but there was something different about him.
He’d taken the hoop earring off. He looked a bit somber, not as cocky as he usually did, and there seemed to be little bags under his eyes.
Tonks stared at him wordlessly. He pointed at a chair and asked her if he could sit down.
She looked around. “There are tons of empty tables here. Actually, I’m the only customer. You can sit somewhere else.”
“I know, but I want to talk to you.”
“It’s my day off, Kingsley.”
“It’s not about work.”
“About what, then?” she asked, irritated.
“Us.”
“Us?” she snorted. “What do you mean, us?”
“You and me. What we had.”
“We had nothing, Kingsley, nothing of relevance. Nothing to talk about. We had a lot of bed time, that was all. And I don’t want to discuss it.”
“It wasn’t only that.”
“Yes, it was. You told me, remember? You told me I was a great fuck.”
He swallowed. “You were much more than that.”
Her heart skipped a beat, but she didn’t want to hope, not any more. “Was I?” she asked defiantly. “What else was I?”
He looked straight into her eyes. “The only person I ever cared about.”
The ice-cream was melting and her mouth was dry. She wanted to believe it. These were the words she had always longed to hear. The words that Kingsley would never say.
She’d been hurt by him before. She didn’t want to be hurt again. “Kingsley, don’t make fun of me,” was the only thing she could say.
He was surprised by her choice of words. “I’m not making fun of you, not at all. I was an insensitive bastard, I know. But I guess that deep inside I was very afraid of being in love. I didn’t want to be in love. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
She only heard the word ‘love’. It was happening, and it was happening to her. She smiled at him. “Kingsley Shacklebolt, you big oaf, are you trying to tell me that you were in love with me?”
He nodded, “Yes, I am.”
“Can’t you say it?”
He grinned, “Yes, I can. Dora, I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I always will.”
Her hair instantly turned the brightest pink. “Well, Kingsley, I love you too. But you have the wrong woman. I’m Tonks, not Dora.”
Kingsley looked at her seriously, “No, you’re Dora. I can’t make myself call my wife Tonks, you know? Tonks is your father.”
She gaped at him. “Wife?”
He held her hand. “Yes, wife. Nymphadora Tonks, will you marry me? Be my wife? Be the mother of my pink-haired, black-skinned sprogs?”
Tonks couldn’t believe it. She was being proposed to, at four p.m., in the middle of Diagon Alley, and by the nicest of all wizards, the man of her dreams.
Her hair, changing colors violently, from pink to purple and back to vivid pink, gave him the answer he was longing for.
***
It was a beaming Ted who gave his daughter away for the second time. Her happiness was contagious, and Ted was sure that his daughter would fulfil her dreams.
She was a lovely bride. Even Fleur had to admit it.
***
8. Epilogue
It seemed to Tonks that she’d only fallen asleep. Her son had woken up in the middle of the night and rushed to her bed, demanding that she read him a story. She loved her little boy, who was extremely attached to her, but sometimes she wished that he was more like his big sister. The pink-haired girl was the apple of her father’s eyes and always requested his presence if she woke up during the night.
But she never woke up; the girl was a sound sleeper, just like her father. This was the reason that now, at the ungodly hour of seven a.m., on a Sunday, Kingsley was starting to stir after a well-rested night and was pressing his erection against Tonks’s buttocks.
She was dead tired. She loved having morning sex with her husband, but she really, really wanted to sleep for at least one more hour. His hand, already on her breast, confirmed that he had a completely different idea.
Tonks considered asking him to wait another half hour. But then she remembered her first marriage and how rare and unsatisfying sex had been then.
She purred and rubbed her buttocks against his cock.
***
It was too early, Remus thought, way too early for Sirius to be already so turned on. Remus could swear he had just fallen asleep. He opened one eye and noticed that it was seven o’clock on a Sunday morning.
They’d come to bed late, having stayed up for a nightcap after putting Harry and Draco’s adopted son to bed. The little rascal just adored Remus and asked to sleep over at the older men’s place as often as possible.
Remus adored him, too, but little James tended to wake up in the middle of the night and ask his godfather Remus to read to him. As a result, Remus was awfully tired that morning.
Sirius was rubbing his erection against Remus’s arse, and his hand was teasing Remus’s cock. Remus considered asking his partner to wait for another thirty minutes, maybe.
He then remembered being married to Tonks and not wanting to have sex at all.
He turned and fell into his lover’s waiting arms.
***
Author: Lee West (westwardlee)
Rating: R
Warnings: Het and slash; too many pairings.
Challenge: Sirius shows up for his own memorial.
Author's Notes: Tons of thanks to minnow_53 for a very thorough beta job and to xellas for reading and understanding.
The full text of W. H. Auden’s Funeral Blues can be found here
1. Prologue
The year was 2000 and the Wizarding world was finally at peace. It had taken a long time; the war had been a bloody one and lasted for three years after Dumbledore’s death.
After long deliberations, Hogwarts had opened again in September 1997, with Minerva McGonagall as Headmistress, the Potions professor Slughorn as head of Slytherin and a surprise: Remus Lupin was reinstated as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor and Head of Gryffindor.
It took a lot of negotiation and shouting matches between McGonagall and Scrimgeour, but the decree banning werewolves from holding paying jobs had finally been repealed. If it hadn’t been for Scrimgeour’s long-standing desire to make friends with Harry Potter, this might never have happened; when The Chosen One joined the Headmistress in lauding Remus’s capabilities, Scrimgeour faltered. The clinching argument was that having a werewolf as a professor would certainly send a positive message to other werewolves, who had joined Voldemort’s side because they had been shunned by society.
Slughorn had promptly agreed to prepare the Wolfsbane potion for Remus. Any parents who might have been wary of having a dark creature teaching their children were immediately assured that Professor Lupin was a citizen of excellent standing and the best teacher for the subject.
The parents relented. Hogwarts was still the safest place to leave their children. Even the best wizard and witch could do very little against an attack on their children at home; at school, however, there were several excellent trained professionals to protect their offspring.
In the end, Remus’s position as DADA professor turned out to be instrumental in the Light Side’s victory against Voldemort. Remus helped Harry master Occlumency and worked with him to locate and destroy Horcruxes. Being a werewolf proved immensely valuable, too, as the magic protecting the Horcruxes had no effect on his body. He emerged from the ordeals quite unscathed.
Wizarding society as a whole was delivered a hard blow. Lives were lost, wizards and witches were maimed, and many were Crucio’ed into oblivion.
The Weasleys had to bury Charlie and Percy. The Dementors, working for Voldemort, turned Sturgis Podmore into a soulless shell. The Aurors suffered such immense casualties that the three-year training program had to be cut to one.
Hogwarts lost many students and teachers. Slughorn and Sinistra died side by side rescuing Draco, who had been about to be Kissed by a Dementor; this was probably Slughorn’s sole act of courage. Draco had changed sides after Dumbledore’s death and had been a valuable asset in finding the Horcruxes.
The Giants themselves had killed Hagrid, Grawp and Madame Maxine, before being slain by the sharp arrows of the centaurs.
Towards the end of the war, the bloodbath was so huge that funerals became rushed affairs. Families and friends hoped that, after the war, they would be able to hold proper memorials for their loved ones.
And these memorials took place for several months after the war ended. The dead were many and the memories were equally large in number.
After the last service had been performed, Harry Potter requested one more, for a hero fallen in 1996.
***
2. Remus
Remus woke up on the day of Sirius’s memorial and quickly left the bed, before Tonks stirred and tried to have morning sex.
They’d been married for two years and were still childless. This was a thorn in Tonks’s side. She was desperately trying to have a baby and was very envious of Fleur Weasley, who was already expecting her third. Tonks had tried every Charm, every Potion, to no avail. Her biological clock seemed to be ticking more loudly every day: she had decided that this year she would be a mother, which meant that the Lupins had to have sex whenever she was fertile, to Remus’s dismay.
Remus felt very sorry for his wife. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t consider having a child at all, but he wanted to do it for her. He often thought that their childlessness might be his fault. He was a rational, intelligent man, but sometimes he had to wonder if his lack of desire for his wife had somehow lowered his sperm count.
Or maybe it was the fact that whenever he had sex with her he was mentally making love to Sirius.
Sighing deeply, he took a shower, thinking for the thousandth time that marrying Tonks was the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his life. He silently cursed Molly and McGonagall, the two busybodies he held responsible for his misery.
He’d thought many times about coming out to Tonks, but he couldn’t do it. She was a good, funny person, who genuinely loved him. He also loved her dearly; he just wasn’t in love with her. He might have managed to come out to Tonks in the infirmary on the day that Dumbledore was killed, but his old hang-ups had persisted. He was already too old, too poor, too dangerous: he couldn’t force himself to say that he was also too gay. He wasn’t about to admit that he and Sirius had lived together from the day they left Hogwarts to the few months preceding that awful Halloween night in 1981, though they always described themselves as roommates.
He was also prevented from saying the words when he remembered something he and Sirius had talked about during the Christmas of 1980. They had had dinner together, and Sirius had turned on the wireless. Celestina Warbeck was singing her trademark song, Come Stir My Cauldron, and Sirius had mock-serenaded Remus with it. They both laughed and Remus had never felt so happy in his life.
The song was then cut short by a news bulletin announcing that there had been an attack in a village and several people were dead, including an Auror friend of Sirius’s. The mood became gloomy. Sirius thought about the Auror’s wife, a nice witch who always baked him cakes. “Poor woman,” he said, “she won’t have much of a Christmas this year. Or next.,” he said as he hugged Remus tightly.
Sirius was also an Auror, and constantly at risk. The same thing could happen to him. He wouldn’t want his Remus to be alone, suffering, if anything happened to him. He had a thought, then. “If I get killed, Remus, I want you to find someone else.”
Remus was appalled at the idea. “Sirius, I’d never want another man.”
“A woman, then.”
That comment stunned Remus, who’d never dated a woman in his life and had absolutely no intention of doing so. But Sirius explained, “I’d be jealous of a man, but not of a woman.”
Remus tried to lighten up the mood, saying playfully, “Well, if you’re dead, how will you be jealous?”
Sirius laughed. “Remus, I’ll be watching you from the other side, you know?” He kissed his lover and continued, “And I’ll be waiting for you there.”
And so, in 1997, instead of coming out to Tonks when he had a chance, Remus finally followed Sirius’s advice.
Remus was never quite sure why Tonks had pursued him. He knew that she’d had an affair with her boss, Kingsley Shacklebolt, during the first year Grimmauld Place served as Order Headquarters. It was a hush-hush relationship, probably because boss/subordinate affairs were frowned upon.
They’d actually been quite discreet. Nobody seemed to know; Remus had only found out about it when he went down for a glass of water one night and walked in on them kissing in the kitchen. He’d stuttered “sorry” a few times and quickly closed the door.
He mentioned it to Sirius when he returned to the bedroom they shared in secret. Sirius laughed and said it proved that Tonks was a real Black. When a puzzled Remus asked why, Sirius casually replied that Blacks had good taste, and Kingsley seemed to have buns of steel.
Remus didn’t like the comment and started a row, accusing Sirius of ogling Kingsley’s arse. Sirius appeased him with hot kisses and the assurance that, of all the Blacks, he had the best taste.
The next morning, Kingsley quietly asked Remus to keep what he’d seen to himself. Remus agreed; it was none of his business anyway, and he didn’t want to create any problems for two Order members. Then he remembered that Sirius had a big mouth, so he decided to ask his lover to keep quiet, too. Sirius demanded kisses and promises of hot sex in exchange for his silence. Remus happily let himself be blackmailed.
After Remus and Tonks got married, he learned that her affair with Kingsley had started right after school, when she began her training. She didn’t want to tell him why they’d broken up, only that it happened in the early summer of 1996. He remembered that she seemed very withdrawn at that time. Her hair, normally an interesting, vibrant pink, had turned mousy brown.
Of course, 1996 was a bad year for Remus, too. He spent Christmas in perfect misery, at the Burrow, listening to the Celestina Warbeck song that, pathetic as it was, reminded him so much of Sirius and the last Christmas before Azkaban. The mood at the Burrow had been very strange, with Molly and Fleur at odds with each other. He also felt uncomfortable when Molly started making cryptic remarks about Tonks. Apparently Molly had invited her for Christmas and she’d declined, or something like that. Remus had assumed that Tonks would be spending Christmas with Ted and Andromeda.
What was even stranger was that Molly somehow looked at him as if he was responsible for Tonks not being present at Christmas and for Bill marrying Fleur instead of Tonks. That was incredibly odd, since Bill and Tonks didn’t seem to like each other like that at all.
He shrugged it all off. Molly had been under a lot of pressure. But he made a point of checking on Tonks, just to make sure that she was all right.
One day he met her by chance in Diagon Alley; her hair was still mousy brown and she was looking very sad. They sat down for a cup of tea and she started talking about herself, and relationships, and things that were not important to him at all. But he’d been told that he was a very good listener, and Tonks was definitely in need of a friendly ear. He would have loved to spill his heart to someone, too, but he still couldn’t admit out loud that he was gay.
They talked for a long time, then they went together to the Order Headquarters, Remus because he had nowhere else to go and Tonks because she was technically on call that night.
Remus hated being back at Grimmauld Place with a passion. It reminded him of everything he had regained and lost again.
Tonks was equally upset about being there; her mood had deteriorated even more. Remus wondered if it had anything to do with her being at the house of her deceased cousin and felt very touched by the thought.
They sat at the kitchen table to continue their conversation. He was glad of the company and they opened a bottle of wine, then another and another. At the end of the fourth bottle, they were kissing. Another bottle and they went upstairs, to the old master bedroom.
Remus woke up the next day with the worst hangover of his life, next to Tonks, who was sleeping quietly, her hair having changed from mousy brown to faintly pink.
He sat bolt upright, horrified by what he had done. Not that he could remember much of it. He recalled, however, being slightly confused when she was lying naked underneath him. He had been a happy bottom all his life and the sudden change in positions was a little disconcerting, especially when one was that drunk.
With her help, though, he managed to put his cock in the right place. From then on, his mind went blank; which was a blessing, he thought.
As he scurried out of the bedroom, he remembered the promise he’d made to Sirius. Nursing a hot cup of tea, he admitted that Tonks was a very nice person, and he could certainly keep her company, as long as he didn’t have to shag her.
After that night, they saw each other often. She was a very understanding person and he found it very easy to talk to her, although sometimes she’d spend hours badmouthing Kingsley and his fear of commitment.
Remus and Tonks had dinner together, talked up a storm, even kissed quite frequently, but had very little sex. And, whenever they did, it was usually quite awkward. Remus knew what to do, but he had to really concentrate hard to get it done.
With everyone at the Burrow going on about Bill and Fleur’s upcoming wedding, Tonks started talking more and more about commitment and long-lasting relationships. Remus realized that these conversations were directed at him, that she was pushing for marriage.
Remus freaked out like never before. Him, getting married? To a woman? The idea was so alien that drowning seemed a better alternative.
He stopped seeing Tonks. If he knew she’d be at the Headquarters on call, he’d do double duty with the werewolves. Once or twice he was invited to dinner at the Burrow and found out that Molly had invited her, too. From then on, he never accepted any invitations from the Weasleys.
He noticed, however, whenever he saw Tonks at an Order meeting, that her hair, which had never gone back to its vibrant pink color, had turned mousy brown again.
Remus hoped that Tonks would snap out of it and find someone more adequate for her - someone less gay, to start with. He wanted to be friends with her again. She really was a fun companion.
A few times she cornered him after a meeting and asked him why he didn’t want to marry her. He’d come up with the “too poor, too old, too dangerous” excuse, though even he had to admit that it sounded quite lame. But he could never bring himself to say the most important thing, the thing that would have made her change her mind about him.
Molly started to get involved, telling him how wonderful Tonks was and dropping hints about him needing a woman to take care of him. Many times he tried to tell her that he didn’t need a woman for anything at all. If he needed anyone, it would be a man. But still, he couldn’t quite get the words out.
He resisted bravely. He was proud of himself. Then, Tonks and Molly, aided by McGonagall breached his barrier at the time he was at his most vulnerable. In the aftermath of the invasion of Hogwarts by Death Eaters, of seeing Bill maimed by the odious Greyback, of Dumbledore’s death, he gave his old meek excuse again.
This time he was defeated.
Remus and Tonks were married a month after Bill and Fleur, in a small ceremony at the Tonkses’ country home. Tonks was a pretty bride, her hair shining pink. She was given away by a somber-looking Ted, who was very nice to Remus, but couldn’t hide the fact that he wouldn’t have picked him for a son-in-law.
Remus promised to make her happy. He planned to fulfil that promise. She was now his best friend.
And this was what Sirius had asked him to do.
***
3. Tonks
Tonks opened up her eyes as soon as Remus left the bedroom. She was glad not to have to initiate sex that morning, even if it meant the chance of a pregnancy chance gone to waste.
Before she and Remus got married, she’d tried to enjoy sex with him. He was such a sweet darling, so affectionate. He loved to cuddle with her and kiss her. But the truth was that Remus was a very boring lover. If she hadn’t known better, she could’ve sworn that she had been his first. Not that she knew for sure, but no thirty-something man with reasonable good looks could be a virgin. And Remus was a very good kisser, which probably meant that he had had plenty of experience.
At first, she’d assumed that his lack of interest in more exotic sex was due to them not being married. She’d confessed to him that she wanted to have a baby and he flinched visibly, telling her that it was cruel to have a child out of wedlock.
She didn’t understand the cruelty of it, but Remus seemed very conservative and had reminded her that he’d been in school with her parents. She had pointed out that Ted and Andromeda had been Seventh Years when he started. And, she added sulkily, Remus knew that she had dated Kingsley, who was the same age as him.
Still, he seemed worried about what Ted and Andromeda would say and would refuse to risk a pregnancy. She’d tried to make him understand that she knew a lot about Contraceptive Charms. Sometimes he gave in, but sex was still stilted.
She hoped that things would change once they were married. The sex was bad, true, but he was a sweet man who treated her well.
Unlike that bastard Kingsley. She’d dated him for three years. Well, dating was a stretch. The man didn’t date. He shagged. Mr. I’m-not-in-love, Mr. No-strings-attached. No loving. Just shagging.
But what shagging!
What Kingsley lacked in love and commitment, he made up for it in bed. He knew how to make a woman come like no one else; and a man, too, apparently. She’d heard about his many affairs with members of both sexes. Sturgis, the idiot, used to call her “my sister in Kingsley”. She hated Sturgis.
The truth was that Kingsley seemed more attached to her than to anyone else, which had caused her to start hoping. One day, still flushed from a mind-blowing orgasm, she dared to mention that, at her age, Andromeda was already a mother. He was, as usual, playing with her tits and he replied casually, “Glad you aren’t.”
“Why?” she asked, pouting a little.
He sat up and smirked. “Because your knockers will be all saggy after the baby’s weaned.” He squeezed her breasts and continued, “And then they won’t be this nice and fun to play with.”
Tonks was then only in her very early twenties, but she was feeling much older than her years. She’d heard that Bill Weasley would be proposing to the French girl, who was barely nineteen. At this speed, Fleur would be a mother before her, and married, too.
She slapped his hands away and sat up angrily. “Well, I want to have a baby.”
“Be my guest, darling,” he answered, still smirking, “as long as it isn’t mine.”
Tonks actually wanted to have a baby with Kingsley. “Why not?” she asked in shock.
Laughing, Kingsley said, “Can you imagine a black sprog with pink hair?”
She was about to tell him that yes, she could. She had imagined such a baby many times, a baby girl, with his exotic good looks and her ability to change her black curls into pink or blue, to match her emotions.
His right hand touched her breast again and his left slid between her legs. She was still pouting when he kissed her and she started moaning softly, shivering with pleasure, until she heard his deep, sexy voice: “Let’s make a baby.”
At that moment, Tonks wasn’t in a position to do anything else but enjoy the wonderful feeling of what he was doing to her. In the back of her mind, though, the sentence sounded cruel and selfish. He knew that she had performed the Contraception Charm for the night. He’d seen her cast it.
She’d planned to spend the night; Kingsley had told her many times that she could stay if she wanted to. But that night, after they came, she realized that she would never have him the way she wanted. She got out of bed and started getting dressed.
“Leaving so soon?” he asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” was the curt reply.
“I thought you were staying the night,” he reminded her.
“No, Kingsley, I’m leaving.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to be just a fuck.”
He smirked. “But you aren’t just a fuck, darling.” And, as she snapped her head to look at him, he continued, “You’re a great fuck.”
She was mad at herself for hoping for something else. “You think you’re really funny, don’t you? Well, guess what? I don’t see the humor in it.”
He sat up in bed. “Tonks, what’s going on? What bit you?”
“We have different agendas, Kingsley. You want a bed partner. I want a companion. A relationship.”
“Hey, hold on there,” he said. “What do you mean by this?”
“Exactly what I just said.” She finished zipping up her jeans and slipped on her shoes. “You’re a selfish bastard. I’m tired of this.”
“Me? A selfish bastard? Why are you saying that?”
“Because you only think about yourself. All you want is a good time in bed, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Yeah, it is. And I seem to remember that this is what you wanted, too. We had an agreement, didn’t we? No strings attached.”
She sighed. “No strings attached.”
“Exactly. And you knew it. Why this fuss about babies and relationships now?”
“I WANT A BABY! I WANT A MAN TO RAISE A BABY WITH ME!” She knew she had lost it by screaming, but she wanted to cry.
“Not with me. I didn’t want a commitment when we started and I still don’t.”
She inhaled deeply. “All right. Then find someone else to fuck. And never talk to me again, unless it’s work-related and can’t be resolved through a written communication.”
She grabbed her handbag and walked out of the bedroom and out of his life. When she got downstairs, the tears were streaming down her face.
In the years to come, she had tried hard, but she couldn’t forget that night. It had been a great orgasm; the last one of her life. Her husband made her feel like a million Galleons, but he couldn’t make her come.
***
4. The Memorial
Sirius’s memorial was held by the lake at Hogwarts. It was a beautiful day and the service was extremely well attended. It seemed that the whole of Wizarding society had come to honor a man who had been so unjustly punished. All the teachers and current students were there. Ron and Hermione, holding their first born, were next to Bill, a very pregnant Fleur and their two small children. Ginny was sitting beside Luna. The two young women had become excellent friends during the war. They were both still unmarried.
Harry was at the front, next to Draco. Some people probably thought it was a strange sight, the two former enemies sitting side by side. But Draco was one of Sirius’s few remaining relatives, so this was his rightful place, too. Andromeda, Ted, Tonks and Remus occupied the remaining first row seats.
McGonagall started the service with a touching speech about Sirius’s life. The service continued with several witches and wizards rising, one by one, to speak about their interaction with Sirius. There were many teary eyes.
Remus had decided that he wouldn’t make a speech. The absence of Sirius hurt immensely, and he knew it would do so forever. He didn’t want to break down and cry in front of everyone.
As Harry was talking about the role that his godfather had played in his life, there wasn’t a single dry eye in the audience. Most people were crying because they realized that Sirius had played an important part in the fight for freedom. Some people, however, were crying because they regretted never having done anything for the poor man.
When Harry had finished, in an impulsive gesture, he invited Remus, as Sirius’s oldest friend, to come up to the dais and say a few words about their friendship.
Remus shook his head feebly, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse.
All eyes were on him. He braced himself and approached the dais, wondering what he could say; something that would come across as neutral, but convey the emotion he was feeling.
He looked at the audience, asked “What can I say about this person who was so important in my life?” and then, without thinking, started to recite a poem: Funeral Blues, by the Muggle poet W.H. Auden.
As he was reciting it, he noticed a few wide eyes - surprise and recognition from Kingsley, Harry, Draco, Ginny, Luna and, of course, from Hermione Granger Weasley. He knew he had just outed himself to these people. The poem was an elegy to a dead lover.
He couldn’t stop, though. His brain dimly registered that most of the audience hadn’t grasped the real meaning of the poem and were thinking that it was about brotherly love. People were sobbing loudly.
When he finished the last line, ‘for nothing now can ever come to any good’, he closed his eyes in deep thought. If anyone confronted him with the truth, he had no idea what he would say.
He heard a collective gasp and opened his eyes. Everyone was staring at a point behind him. He turned around to see what was going on.
And he saw Sirius walking towards him, looking much better than he had since escaping Azkaban.
Remus passed out.
***
He came to in the infirmary; he looked around, at the hordes of people talking in hushed voices, trying to find the one person he desperately wanted to see.
And there he was, on a corner, talking to Tonks.
Remus closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. This was the kind of stuff that only happened to him, he was sure: strange, weird things, like seeing his wife talking to the man he loved, who happened to be her cousin.
He wanted to fall back into a blissful coma and hopefully never wake up again. He decided that he would feign sleep. But Molly, always a busybody, had already noticed that he’d opened his eyes.
Tonks rushed to the bed, and Sirius followed her. She hugged Remus, asking him if he was feeling all right. He nodded, looking at Sirius, whose face was unfathomable.
She beckoned Sirius to approach. He walked slowly, unsmiling. Remus’s heart skipped a beat, and before he could open his mouth, Sirius had stretched out his hand, saying, “Congratulations, Remus. I understand you’re family now. My cousin-in-law, I suppose.”
His tone of voice was cutting, but Remus knew he was the only one to sense the iciness. He thought about what to say and decided on the question that had been killing him slowly for all those years. “Where have been, Sirius?”
Everyone waited intently for the answer.
“Travelling in other dimensions, trying hard to find my own. This afternoon I felt a strong pull from wherever I was, and ended up here. It must have been the collective positive emotions.”
All the wizards and witches surrounded Sirius, to find more about dimension travelling, while Remus closed his eyes again. Collective positive emotions. So simple. Why in hell hadn’t they held a memorial for Sirius the day after he had fallen through that bloody Veil? Sirius would have returned much earlier and Remus would never have married Tonks.
***
5. A Night to Remember
That night there was a big celebration at The Three Broomsticks; after all, people didn’t return from the dead every day.
There was loud music and free-flowing drinks. Everyone was in a great mood, with the exception of Remus. He looked subdued and danced sparingly with his wife, with a long face, as if he’d been forced onto the dance floor.
Sirius danced with every woman present, starting with a tearful McGonagall. He seemed to be a in a great mood and was truly the life of the party. After a while, with mock pomposity, he asked Remus for permission to dance with “my cousin - your wife.”
Firewhiskey was flowing freely. Ginny had been dancing with Harry most of the time, to Molly’s undisguised glee. As the night grew older and people less sober, Ginny said something in Harry’s ear, laughed at his response and grabbed Luna, bringing her to the dance floor. The two girls started dancing cheek-to-cheek in full view of all the witches and wizards present.
Molly started to hyperventilate and approached the two women, demanding that Ginny stop that spectacle right there and then. Ginny, who was dancing extremely suggestively with Luna, didn’t even bother to remove her hand from her lover’s ass. She half-turned to Molly and said, loud and clear, “Mum, please, get a life,” and kissed Luna full on the mouth.
Molly staggered back to her seat in shock, McGonagall frowned in disapproval, Madam Pomfrey stifled a gasp with her hand and Flitwick fell on the floor.
Emboldened by Ginny’s brazen coming out, Harry pulled Draco to the floor and the two young men embraced tightly and started to dance.
Madam Pomfrey abruptly left the room and McGonagall pursed her lips even more tightly. Flitwick, who had just started to get up, fell back to the floor. Nobody noticed that Molly was threatening to pass out.
Sirius stared in disbelief at his godson dancing with his…cousin? Damn, but if his fucking family wasn’t roping in everyone who was dear to him! He was about to open his mouth and say something quite rude, when he felt a hand on his arm and heard Kingsley’s deep voice saying, “Sirius, let’s dance.”
Sirius had known about Kingsley’s bisexuality since school. He had never kept it a secret and had brushed off the snide remarks from other people. Many times Sirius had used Kingsley as an example to Remus, when he was trying to convince his lover to come out. But Remus had always been adamant about keeping it a secret.
The voice made Sirius tear his eyes from the two young men on the dance floor and turn to Kingsley. In all the confusion of returning from the supposedly dead into his own dimension and the shock of finding his true love married to his cousin, Sirius had overlooked Kingsley.
At school, Sirius had thought that Kingsley was a hot bloke. He knew that the feeling was mutual, but Kingsley had never made a move. Sirius had found that odd, since Kingsley had made moves on a lot of people. He’d even thought about initiating something, but, by the time he’d felt comfortable with his sexuality, he was already totally in love with Remus; the same Remus who had married his own little cousin; the girl they used to baby sit!
Sirius looked at Kingsley carefully. The years had been very good to Shacklebolt. He was tall, even taller than Sirius, broad-shouldered and exuding strength and self-assurance. He’d shaved his head and sported a gold hoop earring in one ear.
Kingsley Shacklebolt had been hot while they were students, but now he was downright scorching.
Sirius felt someone watching him. He turned and saw Remus, sitting next to his wife and staring at Sirius with pleading eyes. Sirius stared back defiantly, grabbed Kingsley’s hand and led the tall Auror to the dance floor, where they joined the other couples, who were now dancing extremely suggestively.
Remus and Tonks left at one a.m., so Remus was spared the sight of the smoldering kiss that Kingsley and Sirius exchanged about one hour later. The pub was almost empty by then, and kissing, even between two blokes, was mild compared to what some of the remaining revelers were doing.
Remus didn’t see, but heard, that Kingsley and Sirius had left together. No one knew where, but it would’ve been a good bet that they’d gone to Kingsley’s flat.
***
It would have been a winning bet, too. In fact, Sirius moved into Kingsley’s flat. After Sirius’s return party, no one seemed to care whether two same-sex people were living together. Ginny and Luna rented a place together, despite Molly threatening to have a heart attack (she didn’t). Draco moved into Grimmauld Place, which technically belonged to Harry. Harry tried to give it back to Sirius, but his godfather wouldn’t hear of it. He did accept his money back, though. Harry already had much more than he’d ever need, and Sirius had no intention of having to work for a living.
The two members of the Lupin household were in an extremely bad mood for the same reason, although neither husband nor wife had admitted it to each other.
Remus was devastated by the Kingsley-Sirius affair. It hurt him immensely to see the two men together, especially as they seemed to be getting along extremely well. Every time that Remus saw the two of them, he had visions of them in bed, enjoying each other’s bodies, Sirius doing to Kingsley the things that he used to do to Remus.
And he saw them quite often. Wizarding society went into party mode. There was a lot of cause for celebration and it seemed that every day there was a gathering of some sort.
Tonks was also very upset about Kingsley’s torrid love affair with Sirius. For the first time in his life, Kingsley had agreed to have someone actually live with him. It looked like a commitment, a serious affair, of the kind that he had never wanted to have with her.
She tried to rationalize it, acknowledging that Sirius definitely had something that she didn’t. Maybe Kingsley was more gay than bisexual.
Deep inside, she knew that it wasn’t true. If anything, Kingsley seemed to like women better.
The Lupins’ sex life, already shaky, came to a total standstill. They simply didn’t want to have sex any more. The objects of their desire, the ones that made them tick, were happy with each other. Neither Sirius nor Kingsley seemed to even think about the Lupins.
Tension built up. Remus, usually a mild-spoken person, started complaining loudly if things weren’t just the way he wanted. Tonks, who had always done everything that her sweet husband wanted, started snapping.
***
6. Sirius
On the occasion of Ginny and Luna’s commitment ceremony, Remus and Tonks were in an especially bad mood. The two women had finally found a young, progressive wizard who’d agreed to perform the rite. It would be a Binding Ceremony, just like a regular wedding, with the difference that there would be two brides.
The campaign started by Molly to “stop this nonsense” was short-lived. Even Arthur had turned against his wife. He would have preferred to see his only daughter marrying handsome Harry Potter, but it was obvious that neither Harry nor Ginny wanted this outcome. Arthur was a practical man. Besides, he could see that Ginny and Luna were truly happy together. He proudly walked his daughter down the broad aisle, side by side with Luna and her ecstatic father.
During the party, Harry and Draco, as witnesses to the brides, made a very touching toast, praising true love, a love not bound by what society dictated. Then they announced their own commitment date, scheduled for the following month.
After the applause died down, the young men disclosed that they would also have two witnesses - two best men, actually: Harry’s godfather Sirius and his partner, Kingsley Shacklebolt.
There was more applause and Harry continued, “And we hope they’ll propagate the tradition and announce their own commitment ceremony next.” He joked, “No pressure, fellows, but you’re not getting any younger.”
Amidst laughter, Sirius and Kingsley raised their glasses, saying, “Hear, hear!” Tonks’s hair, which had been a bright pink for the festive occasion, immediately turned the ugliest mousy brown. Remus excused himself and went to the bathroom.
He stayed there for a long time, feeling very sick; he couldn’t believe that his true love would be attaching himself to another man. And Remus cried. He thought bitterly that he’d suffered much less when he believed that Sirius was dead. Seeing his loved one with someone else was the worst punishment ever.
But the deed was done. Sirius would belong to Kingsley.
He tried to find a comforting thought. It was obvious that he would never be happy again. He decided that at least he owed Tonks something and he would make the sacrifice. He would convince his wife to leave Britain altogether, start a new life somewhere, anywhere where he wouldn’t be faced with a blissful Sirius-Kingsley union.
After a while he calmed down enough to leave the bathroom - and bumped right into Sirius, who was coming in.
Remus was well aware that he was a sorry sight, pale with red-rimmed eyes. He tried to pass by Sirius without looking at him, but it didn’t work; Sirius grabbed his arm.
“Remus, what happened? Are you feeling sick?”
Remus disengaged himself, thinking that he’d never heard a more stupid question. He walked quickly towards the ballroom, where he could sit down and wallow in misery. Maybe he could convince Tonks to leave at once and they could make plans to go to…Siberia. Or hell. Or wherever.
But Sirius grabbed him again. “Remus, talk to me. What happened?”
Shaking his head, Remus replied, “You’re a bloody idiot, Sirius,” and walked away.
Sirius followed him, speaking more loudly now. “I’m a bloody idiot? Me? And why is that?”
Remus’s voice also rose. “If you have to ask why, you’re more of an idiot than I thought.”
A few people stopped talking to pay attention to the altercation between the two men.
Sirius roared. “Well, you’d better tell me why, Remus. Nobody calls Sirius Black an idiot like that.”
Remus sneered. “Hah. Sirius Black, right? Not for long, is it?”
“What’re you talking about?” Sirius’s face was beet red.
“Soon enough you’ll be Sirius Shacklebolt, won’t you?” Remus said in a mocking voice. “Or maybe Sirius Black Shacklebolt? Will you hyphenate your name, perhaps? Or will you be a thoroughly modern couple and keep your maiden names?”
Tonks and Kingsley approached from opposite directions. By now all eyes were fixed on the two wizards.
Sirius grabbed Remus’s shoulders angrily. “And why does it matter to you?”
“Why does it matter to me? Why?” Remus was also red with rage. The wizards and witches now standing in a circle around the two men had never seen the mild-mannered man so worked up. “Are you daft? You didn’t waste a second after coming back, did you? No time at all. You just got yourself a hot piece of ass and now you’re GETTING BOUND TO HIM!”
“Remus, this is none of your business. I can get bound to whomever I want.”
“And all those words about undying love, huh?” Remus asked petulantly.
Sirius gaped at him, opening and closing his mouth a few times. “Undying love? You have the nerve to talk about undying love? YOU? You, who just had to go and get yourself married?”
“You told me to, remember? You told me you didn’t want me to be alone if you died,” Remus shouted.
“BUT I DIDN’T DIE!”
“How was I supposed to know that? You were happily sauntering in other realities, weren’t you? Probably even getting laid.” Deep inside, Remus knew that he was being unreasonable -- Sirius had not exactly been ‘sauntering’ -- but he was too upset to care about fairness.
Before Sirius could say anything, Remus heard a familiar female voice, asking, “Wait a minute. You two…” It was Tonks.
Sirius snorted. “Yes, dear cousin. We were lovers. Your dear husband is gay. Very gay. Not even bisexual. You must have been the first woman he ever shagged.” He stared at Remus defiantly. “There. You’ve always been afraid of coming out, so I outed you.”
There was a loud gasp from the spectators. Tonks shrieked. “Remus! Why didn’t you tell me?”
Remus’s face was burning. He had been outed in the most embarrassing way. He mumbled, “I…couldn’t.”
Sirius was on a roll. “He couldn’t because he was ashamed. Ashamed of what he is.”
Tonks didn’t seem to have heard him. She addressed Remus. “And you married me anyway? Why?”
“Because…you wanted to.”
“Remus, if I’d known you were gay, I’d never have married you.”
Kingsley decided to intervene. “I’ve always wondered why you married him. I knew how much you like sex.”
She turned to him. “You knew?”
Kingsley laughed. “Tonks, come on. He’s obviously gay…”
While Remus complained, indignantly, “I’m not!” Sirius nodded his agreement with Kingsley, and Tonks asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Kingsley hissed, “You weren’t talking to me, remember? You told me never to talk to you again because I didn’t want to have a baby with you.”
Remus was a smart man and realized this was a perfect opportunity to take the heat off himself. He turned to his wife, asking, “Is that why you married me? For a child? I was nothing more than a sperm donor?”
Tonks snorted. “Obviously you weren’t even that.”
The crowd was hanging on to every word. Kingsley looked around and decided to end the scene. “I don’t know about you, Sirius, but I’m leaving. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin have a few issues to sort out.” He turned to the spectators and said, “I think we should all give them some privacy,” then started shooing people away. They left a little begrudgingly, but obeyed Kingsley. He was a power to reckon with.
He was waving good-bye to the couple when Sirius spoke, “I’m going with you.”
Remus panicked. He said the first thing that came to his mind. “Sirius, don’t go. I love you.”
Sirius looked at him in shock. “Remus! You’re a married man!”
Tonks shook her head. “No need for such scruples, Sirius. As of now, he isn’t.”
“What do you mean?” Remus asked, surprised.
She enunciated each word carefully. “I’m divorcing you, Remus.”
He looked at her in shock. “You…can’t. We made a vow.”
“Vow? I made a vow to love and honor my husband. Husband. You’re not a husband. You’re a best friend. I’m sorry, but I have no intention of being married to a best friend.”
“Tonks, sex isn’t everything in a marriage. There are other things that are important: love and companionship, for instance.”
She sighed. “Remus, I married you because you were a considerate, caring man - unlike this bastard here.” She pointed at Kingsley, who took a step back in shock at her harsh words. “And I thought you loved me. But you’ve just admitted that you love Sirius. I can’t be married to a man who loves someone else.”
Remus closed his eyes. His life had just been destroyed. Yes, he loved Sirius, but Sirius would never be his anyway. He could live a rather comfortable life with Tonks, as long as sex wasn’t involved. But he knew that this wouldn’t be fair to her. “Tonks, please understand. I do love you, a lot. I never lied to you about this. You’re a great person and you’re fun to be with. But you’re right: I’m not in love with you. I never was. I’ve been in love with Sirius since we were seventeen.” He looked at Sirius sadly. “And I always will be.”
There was total silence. Kingsley cleared his throat, told Sirius, “I’ll be home, if you want to talk about this,” and Disapparated.
Sirius looked at Remus, who was staring at the floor. Then he said to his cousin. “If you need to talk to someone, Tonks, I’ll be at Kingsley’s,” and left.
The other witches and wizards had kept their distance, but a few of them were still watching the couple, eavesdropping in silence. Tonks hated all these nosy people. She hated everyone at that moment. She hated her life. She had been completely humiliated and she knew that her failed, farcical marriage would be hot news in Diagon Alley the next day. With a supreme effort, she told her husband, “Remus, let’s talk. At home.” Without waiting for his response, she was gone.
Remus didn’t think that he would be able to concentrate enough to Apparate without splinching.
***
Kingsley Apparated home and poured himself a drink. He needed something strong to help him sort out his thoughts. He had just sat down heavily on the sofa when he heard a loud Crack!, announcing Sirius’s arrival. He stood up and poured another glass: the other man would need it, too.
He handed Sirius his drink and they sat side by side. Sirius downed the whiskey in one gulp and Accio’ed the bottle. Kingsley was still calmly sipping his.
Finally, Sirius broke the silence. “That was…intense, wasn’t it?”
Kingsley nodded. “Yes, but hardly surprising.”
Sirius turned his head quickly towards the other man. “What do you mean?”
“Sirius, it was obvious that Remus loves you.” After a pause, he continued, “And that you love him, too.”
Sirius opened his eyes in surprise. “You know?”
“I think I have to be pretty daft not to know. But then again, I’m very perceptive.”
“But…we were going to be Bound to each other. Could you bear being Bound to someone who didn’t love you?”
Kingsley shrugged. “It’s all right. I don’t love you either.”
Sirius choked on his drink. “You don’t?”
Kingsley shook his head. “No. I mean, I like you all right. You’re a great shag and a very pleasant companion. But no, I don’t love you.”
Sirius was perceptive, too. “Are you in love with someone else?”
“I am. It took me ages to accept it. By the time I did, it was too late.”
“Why?”
“Married,” was the laconic reply.
“Who?” Sirius sat up.
“Sirius, please. You shouldn’t even have to ask.”
Sirius looked appalled. “Remus?”
Kingsley snorted. “Don’t be daft. I know you love the man and you’re very attracted to him, but he’s not my type at all.”
Sirius remembered something that Remus had told him one night at Grimmauld Place. He grinned when he recalled the price paid for his silence. “No fucking way! Tonks?”
The Auror gave him a half smile. “Yep. Mrs. Lupin.”
Laughing, Sirius said, “This is amazing. Tonks is married to Remus, who loves me. I love him but will be Bound to you, and you love Tonks. This sounds like a Knut novel. And a bad one at that. What a mess.”
Kingsley laughed, too. “I bet we could make some money selling the story. But there’s one wrong piece in your reasoning: we won’t be Bound to each other any more.”
“You’re sure?” Sirius asked, relieved. He had given his word and knew that he could have a good life with Kingsley, but his heart was somewhere else.
“Of course. By now Mr. and Mrs. Lupin are no longer married. Your place is next to him.”
“And yours is next to her?”
“I don’t know. I hurt her a lot. She probably doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“Don’t be so sure. I think she does.”
Kingsley looked doubtful. “She called me a bastard tonight, Sirius.”
“Well, Remus and I called each other names, too. This doesn’t mean anything. Do you want me to talk to her?”
“No, this is something I have to do. Why don’t you go find Remus now?”
“I’ll wait until tomorrow morning. I have no idea where he’ll be. Can I sleep here tonight?”
“Of course.” Kingsley rose, went into the guest bedroom and flicked his wand, changing the linens. “You can use this room. If Tonks threw him out and he has no place to go, you can both stay here until you get settled.
***
The next morning Sirius found Remus in a room at the Leaky Cauldron, looking forlorn, with a single hastily-packed suitcase. The two men stayed at Kingsley’s flat for a few days, until they found their own place.
Remus had felt a little uncomfortable about being in his lover’s ex-lover’s house, but Kingsley did everything he could to make him feel at home. Remus was grateful, and he held lengthy talks with Shacklebolt about what had transpired when he and Tonks returned home.
Kingsley took a few days off and went to his family’s house to meditate about what he would do.
***
7. Kingsley
Tonks was spending her free time with her parents, who had been very sympathetic. Ted had confessed to his daughter that he’d always had a feeling that Remus was gay. “I was very uneasy about this marriage, dear. I know it’s a shock for you and you’re suffering now, but you’ll fall in love again. I’m sure you’ll find another nice wizard.”
She couldn’t tell her father that the only wizard she wanted would never be hers. She wondered how he was doing. She hadn’t attended Harry and Draco’s ceremony; she’d declined the invitation so she didn’t have to face all the wizards and witches who had witnessed her public humiliation. It had been bad enough to go back to work the day after. People were whispering behind her back, and, worse still, some were even trying to console her. It took her co-workers a few days to realize that she wasn’t going to talk about it at all. They had finally left her alone.
Through the grapevine at work she heard that Remus and Sirius had announced their own Binding ceremony at the Potter-Malfoy union.
She also knew that Kingsley had been there. Ginny, her fellow Auror, had been a great help during her ordeal, basically telling people to shove off if they bothered Tonks at work. She also kept Tonks informed about what was going on, so Tonks knew that Kingsley was looking very sad during the ceremony.
Her perverse side hoped that he’d suffered a little when Sirius dumped him. Her logical side, however, told her that Kingsley had probably not cared much. She knew, again through Ginny, that Sirius and Remus had lived in Kingsley’s flat for a while.
She had no idea why he looked sad and thought that it was probably all in Ginny’s imagination. Tonks was sure that Kingsley didn’t have enough feeling in him to be sad. She, on the other hand, was finding it very hard to cope. Her hair had turned its ugly mousy brown and, try as she might, she couldn’t make it change color at all.
A few days after Harry and Draco’s Binding, Tonks woke up feeling strong. It was her day off and she thought, Fuck them all. This is my life and I’m the one who has to live it. I don’t care if people laugh or make comments. I’m not going to hide any longer. I can just waste my life away, or I can take charge of it again.
She went to Diagon Alley and sat down at Florean Fortescue’s parlor, at an outside table, in full view of passers-by. She ordered an enormous ice-cream; it was awfully fattening, but it was also comfort food. Besides, she felt she could gain as much weight as she wanted. She was under no obligation to seduce a “nice wizard”.
She was enjoying every single spoonful, thinking about Fleur’s irritating voice, “She has let ‘erself go, zat Tonks,” and how she just didn’t give a damn about it all any more. Fleur could just fuck herself - or Bill - and have tons of sprogs. That kind of life, the life she had craved so much, was not for her. Marital bliss and motherhood weren’t for everyone. She had her job. She would find her own happiness, any way she could.
If a nice wizard came by, great. If not, so be it. Her happiness would not depend on a man.
She had nearly finished the ice-cream and was contemplating a second one; maybe a different, exotic flavor. Suddenly she felt a shadow looming over her. With her sharpened Auror’s reflexes, she turned round quickly and let the spoon fall on the table with a loud clank.
It was the antithesis of the nice wizard: Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was standing tall and handsome, as usual, but there was something different about him.
He’d taken the hoop earring off. He looked a bit somber, not as cocky as he usually did, and there seemed to be little bags under his eyes.
Tonks stared at him wordlessly. He pointed at a chair and asked her if he could sit down.
She looked around. “There are tons of empty tables here. Actually, I’m the only customer. You can sit somewhere else.”
“I know, but I want to talk to you.”
“It’s my day off, Kingsley.”
“It’s not about work.”
“About what, then?” she asked, irritated.
“Us.”
“Us?” she snorted. “What do you mean, us?”
“You and me. What we had.”
“We had nothing, Kingsley, nothing of relevance. Nothing to talk about. We had a lot of bed time, that was all. And I don’t want to discuss it.”
“It wasn’t only that.”
“Yes, it was. You told me, remember? You told me I was a great fuck.”
He swallowed. “You were much more than that.”
Her heart skipped a beat, but she didn’t want to hope, not any more. “Was I?” she asked defiantly. “What else was I?”
He looked straight into her eyes. “The only person I ever cared about.”
The ice-cream was melting and her mouth was dry. She wanted to believe it. These were the words she had always longed to hear. The words that Kingsley would never say.
She’d been hurt by him before. She didn’t want to be hurt again. “Kingsley, don’t make fun of me,” was the only thing she could say.
He was surprised by her choice of words. “I’m not making fun of you, not at all. I was an insensitive bastard, I know. But I guess that deep inside I was very afraid of being in love. I didn’t want to be in love. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
She only heard the word ‘love’. It was happening, and it was happening to her. She smiled at him. “Kingsley Shacklebolt, you big oaf, are you trying to tell me that you were in love with me?”
He nodded, “Yes, I am.”
“Can’t you say it?”
He grinned, “Yes, I can. Dora, I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I always will.”
Her hair instantly turned the brightest pink. “Well, Kingsley, I love you too. But you have the wrong woman. I’m Tonks, not Dora.”
Kingsley looked at her seriously, “No, you’re Dora. I can’t make myself call my wife Tonks, you know? Tonks is your father.”
She gaped at him. “Wife?”
He held her hand. “Yes, wife. Nymphadora Tonks, will you marry me? Be my wife? Be the mother of my pink-haired, black-skinned sprogs?”
Tonks couldn’t believe it. She was being proposed to, at four p.m., in the middle of Diagon Alley, and by the nicest of all wizards, the man of her dreams.
Her hair, changing colors violently, from pink to purple and back to vivid pink, gave him the answer he was longing for.
***
It was a beaming Ted who gave his daughter away for the second time. Her happiness was contagious, and Ted was sure that his daughter would fulfil her dreams.
She was a lovely bride. Even Fleur had to admit it.
***
8. Epilogue
It seemed to Tonks that she’d only fallen asleep. Her son had woken up in the middle of the night and rushed to her bed, demanding that she read him a story. She loved her little boy, who was extremely attached to her, but sometimes she wished that he was more like his big sister. The pink-haired girl was the apple of her father’s eyes and always requested his presence if she woke up during the night.
But she never woke up; the girl was a sound sleeper, just like her father. This was the reason that now, at the ungodly hour of seven a.m., on a Sunday, Kingsley was starting to stir after a well-rested night and was pressing his erection against Tonks’s buttocks.
She was dead tired. She loved having morning sex with her husband, but she really, really wanted to sleep for at least one more hour. His hand, already on her breast, confirmed that he had a completely different idea.
Tonks considered asking him to wait another half hour. But then she remembered her first marriage and how rare and unsatisfying sex had been then.
She purred and rubbed her buttocks against his cock.
***
It was too early, Remus thought, way too early for Sirius to be already so turned on. Remus could swear he had just fallen asleep. He opened one eye and noticed that it was seven o’clock on a Sunday morning.
They’d come to bed late, having stayed up for a nightcap after putting Harry and Draco’s adopted son to bed. The little rascal just adored Remus and asked to sleep over at the older men’s place as often as possible.
Remus adored him, too, but little James tended to wake up in the middle of the night and ask his godfather Remus to read to him. As a result, Remus was awfully tired that morning.
Sirius was rubbing his erection against Remus’s arse, and his hand was teasing Remus’s cock. Remus considered asking his partner to wait for another thirty minutes, maybe.
He then remembered being married to Tonks and not wanting to have sex at all.
He turned and fell into his lover’s waiting arms.
***