(no subject)
Title: Intruder!
Author: siriuslydementd/ladylostris
Prompt: The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. -Dorothy Parker from justprompts
Words: 575
Rating: PG-13 (very slight language)
Notes: Complete and utter AU crossover crackfic.
Summary: Marauders + intruder at Hogwarts = entertainment
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of their respective owners. (Namely JKR and the other people mentioned below.)
“I wonder what it is.”
The four boys were peeking around the corner at whatever it was. ‘Whatever it was’ looked like an upside-down gray metal trash bin on wheels, with balls stuck to the outside of it. It had three probes of some sort sticking out of it. It was sitting in the middle of the hallway with no apparent reason for being there. Sirius had, of course, mentioned what was on everyone’s mind.
“Well go see,” James said.
“Why do I have to go see?” Sirius protested.
“You’re the one who said you were bored.”
“I am not going near that thing.”
“Poke it with this,” James said, holding out his broomstick.
Sirius took it and cautiously approached The Thing. He extended the broomstick in front of him and cautiously touched it.
The longest probe swiveled in his direction. He had the uncomfortable feeling that it was scrutinizing him. Suddenly it spoke, if the strange metallic noise it made could be called speaking.
“Exterminate!”
Sirius jumped in the air, dropping the broomstick, and bolted back around the corner to where his friends were. “Run!” he yelled at them as he kept going.
“My broomstick!” James protested.
“Don’t worry about that, it wants to exterminate me!” Sirius yelled over his shoulder. As The Thing rounded the corner after him, the other three took off running behind him. They headed up the nearest flight of stairs. Once they reached the top, they all leaned against the wall to catch their breath.
“It’s definitely an intruder of some sort,” Remus said. “I wonder how it got in.”
“I don’t know,” Sirius said. “Intruder window?”*
“I think we’ve lost it,” James said. “It hasn’t got legs, so it can’t follow us up the stairs.”
They turned and started to walk down the hallway when they heard the unmistakable metal “Exterminate!” behind them. They turned to see it…
flying up the stairs behind them.
“Oi!” Sirius exclaimed. “It can fly!”
“At least one of us can!” James retorted before taking off running again.
Remus reached the tapestry first, tore it aside, and pulled the door open. The other three boys piled into the secret staircase behind him and slammed the door.
“It can’t find us in here.” No sooner had the words left James’ lips when, at the top of the stairs…
“Exterminate! Exterminate!”
“How the bloody hell did it do that?!” Sirius wanted to know.
“Confringo!” The spell burst out of the end of Remus’ wand and The Thing exploded, showering them all with metal dust. They’d just started to grin at their victory when two more of them appeared at the top of the stairs. The grins had barely vanished from their faces when two more appeared at the top of the stairs, and they could hear the first one on the other side of the door.
“This is not-Oi!” A well-placed kick knocked Sirius off his bed and sent him sprawling to the floor.
“You’re casting spells in your sleep again!” James scolded him. In the corner of the room, a real trash bin without balls glued to it was smoking and in several pieces. Remus was blinking out of sleep with a confused look on his face, and Peter was cowering under his covers.
Sirius groaned and rested his head on the floor behind him. He placed his hands over his eyes. “That’s the last time I drink so much firewhiskey before bed.”
*(A/N: I am so, so sorry for that joke. Don’t blame me - Helen Raynor made it first. It’s from the Doctor Who episode “The Poison Sky.” The Thing is, of course, a Dalek - those belong to Terry Nation and the BBC.)
Author: siriuslydementd/ladylostris
Prompt: The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. -Dorothy Parker from justprompts
Words: 575
Rating: PG-13 (very slight language)
Notes: Complete and utter AU crossover crackfic.
Summary: Marauders + intruder at Hogwarts = entertainment
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of their respective owners. (Namely JKR and the other people mentioned below.)
“I wonder what it is.”
The four boys were peeking around the corner at whatever it was. ‘Whatever it was’ looked like an upside-down gray metal trash bin on wheels, with balls stuck to the outside of it. It had three probes of some sort sticking out of it. It was sitting in the middle of the hallway with no apparent reason for being there. Sirius had, of course, mentioned what was on everyone’s mind.
“Well go see,” James said.
“Why do I have to go see?” Sirius protested.
“You’re the one who said you were bored.”
“I am not going near that thing.”
“Poke it with this,” James said, holding out his broomstick.
Sirius took it and cautiously approached The Thing. He extended the broomstick in front of him and cautiously touched it.
The longest probe swiveled in his direction. He had the uncomfortable feeling that it was scrutinizing him. Suddenly it spoke, if the strange metallic noise it made could be called speaking.
“Exterminate!”
Sirius jumped in the air, dropping the broomstick, and bolted back around the corner to where his friends were. “Run!” he yelled at them as he kept going.
“My broomstick!” James protested.
“Don’t worry about that, it wants to exterminate me!” Sirius yelled over his shoulder. As The Thing rounded the corner after him, the other three took off running behind him. They headed up the nearest flight of stairs. Once they reached the top, they all leaned against the wall to catch their breath.
“It’s definitely an intruder of some sort,” Remus said. “I wonder how it got in.”
“I don’t know,” Sirius said. “Intruder window?”*
“I think we’ve lost it,” James said. “It hasn’t got legs, so it can’t follow us up the stairs.”
They turned and started to walk down the hallway when they heard the unmistakable metal “Exterminate!” behind them. They turned to see it…
flying up the stairs behind them.
“Oi!” Sirius exclaimed. “It can fly!”
“At least one of us can!” James retorted before taking off running again.
Remus reached the tapestry first, tore it aside, and pulled the door open. The other three boys piled into the secret staircase behind him and slammed the door.
“It can’t find us in here.” No sooner had the words left James’ lips when, at the top of the stairs…
“Exterminate! Exterminate!”
“How the bloody hell did it do that?!” Sirius wanted to know.
“Confringo!” The spell burst out of the end of Remus’ wand and The Thing exploded, showering them all with metal dust. They’d just started to grin at their victory when two more of them appeared at the top of the stairs. The grins had barely vanished from their faces when two more appeared at the top of the stairs, and they could hear the first one on the other side of the door.
“This is not-Oi!” A well-placed kick knocked Sirius off his bed and sent him sprawling to the floor.
“You’re casting spells in your sleep again!” James scolded him. In the corner of the room, a real trash bin without balls glued to it was smoking and in several pieces. Remus was blinking out of sleep with a confused look on his face, and Peter was cowering under his covers.
Sirius groaned and rested his head on the floor behind him. He placed his hands over his eyes. “That’s the last time I drink so much firewhiskey before bed.”
*(A/N: I am so, so sorry for that joke. Don’t blame me - Helen Raynor made it first. It’s from the Doctor Who episode “The Poison Sky.” The Thing is, of course, a Dalek - those belong to Terry Nation and the BBC.)